AMGAshley'sStories

Short stories & News that I may write. Any requests are greatly appreciated & can range from story ideas, any news related incidents & or controversies you would like to be discussed from an unbiased pov. 

[amgasn-blog]

Pain

[amgasn-blog]

The Male Species

[fucksocietyandthoughts]

I’m always here for you

[amgasn-blog]

MY FRIEND JUST COMMITTED SUICIDE YESTERDAY & IT IS THE WORST PAIN EVER. PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE

[lovemakesyouwonder]

[deceptivelips]

(18+)

[amgasn-blog]

I NeverThought I'd Make It This Far..

I'm twenty now. Three years ago I attempted suicide for the first ( and only ) time. I never thought I'd make it this far. So I never planned for this. At seventeen I felt hopeless. Battling depression I never planned to even graduate high school. But now, I got a high school diploma, I have a well paying job with benefits and many more benefits and incentives & I even have my own car! Back then I had no goals. I was so set in me being gone from this world that I never tried. But after my attempt, seeing my best friend, my father, cry... everything changed. If it wasn't for my friend Gillian I might of fell asleep and never woke up. My father who I admire so much would of found me and I could never imagine passing my pain onto the one person who means everything to me. On my circumstances I got lucky. Not everyone is as lucky as I am to have a father so close to my heart. But no matter what your circumstances are. You have a chance. You have something keeping you here and that thing beeping you here is going to save you and you will do amazing things because of it. Soon the positivity will radiate and spread. So keep going. Make goals for yourself! I finally after years of never planning on my future I now have a plan, multiple actually cause anything can happen, on what I want to do in life. So for anyone who takes the time to read this. Keep going. Strive. Work on yourself. Remember that as long as YOU are happy. It doesn't matter what others think. Cause they're gunna judge you anyways. So might as well do whatever you want. Keep going. You got this.

[amgasn-blog]

To High Schoolers.

Whether you're a new incoming freshmen, or what we called freshmeat, or a senior who can't wait to get the hell out of what seems like the worst four years of your life, you're going to miss it. Being out of school for only a year & a half now I miss high school like crazy. The worst four years of my life were the worst four years of my life because I let it be that way. If I could go back & redo all of high school, I would. In a heartbeat. Present me with a magical button to undo the last 5-6 years of my life & you wouldn't even get the opportunity to tell me any ifs, ands or buts about it. I would be back to my freshmen year of high school. Trying to regather & reinvent what my life has become. What I wouldn't give to go back to my first high school. To, instead of moving school halfway through my junior year, stay at my original high school & work my ass off. High school sucks. I'll give you that. Waking up early, sleeping all day through class just to get home & take another nap, pop quiz's, exams, homework, friends, foes, fights & terrible food. I would take it all back again just to experience the most amazing, confusing & detrimental four years of my life. I liked most of my teachers more than most of the students at my high school(s). Administration & the school resource officer were most definitely my greatest asset to every high school I went to. I got on the good side of most faculty. The few I didn't get on the good side with, when I would get in trouble by said unfavored teacher I would just simply get a slap on the wrist from administration. At worst I would have to put up with ISS ( in school suspension ) which I actually quite enjoyed. Got seven classes work done in two hours & read a book for the remaining 5. It was amazing. Time flew. Little did I know that in the blink of an eye I would be almost 20 years old with a burning hunger & desire to go back & relive the best & worst part of my life. Time really goes by in the blink of an eye. Soon I'll blink again & I'll be going to my high schools ten year reunion. Blink again & I'll be 50. Celebrating being over the hill & under the close watch of inevitable death. So if you read this. Don't take it for granted. Live in the moment. Make high school last as long as you possibly can. Because before you know it four years is gone. & you'll always wonder from the moment you walk across the stage to get your diploma where life went & you'll be dying to go back. I said I wouldn't miss high school. I said I would never want to go back. But just seeing people post on social media pictures of them & their friends in the halls makes me wish I could trade places even for a day. Make the most of high school. You're only there for a short four years.

[thesonder-deactivated20170302]

[amgasn-blog]

My Home Away From Home..

I have an extreme sense of pride for where I came from. I was born in Winder, Ga. A small town outside of Atlanta. At the age of seven we moved down to Hillsborough County, Florida. Which has now been my residence for 12 years now. But it wasn’t until now that I realized that this is kinda my home away from home now. Georgia will always be home. That will always be where my heart lies. I am a Georgia born & raised girl & I say it proudly. I still remember all of my childhood best friends up until I left. Unfortunately none I was able to stay in touch with. I still hope to find them one day. But the first friend I ever made in Florida is still a friend of mine to this day. We have had a rough few years but she will always be a childhood best friend and sister to me. I also still have friends from middle school I talk to and am close with to this day, and I am grateful for them and their friendships in so many ways. Some I have never even had a fight with. Some I have had many. & Some that have torn the friendship to shreds. But as much as I hate this putrid State, it will hold majority of my adolescence and memories. Florida is my second home and I think I will miss it I do move back home like I intend too. Florida will always have a piece of my heart as well. But seriously, fuck this place. 

[amgasn-blog]

The Honest Truth..

I don’t know what exactly it was about you that caught my eye. I was having a bad day and you made me laugh.. I didn’t even know you. I never even met you yet. But you made me laugh and you gave me that sense of familiarity without even knowing your name. All I knew was I had to get to know you. You made me feel like I had the confidence to talk to you. My self image completely dissipated at your glance. I guess we both had that attraction. We both had that first sight feeling. We both knew that we were going to mean a lot to each other. But I never knew things would of brought me to this day. To writing this. Knowing everything I know now I sometimes wonder what would happen if I could go back to that day. To the Fourth of June, Two Thousand and Twelve. Wow... Four years and counting.. 

It was a roller coaster that’s for sure. Getting to know each other, to hating each other, to dating on and off. To what may of been an inevitable split. Who knows what would of happened if that never happened. Would we still be together if we never split? If he never came along and helped me fuck it all up. Would we still have all of our plans and promises? Some things I will never get the answers to. But I wrote this to sort out my ignored feelings towards you for over two years now. 

I was in high school. You gave me confidence. You gave me a meaning at one point. I don’t know what changed all of that to be honest. I don’t know if it was the interest of someone new that drove me away or if it was something else. I’m lonely, I’ll admit that. But being alone for a year and a half now not only gives me a greater fog of what I am feeling but it also gives me a sense of clarity as to what I want in life. 

At one point we had planned out our entire life together. From marriage, to kids or pets, to what kind of house we were going to live in. It was like we were already married. That’s how attached we were. We were a part of each other. We had many laughs and we had many fights. We were no different than any other couple in love. So what was it that really ruined us? 

Towards the end of our relationship I remember questioning what I was doing and where I was going. Part of me wanted to leave. Due to my parents lack of support for my love, partially. Part of it was because I felt like I was too young to be held down for so long. Part of me felt like I still had life to live, things to experience and I felt like I couldn’t experience that with you. Part of me felt trapped because I had lost and dropped all of my friends for you and because of you. No one liked us together. Maybe that’s what started my doubt in not only you but in us. It took me a long time to get over you. But I don’t think you ever really get over your first love. I don’t know if I ever will. 

That is what scares me a lot right now. Is that I don’t know whats going to happen. The idea that tomorrow I could go running back to you and see where it goes or tomorrow I can meet someone that could change all of that. 

It’s terrifying. It really is. I like that you know what you want. Without a doubt you know that I’m the one for you. That I’m the one you want to spend your life with forever. Maybe you’re so certain because I’m not your first love, or your second. I’m probably the third or fourth to be honest. But you’re mine. My first love. My first real I love you. My first real boyfriend. My first real everything. Maybe that’s what it was. Because you were my first everything maybe I felt like I didn’t need just one. But another, and possibly another. Because I was young, naive and I honestly didn’t know anything. My brain was/is still growing. I’m still learning new things everyday. 

After our split of course we come back in and out of each others lives at least once a year. Fate? A yearning for the good ole days? To torture ourselves even more? I don’t really know. I wish I did. I wish I had all the answers. 

I have only seen you a handful of times since our split. I haven’t seen you since I moved schools. Its been two years since I’ve seen your face in person. But I can still see your eyes shining in mine like yesterday. I still remember your scent. I remember your touch. I yearn for that scent and for that touch sometimes. But sometimes when I think about if I could go back, what would I do, what would I say... sometimes when I think about it if I had the opportunity I think that I might of just stayed away. I might of missed that class so that I wouldn’t have to put us both through all the pain that we have been through. But maybe it was all for a reason. Our meeting. Our splitting. Our heart break. Was it all for lesson or was it so that maybe one day when we grow up we could go back to each other better than before. 

I’ve bettered myself a lot since our split. I had no choice to. But I did. I couldn’t let pain and the past stop me from making something of myself. I want to go into the Navy. I want to go to college. I have plans for my life now. You haven’t been a part of my future for a couple of years now. But sometimes I think that I’m struggling to come up so that I can maybe one day come back and give you the life that we said we would. Sometimes I think I work my ass off so that we won’t have to struggle like our parents did. We always told each other we wouldn’t be like our parents. That when we got married it was a life long commitment. We were in it together. For better or for worse. I just wish I knew when all of that changed. 

Love is a complicated word in my book. I feel like I know what love is. I felt it. I know that much for sure. I know what love feels like. But is that really where my heart lies? Sometimes I feel like the only way to really know is to really see each other again. But I don’t want to lead you on like I did in the past. I don’t want to see you and it not be what I or you wanted it to. I don’t want to see you in person and talk with you just for me to come to the realization that this was for the best. I don’t want to have to tell you that it was great seeing you but it still isn’t going to work out. I think that would actually kill you. I can’t do that to you. I can’t hurt you more than what I already have. But maybe hurting is inevitable. 

This is called the honest truth because this is suppose to be everything that I ever wanted to say to you but couldn’t. The truth is. I don’t know if I love you. I haven’t seen you in so long I don’t know. I do know that I will always have love for you. I know you will always have a piece of my heart. I won’t lie about that. But I also don’t know if you’re a part of my plans anymore. I don’t know if you would still get me the way you did. But I guess there is only one way for us to find out... I need to see you. I need to see you but I can’t talk to you about us, or our past, or our future.... I just need to see you I guess...  

[samisoffthewall]

[amgasn-blog]

Justified Anger. ** 12 June 2016 **

Have you ever been angry at someone for something they said? Not like the angry and then get over it a day later, I mean like angry at someone to the point where it gets you on a personal level. For instance, my mother, who don’t get me wrong I love my mother, I can’t not love her. I would never want her to think otherwise. But I hold a great resentment towards my mother. I am very close with my father. He is in my eyes my best friend. To have my mother tell me straight to my face at eighteen years old, “if I was to ever leave your dad one day, just know it’ll be your fault.... because he won’t back me up when it comes to you..”. That hurts someone on a personal level. It ignites an anger in them that cant be vanquished. So tonight when I come home from work early at 2am, my mothers car is not here. My fathers set of keys are still on the welcome hook by the front door. 

It always begins a panic in my heart. My heart rate increased as the fear in my head builds. It is almost 5am and my mother is still not home. In all reality she is possibly somewhere with my aunt but my doubt is noted. The irrational thoughts I have are only due to my previous mental health which was not what you would call stable. Nevertheless, I feel like my anger towards my mother is somewhat justified. 

To begin with, I was never what you called, the perfect child. Gave them hell when I tried to run away in eighth grade, hell for over 2 years with my ‘first love’ in high school, baker acted at seventeen, went from being a late graduate to graduating on time thanks to a local career center. But given my faults, I have always hated to disappoint my parents. Like any other human, I live, I learn. My mother however does not approve of my adventurous ways. Kicked out of the house at eighteen for smoking marijuana, came back a week later. Still a current toker. My mother feels justified to leave my father because he wont back her up in kicking me out of the house for the final time. So here I am, stuck in a house I’m not wanted in, just getting by. 

My anger in my opinion is justified because I would never do something if I knew it was going to get them in trouble. Also because I have since I was seventeen and working, I have helped them out financially, despite me and my mothers relationship. So what if she never comes home? What will happen to us then? 

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Are you a child of divorced parents? How did you take their splitting up, how did it affect you? 

[amgasn-blog]

Entry 1. My Open Opinion On Marijuana. ** 8 June 2016 **

I have honestly been on both sides of the spectrum. Up until, from what I can recall, 8th grade I thought marijuana was this horrendous drug that people did to get high. I was a very young and naive child. In 6th grade I was friends with all the 8th graders on my bus. They all pertained in what is joked to be the devils lettuce. Of course I was pressured but always managed to get out of it. I was literally terrified to try it. 

Flash forward a few years to sophomore year. My first curiosity with cannabis probably appeared in 8th grade or freshmen year of high school. But up until the point that I was able to go over to my boyfriends house after school, I never had solid opportunity to give it a test run. But when I did that ladies and gentlemen, is what started my love affair with marijuana. 

Now being older, ourt of high school, and having some common sense I feel like I can give a proper review of what people seem to think is a harmful substance. 

Primarily, marijuana is a plant. Let’s just get that out of the way. It grows out of the ground, It has seeds, leaves, stems, roots, the whole nine. Did you know every living thing has chemicals in it? Plants, animals, even humans. Well there are two chemicals I would like to discuss. Cannabidoil and Tetrahrydrocannabidol. 

Cannabidoil, or CBD, has been scientifically, medically, PHYSICALLY proven to save, prevent and help people with deadly and ‘incurable’ diseases. Cannabidoil can be used to help pretty much everything from a migraine, muscle and body pain to cancer! It has been proven to slow down the production of cancerous cells and in some cases, made cancerous tumors smaller! Did you know marijuana also helps with anxiety, depression, and PTSD? Yup!  In the legal states medical marijuana is prescribed to veterans to help with their PTSD. 

I personally can attribute for marijuana to help with my anxiety and depression. I also have an unknown stomach condition that makes me sick all the time. I wouldn’t eat for days, got sick at the thought of food. Literally. Smoking cannabis actually helps. It helps bring the appetite back. Depending on the strain. 

Now, tetrahydrocannabidol, also known as THC, is the natural chemical in marijuana that gets you ‘high’. I think this is where it gets controversial for most people. But I honestly don’t understand why. Picture this, its Friday night, you and your friends go out to the bar. Have a few drinks, then a few more.... and a few more... one more shot wont hurt.. next thing you know someone is either in jail because someone got too drunk off Tequila and decided to fight the innocent/guilty guy next to him or someone is in the hospital getting their stomach pumped due to alcohol poisoning.. or even worse, someone can drink so much that their liver and kidneys shut down, or passes out due to alcohol poisoning without getting treated and dies. Terrible right? Now picture this, you and a few friends get together at the crib for a football game/movie, you roll up a few blunts/joints, a couple six pack of beers, and a table full of food. No one would get hurt, everyone is happy and all their is is a mutual peace and full joy in the room. THC, in my opinion, compliments the CBD in treating illnesses. The CBD is battling whatever is hurting you. THC is taking your mind off of the mental worries. It helps you to think and explore possibilities that you never would of thought of. TCH heightens your creativity, your sense of peace and well-being and encourages you to explore possibilities and to think outside of the box, take a new perspective if you will. 

Lets take a turn and look at cannabis in a different manner. Did you know that cannabis can be used for textiles, building supplies, fuel, papers, plastics, etc. Did you know there are about 50,000 different things that cannabis can be used for just commercially? 

Medically, cannabis can be used to replace hundreds of prescription medications including adderall, Vicodin, ambien and zoloft. 

 Source: http://www.ccguide.org/uses.php

Marijuana has many uses and benefits. What is your opinion on marijuana, should it be legalized ( if you’re in a anti-cannabis state ), or should it still be considered a schedule 1 drug?

[amgasn-blog]

Eritrean Man Extradited to Italy for People-Smuggling ** 8 June 2016 **

An Eritrean man attempted to smuggle well over 300 migrants from Libya to Europe in October 2013 when the vessel capsized, killing 359 migrants. 

Mered Medhanie,also known as The General, has been thought to be the one to arrange a boat of migrants to travel from East Africa to Europe when it sank near the island of Lampedusa in late 2013. 

Medhanie, 35, who created himself after late Libyan leader Col Muammar Gaddafi, charged migrants $5,680 to travel from African countries to Northern Europe. Nearly 500 people were aboard when a fire started by migrants to catch the attention of passing ships, spread to the rest of the ship. 

Italian investigators acquired telephone calls that showed Medhanie organizing trips across the Mediterranean and from African countries to Libya.

Britain’s National Crime Agency eventually tracked Medhanie to an address where he was then arrested. 

In 2014 migrant levels to Italy increased to 170,000, later dropping to 153,800 in 2015. So far this year nearly 40,000 migrants have entered into Italy.

An investigation is being led by investigators in Palermo, Sicily. Medhanie was held in Sudan in May and flown to Rome on Tuesday. He is expected to be in court Wednesday. * 7 May 2016 * 

Source: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-36476147