Amelia the Uncertain

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[amelia-the-uncertain]

WATCH NEXT:

Local woman DESTROYED by mosquitoes while trying to weed her "own damn backyard"

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I've been watching this man play basketball at the park for at least ten minutes now. He hasn't made a single shot.

But maybe he's been peeking over at me thinking, "That lady's been sitting on that swing forever and hasn't ONCE tried to flip over the top."

[amelia-the-uncertain]

WORD PROBLEMS ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW WHEN TWO TRAINS GOING DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS WILL PASS EACH OTHER, AND THAT'S BECAUSE BEING PASSED BY A TRAIN WHILE YOU'RE ON A TRAIN IS EXTREMELY STARTLING, AND IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO PREPARE YOURSELF.

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Fake estate agent

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Santana's "Smooth" starts out like two dads chatting across a driveway.

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Conversation With Myself:

Me: Oh, hey. Warsaw is a palindrome.

Also me: It definitely is not.

Me: Mm...agree to disagree.

[amelia-the-uncertain]

I told my husband I made my therapist laugh in our last session.

"Aw yeah," he said. "Someone's getting an A in therapy! What did you say that made her laugh?"

"I told her I felt it was impolite to ignore intrusive thoughts."

He stared at me blankly.

"I don't want to be rude," I said.

Then he laughed, so it looks like I'm getting an A in marriage, too.

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The Shins: But honey, you cannot wrestle a dove!

Me: YOU WANNA BET, JAMES MERCER?

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Yesterday I was walking past two men and I heard one of them say, "SHE has a big ass." I squeaked out, "WHAT" and whipped my head around, but they were looking at a picture on a phone.

Still. Rude.

[amelia-the-uncertain]

Types of Slickers

-Rain

-City

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A girl bent down on the side of the trail. When she stood up, she showed her friend a tiny yellow blossom and said, "I don't pick flowers, but weeds are fair game."

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Just saw four rabbits gamboling about a garden, even though their games threatened at any moment to set off the peony blooms.

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After guests leave, it always feels impossible to go into the spare room to wash the linens or whatever.

Why?

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a tired man

holds a restless woman

beneath white sheets

on a Sunday morning

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One of the best things

is when you overhear someone singing softly to themselves.

[amelia-the-uncertain]

It's wonderful outside this morning. Warm, earthy, thick with the scent of marigolds and lilacs. So green, so green...with a fresh spring breeze skimming past and birdsong in stereo.