The Next Adventure (Jane, Danny & Wendy}
Truly all the goodbye threads
WENDY:
Wendy couldn’t pull her eyes away from her brothers. Drinking in every second of their presence, sure she had the photos that she would look at all the time but that would never make up for the time she would lose with them.
Even now she didn’t want to let go of Michael’s hand because she was holding onto him like she was the younger sister.
She didn’t want to say goodbye, she didn’t want the day to end, though the setting sun was telling her their time was running short anyway.
But she looked at Jane and Danny, one of them needed to start. Wendy couldn’t say goodbye, not yet she needed as much time as possible.
MICHAEL:
He couldn’t believe it was really time. It was a bit like when he was a kid, y’know, and you’d been waiting for a trip to the beach for so long that each and every day went excruciatingly slow, and then suddenly all at once– it was here, the day. Not that Michael had looked forward to Elfhame. But maybe, through his will alone, through his blessing, he’d slowed down time enough to enjoy almost all of summer. And now here it was, all blistering and sunset, summer almost all done. And it was time to go.
It was so surreal. It couldn’t be true. But there was the gate, and here was his family. Everyone looked so somber - so nervous. Michael felt that worry in his own heart too.
But Michael didn’t wanna be just another frowning face. And so he was the first to smile gently, giving Wendy’s hand a squeeze as he let it go so he could turn to everyone else.
“Well, looks like the train’s here,” Michael joked, not really sure what else to say. “So ah– well–” his eyes circled round. “I guess we ought to go, sooner rather than later. Right, John?”
John nodded, but didn’t say anything.
Michael nodded, firmer. “Okay then. Well–” and he spread his arms wide. “Let’s get the hugs in then, hm? Janey, you first,” he teased Jane and went straight for her.
JANE:
Jane didn’t say anything. She just hugged Michael, meeting him halfway. She wrapped her arms around his torso and squeezed him tight. She was glad that her face was basically in the square of his chest, because she didn’t want him to see her cry.
Jane was not a teary person. Her sadness usually solidified in her chest and hardened into anger, or some other easier emotion.
But now she couldn’t think of anyone to be angry at, except for herself, and she was too old and too tired and had lost too much to feel that.
So sadness it was. She let it.
Michael, though, was smiling. He was making jokes, like he was just about to go on some big press tour or off to another race. He was trying to make them all feel better, one last parting gift. And Jane did her best to accept it. She knew what it was like, after all; she’d just never been as good at making people feel better as Michael.
She pulled away, looking up at him and did her best to smile too. Michael wasn’t the little boy she remembered, following her and John around the park. He was going to be alright. Jane knew it. She had to believe it, at least.
“You’ll be a marvelous king. Prince. Whatever it is,” said Jane. She gave him a pat on the shoulder.
MICHAEL:
Michael smiled right back.
He wasn’t really sure if he believed Jane. He didn’t know what being a king, or prince, or whatever it was, really entailed. He was going to a foreign land with customs and traditions and a culture he knew nothing about. Mostly, he was going to spend a lot of time asking questions and feeling a fool, he was certain.
But then, he’d always admired Jane for her confidence and determination. Right now, he believed that maybe she’d be right. No– she was going to be right. Because Jane wouldn’t just say somethin’ like that to say it, y’know? That wasn’t the way that she was.
He’d think about this moment then, later, when he needed to feel a little of that confidence and determination. That’s what Jane could give him.
“Thanks,” he said. “I’m gonna do my best, that’s for sure. And hey– you have fun out there, eh? Exploring the world. Take care of Wendy,” he said, in a quieter voice, though his smile didn’t falter.
Then, after one last hug, he pulled away and turned to… ah.
Danny.
His smile faltered here, if only because he felt that he was failing his cousin, in some ways. Leaving him behind. But then, Dan was lucky to be escaping all this, wasn’t he?
“Hey, mate,” he said, trying to keep his voice light. “You ah– excited for your trip? You’re gonna have to take lots of pictures and send me drawings and all kinds of things like that.”
DANNY:Unlike many other times when Danny stood around his family, watching them cry or fight or plot, he didn’t feel…out of place this time. He didn’t feel like he was intruding on something that wasn’t his. This was his family and this was his life. It was magical, not because of the fae, but because his family was brilliant and wonderful and unique. For so long, he had wanted so desperately to be a part of it, only to get to Swynlake and realize that he already was.
That was what made it hard to say goodbye. He had defined himself by these relationships. He was a Darling, before he was anything else. But who was Danny Darling without Wendy Darling? Without John Darling? Jane Darling? Michael Darling?
He didn’t know anymore. That person didn’t exist.
That Danny was going to have to be created. Woven from new strands. Not without John and Michael but in their absence, at least. He didn’t want to have to change without John and Michael, but that wasn’t a choice when you loved someone.
Despite this newfound sense of belonging, Danny still watched everything quietly, uncertain about how to feel. He was angry and sad and nervous. And he certainly wasn’t good at goodbyes. He’d never, really, had to say them. His father had died far away. Jane had left. Wendy was kidnapped before Danny was born. John had vanished before Danny even really knew him.
Look at Michael now, his face was already a blur with Danny’s tears. He felt like a little kid, suddenly so young and small, even though he and Michael were basically the same height. Michael was taking all of this on the cuff and Danny just wanted to cry.
All he could do was nod. And wish he was braver. The kind of brave that let you say goodbye without blubbering and making the person who left feel bad.
Stepping forwards, he wrapped his arms around Michael, squeezing him tight. Danny had never really thought about what it might be like to have a brother, he was used to the solitude, even with a sister, but now–he thought he kind of knew what it was like and he didn’t want to let it go.
Eventually, he forced himself to sniffle and step back. “We’ll take care of each other,” he finally managed. “You take care of each other too. And–and we’ll see each other soon.”
JOHN:
John was of two minds: make this evening last a lifetime, or rip it off, and disappear.
The funny thing was John had gotten used to good-byes. George was always off on this or that business trip. He’d lost Wendy when he was eight. And he’d sent Michael away as soon as he could, turning their relationship into one of phone tag and texts and constant good-byes as Michael skipped from one timezone to the next. At some point, he’d grown rather numb to good-byes then. Good-byes were just part of life’s punctuation, as if to say, well, onto the next thing.
But here he was, standing, gritting his teeth, feeling insanely guilty and on the verge of tears himself. The good-byes he’d yet to say burned inside him. He did not want to. It felt easier to simply say he was sorry instead.
But no one wanted to hear John’s apologies, least of all John himself.
He stepped forward then, putting a hand on Michael’s shoulder briefly when he pulled away from his younger cousin. John met Danny’s eyes as well, and felt shy, and regretful, knowing that he’d never gotten to know Danny as well as he should’ve. In a way, he felt like he was being very selfish, like Danny needed Michael more, and yet here John was, exercising his big brother rights.
“We will,” he agreed. “And um– I– I do promise… that I’ll take good care of him. And I’ll write often, all about the Fenlands, and how things are going. Maybe– maybe you could even use some of it for your art. If you wanted,” he said to Danny.
DANNY:Danny’s eyes flicked to John—half hidden behind his shirt sleeve as he wiped at his cheeks, feeling silly and young, looking at his older cousin. Who was still a mystery to him, but who also felt the most like him in some ways. Quiet and scholarly.
He nodded at John, his eyes welling up with tears again, but he pushed them down and away with a swallow.
“Yeah,” Danny said. “Hey, maybe one day we can even co-publish. The first Elfhame-English picture book.”
It was a joke, more than anything, he figured his cousins would be too busy and too important to waste time on something like that. But, if that was the case, Danny would just do it for the both of them.
He smiled, and then, before he lost his courage, he stepped up and hugged John briefly. Just one tight, quick squeeze before letting him go and stepping back.
JOHN:
It was a joke, but it was a very kind and sweet one. When John laughed lightly, it was not because the idea was ridiculous, but because he liked it very much. He never thought himself very creative, really. His talents were all in the esoteric realm of critical theory– very silly and embarrassing in the grand scheme of things, because nothing John ever wrote would touch someone the way that a comic or picturebook could. He had long envied his cousin for his skill in art because of that.
And so it was a wonderful thing to think, that maybe, with a little help from his family, John might actually make something worth reading– just for fun.
“I’d like that, eh? I’ll need something to work on over there,” said John, his voice still light, but he could hope that this joke might become something more– a dream, perhaps. A dream that could come true.
Then he stepped away from his youngest cousin and his eyes found Jane. Ah, Jane. His gaze softened. He had no idea what to say to her. He was going to miss his first mate so much.
“Well,” he said. “Off to see the world then, are we?”
JANE:
Jane had been dreading this moment
The whole thing, really, but this specific moment the most of it all. She looked up at John and she didn't know what to tell him.
It was John she’d known the best in the end, yeah? No use sugarcoating it. Wendy had been a stranger, not even her real cousin till recently. Michael and Danny too young. But John? John was barely a year older than her. She clung to him when they were younger, since they both preferred their books to people, both wanted to stomp in the yard and play pretend every summer.
The whole reason she'd come to Swynlake was because John had been here first. It had started with Jane and John.
And it was ending, here, with them.
These past five years they'd learned to be friends, not just cousins. They'd learned to live with each other's infuriating habits. They bickered about tea. They fought over bigger things, too, but usually about tea. Jane lost him once. She tore through everything to bring him back. And here he was, stepping back into Elfhame, away from her. Well, away from everyone, but also her.
“It'll be a grand adventure,” she said, trying to keep things light. But her voice wobbled, and even though she told herself she was going to be strong about this and she was going to keep it together for Danny and for Michael and for Wendy, for everyone who needed her to be the brave, stalwart, and resilient Jane Darling, she felt something n the back of her throat crack. She felt something in her eye. She felt her heart pinch and squeeze, and then she surged forward and gave John a hug.
It was quick, but tight, and she squeezed him around the middle.
“If you ever need us,” she said. “We’ll come. Don't be a stubborn prick and not ask for help, okay? If I find out from Michael that you're trying to do something big and impossible all alone, I'll come right back to the Fenlands and whack you.” And then in a small voice, she added, “Remember, you’re not alone.”
JOHN:
This was one goodbye John just did not want to give. Much like Ting-Ting– John just could not bear it.
But he had to. And as they looked at each other for just a second or so of silence, John almost broke too. He wouldn’t have cried. He would have apologized pathetically and then asked Jane to come along too, like he almost had with Ting-Ting, though this ask would be for a completely different reason. It was because of all those past adventures. It was because of their romps through the park. It was because of Captain John and Captain Jane. It was because of their makeshift forts in the Darlings’ nursery, made out of pillows and spare cardboard boxes. It was because of their silly labeled tea system they’d created when they’d lived together. It was because of Napoleon, the dog.
It won’t be the same without you. There’s no one else I want to explore this new world with more than you.
He couldn’t say this because he had a feeling if he did, Jane might actually come with him. And that wasn’t fair. They’d had enough adventures, just the two of them. It was time to board different ships.
And then Jane smacked into him, squeezing him tight– squeezing all those words right out of his chest so he didn’t have to say them at all. John was grateful. He put his arms around her and squeezed her back, nodded short and tight to her demand.
Then the hug was over, everything left unsaid, but that was better.
“Don’t worry. It’s going to be very boring, I think. I’m going to be sorting through old records and helping Michael work out some maths when it comes to tariffs and things like that,” said John, mouth twitching. “It’s all the tedium of helping a kingdom and none of the fun. Promise. I’d not dare have any of that without you.”
And now there was only one good-bye left, the hardest good-bye of all, a good-bye so great and heavy that John wanted to turn all the way around and walk into the gate, pretend that he didn’t have to do it at all.
But Michael’s hand touched John’s shoulder, and that was right– he wasn’t doing this alone, just like Jane said.
The two Darling boys turned to their elder sister.
“Hey, Wendy,” Michael said softly. “Looks like it’s almost time to go.”
WENDY:
Wendy had never said a lot of goodbyes, her life with her brothers had been moments of passing one another. Michael and John as they left Elfhame the first time, John into the Mara tree as she was tossed out. She had never said a proper goodbye to her family.
She didn’t want to start now.
And yet as they both looked down at her she wanted to protect them one last time, and she could, but she had to be brave. Reaching out Wendy set a hand on both their cheeks, her thumb running gently against their skin.
So many words she wanted to say, and despite her wanting to be brave she didn’t know how to find those words. Michael, her sweetest baby brother, grown in what felt like an instant, and he would continue to, becoming a great ruler of a place that did not deserve him. He would excel as he always did and Wendy would miss out on it once again.
John, her headstrong little brother, stubborn and smart, the glue that would hold and support Michael, and in turn draw strength from him. Wendy had always known how smart he was, but even now she could see it in volumes in his eyes.
They would be fine.
So she smiled at them, she smiled with all the pride and love she had for them, because her heart, though broken in ways that couldn’t heal easily, was so full of love for her brothers.
“Take care of one another.” Wendy whispered her voice betraying her as it wobbled. “We’ll see each other again, and until then I want to hear all your stories, no matter how small or how boring you might think they are. I’ll come running if you ever need me to.” Wendy added pulling them in for a hug as tight as she could, hiding her tears into their chest.
“I love you John, I love you Teddy.”
THE DARLING BOYS:
John and Michael embraced their sister, and it felt like a happy ending, for just one moment– like this was the place where the story should end.
But it wasn’t going to. The hug would end and John and Michael would have to wave goodbye, and the Darlings were once again going to be separated. For how long this time? Both brothers wondered this. Would it be a year, or would it be ten years? Would the Fenlands be so kind to the brothers that when they finally stepped back through this door and find Wendy much, much older than them, happily married, with children of her own?
It would not be so bad, if that was what might happen. Perhaps there was not a happily ever after for all three of them, but John and Michael were in agreement that Wendy deserved one. A happily ever after for Wendy Darling – it was a story that they’d both read over and over.
They did pull away, after a moment. Tears ran down both of their cheeks. John cupped Wendy’s face briefly. “Enjoy it all,” said John. “Everything they took from you.”
And Michael leaned forward and kissed Wendy’s cheek. “You’re going to be wonderful, Wendy. I’ll miss you lots and lots.”
“We’ll write all the time,” John reassured for what was probably the umpteenth time, but if you repeat things enough, they become spells, brimming with magic– capable of achieving impossible things.
“We will! And oh, take care of Mum,” said Michael. “Make sure ol’ George gets out some, touches some grass.”
John laughed wetly. “Yes, give them our love. Tell Nana hi.”
“Oh! And when you go to Italy–” Michael assumed his sister would make it to Italy “--make sure to visit Maranello! There’s the best pasta place in the world– I told you about it, remember?”
John chuckled again and his hand rested on Michael’s shoulder. “We should let you get started,” John said. “We’ve all got a train to catch.”
And with that, the brothers did step toward the gate that beckoned them into the next world. Before each stepped through though, they looked back over their shoulder at their family. Michael lifted a hand in another wave.
“Be seeing you,” said Michael. He grinned. He winked, along with the first stars beginning to wake up here in the twilight.. “To be continued.”
"I often look for books that are like medicine, that fit my situation and my thoughts, and I read them over and over again until the pages are tattered, underlining everything, and still the book will have something to give me. Books never tire of me. And in time they present a solution, quietly waiting until I am fully healed. That’s one of the nicest things about books."
I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki, Baek Sehee
John reached forward and clasped Wendy's hands again.
"Of course it is. Of course. Wendy, this is not the end."
It might feel like that in so many ways, but John was a scholar of narrative form and he knew otherwise. This story was not over. It was beginning again in so many ways, for all of them. Michael would have to help support Alice. John would support Michael. And all the while, in the background, John would be doing what he did best. He would be reading, and looking for the hidden meaning, a secret back door that would let them all come home.
He believed there was a way, even if he couldn't find it now. Just give him time. He'd find it.
"We'll meet again. We'll-- find another way. Maybe not this year. Maybe not next. But we'll write to each other, and we'll never give up, and we will see each other again."
Wendy closed her eyes at his words. She could see their future so clearly, as if fate always had a plan. That this is where they were always supposed to end up.
Time meant nothing when you were aiming for a future. They would be together again. One way or another.
A few years from now.
They would be. The story of the Darlings was always circular, they would intersect again.
So she looked at John with that same determination.
"One day. In the distant or not so distant future. We will be."
Wendy nodded, she knew that. She knew how dangerous it would be with the unrest. With lands fighting to claim what fraction of power it could. She was sure Nimble would be doing that, after all hadn't this been part of his plan too. Why he had made them play that game.
Wendy couldn't go back.
She couldn't visit.
"I know. But I need to know that's in our future." The lives of the fae were much longer so maybe it wouldn't be claimed in their life time but- Wendy would hope.
John reached forward and clasped Wendy's hands again.
"Of course it is. Of course. Wendy, this is not the end."
It might feel like that in so many ways, but John was a scholar of narrative form and he knew otherwise. This story was not over. It was beginning again in so many ways, for all of them. Michael would have to help support Alice. John would support Michael. And all the while, in the background, John would be doing what he did best. He would be reading, and looking for the hidden meaning, a secret back door that would let them all come home.
He believed there was a way, even if he couldn't find it now. Just give him time. He'd find it.
"We'll meet again. We'll-- find another way. Maybe not this year. Maybe not next. But we'll write to each other, and we'll never give up, and we will see each other again."
Wendy couldn't lose them forever again. Not when she had so little time. Didn't they deserve that. To be together, to see each other.
Taking a deep breath at John's determination she nodded. She didn't want them to lose contact with this world. It was so easy to when you were in Elfhame. And really she didn't want to go back.
"If I do- you two must let me visit. I will write you two all the letters of this world, pictures and stories but I need to see you two."
Visiting Elfhame was no easy task. Especially without Thistle there to help guide them.
But then again-- they were the Darlings. Their lives had always been a little impossible, touched by some kind of invisible, enchanted hand. And whether they liked it or not, Wendy had been touched by that hand when she was just a girl. She'd grown up in that world-- sometimes, he thought of his sister as half-fae herself. More fae than human. He regretted that. But it was part of her.
So John nodded. "Of course. When you can-- but-- we'll have to be careful, at first," he said. "There's going to be a lot of unrest, Wendy. It won't be safe to come until the High Court is... claimed. You know that, right?"
Wendy blinked at his brother, she didn't want to, but that didn't mean she felt like she could abandon them. Maybe they would be able to leave. They could move around like she had never been able to.
But to send them off.
It felt worse then being trapped there.
"And leave you two there? That feels selfish. We've barely had any time all together. I can't just never see you two again."
"Not never. Never, never," John said-- and finally his lip twitched into something close to a smile, even if the word play was not enough to erase this. Not even close.
He was not happy at all, but at the same time, a path had started to clear now. A path for himself and a path for Michael and a path for Wendy. This path would let him protect both his siblings, and pay back all the love and care they'd given him his entire life-- Wendy's sacrifice, Michael's devotion.
He reached forward and grasped Wendy's hand. He squeezed it. "Wendy, we will meet again. But what is the point of all three of us being there? You already gave yourself for Michael once. He won't want you to do it again. We can write letters." It was a meager proposal, but then again-- "You can write us stories about this world and keep us connected to it that way. You were always so wonderful at telling us stories."
Wendy wished she could solve this for John, for Michael, but they had been doing that for decades now. Taking control of the situation, forcing it into one direction or another.
Her hand fell from John's head to his cheek as if she could stop any tears from falling.
"So we can go with him. I know Elfhame, I know the Fenlands." She would go, despite the fact she would hate every moment of it. She spent too much of her life in that world.
John reached up and he grasped his sister's hand in his own.
That couldn't happen either.
Not Wendy, at least. She had spent an entire life here. To return now when she was finally and truly free for the first time-- it would be more tragic and unfair than Michael's fate. Michael he knew would agree with him too.
"Wendy, you can't. You've just escaped," he murmured to her, mouth twisting in a frown. "You don't have to come back here. I-- I can help Michael."
Wendy reached out, resting her hand on John's head. There were things that could potentially be done. Figure out a way to get divorced. Abandon the Fenlands.
But- That would just invite the Fae again and again to this world.
It would leave the Fenlands vulnerable and just because the Queen was dead two lands were taken over, the Darlings here would be in a worse position here.
Wendy wasn't sure what to do.
"I don't know John. I don't know. All we can do is keep marching forward."
He could not imagine his brilliant baby brother here-- trapped in a world of swamps and moss and drizzly mornings. His golden brother belonged in open, blue skies. His flat in Monaco. His place in Maranello. He should be worshipped, not as a king or a prince regent, but as a champion and an athlete. Applauded every weekend -- praised on Twitter and Instagram.
The Fenlands were so far from the life he'd coveted for his brother. (Nevermind that Michael hadn't exactly asked for it.)
Finally, John let his hands drop and he looked at Wendy, his eyes watery and each line on his face carved deep. "If there's no way...he can't be here alone, Wendy. I can't just leave him here. I can't. I can't-- after everything." I still feel like this is all my fault.
Wendy had said as much to Thistle as he died. She hadn't contradicted them since they lay dying but it didn't feel like freedom, it didn't feel like this was the way.
It felt like everything was worse.
Sighing Wendy lifted her cup though she didn't take a drink. "It wasn't but it's where we are. And Michael will have to stay." Was that their fate. One of them always here.
John closed his eyes, pressing both his palms over his face.
This was exactly what he did not want to hear.
He did not need to hear it. He was a boy who had spent his life obsessed with fairy tales, and so he knew how they worked. During his time in the library, John had poured over tales of succession and the laws of the throne. And so he knew what Thistle's passing had done. But he couldn't accept it, not after everything, not after that lifetime he spent making sure this very thing didn't happen.
But the fairytales had told him the end before the beginning. Michael had been marked. Michael had been born with a fate.
Fate always got what it wanted.
"There has to be another way," John said, voice croaking.
The price once again was much higher then she wished they needed to pay. Thistle has said she was free and Wendy didn't correct them, but she didn't feel quite free.
The battle still hung on all of them, a weight none of them could shake off. Even in new clothes, even in new light, even with a steaming cup of tea in front of them.
Maybe it was the best of the worst. But even this was not a silver lining. How could they call it anything close? Elfhame was in chaos - Thistle was dead - and Michael would not be able to leave.
If he left, he would have to come back.
The reality of it made John so sick to his stomach his brain shut down. For a while after the battle he said nothing at all. Even now, sitting here with Wendy, he struggled to even look his sister in the face. What was brewing in his mind? Nothing. There was nothing left.
And so he sat there, the silence stretching until...
Ting-Ting liked the feeling of John’s soft breath on her skin. And she liked their kisses, where she could practically taste the laughter between them. She liked their bare skin touching, the softness of it all that just felt very familiar and cozy in a way that sex had never really felt before.
And she also liked this now.
This was not as soft. Not that it was hard, per say, but it was more intense. More focused. Which was maybe a weird thing to think when someone’s hand was down her underwear, fingers circling her clit. She was trying not to think weird things, because she was really enjoying this. She was enjoying this because she hadn’t had sex in a while, and also because she hadn’t had sex with someone she liked in even longer.
But she liked that it was John who was making her breath hitch like this. She liked that when she arched her back, it was so that her hips could be closer to him. She liked that when her eyes fluttered open, she saw him looking at her.
His eyes were so blue.
One of her hands curled around his neck, fingers splayed in his hair. The other tugged at the waistband of her underwear, wriggling it down to her thighs. She was basically naked now, and it did not even register to her to feel embarrassed, just as it did not register at her to feel sheepish or bashful when she dropped her hands to John’s hips, pulling him closer and helping shimmy off his pants.
But it was a good kind of nervous, a nervous that spilled into giddiness. He hadn't had this feeling in a long, long time, and he had forgotten about the good things about it, like the exciting swoop of his belly, and the way his skin felt hypersensitive to every touch, as if he'd become finetuned to Ting-Ting's fingers especially.
His body, too, was finetuned to her own. With every quickened breath Ting-Ting took, John felt his own lungs match her rhythm. Her hips shifted toward him and his own arousal pulsed inside the pajama bottoms. His fingers moved quicker, as his cock throbbed. He was starting to think about how it would feel to be inside her and he wanted it, and that want made him bashful too, even if there was nothing to be ashamed of.
But no-- it wasn't shame. It was just-- nervousness. He felt as though this was a place he had been walking steadily toward for many years now-- that this moment had been mapped out, he just hadn't realized it until right now.
He did not want to disappoint Ting-Ting. He'd already made her wait for longer than he ever should have.
John kissed Ting-Ting through some of this bashfulness, then assisted her with shedding his pajama bottoms. He sat back and the condom wrapper crinkled in his hand as he got it open and worked it down his length.
Return to Neverland [The Darlings + Thistle + Alice]
In which, after a series of psychological attacks on their loved ones, the Darlings, along with Thistle and Alice, formulate a plan...[takes place: early June]
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