Ontologically Evil Girlfailure

She/Her, 25 All TWs, will not bother to tag them unhappy

[amoniaxsmell]

i am convinced that if i look too long at anything reaching too high into the sky, i’ll become completely weightless and be pulled up into the atmosphere. this feeling was a lot more managable on zoloft but prior to that, i’d make friends hold my hand while i close my eyes and follow them blindly anywhere the buildings get too tall.

anyways my zoloft prescription lapsed and i live in a bigger city (by american standards) and it fucking SUCKS. i probably look like a fent addict the way i’m trying to bury my head in the ground any time i’m downtown. i think being inside the las vegas sphere would kill me outright.

[amoniaxsmell]

there was a book about blood sacrifice in my dream last night that i declined to buy because it was too expensive

feels kinda symbolic

if i can find it again, i’ll buy it this time, at any cost

[amoniaxsmell]

researching the j’bar fofi r*pe tape myth lead me down a whole rabbit hole and illuminated me on subjects that i used to be very, very interested in

i’ll try to write about it soon, tonight i’m too depressed to do anything but lay on the shower floor

[amoniaxsmell]

i’m convinced i’ve found a genuine peak horror design but i absolutely cannot discuss it in detail or show anyone i know because it’s from a creepy early internet adult film

[amoniaxsmell]

[amoniaxsmell]

i like to believe that if i lean into it, and accept & bring a great enough mental and physical suffering onto myself, that one day i’ll be practically immune to anything that could be inflicted upon me

maybe i’ll even get to become the source, instead of the sink, and someone else will worry about the possibility of me, as i have worried

[amoniaxsmell]

i get to stay an hour off the clock after work again because my fucking boss cant answer his phone

hope this place burns to the ground

[amoniaxsmell]

boss is coming in soon and im about to start some shit. rubbing my hands together like birdman just thinking about it. get fucked, millenial bastard

[amoniaxsmell]

i love festering! i love degenerating! i love getting worse! i want to shoulder more and more guilt until i can’t recognize myself as anything but a monster!

[amoniaxsmell]

explode all men. shoot all men into space. drop men into volcanos. drop all men into mel’s hole. seal all men inside the labyrinth. digitize all men and put them in the naughty server forever. dissolve or compost. burn or aerosolize

[amoniaxsmell]

a new 7/11 opened a few blocks away from me and i was excited to kick my alcoholism into 2nd gear (i could feasibly NEVER run out of beer again) but unfortunately the night employee wanted to know what genitals i had by my second visit

[amoniaxsmell]

i can barely speak or write coherently sober anymore, i’m so fuckint cooked

[amoniaxsmell]

im pretty sure nobody ever actually listened to pouya nd he botted his own listens so he could open for artists people actually wanna see nd predate on kids

[amoniaxsmell]

fuck off dude

[amoniaxsmell]

i have a 1,500 dollar credit limit and tomorrow i will buy all the butterscotch hard candy at safeway

[amoniaxsmell]

oooouuuggghh i love butterscotch hard candy

[amoniaxsmell]

dreamt a guy tried to rape me at work. i need to quit i need to quit i need to quit i need to quit i need to quit