Hello, been a little while since we talked. I figured it's a good time to check in and let everyone know how things currently stand.
First things first, I'm still here and still writing. I am not, however, writing anything for ACOTAR at the moment. All of my ongoing fics are still on hiatus and will remain that way until I can look at them without being reminded of the drama that led to them being put on hiatus in the first place.
Will I ever pick them back up again? Maybe. I certainly hope so. I don't like leaving things unfinished, especially when I know for a fact there are a lot of people in this fandom who still enjoy my work and are completely divorced from the drama and all those associated with it.
I'm going to be really honest with you, I'm still upset. Tempers may have cooled, and most of the parties involved maybe have moved on as if nothing happened, but I am very much still disgusted with how everything went down.
Let me clear, a friend of mine was driven entirely out of a fandom she loved because one person in particular decided to swing their weight around. She did nothing wrong. As far as I'm concerned, she has never done anything wrong. She has always been kind to others in this fandom. Always encouraged and promoted others and their work regardless of their popularity or knowing if they'd reciprocate or not. She has always only been here because she loves the same books and characters we all do and wanted to create for them to show her appreciation. Her only sin was being friends with me and reblogging a fanfiction opinion I shared. If that's enough to harass and drive a person out of a fandom then I don't think it should be a surprise as to why I wouldn't want to continue writing and creating for it.
Hopefully someday I'll be able to come back and finish my stories. I want to. I really do. But I've also learned by this point that this fandom is, at best, not a kind or welcoming place. And, unfortunately, it's difficult to enjoy writing things in an environment that feels, at best, unwelcome and, at worst, actively hostile.
But who knows, maybe I'll drop a chapter or drabble out of nowhere when you least expect it. I certainly hope for that outcome. But, for now, not much has changed.
Sorry you’re having to deal with some very immature behaviour from people. I float on the edge of the fandom but some of the behaviour even from this place is insane.
Thanks Anon, I appreciate it. 🫂
Sadly, if my time in this fandom for the last couple years has taught me anything it's that there are a lot of people who didn't evolve past the High School Mean Girls stage of life and we unfortunately still have to share the space with them. Which, fine, that's what the block button is for.
Honestly, I just wish they used it themselves. You don't like my opinions on something? Block me. This is supposed to be a fun space and if what you're seeing isn't fun for you, then block the people you don't like and move on. Don't make an alt account to harass someone in their inbox under the safety of Anon. Nor should your friends be doing that for you (because you were blocked...yes, I have a very good idea of who is leaving those asks...). At that point, you're not just disagreeing with someone over petty fanfiction opinions anymore.
Show the proof then, if you want to expose people so badly
Ah, yes, I was wondering when I’d start getting these.
Normally I’d just delete this but I want to make something clear to you and everyone else: screenshotting every single interaction you have with everyone in a fandom just so you can have it on hand to hold over their head and win petty fandom arguments and drama is not how adults behave.
Which, unfortunately for you, Anon, means I won't be making a 'proper' call out post. I won't be naming and shaming all of the people who have hurt me. I know exactly why you're doing this. I'm not an idiot. You're hoping I'll publicly call you out so you can send your friends and followers my way and drive me off this platform completely. You're hoping I'll delete my account and all of my fanfiction and art so you can gloat in the aftermath about how justified you are in 'driving out the rot'.
Am I getting warmer?
Putting aside how truly psychotic that behavior is, I blocked you (it is you isn't it?) and your friends for a reason. I stopped interacting with you. I muted your names so I didn't have to see you and your posts constantly reblogged onto my feed even after I'd blocked you. I didn’t spend all day every day making lengthy call out posts with names and receipts because, and this might surprise you, I have no desire to get involved in any more of that bullshit.
The only reason I had made that particular post at all is because I saw the way my friend was being treated and nearly a year of frustration finally boiled over. I can endure this sort of abuse for myself. I will sit and take it quietly. I will try to play peacemaker. But I won’t just sit around and watch as my friends endure the same.
If this disappoints you that I don’t want to stand around posting a year’s worth of ‘receipts’ to argue with you about my personal experience in this fandom then too bad. Perhaps you should instead wonder about why it is that you’re on Anon in my asks saying these things and I’m not doing the same in yours.
I never really thought I would have to make another one of these after the last time but here we are.
So, to start, I will be going on hiatus (again). When will I return? Can’t really say. I’m frankly in a very terrible mood right now so it could be a month, it could be forever. Going by how things turned out last time though, it’ll likely be sometime in the summer.
Why am I going on hiatus again, you ask? That’s a complicated question and unfortunately my answer is also complicated. But, in essence, fandom drama.
(If you want to avoid reading about fandom drama, you’re welcome to stop here. I will not judge you.)
I have been rather vague and mum on the details of why I left briefly back at the end of last year. Truthfully, I’ll probably continue to be so for the most part, only because I have no desire to watch this fandom implode any more than it already does on what seems to be a weekly basis. But I’m at a point now where I feel I can elaborate a little on what happened to me (without bursting into tears) and why it nearly drove me out of this fandom for good.
For starters, I’m sure it will surprise some of you to learn I’ve actually been in the ACOTAR fandom for a long time. While I was never directly involved in a lot of the goings on, I read the books back in 2017 and hovered around the periphery of what was then a small fandom for years. But then in the end of 2023, I finally stopped lurking and started dipping my toe more fully into things. I made some fanart. I wrote my first ACOTAR fic. Much to my shock, I was welcomed with open arms.
Everyone was very nice and supportive during this time. I made a lot of new friends. I wrote more than I had written in years. I thought, perhaps, I had finally found the one positive fandom space that wouldn’t turn toxic like so many others have.
I truly wish that had been the case.
I’m not going to name names, but just know that there was someone in this fandom I looked up to who I very abruptly realized was not the person I thought they were. Things got ugly after that. For the next several months I experienced the kind of toxicity and, quite frankly, high school Mean Girls behavior I hadn’t experienced since…well, high school (and let me tell you, high school was a very long time ago for me).
Eventually the bullying got to the point where my mental health was in shambles. Every time I came into this fandom space I was immediately stressed out. A place that had once been a fun refuge had turned into an environment where I felt like if I did or said anything I would, at best, find my DMs flooded with anger and vitriol. As a grown ass adult fast approaching middle age, I did not need that kind of toxic bullshit in my life. I have enough stressors in my life without adding petty fandom drama into the mix.
So, eventually, I did what I’d been telling myself I needed to do for months: I left that environment and blocked the people responsible for putting me through all of this. On one hand, my stress levels went mostly back to normal almost immediately. Clearly, this place had not been good for me and removing myself from it had indeed been the right decision. But on the other hand…
Almost overnight, many of my fandom friends abandoned me. Even though my exit had been rather quiet, word still got around. It became very clear after less than a week that I was persona non grata. People I had thought were my friends quietly blocked or unfollowed me. Others remained my mutuals but stopped interacting entirely for fear of bringing the ire of my bullies down on themselves.
I won’t lie, that hurt.
But I pushed forward. I finished some fandom commitments I had made before all of this started. I forced myself to write again. I continued to receive some support (both quiet and public) from the few people who had stuck by me through all of this and to those people, I truly appreciate you. I doubt I ever would have gotten through any of this if I didn’t have a few friends to lean on while I pulled myself back together.
Slowly, things improved. It never returned to the way things were before, of course (I was very much still on several people’s shit list), but I managed to claw back some semblance of normalcy and enjoyment in this fandom. I started writing again. I made plans with friends. Things were going…well. Not perfect, but better.
And then history began to repeat itself. Not to me this time, but to a friend.
And, while I had been sad and upset when this stuff had happened to me, I was livid when I saw it happening to my friend. I’m willing to stomach a lot of abuse. I will, quite frankly, put up with a lot before I finally give up and call it quits. It’s why I lingered in that toxic fandom space far longer than I should have. However, that very much is not the case when I see it happening to others. Especially my friends. If you are a dick to my friends I will roll up my sleeves and fight you in a Denny’s parking lot. I do not put up with that shit.
So I spoke up for the first time since all of this started. I finally decided to just call out this behavior instead of playing nice and letting everyone pretend everything was fine. And what happens? My friend is punished for it. I feel like I really shouldn’t need to explain why this pisses me off.
I’m sure I will lose more friends and followers over this. It seems like I already have just for standing by my friend. That’s fine. It stings, sure, but I’ve been through this before now. I know how it goes.
I’m fully aware of how people behave in this fandom now. I don’t even necessarily blame most of them. Most people are here to have fun. They don’t want to get dragged into petty fandom bullshit. They keep the shipping wars at arm’s length. They try to keep their heads down when in-fighting breaks out. They do their best to never get on the bad side of a BNF. The last thing they want is to publicly (and even privately) stick their necks out for whoever is on the outs with the powers that be, lest they risk bringing their ire down upon themselves. Trust me, I get it. It still stings, but I get it.
That’s not me though. I can’t just stand by and ignore a friend when they’re shunned and ostracized. Especially when she was one of the few people who stuck by me when I went through the same thing.
So yeah, I’m angry. I’m upset. You likely won’t be seeing fics from me for a while because, frankly, I’m just not in the mood to write anything for a fandom that has treated both myself and my friend so poorly. Maybe things will change in the coming weeks and months. Maybe they won’t. I just know that I’m done trying to pretend nothing is wrong.
Anyway, If you want to reach me, I’ll continue to be active on my main blog @sajirah, though keep in mind many of those posts are queued. So if you see me reblogging random fanart there an hour from now, that’s because most of those are all things I queued up months ago. As for this blog though, I’m pausing all activity on it for the foreseeable future.
➸ “This is a sentence with a dialogue tag at the end,” she said.
➸ “This,” he said, “is a sentence split by a dialogue tag.”
➸ “This is a sentence,” she said. “This is a new sentence. New sentences are capitalized.”
➸ “This is a sentence followed by an action.” He stood. “They are separate sentences because he did not speak by standing.”
➸ She said, “Use a comma to introduce dialogue. The quote is capitalized when the dialogue tag is at the beginning.”
➸ “Use a comma when a dialogue tag follows a quote,” he said.
“Unless there is a question mark?” she asked.
“Or an exclamation point!” he answered. “The dialogue tag still remains uncapitalized because it’s not truly the end of the sentence.”
➸ “Periods and commas should be inside closing quotations.”
➸ “Hey!” she shouted, “Sometimes exclamation points are inside quotations.”
However, if it’s not dialogue exclamation points can also be “outside”!
➸ “Does this apply to question marks too?” he asked.
If it’s not dialogue, can question marks be “outside”? (Yes, they can.)
➸ “This applies to dashes too. Inside quotations dashes typically express—“
“Interruption” — but there are situations dashes may be outside.
➸ “You’ll notice that exclamation marks, question marks, and dashes do not have a comma after them. Ellipses don’t have a comma after them either…” she said.
➸ “My teacher said, ‘Use single quotation marks when quoting within dialogue.’”
➸ “Use paragraph breaks to indicate a new speaker,” he said.
“The readers will know it’s someone else speaking.”
➸ “If it’s the same speaker but different paragraph, keep the closing quotation off.
“This shows it’s the same character continuing to speak.”
Alright! Sorry for being so absent today! I was building a tool so you can all check your own names on demand.
I am asking that you not talk about it on Hugging Face. I'm sure word will get there eventually, but I'd like to avoid them accessing this as much as possible. Feel absolutely free to spread around Tumblr.
AO3 search tool is here! Use page 1 to search scraped fics by username. Use page 2 to search by work ID (which you'll need to do if you're looking for an anonymous work).
Or you can use this version, which is strongly recommended if you've published more than about 20 fics on the username you're searching.
If you're unsure which to use:
The first link is better if your entire username is a common word. For example, if you're username is just "bread" then you probably can't search yourself in the second link. The first version is way slower, so I recommend trying the second link first and using the first link as a backup option if the second fails.
The first link contains a page to search by work ID. This is good if you have an anonymous or orphaned fic, since that's not going to appear by searching your username.
The second link is better if you have a LOT of fics. It will give you a count of fics so you don't have to add them up. It will show the top 2,000 work results found.
If you have more than 2,000 published works, first off, I am jealous of your motivation. But second, that won't display right on the public version of the tools. You can send an ask or DM to have me do a custom search for you if you have more than 2,000 total works under 1 username.
You can also ask or DM if your entire username is a common word, because you're likely to get drowned out of the search results in that case. Try the tool first, but if it returns a lot of author results for your search, and YOUR name isn't in the results, ask me! There's a decent chance you're in there, but one of the tool's weak points is searching extremely common words.
In case this post breaches containment: this is a tool that only has access to the work IDs, titles, author names, chapter counts, and hit counts of the scraped fics for this most recent scrape discovered in April 2025. There is no other work data in this tool. This never had the content of your works loaded to it, only info to help you check if your works were scraped. If you need additional metadata, I can search my offline copy for you if you share a work ID number and tell me what data you're looking for. I will never search the full work text for anyone, but I can check things like word counts and tags.
Please come yell if the tool stops working, and I'll fix as fast as I can. Version 1 is slow as hell, but it does load eventually. Give it up to 10 minutes, and if it seems down after that, please alert me via ask! Anons are on if you're shy. Version 2 typically loads results within 1 minute and handles most users well.
On mobile, enable screen rotation and turn your phone sideways. It's a litttttle easier to use like that. It works better if you can use desktop.
Some FAQs below the cut:
"What do I need to do now?": At this time, the main place where this dataset was shared is disabled. As far as I'm aware, you don't need to do anything, but I'll update if I hear otherwise. If you're worried about getting scraped again, locking your fics to users only is NOT a guarantee, but it's a little extra protection. There are methods that can protect you more, but those will come at a cost of hiding your works from more potential readers as well.
"I don't want to know!": This tool is 100% optional. If you don't want to know, simply don't click the link. You are totally welcome to block me if it makes you feel more comfortable.
"Can I see the exact content they scraped?": Nope, not through me. I don't have the time to vet every single person to make sure they are who they say they are, and I don't want to risk giving a scraped copy of your fic to anyone else. If you really want to see this, you can find the info out there still and look it up yourself, but I can't be the one to do it for you.
"Are locked fics safe?": Not safe, but so far, it appears that locked fics were scraped less often than public fics. The only fics I haven't seen scraped as of right now are fics in unrevealed collections, which even logged-in users can't view without permission from the owner.
"My work wasn't a fic. It was an image/video/podfic.": You're safe! All the scrape got was stuff like the tags you used and your title and author name. The work content itself is a blank gap.
"It's slow.": Unfortunately, a 13 million row data dashboard is always going to be on the slow side. I think I've done everything I can to speed it up, but it may still take up to 10 minutes to load. It's faster if you can use desktop, but it should work on your phone too.
"My fic isn't there.": If it was published after March 15th, 2025, that was likely after all of the scraping took place. Otherwise, from what I can tell so far, the scraper's code just... wasn't very good, so most likely, your fic was missed by random chance. I am continuing to look for methods to reduce the chances of a work getting scraped anyway, and I will share on this blog if/when I find something that works.
Thanks to everyone who helped with the cost to host the tool! I appreciate you so so so much. As of this edit, I've received more donations than what I paid to make this tool so you do NOT need to keep sending money. (But I super appreciate everyone who did help fund this! I just wanna make sure we all know it's all paid for now.)
(Made some quick edits to the post on 04-May-2025 to update information a bit!)
I feel like we need to have a discussion in this fandom about gatekeeping.
Specifically, gatekeeping fanfiction tropes and widely used premises. I’ll be blunt. This is a problem I’ve noticed for a while now in this fandom. This idea that if one person writes a particular trope or premise or commonly used prompt that they have ‘laid claim’ to it and no one else is allowed to write for it.
I’m going to say this as kindly and coherently as I can: You do not own tropes. I do not own tropes. Imagine how ridiculous and boring it would be if only one author was allowed to write ‘seduced by a rake’ historical romance novels. Do you have any idea how many of those books exist in the world right now? Would you rather there be less? Would you prefer if only one AO3 writer wrote enemies-to-lovers fic and you never saw it anywhere else? No. Of course not.
Need I remind you all that this is fanfiction. By its very nature, you are recycling characters and settings that do not belong to you. It would be the height of hypocrisy to use someone else’s characters and tropes to create your story while shunning and belittling those who are doing the exact same thing.
It legitimately pains me that I even need to say any of this. Gatekeeping fanfiction like this is bad. Full-stop. It’s what kills fandoms and fanfiction communities. I’ve been around long enough to see it happen in other fandoms. If people are afraid of writing what they want to write because someone else wrote the same vague premise once then they’re just not going to write anything. In fact, they’ll likely move onto a different fandom that is more open and welcoming. I’ve seen that happen too. To people in this very fandom even.
Remember, this isn’t a competition. You are not a published author trying to protect an IP that pays your bills. You’re writing slash fanfic at 3 am for funsies. Let’s all strive for the Two Cakes rule. We all want more cake. Don’t let someone tell you you’re not allowed to make cake just because they think the world isn’t big enough for more cake.
In which I write random Feysand drabbles instead of working on my other WIPs.
Fandom: A Court of Thorns and Roses
Pairing: Feyre/Rhysand
Rating: Teen
Triggers: Kidnapping
Chapters: Masterlist
Length: 218 words
Read on AO3 or below the cut
[Just a head's up, this drabble is a crossover between my fics Across The Universe and Come Away O Human Child.]
He finds a world where she is suffering.
She is still human in this world, his Feyre. But…different. Changed. Tainted by blood and death and magic in nearly the same ways he is.
Because of him.
His other self.
He watches her from the darkness, endlessly wandering the halls of the Moonstone Palace, searching for a door she cannot see—a way out she will never find. It takes less than a thought to reveal himself to her. A shadow on the wall. A whisper on the wind.
“Come,” he says, whisper-soft into her ear. “I can take you home.”
She is fearful. His other self has not been kind to her. Has not cherished her the way she was meant to be cherished.
“Who are you?”
“I know the way,” he says instead, not answering her question. He offers her a hand from the shadows. “I will give you what he cannot.”
She does not trust him. Of course she doesn’t. But she is desperate. And tired. And so very, very lonely. And there is still that spark of hope in her heart. That tiny voice in her head whispering ‘What if?’.
A voice he fans into a roaring flame.
She takes his hand.
And he pulls her into his world. Back home. Where she belongs.
Enjoy this fic? Looking for another like it? Try reading the Feysand fics that inspired it: Across The Universe and Come Away O Human Child.
Or, alternatively, check out my ACOTAR Fic Masterlists.
Thanks for reading! 💜
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Tag List: (If you would like to be added/removed to/from this or future tag lists for this fic please let me know 🙂)
Your party is in peril, summons gone, allies falling fast. You hesitate, hand hovering over the last name on your list—the summon you swore never to use. After a long breath, you let it loose. The air cracks. Reality bends. You just hope you won’t regret this later.
