We don’t have a friendship, we don’t have a relationship, we have a river.
What we have is a river that we share
And sometimes I want to float down that river with you on a nice raft. To go white water rafting, having fun going down the different rapids, enjoying the wildlife of all the birds and occasional fish. To float on by and watch the sky, the clouds, the trees, the boulders, how the water moves. To simply enjoy each other‘s presence.
But other times I want you to see that I’m swimming across that river. And when I’m at the other side, I’m there first to catch my breath from the constant swimming but then I don’t just catch my breath, I get pulled to stay.
To stay on that other side of the river where you are, but as after a great deal of time passes. I realize I stayed on this side for longer than I thought. I need to go back and swim across to my side.
When I do finally make it back to my side of the river, I’m completely exhausted and out of it. So then comes the next day and my whole body is sore from the trip, I tell myself “I’m not gonna do that again cause it was too much for me”.
But, it’s been a while enough now that my body isn’t sore from the swimming and I start to remember how kinda fun it was to swim and how much I actually like being on the other side. So I decide to swim the river again to get to that other side. But to get across the water, is really hard, it slowly drains me and it’s time consuming.
I think that maybe the river will into an ocean one sudden day. An ocean that I’m not trained to swim across, and while I was never trained to swim across the river either, a river is doable, it’s not too wide, its a one way current and no intense waves.
But if those big ocean waves start coming my way while I’m swimming, I won’t be able to stay afloat, at that point you won’t be able to see me in the water from your rocky shore. And you can’t turn yourself into a coast guard from a hiker, travelist or nomad. Life doesn’t work that way. I needed you to in time become that lifeguard while I was still swimming in the river.
