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Keni

JVL
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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art blog(derogatory)
noise dept.
styofa doing anything
trying on a metaphor

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tannertan36

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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@amiesfantasys
Aftercare is not a secret BDSM ritual.
Aftercare is paying attention to your partner and their needs after the sex is over, whatever those needs may be, after whatever type of intimacy has just taken place. Your partner will tell you what their needs are after sex, if they volunteer it, or if you ask them. Caring about your partner’s post sex needs and tending to them is something that should happen in all healthy relationships, whether they are based in BDSM, or are vanilla relationships. Aftercare is not a secret BDSM ritual.
BDSM Links And Resources
I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.
If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.
Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.
Websites:
Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.
Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.
DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.
Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.
Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.
Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.
Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.
The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.
Dating and Relationships:
10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)
Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)
Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)
How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)
Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)
So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)
The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)
Play:
Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)
Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)
How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)
Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)
Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)
Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)
Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)
Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)
Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)
Safety:
Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)
Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)
Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)
Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)
S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)
Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:
BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)
BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)
Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)
If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)
What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Sub Drop and Aftercare:
Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)
Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)
Dominance and Dominants:
A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)
Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)
An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)
Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)
Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)
Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)
How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)
What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)
What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Submission and Submissives:
10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)
A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)
Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)
Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)
Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)
Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)
Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)
What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)
Books:
BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer
Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera
Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison
Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison
Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs
Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams
Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel
Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel
Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel
Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel
Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon
SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
The Control Book by Peter Masters
The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren
The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.
The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.
The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino
This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters
Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker
Reblogging so that I never lose this
And for any additional information!!! Please…it’s important for you!! Novice…expert…Don/me or sub!!
...what is the "sex is just rock climbing" category
It was kind of a joke between me and a friend ("you wouldn't judge someone for having gone rock climbing with a bunch of different people") but honestly the more I thought about it the more I bought into it unironically because:
It is a physical activity done with one or more partners
You should only go rock climbing with people you trust to not let you fall
You should not go rock climbing with someone who is drunk or currently incapable of rational decision-making
Some people get super super super into rock climbing and do not shut up about all the places they have climbed and how many are left on their bucket list and these people are usually men between the ages of 20 and 35 and like it's fine dude I'm glad you're happy but I don't know what most of those mountains even are
While many consider it a fun activity, pressuring someone into climbing when they don't want to (or ignoring their feelings and just dangling them off a cliff,) could cause both psychological and physical trauma
There is no moral value to it whatsoever. Who you have gone rock climbing with (or whether you have rock climbed at all) has no bearing on who you are as a person. Imagine telling someone "it's not that heights make you nauseous, it's just that you haven't found the right person to belay you!" or "you need to save your first time rock climbing for someone special." That would be absurd.
historically I have not asked myself "will this aggravate my hip flexer injury" before participating when perhaps I should have 😔
Be you but remember 👆
make! your! sub! speak! positively! of! themselves! before! you! let! them! cum!
adjust language for pronoun, title, and pet name preferences as needed but things like
- “who’s my beautiful girl”
- “i am, i am”
- “you’re what?”
- “i’m your beautiful girl”
- “say it again, what are you?”
- “i’m - ah - a beautiful girl”
- “that’s right, beautiful girl. now be even prettier and cum for me.”
are everything, don’t let up on asking, repeat the phrase you want them to say often, and don’t let them cum until they’re kind to themselves. you can work as much teasing as you want into this, make them say it until they convince you they mean it, make them say all sorts of good things about themselves. the point is for your sub to associate loving themselves with the dopamine rush of their orgasm (i would not recommend doing this if you plan on ruining their orgasm, let this chemically play out all the way through for your sub), and this can be such a gift for dom’s too because you’re helping your sub see themselves the way you see them and making them more confident in themselves, especially as a creature of beauty, pleasure, and desire - not to mention the wonderful bonding opportunity this all can be for you both
tl;dr: take the praise kink to the next level by pulling an uno reverse card and making ur sub praise themselves
10 things a submissive needs but won’t say out loud
1. Please touch us
Cuddle us, spoon us, grab the small of our backs. Kiss our foreheads and make us feel small. We crave your hands all over us. We love them no matter where they happen to land—be that on our asses or up our skirts.
Just. Touch. Us. It reminds us that we’re yours.
2. Take pride in us
Relish in the fact that we’re yours—that we belong to you and no one else. Smile when we enter the room because you know we’re walking toward you. It lets us know you care. It makes us want to be better for you.
3. Let us cry
When we are sad or angry, or pissed the hell off. When we drink too much…especially when we drink too much, let us cry our eyes out. Let us be messes, with mascara running down our cheeks and pints of ice cream in our hands. Let us be okay with not being okay once in a while. This one requires no action from you, just that you be okay with it when it happens.
4. Forgive
Despite how hard we try, we will make mistakes. We will fuck things up, say things wrong, do things crazy, and when that happens we need you to forgive us. We’re not talking immediate forgiveness, or that a price won’t often be paid for it, but forgiveness that comes eventually. We need to know that the slate has been wiped clean, all trespasses have been forgiven…and when it happens, don’t forget to let us know. See number 5.
5. Communicate…. often!
We need this.. If we don’t discuss something, it will fester in our brains forever, eventually driving us crazy. A three minute conversation could ease hours of worry for us once an uneasy feeling sets in. If that can be prevented with a few sentences, please take the time to speak them. Honestly, like two seconds of your time could stop our heads from exploding….and you don’t want to clean up that mess, do you?
6. We want you to make us feel pretty
Not that you don’t make us feel super sexy pretty darn often, but once in a while, it’s good to actually hear. Tell us our ass looks great in our yoga pants, that our hair looks especially shiny today. Tell us you like our new boots. Notice something small and compliment us about it, and our hearts will swell for days. Compliments let us know what it’s like to look through your eyes. Those are glimpses of the world we don’t often get to see.
7. It’s the little things
Some of these are sounding cliche, but are just so fucking true. Sure, your big gestures of grandeur are admired, but it is often the small things that get our cheeks turning red. Leave a note on the mirror in the morning telling us to have a great day. Sit next to us during a movie you have no desire to see. Take the dog out in the morning so we can sleep in for an extra 10 minutes, remember what ice cream we prefer to eat when we cry. If you do these things, we’re yours for life.
8. Remember things
Speaking of little things, try to remember them. Things like how we take our coffee and the name of that bitchy girl who sits next to us at work. Remember anything. Three weeks from now, bust out some silly story we told you over dinner one evening in great detail. Remember something we’d never expect you to store into your internal drive. Remember our first concert together, and our best friend from kindergarten’s name. The more obscure the better.
9. Deal with us
When we’re singing in the car. When we drink too much wine. When we completely melt down. Deal with our pasts, and when we don’t feel pretty. Deal with our stretch marks and insecurities, our early bedtimes and exhaustion. Deal with our mood, and how we load the dishwasher the wrong way. These things silently tell us that you’ll be by our sides regardless of how nerdy, silly or utterly hopeless we can get.
Finally, the most important thing we need from you that we’ll never say out loud:
10. Be the most stable thing in our lives
Be stronger than us. Be the one person in our world that won’t turn on us or walk away. When life becomes scary and confusing, and we just need something solid to hold onto, please be our anchor. It’s because of you that our awful days are easier to get through. Don’t be perfect. Just be there. It’s the only real requirement on this list.
Credits go to a now deactivated blog
Just to clarify
In BDSM there are three separate forms of power exchange. In no particular order:
Sadism & Masochism
Topping & Bottoming
Domination & Submission
Sadism & Masochism is the exchange of power through pain. Spanking, flogging, whipping, caning, CBT, nipple torture, even rough sex. Like feeling a little pain with your pleasure? You’re a masochist. Does making someone hurt bring you pleasure? You’re a sadist. Can you be both? Absolutely. I think most of us are, in subtle ways. (My Domme pointed out it was rather sadistic of me to tease my dog with a treat to make him do cute tricks.)
Topping & Bottoming is the exchange of power through sex. One of you is in control of the situation, whether it’s just for this roll in the hay, or every single time with your partner. That person is topping. The passive, or controlled one is bottoming. So if it’s being held down or tied up during sex, or begging for an orgasm, or edging someone until they cry… that is sexual power exchange. Can you be a top and a bottom? Oh, yes, you can. You can even do it in the same romp, if that’s what works for you and your partner.
Domination & Submission is the exchange of power through emotions and intimacy. D/s (the shorthand for this) is about rules, structure, discipline, and protocol. And that can be as intense as a 24/7 Master/slave relationship, or as simple as calling your husband ‘Sir’ or ‘Daddy’ because he said so. In between is a WORLD of amazing ways to exchange power mentally.
Rules are set in place with a purpose -not just because they’re sexy. Rules are things like: Check in via text when you leave work (so I know you’re on the road and shouldn’t text). Send a photo of your outfit every morning (so I can see how beautiful you look today, and compliment you). Work out four times a week (because I want to help you stay healthy).
Protocols are similar, they are standards of behavior, such as the way you talk to and address your partner, hand them a drink, carry yourself when others are around, or present yourself to them in varying situations. Protocols are brilliant for reinforcing the D/s dynamic. Broadly speaking, you’re not often reminded of protocols unless you misstep. So something as simple as remembering to stand to your girlfriend’s left and wait quietly if she’s talking to someone at a party can reinforce your submission to her.
Discipline is about reinforcing the dynamic and enforcing rules and protocols. Mistakes are made, rules forgotten. We’re all human. That is when discipline comes in. The transgression is addressed, punishment handed out, and then the slate is wiped clean. Add in some affection after the fact and you’ve just reinforced everything you are working towards together. The intimacy required for this is pretty damn intense, and it’s important to know each other well before diving in.
Structure is key in a D/s dynamic, because without consistency, it can all fall apart. Rules that aren’t enforced are unlikely to be followed. A Dom who allows his sub to get away with everything isn’t likely to keep the respect he has earned. And respect and reverence are part and parcel of the whole kneeling thing. Likewise, a submissive who is constantly fighting the rules she agreed to isn’t respecting the dynamic, and isn’t doing her part to make it work. D/s is a lot of work for both partners, and isn’t something to be jumped into too quickly or taken lightly.
—–
Now, to review, you can mix and match the forms of power exchange however suits you and your partner(s). And it is often different from one partner to the next. Some people fit the classic roles of Dom/Top/Sadist and Sub/Bottom/Masochist. Some people switch between sadism and masochism, while always remaining a Dom and top. Some people switch between topping and bottoming. Do you see the point I’m getting at here?
You can be any combination of those six roles in any given relationship, and that includes NOT being one of them, even when, traditionally, the others may apply.
Wanting to be in control in the bedroom does NOT automatically make you a Dom. (Say it again for the fuckboys in the back.)
Enjoying rough sex and spanking does NOT automatically make you a sub.
And you can very well be a Dom who doesn’t physically punish his sub or enjoy rough sex. And you can easily be a submissive who does not get spanked.
The definition of these terms is much broader than my summary, and will differ from person to person. Don’t pigeonhole yourself by feeling you need to adhere to a stereotypical definition of any of these terms or roles.
And if you feel I missed something, and it’s possible I did, as this is based entirely on my reading and experiences in my local community, let’s talk about it.
So very well-written. Well done @mussedandmanhandled @instructor144 @the-faculty @dominantlife @toodomforyou. An excellent reference (IMHO) for you guys who regularly dole out sage advice.
All of this. ^^^ Yes.
Things to make your sub feel owned.
Have her wear slave bells. The constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of her submission.
When she has broken a rule, talk to her as you punish and make her speak in detail about why what she did was wrong.
If your submissive does not respond to a command ask her first “Are you fighting me?” Check she has understood what is being asked, re-explain and the give her the full command again.
Make her take her take her clothes off every day as soon as she enters your house, apart from a collar: If she is not wearing make her kneel for you to fasten it .
Dress her when it suits you, or leave her instructions on what she is to wear.
A beautiful, special collar will make any slave joyous. Take the time to select the right one, and have her wear it as often as possible.
Give her anklets and tell her she must wear one of them every day, no excuses.
Whenever possible, have her kneel before you and ask to accompany you upon the furniture.
Choose her hairstyle and go with her to get it cut to your specifications.
Whenever possible, have her display herself whenever you come into the room — legs spread, shirt unbuttoned. No matter what position you take, she is to be sure your view is unobstructed
When around the kids or vanilla friends/family, make sure she has an alternative title for you besides Master, such as “my love” etc.
Use her sexually in a rough, selfish way when you feel like it, interrupting whatever she was doing.
Choose a food that she dislikes and have her eat a small portion every day for a week.
Hand feed her from time to time
Have her crawl to bed each night.
Forbid her to touch herself when you are out of town
Choose her clothing each day.
Have her get your daily wardrobe ready for you the night before.
After punishment, have her kiss your boots and thank you for loving her enough to correct her.
Have her bring a warm towel and wash and massage Your feet each day after work.
Get her tattooed (Your choice of art and location).
Get her pierced (or preferably if You are trained, do it Yourself).
Get her branded.
Respect, but push her limits.
Ask her each night what she did that day that You would not have approved of. This gets her in the habit of being completely honest, and also makes her conscious of the things she could do better each day.
Teach her exactly how You want her to kneel, and demand perfection.
Reward her by allowing her to please You sexually.
Supervise her workout routine.
Each night she is to kneel next to the bed asking permission to sleep with her Master, and each night she does, she is to kneel by the bed in the morning and thank her Master for the privilege.
.Have her polish Your boots weekly, on her knees at Your feet.
Negotiate until you are both comfortable with the terms and then sign a contract.
Pin the contract on you wall where she can see it
Give her a writing assignment: “The definition of Pain – 1000 words”
Have her keep a diary of her journey into submission
Instruct her that she may never get herself something to eat or drink in Your presence without first asking You if You want something.
Some evenings, keep her on a leash and take her with You no matter what You do….even if You do not speak to her or include her in Your activities.
Forbid her to speak or look at you for several days and simply have her obey.
When appropriate, she is to speak when spoken to.
Reward her by giving her delicious pleasure.
On occasion, share her, even if it is not sexually and in the form of servitude.
When it suits You, instruct her not to make eye contact with You without Your command.
Have her keep her body clean shaven at all times or else send her for waxing to suit your preferences.
Conduct random inspections of her body to make sure she keeps herself to Your specifications.
Make her wear a butt-plug under her clothes whenever she goes out alone.
Have her keep a butt plug in at occasions, during sleep, or when you punish or use her.
Train her to sleep with her legs spread
Master the art of the meaningful piercing stare.
Give her reading assignments.
Test her on the reading assignments, to make sure she learned the appropriate lessons from each.
Have her write a Diary to reflect on lessons she has learned.
Have her write a blog on her submissive journey
Instruct her to keep her toenails painted perfectly everyday, and check to see that they are before bed
Make it her responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment, and to keep them clean and neat.
Reward her by letting her name her favorite scene, toys, etc.
Call her your slut, your pet, toy etc
Have her make a list of the 10 things that make her the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.
work with her, having her do the things on the list, so that she conquers those fears and hesitations.
Sometimes, pamper her — wash her body and hair, having her remain perfectly still as you turn her and move her about.
Hand feed her like a small child on occasion.
Have her eat from a dog bowl on occasion.
For transgressions: make her wear a sign to the next public function naming her crime.
Praise her dedication when she has pleased you well.
Instruct her that she is never to touch your body without permission.
Have her write a meditation about her submission, devotion and trust in you, to be said aloud each night before falling asleep.
For transgressions: deny her play.
For transgressions ignore her aide from using her, do not pet her, or talk to her, and forbid her to speak, move or touch you.
For Transgressions forbid her privileges i.e. food she likes, eating at the table, sitting on furniture, listening to music, watching television, use of phone/internet.
In the same ilk, For transgressions: deny her orgasm. Give her sex, but she can’t cum.
. For transgressions: Command that she is to be silent for a week.She may not speak, and will take whatever pain or pleasure you give as silently as possible.
Treat her like a pet in front of friends, making her present herself, turn herself, sit etc.
Give her a writing assignment: “The definition of Obedience – 1000 words”
Have her wear nipple clamps all day.
Tell her one morning that she must cum for you 15 times that day, and then write about the day.
Have her wear a butt plug under her clothing out to dinner.
On your birthday, let her receive your spankings.
Spend time training her how to move to please You.
For transgressions: stand her in the corner like a 3 year old.
Always flog her after completion of a task, even if it was satisfactory. A well flogged slave is a happy slave.
Speak about her as if she were not present.
For serious transgressions: deny her any D/s at all for a week, letting her do just as she pleases, not allowing her to serve you in any way, no punishment, no instruction, no play, banning titles of respect, etc. This will shame her and certainly make her strive to please you when it is over and she is in her place again.
Defend her honor to those who would disrespect your prized possession.
Pet her often.
Ban her from using the word “no” in ordinary conversation and have her say “I would prefer not”, or “I do not think so”.
Fondle, pinch, grope, slap your submissive at random times when you are preoccupied, out somewhere or passing on a staircase, simply because she is yours and you can.
Modify her body – have her pump her lips daily (both sets!) to keep them plump, keep her corseted under clothes in public.
Make her be webmaster for your site
Whenever possible, have her sleep in a cage.
Buy her sexy or slutty clothes to your liking.
Teach her things, expand her knowledge, in a patient daddy way.
When you are apart, call her and have her masturbate for you.. If you choose to play with others, make sure your slave knows who is first in your heart and that some things are just for her.
Lead her with a loving fist in her hair.
Wake her each morning with an assigned task for the day and make sure it is done by day’s end.
Have her clean keep the house sparkling with her body naked, her legs spread, or on her hands and knees where possible.
Teach her patience.
Videotape your play sessions and watch them together.
Have her place her regular wear shoes in a line by the front door. They should be in a straight line with the laces tucked inside. Inspect them periodically.
Have her kiss the hand/crop/whip that spanks her.
Keep a list of her transgressions in a little book. Let her slip for a while thinking you are not noticing. Then one day, bring out the book and have a day of atonement.
Have her be perfectly still and quiet while you bring her extreme pleasure. When she moves or makes a sound punish her then return to the pleasure.
Keep her locked in her collar when you are home. Wear the key to the lock around your neck.
When possible, have her cook and serve your dinner wearing nothing but a collar.
Buy her a digital camera and give her assignments to take pictures of herself for you in certain outfits or positions, etc.
Don’t be afraid to bring her to tears, for they are yours as well.
Take her and the dog to the park, both on leashes.
Have her fall asleep between your legs, licking your cock and balls, and tell her you expect her to be there when you awake.
Occasionally, fulfill her fantasy.
Keep her nails so long that she cannot touch herself
Master’s word is the last word.
Be consistent.
Take the time to talk to her, learn her fears, her dreams and fantasies. Use your knowledge.
Specify exactly how she will address you in private and in public.
If you are willing to correct her each time she forgets until it is a habit, have her refer to herself as “this slave”
Sometimes do not command her simply force her. Use force to hold her down or put her in the pose you want.
Give her a slave mantra … and ask her the same question with same answers every day to reinforce her understanding of her role and your expectation.
Repeat to her the facts/conditions of your contract and have her repeat them back to you. I.e. “You are my submissive, and I am your Master… I own…I am.., you are…. you will
Fuck her anywhere,This will show her you take what you want. You love her hole and what she’s offering . It doesn’t always have to be in the bedroom or on the couch. If she’s bent over in the laundry room, why not?
Make her asshole a fuck hole,Take her anally. It shows you want her body to be of your use, any hole and every hole. You’re physically telling her that body is yours, for your pleasure, and that what she has to offer is to be your fuck toy.
Cum on her face,Show her where you want to place your cum. she’s there to take your offering and she will love it. Many females will find this humiliating–her face is what she shows the world, and to have it in front of you serving as little more than a deposit will make her feel used. she will also have mixed feelings when she realizes how wet it makes her.
Objectify her,Measure her body parts, treat her like furniture and move her around like she’s a doll. she is your object.
Masturbate into her holes,Either with your hand and the tip into the hole or just mentally keeping in mind that you are using this hole to get yourself off. Again, she will feel used for your purpose, and she will love this treatment.
Ok i don’t know where any of this is originally from, if you do please let me know and i will credit. This may be two separate documents the last 5 or 6 points were in a diff font in my email.
POSTING THIS AGAIN!!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!!!
US Helplines:
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(Source)
ALWAYS REBLOG WHEN YOU SEE SOMETHING LIKE THIS PLEASE; ITS SO MUCH MORE THAN IMPORTANT TO PEOPLE. IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO SOMEBODY AND EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT NOT SEE THIS IN THE SAME LIGHT, SOMEONE MIGHT. INFACT YOU REBLOGGING THIS COULD STOP SOMEONE TAKING THEIR LIFE TONIGHT.
I noticed there isn’t one here for Ireland, so
Irish free suicide helpline: 01-116 123
last time i reblogged this, i got this ask:
so please, please reblog. this could actually save a life.
I know this isn’t my usual thing to post- but please know I am ALWAYS here to talk. Just send me a ask and we will figure out a way to talk. If you include in the ask not to post it I won’t.
On Ignoring a Submissive as a Punishment
Imagine for a minute that a child has taken a cup of milk, and intentionally upended it on the carpet in front of his parent. Which of the following is most likely to correct the behavior from happening again in the future.
A. Immediately applying discipline both verbal and consequencial.
B. Walking away and ignoring the child.
B is what a Dom(me) is doing EVERY TIME they step back or remove themselves in reaction to a submissive breaking a rule, or misbehaving. How does one think they are correcting behavior by doing nothing?
This is the reason it makes no sense to punish someone by ignoring them. Beyond this reason, much has already been said about how damaging it is to the submisssive.
Ignoring your submissive, is ignoring your responsibility.
🛑
JerseyDaddy🌹
You deserve a partner who checks whether you’re comfortable. You deserve a partner who will respect your boundaries. You deserve a partner who will be cautious if you do not know what your boundaries are.
A major part of many kinky dynamics is a focus on discipline. While “discipline” can be a fun part of your everyday activities, it can also mean something more specific in terms of punishment. “Punishment” differs from the general sense of discipline in that it has a specific goal to focus on that changes a submissive’s behaviour.
Many people engage in what can be called “funishment,”–punishment-type activities, like regular spankings or other forms of play, that are not meant to alter the behaviour of the submissive but rather to provide enjoyment to either/both/all parties. However, it is important to distinguish the difference between playful discipline and serious punishments. Punishments are consequences of negative actions, whether this is based on officially-written regulations or unspoken general behaviours like brattiness, defiance, or dangerous behaviours.
The idea of punishment is based largely on psychological research in the area of behaviourism. It consists of techniques that are supported by science to effectively alter the behaviour of an individual. (If you want to learn more about the research behind punishments, look up B. F. Skinner’s work in this area.)
Two types of punishments exist: positive punishments, which add undesired consequences to the behaviour, and negative punishments, which take away desired privileges.
Now, before I get into some specific ideas for punishments, there are some important key points I’d like to make. Please be sure to read all of these before deciding on a specific punishment.
Punishments do NOT negate the right to a safeword. Some people are mislead into dangerous situations by being told they cannot safeword during a punishment. This is completely untrue. All parties have a right to safeword at any time during any kind of play or punishment. Taking away the right to safeword equates to abuse, plain and simple. Don’t ever tell your partner they cannot safeword or ignore their safeword for the sake of punishment. This is not effective and is extremely harmful to your partner’s mental and/or physical well-being.
NEVER punish out of anger. Anger is never a healthy motivation for punishment. Punishments are meant for the submissive’s benefit, at the core. If the submissive’s behaviour has made the Dominant angry, they should have a cooling-off period where they can calm down, think about an appropriate punishment, and resolve the matter at a later time, after healthy discussion about what happened.
Limits are NOT to be used as punishments. Many people have activities they don’t particularly enjoy that aren’t on their limits list. Some people have specific ideas for punishments that suit them best. However, regardless of you or your partner’s experience with punishments, it needs to be understood that hard limits are not punishments. Hard limits are never to be used for punishment’s sake because “hard limit” means “I do not want to do this under any circumstance.” Using a hard limit as a punishment would be an abusive act, as hard limits come with an automatic safeword attached, since they are specificly stated as things the person does not feel comfortable with. Never, ever, threaten or use hard limits to punish a submissive.
Use healthy discretion. This one should seem obvious, but don’t follow through with punishments if rule-breaking was out of the submissive’s control. Say the submissive has a 11PM bedtime, but they recently suffered a trauma or loss and can’t sleep. Let them engage in healthy coping skills instead of punishing them for something they aren’t doing on purpose. Above all else, make safety and well-being a priority.
Make the punishment fit the crime. Punishments that are relative to the defiance are much more effective at changing the behaviour than random punishments. For example, if the submissive cums without permission, try a punishment from the “orgasm control” section. This will better reinforce the reasoning in the submissive and more effectively guide them to make better choices in the future. There are also punishments that work best for specific dynamics like for littles or pets, so be sure to read into those, below.
Aftercare is absolutely required. Like any kind of play, aftercare is required at the end of the scene. This is especially important during punishments because often times, the submissive is consumed with feelings of guilt and disappointment. After a punishment, Dominants need to give their submissives aftercare that includes a conversation about why they were punished, how proud the Dominant is for them taking the punishment so well, and that there are no negative feelings between them. The submissive should leave the punishment scene feeling forgiven for their mistakes and proud of themselves for making things right with their Dominant. Do not leave your submissive alone after a punishment without aftercare, ever! This is highly abusive and can seriously harm your partner.
Humiliation
A great way to get a submissive to stay in line is to humiliate them when they’ve done something wrong. There are several ways to go about this, depending on your dynamic and kinks, but it’s an effective and amusing way to get the message across.
Clothing Restriction
Clothing restriction can be done both domestically and in public. Restriction can be as much as not allowing any clothing (in legal or private settings), ordering a certain amount of skin be showing, or choosing a specific outfit or collar for the submissive. For shy submissives, clothing restriction can be intense. This is an especially good punishment for submissives who have said negative comments about their bodies.
Diapering
For ABDL or little submissives, this can either be a reward or a punishment. Depending on the comfort level with diapers, they can be used as a punishment that ties into humiliation. Making them relieve themselves in only the diaper for a set amount of time or wearing it around the house as their only clothing can be very humiliating for some people.
Sissification
Sissification is a kink that is most common in submissive men. It’s the act of dolling a man up like a girl and humiliating him based on his presentation as such. This can be very effective for some people but can be very problematic to others. Be careful not to use this kink as punishment with trans or gender non-conforming subs without their explicit consent, as it can very easily trigger dysphoria and cause severe emotional problems.
Public Humiliation
Public humiliation can be done in any subtle way that embarrasses a submissive without breaking any obvious laws. Some examples include making them wear an anal plug or remote-controlled vibrator to dinner, public leashing, or making them kneel at social gatherings. Work this idea into the submissive’s specific kinks and limits to be sure it’s just enough to embarrass them, without making them unbearably uncomfortable.
Orgasm Control
Orgasm control is simply that–controlling the submissive’s orgasms. Most of these types of punishments are used for submissives who break rules about orgasms, be it without permission or when they were told not to touch themselves. Controlling orgasms is an amusing way to teach the submissive who their orgasms belong to.
Edging
Edging is the act of getting your partner right to the edge of orgasm, then denying them release. This can be done multiple times, even in short amounts of time. It’s a little psychological torture, best for those who cum without permission.
Toy Restriction
For a submissive, like myself, who is accustomed to using toys during masturbation or play, toy restriction is a very effective punishment. This is especially good for submissives who have a difficult time reaching orgasm without toys, as it makes things very frustrating very quickly. An evil punishment may even combine toy restrictions with a quota of orgasms for the day that they must reach in order to get off restriction. Desperation will sink in very quickly and this lesson will be easily learned.
Forced Orgasms
Forced orgasm is another great punishment for submissives who cum without permission. It turns a great sensation into a torturous experience very quickly. This is especially great with toys like the Hitachi or a Sybian. Focus on a goal–either for number of orgasms, or a specific amount of time. An hour spent riding a Hitachi can really be the most agonizing thing for some people due to heightened sensitivity after each orgasm.
Denial
Denial is the complete opposite of forced orgasms. It’s like edging, but there is no orgasm at the end of the scene. This can be doing while using toys and not allowing the person to orgasm or it can be done by restriction orgasms or even touching oneself for a longer period of time.
Chastity
Chastity, much like denial, is the refusal of orgasms. However, with chastity, the submissive is completely unable to touch themselves, even if they wanted to. Devices for people with penises and vaginas are available to purchase online to assure your submissive is following orders properly.
Domestic Discipline
Domestic discipline includes things that can be done within the home. Some of these include behaviour modifications or restrictions. While some of these can be done outside the home, these are good examples of things for couples who live together can do for punishments.
Chores
Chores not only benefit the entire household, but they can also be an effective punishment for unruly subs. Added chores can be especially fun if you make her clean the bathroom with a toothbrush or make him do dishes with nipple clamps on. Combine with other punishments for your amusement!
Furniture Restriction
Especially fun for people into pet-play, furniture restriction involves limiting where the submissive can sit or lie down. Require that they sit on the ground instead of the couches or sleep on the floor next to the bed if they’ve been defiant.
Caging
Another good one for pets, especially. Caging can be used to make the submissive reflect on their reasons for being punished. Be sure to use a cage small enough to confine them, but still large enough so they aren’t going to hurt themselves by spending too much time in the cage.
Bedtime
A great one for littles! Bedtimes are good for college students who don’t do their homework, or easily distracted adults with work to do. Set up rules that require all obligations get done and enforce an early bedtime to be sure they are well-rested (and easily frustrated) when they don’t follow these rules.
Time-Out
Another punishment for reflection. Time-outs are good for brats and littles because it makes them analyze what they did wrong. Put them in a corner or a special “time-out chair” so they know they are being punished. Increase the time or add in other punishments if they break rules more than once.
Sensory Deprivation
Sensory deprivation is a lot like time-out, but can be used for added psychological torment. Plug the submissive’s ears or use headphones, blindfold them, bind them to a bed or chair, and completely ignore them for a set about of time. This desensitizes them and not only makes them reflect on their reasons for punishment, but makes it very uncomfortable, assuring they won’t want to end up in isolation again.
Objectification
Objectification is fun for Dominants who like their submissives in service to them during punishment. Make them kneel and become your footstool or coffee table while you watch TV or catch up on work. This is even better when you make them do it completely naked and/or in front of guests.
Dietary Restriction
If a submissive has done something against the rules, you can make them follow a strict diet. This is especially useful for those using behaviour modification to lose or gain weight. However, be careful to ensure the submissive is still getting enough nutrition. For littles, see how much they want to be a brat after you take away their dessert privilege. For pets, try making them eat out of a bowl on the floor for each meal.
Speech Restriction
For disrespectful submissives, punish them by taking away their right to a personal pronoun, making them refer to themselves as “this girl,” “Your slut,” “Master’s puppy boy,” or anything else you want to use. You can also make it a rule that they must refer to you by your Dominant title at all times, even in public. Having to remember their restrictions on speech will keep them thinking about their punishment all day.
Corporal Punishment
Corporal punishment is enforcement by physical contact. These types of punishments involve pain, which is a tricky subject for punishing. Typically, pain punishments don’t work as well to change behaviour, especially if the submissive is also a masochist. Be sure to carefully choose what kind of pain if you’re going with one of these methods.
Impact
If your submissive likes thuddy pain, use stingy pain. If they like stingy pain, use thuddy. Push their limits carefully, but make it clear this is a punishment and not for fun. Have them apologize as you strike them. Tell them why they are being punished and make it clear that they are to be good and learn from their mistakes.
Rice Kneeling
Kneeling on uncooked rice is an age-old technique that leaves painful marks. Be careful with time, as this can scar if done for long periods of time or used constantly. Be present during this to be sure the submissive can take it and listen carefully for safewords. Use this as a time out or have them recite an apology to you as you do this.
Figging
Figging is done by carving a plug out of ginger and inserting into the anus. This causes a stinging pain that ranges in intensity depending on the person. Frozen ginger is a milder form of this punishment.
Writing Assignments
Writing assignments are usually meant to bore a submissive into obedience. Whether it’s writing lines or a random homework assignment, the punishment focuses on making it undesirable for the submissive to misbehave.
Lines
Writing lines is effective if you use it reflectively. For example, for a submissive who is disrespectful, you can have him write, “I will always be polite around my Sir,” a hundred times. For a submissive who cums without permission, you can order, “I will ask permission from Mistress before I cum,” until they fill up five pages. What’s even more fun is making them be stuffed with a toy or on their knees with nipple clamps on while they write.
Apology Letter
An apology letter is a simple task meant to make the submissive think about what they have done, analyze why it was wrong, and have them apologize formally by writing it down. Have them read their letter to you our loud or crumple it up and put in their their underwear for that added perk of remembering all day that they were punished.
Essay
An essay is a good assignment for submissives who don’t seem to understand their rules. Make them come up with reasons as to why these rules are in place and write a formal essay about the reasoning and purpose of these rules. Making them analyze the fact that this is for their benefit will remind them that rules are not just there to be mean, but to guide them to healthier behaviour.
Homework
Especially fun for people with school girl or teacher fantasies, assign a random homework assignment. Ever wonder about a certain subject but never have time to actually research it? Assign a paper to your submissive about a subject of your choosing and have them report back to you–because knowledge is power! Grade their paper and reward/punish again as necessary for the quality of their work.
It’s important to remember that reinforcements are also important in addition to punishments. When your submissive follows directions, reward them. Give them a treat or praise them and thank them for being so good. If you mix positive reinforcement with punishments when necessary, they’re sure to be trained in no time!
xx SF
All of the "Pro-lifers" that are celebrating right now I sincerely hope you or your daughters never have a Miscarriage that they cannot naturally pass, because a D&C is an abortion.
I hope you don't have a ectopic pregnancy, because the procedure that will save your life is an abortion.
I hope you don't have a still born baby that your body can't naturally pass because that induction is an abortion.
I hope you are never in a place where carrying a baby full term would mean your death (as mine would, my doctor looked me in the eyes and told me if I get pregnant again I WILL NOT MAKE IT, and fuck you all because my kids need a mom more than they need a sibling.)
I hope you don't find out your baby has a condition that will mean being alive for how ever long will cause them excruciating pain, that you don't have to birth your baby and watch them die a horrific, painful death in your arms.
I hope you aren't raped and forced to carry that baby to term no matter the detriment to your mental/physical health.
I hope you aren't forced to give birth to your abusers child, giving you no way out of the relationship.
I hope your 10 year old is never assaulted and have to carry a baby to term that will almost definitely will kill her.
I hope that you don't go to jail when they investigate your miscarriage and determine that something you did made it YOUR FAULT.
I hope you realize you and your daughters will die from laws you created.
I hope you realize the consequences of your actions because you may have to suffer through them.