A Cuckquean’s Journey

Life is a gift - unwrap it! I genuinely feel like a recovering CQ addict. I don’t know what the future holds but I’m bravely moving forward to see what’s next.

[danthomfrank]

How are things now?

Well…

I hadn’t seen or spoken to my husband for over a year and then we recently crossed paths twice…once amicably, once less so.

I can tell from the credit card statements that Snow has moved jobs to another school district and that my husband was still seeing her as of a few months ago…I honestly don’t even pay attention anymore.

I have been happy, happy, happy and peaceful like never before in my life. I have been traveling the world, attending spiritual retreats, going to plays and concerts, focusing on my children, my sisters and a very few close friends.

My ex BF and I are still friendly but have been officially separated for over seven months now. I still love him as much as I ever did and will continue to send him unconditional love for the rest of my days.

I am remorseful for how upset I was at Snow and my husband. It is what it is and had he not insisted that it wasn’t what I saw, I would have stayed gone and would have been long ago divorced and saved myself two years of heartache trying to fix myself to deal with the disconnect between what I saw and felt vs what I was being told. It took me a while, but I finally chose myself and I have never looked back.

Maya Angelou says, when you know better, do better. I feel I’ll never tolerate such behavior again nor be with someone who doesn’t choose me and value me. It was a great lesson, I was just a little slow on the uptake.

There’s no real villains in these stories. Just hurt people hurting people (and themselves). We all played our roles. Very well. And now I get to live my best life and be a shining light to others on this journey….namaste, bitches…

Namaste 🙏

[danthomfrank]

It’s been so long since you posted, we are worried about you. Are you doing okay?

Thank you to my dear long term followers

Things have been so crazy over the last year

My husband has been gone since Feb 2021

We tried for a few months to work things out but that went very badly so now we don’t communicate except through a third party

I continued to see my BF and become very close friends with his wife

My husband is apparently still seeing snow as I see/pay the credit card bills

Six months ago my BF and decided to break up for the health of his marriage but we kept in touch. However now he’s doubled down and deuces that he can’t have any relationship with me as he feels it would upset his wife and so he wants me completely out of their lives.

This is the latest news and has just devastated me today.

In other news, breaking up with the BF whom I loved dearly sent me into soul shock and caused a spiritual awakening.

So that’s been cool (lol, if anyone has been through this…feel free to send me an ask, comment or message…and we both know “cool” is no where near adequate or a word to describe what has happened in my life in a matter of a few months).

[danthomfrank]

When did it - the light- hit you? Was it during a ayahuasca ceremony or while reaching for a can of beans at the supermarket? Curious to hear the complete story.

Nice ask and timely

No it wasn’t heavy drug induced. I had likely taken an edible as I was in Colorado. My BF and I had just decided to break up the day before, at the the start of our trip and I wasn’t handling it well.

I was sitting on the sidelines when it all hit me (mind you I’ve been taking edibles for years at this point, sometimes daily and never had anything rivaling this experience).

This was triggered by my soul shattering break up with my BF. Not because we had any issues or that I was an issue in his marriage…but all the shit of 20 years plus his wife’s BF breaking up with her just sent her over the top and she lost her patience and kicked him out. So he got an apartment close by and a week later we decided he needed to focus all his energy on repairing his marriage so we jointly decided to put our relationship on ice for a few months while he worked things out with her.

Well now we are at the almost 6 months mark and he has moved back into the house and they are trying to rekindle their marriage and she wants a monogamous relationship so I’m out. While I’ve always been rooting for their marriage and the happiness of their family, he’s informed me that he cannot remain in touch me with so that he may devote full time to her…so I’m out and it’s devastating. I’ve gone from a member of the family to persona non grata. I’m absolutely gutted. I’m having panic attacks and feel like I can’t breathe.

He’s warned me that he doesn’t want to have to block me so I’ll have to use my good judgment and not reach out unless there’s good reason “but he can’t think of any”.

All this happened without so much as us having an argument or falling out of love. Super tough and I feel like it’s karma for having never been able to deal with Snow.

And so begins my new life…a husband who chose another woman over me and a BF who chose his wife over me and me sitting here feeling “not picked” by the only two men I’ve ever loved.

And if you knew me in person, you’d know what a fucking catch I am in every respect…

Feeling crushed…again.

Thank God for my spiritual awakening or I’d have an even harder time digging myself out of this hole I’m in.

Thought I’d come here to get some of these feelings out since I can’t send them to him or his wife.

[danthomfrank]

Hi. Can you elaborate more about your recent explorations and experiences? It sounds very intriguing?

Hello world.

I’m back.

This is an old ask but thought I’d grab it to open the door again

I find I need a place to put my thoughts and send them out into the universe to release the energy

So here we go…

[danthomfrank]

Does this mean that things with your boyfriend are over?

I must have missed what led to the court order keeping the husband away. Are you safe?

My BF and I broke up almost five months ago so that he could focus on his marriage (not due to issues between us, nor was I the cause of their issues). His wife and I remained very close friends.

My husband and I separated over a year ago, partly due to how I felt he’d rather be with Snow than me…and domestic violence. That part has now played itself out and yes, I am perfectly safe.

Since the break with BF, I’ve had a spiritual awakening which has completely changed my life. All of my beliefs have replaced with a new understanding of how life and the universe works.

I’ve gone all hippie woo-woo yoga meditation manifest energy vibes and the whole nine yards

I hold no ill will towards my husband, Snow, my BF or myself for any past action or decisions.

I regret the negative light in which I’ve shown my husband and Snow in the past and have communicated the same to her.

Love and Light to all.

[danthomfrank]

I have so many questions. Are you not in the lifestyle anymore? Is your ex husband involved in any way in your spiritual awakening? What do your kids think? Specially your daughter since she's also poly. You mentioned that she understood your pov more than your sons. What does she think of this new development?

I have dropped the LS completely.

No my husband is not involved in my spiritual awakening…he is court ordered to have zero contact/communication with me. I have not laid eyes on him since April or May when I threw his former GF a baby shower, attended by “Mindy”

Two of my sons are also on the path and so we are able to have good chats. I’m hoping it comes to my daughter at some point and hasn’t touched my eldest son at all either unfortunately. They have varying feelings about it depending on their level of consciousness.

My daughter is not poly or swinger in anyway. She’s happy for me if I’m happy.

[danthomfrank]

How’s things? Been a while since your last update. Everything still looking good?

Well that’s quite the story.

I actually had a spiritual awakening. It happened quite suddenly and was life changing. I was not looking for it but it found me.

It happened with a break up, a rebirth, revelation of my purpose and the explanation of why it all happened.

There have been several other breaks (aka downloads) that happened spontaneously followed by the ability to connect with a higher source to find the answers to anything I ask.

It’s been the most life changing, joyful, peaceful, exhilarating, insane, six weeks of my life. I have been changed fundamentally and permanently. I’ve experienced gratitude, presence, calm, heartache, miracles, and more than I can describe here.

I understand if you’ll want to unfollow me but there is no explanation for this beyond a higher power making itself known to me. It goes beyond The Secret and is in alignment with The Course In Miracles.

What I understand now would have taken years to research and longer to digest but I was given the gift of “knowing”.

If I continue on this platform, it will be to share this revelation in hopes that it will resonate for you and help you on your path.

Remember that Tumblr hasn’t let me see comments to my posts, so please just DM me and tell me your story if you’ve experienced this too.

[danthomfrank]

Y’all would never guess in a million years what’s happened to me now

I’m working on my next step and it’ll be a doozy

[danthomfrank]

I wanted to say how much I admire you for showing such grace and integrity in such a shitty situation.

You inspire me so much in the way you have dealt with your narcissistic ex. He should regret losing someone who was so loyal and committed, putting his needs before your own because of your love for him.

I think he will already be receiving his karma; Snow seems like someone who is extremely selfish which won’t work well with his narcissism.

Excuse me but, f**k them both .

All the love and positivity in the world, you so deserve it .x

Thank you for your words of support

There has been another and another and another unexpected twist and turn in the plot of my life

[danthomfrank]

No ask. Not anon. First time commenter. I’ve read your blog for about 3 years. When iPhone stopped letting me read it a year ago it felt like I’d never get the end of your story. Today, I randomly decided to check and holy cow what a journey you’ve had and shared. I never imagined the introduction of Snow would be the plot twist it turned out to be. When I began following your blog, it was interesting and so hot, and played into some common themes in my history and life. None that I chose, and none that I voluntarily explored - more of a trauma response eroticized. I saw your experiences as validating that my desires and mental kinks weren’t worth the internal demonization I was subjecting myself to.

I’ve been able to catch up on the happenings of your last year. And while I’m sad at the outcome, I have to believe the detour has led you to a place of self fulfillment and finding true happiness without the shadow of your narcissistic ex. I’m glad to find your story is well on the way to the happy ending you most certainly deserve.

Thank you so much for this

Yes is it a trauma response

I am happier and more at peace

And am even learning to set boundaries with my grown children, friends and Boyfriend who I’m still with after 19 months.

But NRE has run its course and now I’m able to think clearly and choose me. So lots of changes and growth for me.

[danthomfrank]

Worried about you. I hope you are okay.

Thank you for checking in on me. Despite the fact that my 38 year relationship is over and he presumably is carrying on with her…I have no details whatsoever. We do not communicate at all.

I am stupidly happy with my BF and am seeing another guy who is really great and cares a lot for me. I’m very lucky to have two wonderful men who take care of me, friends who support me and my kids who love me.

I will never go back to my husband and I regret all the years I wasted on someone like him who was never interested in being a proper partner to me. My life is so much better with him out of the picture. He told me that I was just an unhappy person who would never be content. But the truth was, he is a narcissist and I did everything I could…which would never be enough.

[danthomfrank]

Do you think the shitty experience as a CQ has led you to these opposite experiences as a cake and hotwife as a way to regain your power and confidence?

Previously you said the whole CQ role felt natural and you couldn't imagine not being in it. I suppose now the question is, could you envision yourself going back to it?

I stopped being a CQ the instant I fucked my very first guy in the LS over two years ago. I felt the change immediately. I still could get off to it as a kink but it was no longer a fetish…it no longer drove me, it was entirely optional and something I could call upon if desired.

I will never go back to it full time. But it’s possible, I’ll dabble in it with my BF just as I’m currently his Hot Wife.

[danthomfrank]

Your ex and his fiancé? But not ex as in your husband? Have they been mentioned before?

It said (LS) ex

Yes he was called Clint and was blogged about approximately two years ago.

[danthomfrank]

Coy! What are the most opposite roles to a CQ (ok, cuckcake obviously, but what’s the other) and what was your experience with them?

Cuckcake….my (LS) ex and his fiancée came over to practice their handfasting commitment ceremony for which I am the officiant. After lunch and practice, we got in the hot tub and she started dropping hints that she “likes to watch” (there were a whole lot of obvious things said)…so we put on a show. It was very fun and the first time I’ve been watched like that…she really enjoyed it and I loved getting to try out a new role.

Hotwife/Vixen…as you can imagine, I had to then report this activity to my BF (I’ve been exclusive to him since we started dating over a year ago)…after he got over his shock, we discovered that he handled the news the way I would have (CQ) and now we’re enjoying a whole new dynamic in our relationship.

There’s a shit ton more detail to all of it, but that’s the short version. It’s been amazing and we are stronger than ever.

[danthomfrank]

Is your husband still seeing that wretched witch of a woman Snow?

I honestly don’t know. I have cut him out of my life. At first, he was over here every day acting like everything was normal and we continued to fight daily. It was stressful and wasn’t doing anything that a separation is supposed to do.

So then he wanted to “win me back” and so we went on some dates (planned and paid for by me) so again, nothing changed. He told me he wasn’t communicating with her and had no intention to….I caught him (again) communicating with her. That was the last straw. I knew then that there was no future for us.

When I got upset about finding this out (yet again) he said, “who are you to tell me I can’t see her?” And I replied, “I’m not. I’m saying if you can’t live without her, then you’ll have to learn to live without me. I’m telling you that you can’t see me.”

[danthomfrank]

How are you doing

Well life has been extra insane

It’s turned completely on it’s head and I’ve now gotten to explore the two most opposite roles from CQ

It’s been…unbelievable

[danthomfrank]

I am confused. You were a cuckquean and now your are not?

Just find it hard to fathom that once you would have orgasms thinking of your husband with another prettier women.

Now you DON’T?

Maybe read a bit before asking

Anyone wanna help him understand evolution