an ambulance in disguise

I trust & believe in myself. All my own original writing & visuals unless otherwise stated.

[ambulanceindisguise]

There were years

I could have spent with you

We could have

Grown together

Yet I chose

Not to

So who am I

To mourn you now

[ambulanceindisguise]

ashes

her condescending smile some inside joke some award for cleaning your body showing up once a year everyone around words like 'respect' and 'dignity' thrown at you without asking permission oh it's better this way knowing full well what's better for you all those years doing nothing

[ambulanceindisguise]

I’m sorry

I am screaming inside

I heard you

You were asking

Without speaking

But I didn’t listen

You were not a burden

You were my light

[ambulanceindisguise]

International travel

Like surgery

a transplant

of the heart and the mind

one minute I’m at my desk

the next

that falling feeling in my gut

before I go under

and come back up

[ambulanceindisguise]

Ruminate

It sits

For years

driving roads among fields

air conditioned silence

And badly pronounced

GPS directions

[ambulanceindisguise]

Burger

Gripping a burger

lightly between an index finger

and thumb

taking up the little extra space

more than most would dare

on the carriage

bounding into a seat

in strappy sandals

grey giraffe socks

rough sleeping

continental breakfast

[ambulanceindisguise]

Narrow

I need to know

I need you to show me

You’ll carry

The things which weigh heavy

I need to be sure

As I’ve carried before

And am weary

Of the talk of men

[ambulanceindisguise]

writing

At first I though

a pleasure

light silk

but now

it slithers slow

a snake writhing

thorough layers

and thick grease

[ambulanceindisguise]

go wide instead

We are asked

to fine tune

to keep eyeing

to practice makes perfect

One thing!

choose that and

focus

otherwise you won’t be

a well rounded human

being

[ambulanceindisguise]

City

If you’re patient with it

allow a lifetime to seep

allow yourself bus stops at 2am

eventually it will

soak you up

and let you in

[ambulanceindisguise]

Cul de sac

Chlorine towels

And do you remember

Jumping back in

Sunsoaked bricks

Smoke and flip flops

Your fathers cancer

And the burning feeling

Inching closer to the surface

Running out of air to breathe

[ambulanceindisguise]

Evolve

There will be no

Coming together

Working as a team

Everything is PR

Money

Everything

[ambulanceindisguise]

Game theory

Our favourite game

to play

the one

where each morning

we walk

to the car the station the bus

to perpetuate

the falsehood

of purpose

[ambulanceindisguise]

For Julian & Ben

The captains

Of this ship

In beanies and thick jackets

Their crew

Stand by

As they direct the shot

Sailing the high seas

Of the silver screen

[ambulanceindisguise]

Post traumatic dream disorder

and who cares

that you’ve dreamt about

a different man

every night

for the past two weeks

and every time

you tell them

you love them

they tell you

they won’t

who cares

everyone dreams

their

own dreams

[ambulanceindisguise]

reciprocal

you cast your love

onto life

and hope it lands

reciprocal

[ambulanceindisguise]

well done

warming flat along

poolside sunstones

soaking up from earth

sound

like your embrace