TW: Talk of suicide
I'm sorry. I've been away for a while and ... not all of it was because I didn't have a computer. Truth is, the family have had one for a almost two months now. It's just that I've been working full time as well as part time and attending evening college courses so I'm almost never home. Which is of course the point. I am earning enough money to consider moving out in under a year but I doubt that will happen because my mom still needs the money I give her to live here. I constantly have panic attacks now and I tried to kill myself a few months ago, took a whole bunch of pills and passed out. My sister woke me up and said my lips were blue but she didn't know and I haven't told anyone. I just can't handle dealing with anything so I haven't been, I've just been working my dull, repetitive jobs, focusing on my English lit course and reading fanfics. So yeah, that's what I've been doing for the last two months during the hour or so I get online after everyone's gone to bed. I read fanfics and ignore my friends because I'm a terrible person who's too messed up and ashamed of her life to be herself amongst the people who know her, hides away because it's easier to ignore things than deal with them or bother trying to be a decent person. I understand if you hate me, and until I get a computer of my own I'm not going to be around much anyway so I'm thinking of just deleting this blog and giving up. I don't see the point in it anymore. In much of anything actually. I know it seems callous to my friends here, but I don't deserve you anyway so... Well, I only worked up the courage to post this because I was exhausted so I'm gonna go to sleep. I won't be around until at least tomorrow. I'm sorry again.
