i came here to kiss boys and die

im not bossy, im the boss

[americangenderdevil]

What the fuck is a she shed?

[americangenderdevil]

Hello again. Puerto Rico is fine.

[americangenderdevil]

Hi friends I didn't need another way to procrastinate but here we are

[americangenderdevil]

I'm built for mountains and river and stars not horns and traffic and giant glass buildings. Eli says it's better near the other hotel but that would mean giving up our fridge and that would be so terrible. Once school starts I'll have a better focus on everything and that will help. Weekends have been good. We've gotten out enough and I've needed the week to recover basically. I'm excited to get into a routine. I'm still hoping that I'll make some friends and venture out during the week. Learn to cook or dance or even just see a movie. But the problem is I want to be able to do those things with eli. I want to go explore this place together. I know that's what he wants too. And I know he won't be offended if I just stick to the hotel when he's at work. That's how we did bend, I would go off to work and come home late and wake up only to do it again the next day. It's okay if I don't want to do stuff by myself. I feel like I should, but if I don't feel comfortable or safe, then that's fine.

[americangenderdevil]

But really the problem is that I live in the middle of a commercial district that's very new and there is nothing to actually do around here. We should be getting sim cards today so then I'll be able to get taxis and such but like fuck me if I didn't move to the middle of where people work, so there's nothing for me to do during the day. The closest grocery store is an hour walking and half an hour by car. It's also in a fucking mall because everything is in a mall and I hate malls. I understand the need for them here but I'm just not built for cities.

[americangenderdevil]

But also I'm mad bc I can't pet any dogs here. They're all rabid and sad and hungry.

[americangenderdevil]

I just realized that I'll be living here the same amount of time I was at Tulane and that was literally no time at all. That's the last time I spent my whole life holed up in a room watching media too. So in case I get super depressed or my boyfriend cheats on me, well know it's just everything coming full circle.

[writerswritecompany]

[lynati]

Applicable to works of fiction as well.

[bpdanais-deactivated20170815]

Me: *does something impulsive and/or self destructive* Me: why My mental illnesses:

[hartokitchenette]

[benafflecks]

It’s that thing when you’re with someone, and you love them and they know it, and they love you and you know it… but it’s a party… and you’re both talking to other people, and you’re laughing and shining… and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes… but - but not because you’re possessive, or it’s precisely sexual… but because… that is your person in this life. And it’s funny and sad, but only because this life will end, and it’s this secret world that exists right there in public, unnoticed, that no one else knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us, but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s - That’s what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.

Frances Ha (2012) — Written and Directed by Noah Baumbach

[rosespell]

[americangenderdevil]

We're trying to talk about racism but like capitalism y'all

[americangenderdevil]

I just need to run through these feelings: I didn't hear from him for like 5 hours until it was midnight his time so I called him and didn't get an answer he like immediately called me back and we talked for a few minutes. Very good, normal, apologized for being MIA. Said he would call when he got back to his hotel. They had just closed ouy their bar tab so he was gonna hang out a little bit more and then drive someone home and go back. It's now 2.5 hours and he hasn't been active on facebook for an hour. No call. No text. No nothing. He read my message from before I called him that said I'm gonna try to go to sleep. I'm afraid he saw that and thought oh she's asleep I'll just go to sleep. Now I've stayed up for 3 hours freaking out about him for no good reason and I don't want to call and bug him again but I'm terrified and I can't sleep and what the fuck do I do???

[americangenderdevil]

I just don't understand. We did so good for a whole week and why does the last fucking day have to be when communication falls apart

[americangenderdevil]

I just don't understand what makes people who love you not act like it

[americangenderdevil]

Is it the worst thing ever to throw a pillow at her holy shit