𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃
welcome to the blog
of toko fukawa jirai + soulbond + irlyan
hypers3xual, may post
about strange topics often
intro gif+header edit by @f4scinator-deactivated
"and even though i love
even the colours that have
dried up...'
𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃
gif by @/f4scinat0r-deactivated!! <33
𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃
꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷
here, you'll be able to find various details about me, my likes, dislikes, how to interact with me, and my dni criteria. thank you for stopping by! (i am a spiritual kin of toko fukawa; being addressed as her is preferable. doubles okay but not really actively sought out)
important! before you go on to follow:
this blog may discuss topics such as the possession of the intent to end one's own life, desire to hurt oneself, mental health fallouts and the struggles that come with them, and other alarming topics that some may have significant aversions to. if you do not trust yourself to remain impartial in a calm and composed manner when witnessing triggering content, do not come to my blog. or, do, but skip the sections with tws- i know i may seem standoffish at times, but i genuinely do care for all of you and i hope that you may all achieve the standard of help that you need. i want to stress that if you are experiencing these thoughts, or at least, similar to the ones as i describe, please, please, please, seek help. it is out there, and it is waiting to offer you the comfort it heralds. and, if anything, i hope you'll be alright.
"Why... d-do you say that? Is it b-because you think I'm u-ugly?"
you already know this. why are you asking me? anyway, i am toko/toko fukawa/ame, a soulbonder, fictionkin, irl yan, jirai lifestyle individual, and stupid suicidal otaku. i like classic literature, grammar, danganronpa, spirituality, jirai and landmine culture in general, project sekai, and wallowing in my own shittiness, hehe.
however, i also take the prejudice of disliking things within my own time, which you can survey the results of within my 'dni' criteria.
yes, i am! this usually entails inhibiting the characteristics of that of the fictional archetype <3 it may include obsessive love, lecherous tendencies or desires, the longing to express love via harm- whether upon oneself or upon their 'darling'- and more!
three- what's your 'dni' list?
𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃𝄃𝄃𝄂
vocab. definitions: bmf: be my friend, iwc: interact with caution (in order to avoid the possibility of aggravating me or others), dni: do not interact (for safety of both you and i)
bmf: danganronpa kin (whether spiritual or psychological, or you just call yourself a kin because you relate to the character and the experiences they have faced), enjoyer of thought-provoking conversations, seeker and/or active pursuer of intelligence, lover of classic literature and/or advanced vocabulary in general, sourcemates, soulbonders, fictionkins (unless from a source on my dni list (;w;)), fictosexuals, other similar identities and personas
iwc: uncomfortable with sudden/ nonconsensual venting, not mentally ill in any way, uncomfortable with hypersexuality, 'respect yet not support'
dni: darkshipper/proshipper (shippers of any illegal or 'taboo' ships), anti any of the previous things that i have mentioned in the bmf section, homophobe, xenophobe, cruel individuals in general, flaky/ may suddenly abandon or otherwise leave me (i understand why you may do this, however this would be VERY risky for my mental health and it may send me into a spiral and make me possibly attempt to end my own life afterward, which would be very unpleasant for you to hear of as well)
i may communicate in methods which are somewhat dissonant to previous experiences- for example, during toko kinshifts, i may seek to communicate as her in order to experience euphoria, or at least a greater sense of it, whilst during other times i may speak eloquently and with sufficiently conformed grammar, aaaaaand other times i might just talk like ame-chan LOL, i deeply apologise for any issues that may arise during any given moment of inconsistency observed within my behaviour
i aknowledge and support the fact that during your time here on tags such as jiraiblr and similar, you may be enduring a time of extreme mental turmoil. whatever the time it is that you choose to contact me in search of a form of contact, whether or not you are or have been at immediate risk to yourself or others, or whether you yourself percieve your issues as monumental enough to commemorate the occupation of time of another, i proclaim that i will always be here for you. i will always try to understand, even if you are on my iwc or dni list, even if you percieve yourself as unworthy of such care, and even if you deem your issues as too complex to handle. no matter what you need from me, no matter what the outcome you wish to take is, i will be here with you until you are okay.
my discord is @ametopetya, or you can dm me on tumblr directly if neccesary. thank you for being here, and for everything that you do just to remain present and compliant. i love you, no matter who you are. please do not be afraid to contact me, and thank you greatly for reading this far.
꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ "Even the withered colours, I still find them so dear." ꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱
thank you for reading! <33
extra: tag system
ᛝwhen the rain falls : regular post
ᛝi still find them so dear : anon, moot post or ask from someone i know
ᛝplease give me your hand : my darling/ my p-chan
ᛝtoko's master : alternate tag for darling
ᛝtoko's p-chan : alternate tag for darling
ᛝrevisiting those gentle lies : vent post
ᛝthe scenery that lies beyond : other
ᛝtoko : toko kinshift posting
me when I try to get kokobot to convince me not to kill myself and he keeps telling me that my vent has a question in it (it doesn't have a single question throughout the entirety of it)
all i know how to do is fucking cry all day i'm worthless the second i start feeling bad i either want to kill myself or turn into a different person to get rid of the pain
marisol ame-chan elle sonar anyone come quickly i don't want to be delusional anymore i hate all of you just talk to me tell me why you're here
im trying to convince myself that im multiple people just to avoid my responsibillity of killing myself this is the hitmen's plot again i bet
i'll keep es and throw out everyone else
i'll keep es and throw out everyone else so i don't miss her anymore when i'm callio or toko
i'll keep es and throw out everyone else so i don't have to be with my p-chan anymore
i'll keep es and throw out everyone else so that i don't have to be in this world anymore and i'll pass over my ruined body to her so that she can write endlessly in a darkened room for the rest of her life without any need for social interaction with the brain made to feel and to love that didn't deserve any of it and so was handed over to a woman from an eternal prison
i'll stab myself in the chest when anyone but es comes here
i don't want to live anymore
just give everything to es and it'll all be complete
i don't even have to talk to any of you ever again you all fucking hate me anyway you bitches
why do people never care as much about me as they do other people
why dont people like me as much as other people
people will never care about me as much as they do other people because i don't deserve it
i'm uninteresting and plain and boring and ugly and self-centered and constantly whining and bitching and complaining and failling to perform basic tasks
constantly going 'wahhh nobody loves me!!!' and then being suprised when nobody actually loves me
i see another character with savant's syndrome, hypersexuality, self-hatred and immediately delude myself into thinking i am her just so that i can avoid handling my responsibilities and tackle the fact that nobody actually fucking likes me and for good reason i should kill myself
this is why no-one loves me the most i can do is write words that i know will be forgotten in a few minutes after someone reads them and my impact will slowly vanish from this earth
i delude myself into thinking i have a boyfriend and promise that me being with my p-chan isn't schizophrenia despite the fact that nobody else can see or touch or hear him
i finally start trying to discover myself and start questioning did and then suddenly nobody likes me anymore and everyone hates me even more than before
i delude myself into thinking there's a chance of ever apologising to her
trying to make some changes to make my numbers go back up!
okay so i've noticed that the chronically online tumblrites have really hated me lately so i'm going to set some things into place to ensure that number go up and brain becomes happy.
✚ finally make that special interest promo blog like i've been thinking of for so long
✚ be more open about my life and my questioning DID
✚ talk to my moots more, especially the two moots that keep liking all of my posts the second that they're created (@wokehajimehinata, @pixicidal)
✚ stop forcing myself to talk super dry so that people think that i'm more like toko and therefore more valid, and try to trust that people do believe that i am still me
✚ make more relatable posts that don't just cater to me (my constant posting about that one person who i really really miss that probably piss off my moots, or that weird hyperfixation i had on kiraxhonor for a while, for example)
✚ stop posting about transandrophobia (this is moreso just for my mental health.)
✚ try to spread positivity within the jirai community
✚ update my into to include that i'm questioning did???? this one is still a very heavy maybe, yall give me some advice on this
'don't say 'I'll kms if you leave me'!' okay but what if you will actually take your own life if they leave you because they're the only glimmer of hope you have left in this entire universe that someone will stay and their leaving is just an unending proof that no-one, not even them, thinks you're worthy enough to remain for
this is not a threat 💖 this is a genuine warning 💖 i know better than to threaten people with suicide 💖💖💖 this is completely genuine 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
'don't say 'I'll kms if you leave me'!' okay but what if you will actually take your own life if they leave you because they're the only glimmer of hope you have left in this entire universe that someone will stay and their leaving is just an unending proof that no-one, not even them, thinks you're worthy enough to remain for
I think as a physical and biological therian kinrad is honestly a really hateful and unneeded movement. Otherpaws genuinely are not harming anyone, they are simply just playing with species expression the same way literally MILLIONS of others play with gender expression. Nobody has made a movement saying feminine cis men or masculine cis women are making a mockery of trans people? How is a human presenting themselves as animalistic making a mockery of nonhumans? You just hate people expressing themselves. If you hate otherpaws you should hate furries and kemonomimis just as much.
Thank you for the spam.Im really really sorry that you had to see all of my posts.
it's absolutely okay, if I felt that it was too difficult to handle I would not have clicked on your blog, it was my decision to look at it and therefore my fault if I percieve it intentionally
