i need redemption

padme had been avoiding a simple truth for a while now, and she was rather good at it. living with her dearest friend was a gentle reprieve from all the terrible things she’d been working through since she came back to life, and over time it was getting easier. she grieved her babies, but started to rejoice that they were alive on this planet in this time. she could go to them, meet them if she wanted. she was giving herself a lot of time to do it though -- she wasn’t going to rush into it and risk hurting herself and them in the process.

she went on daily walks throughout town -- just to observe, never to step into matters that didn’t concern her, and to slowly start to interact with people. there were a few locals she connected with, like lona, that brought her some sense of normalcy.

today, on her walk, she ventured into a part of town she never really had before, more of the merchant’s area. it reminded her of tatooine, seeing random junk parts and wares crowded around stalls. she got so wrapped up in staring that she only realized she was walking into somebody until they were already sent scrambling --

into the fountain.

and she was fucking horrified, of course, but when she finally got herself stable, kneeling in the fountain, absolutely drenched, she laughed. ❝ my apologies! ❞ she laughed to the stranger she hadn’t actually looked at yet, ❝ i thought the heat was just- just too much! ❞

she moved away from him, nodding a little. she rubbed her arm, just letting her mind catch up to where she was -- and where she should be in terms of how close she should be getting to anakin. ❝ so i... suppose i’ll see you soon, then? ❞ she asked. she assumed what he said meant they would be going their separate ways, but she could also be wrong.

Anakin nodded. “Let’s do dinner, maybe tonight if you’ve got the time. We can catch up and reset some sort of ground level. Even if it isn’t square zero.” He said. “I’ll pay, call it another apology for ending up in the fountain.” He added with a chuckle.

gizkalord

@pscentral event 04: love - platonic anakin & ahsoka saying i love you without ever saying it out loud

#^snips^#^visuals^

padme had been avoiding a simple truth for a while now, and she was rather good at it. living with her dearest friend was a gentle reprieve from all the terrible things she’d been working through since she came back to life, and over time it was getting easier. she grieved her babies, but started to rejoice that they were alive on this planet in this time. she could go to them, meet them if she wanted. she was giving herself a lot of time to do it though -- she wasn’t going to rush into it and risk hurting herself and them in the process.

she went on daily walks throughout town -- just to observe, never to step into matters that didn’t concern her, and to slowly start to interact with people. there were a few locals she connected with, like lona, that brought her some sense of normalcy.

today, on her walk, she ventured into a part of town she never really had before, more of the merchant’s area. it reminded her of tatooine, seeing random junk parts and wares crowded around stalls. she got so wrapped up in staring that she only realized she was walking into somebody until they were already sent scrambling --

into the fountain.

and she was fucking horrified, of course, but when she finally got herself stable, kneeling in the fountain, absolutely drenched, she laughed. ❝ my apologies! ❞ she laughed to the stranger she hadn’t actually looked at yet, ❝ i thought the heat was just- just too much! ❞

❝ pushing it, ❞ she mumbled very quietly in response. she wouldn’t let him get too comfortable, not a chance. but for this moment, she just didn’t have the energy to get all riled up again. she needed a second to put all her thoughts back together.

He chuckled, “noted.” He loosened his grip a little, looking down at her, “so we should probably dry off before we both catch illnesses and become absolutely insufferable for Kenobi and Al to deal with.” He said, wringing his sleeve out a little, watching as the water pooled onto the forest ground.

padme had been avoiding a simple truth for a while now, and she was rather good at it. living with her dearest friend was a gentle reprieve from all the terrible things she’d been working through since she came back to life, and over time it was getting easier. she grieved her babies, but started to rejoice that they were alive on this planet in this time. she could go to them, meet them if she wanted. she was giving herself a lot of time to do it though -- she wasn’t going to rush into it and risk hurting herself and them in the process.

she went on daily walks throughout town -- just to observe, never to step into matters that didn’t concern her, and to slowly start to interact with people. there were a few locals she connected with, like lona, that brought her some sense of normalcy.

today, on her walk, she ventured into a part of town she never really had before, more of the merchant’s area. it reminded her of tatooine, seeing random junk parts and wares crowded around stalls. she got so wrapped up in staring that she only realized she was walking into somebody until they were already sent scrambling --

into the fountain.

and she was fucking horrified, of course, but when she finally got herself stable, kneeling in the fountain, absolutely drenched, she laughed. ❝ my apologies! ❞ she laughed to the stranger she hadn’t actually looked at yet, ❝ i thought the heat was just- just too much! ❞

she paused to think about it for a moment. ❝ you may, ❞ she answered. she shivered at the slight breeze coming through that made their wet clothes feel much colder. they were right there, they were close enough to hug, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to do that yet. it was a little scary. sure, she wasn’t really afraid of anakin doing anything to her... her body remembered what happened on mustafar. it was a sort of instinct to be wary.

but she ultimately decided she wasn’t going to overthink it right now. she took a step closer and set her head against his chest, close to him for the first time in many, many years.

Anakin went stiff for a second, not expecting her to accept any form of affection immediately. Still when she leaned against him, he didn’t care that they were both sopping wet and cold, he pulled her closer and gently rested his chin on her head. “Missed you, angel.” he mumbled, testing his luck by kissing the top of her head.

There was a feeling of peace that he allowed to briefly wash over him. The storm in his signature getting a little bit further from the horizon.

padme had been avoiding a simple truth for a while now, and she was rather good at it. living with her dearest friend was a gentle reprieve from all the terrible things she’d been working through since she came back to life, and over time it was getting easier. she grieved her babies, but started to rejoice that they were alive on this planet in this time. she could go to them, meet them if she wanted. she was giving herself a lot of time to do it though -- she wasn’t going to rush into it and risk hurting herself and them in the process.

she went on daily walks throughout town -- just to observe, never to step into matters that didn’t concern her, and to slowly start to interact with people. there were a few locals she connected with, like lona, that brought her some sense of normalcy.

today, on her walk, she ventured into a part of town she never really had before, more of the merchant’s area. it reminded her of tatooine, seeing random junk parts and wares crowded around stalls. she got so wrapped up in staring that she only realized she was walking into somebody until they were already sent scrambling --

into the fountain.

and she was fucking horrified, of course, but when she finally got herself stable, kneeling in the fountain, absolutely drenched, she laughed. ❝ my apologies! ❞ she laughed to the stranger she hadn’t actually looked at yet, ❝ i thought the heat was just- just too much! ❞

his hands on her face made her shiver involuntarily. she was internally cursing herself -- she was supposed to be punishing him and making his life a living hell -- but she couldn’t help it. she missed him.

❝ i will speak to my friend, she controls the housing options here so i’ll see what she has available for the moment, ❞ she responded. she didn’t care about housing. she didn’t care.

her head tilted imperceptibly into his hand, wordlessly wishing for more contact. ❝ don’t get confused. i am still incredibly angry and disappointed in you... and i won’t stop reminding you until i feel you’ve earned reprieve. you... you thought the dark side was torture? meet your wife, your very angry, very powerful, more powerful than you in every single way, wife. ❞

“Don’t I know it,” he said as he held her slightly. “I’m sure you and I will find a way to find a new rhythm, some form of... perhaps okay? Eventually good, but for now I’ll settle for okay.” He said, gently rubbing his thumb over her cheek.

“Am I allowed to admit I’ve missed you at least?” He asked as he tried to ignore the sopping wet clothes that were starting to stick to the both of them. Stars, of all the things the force could do, it couldn’t manage something a little useful could it.

padme had been avoiding a simple truth for a while now, and she was rather good at it. living with her dearest friend was a gentle reprieve from all the terrible things she’d been working through since she came back to life, and over time it was getting easier. she grieved her babies, but started to rejoice that they were alive on this planet in this time. she could go to them, meet them if she wanted. she was giving herself a lot of time to do it though -- she wasn’t going to rush into it and risk hurting herself and them in the process.

she went on daily walks throughout town -- just to observe, never to step into matters that didn’t concern her, and to slowly start to interact with people. there were a few locals she connected with, like lona, that brought her some sense of normalcy.

today, on her walk, she ventured into a part of town she never really had before, more of the merchant’s area. it reminded her of tatooine, seeing random junk parts and wares crowded around stalls. she got so wrapped up in staring that she only realized she was walking into somebody until they were already sent scrambling --

into the fountain.

and she was fucking horrified, of course, but when she finally got herself stable, kneeling in the fountain, absolutely drenched, she laughed. ❝ my apologies! ❞ she laughed to the stranger she hadn’t actually looked at yet, ❝ i thought the heat was just- just too much! ❞

❝ you’re my husband!! there is no square one! ❞ she cried, hitting his chest once more. there was no way to pretend that they were anything other than what they truly were. their fates were tied in a knot impossible to undo. her hand rested at his chest, still clenched in a fist, but not moving from its spot on the broad base she’d spent many a night resting her head. she remembered feeling comforted, and safe, and protected. feeling loved. as surprising as it had been to some, anakin was the person she loved most. sure, obi wan matched her in nearly every way, but anakin was different in a way that padme sought out. he was different and she liked that. she liked his rebellious streak, his stupid-bordering-on-suicidal sense of danger, she liked that he was good, but not in the same way obi wan was good.

anakin and padme were opposites, but she supposed that’s what made them work. ❝ oh no... no, no, you are not going to be able to escape me. i will be your lasting punishment. not the memories, not... not any sort of lingering pain... just me. ❞ she looked up at him for a few moments, her expression softening from a hard anger to something more... pained. disappointed. tired.

❝ my love for you lasted until my final breath, and when i came back, it revived with me. so if i must drag you forward, i will. as i always have. ❞ she sniffed and absently wiped some tears off her cheek. ❝ i’m your fucking wife. you are the love of both my lives. you are the father of my children and my soulmate. i am going to make your life a living hell, and you are going to like it. ❞ and even despite all her anger, all the yelling she’d done, those words were nothing but love.

Anakin laughed at her outburst, a little comforted by all of her righteous fury he loved so much. “Alright, alright no square one. And you’re still my wife, I think that’s an improvement over how I imagined this was going to go. So far no aggressive negotiations, I count that as an improvement.” He joked. Was he coping? No... yes? maybe? He cautiously raised his hands to wipe some of her tears away, risking holding her even a little bit.

“I can live with that,” he said, smiling at here a little bit more. “Though we’re probably gonna need a new place, my apartment is a bit too small, even for me as Al will be the first to point out.” Their weekly to biweekly coffee hour was one of this three forms of socialization these days and she was always complaining about how her dorm in the temple had been bigger than his entire apartment.

#^i'd be much too frightened to tease a senator^#^otp: and it's all my fault that i'm still the one you want^

nicola-coughlan

STAR WARS APPRECIATION WEEK ↳ day four: favorite romantic relationship

padme had been avoiding a simple truth for a while now, and she was rather good at it. living with her dearest friend was a gentle reprieve from all the terrible things she’d been working through since she came back to life, and over time it was getting easier. she grieved her babies, but started to rejoice that they were alive on this planet in this time. she could go to them, meet them if she wanted. she was giving herself a lot of time to do it though -- she wasn’t going to rush into it and risk hurting herself and them in the process.

she went on daily walks throughout town -- just to observe, never to step into matters that didn’t concern her, and to slowly start to interact with people. there were a few locals she connected with, like lona, that brought her some sense of normalcy.

today, on her walk, she ventured into a part of town she never really had before, more of the merchant’s area. it reminded her of tatooine, seeing random junk parts and wares crowded around stalls. she got so wrapped up in staring that she only realized she was walking into somebody until they were already sent scrambling --

into the fountain.

and she was fucking horrified, of course, but when she finally got herself stable, kneeling in the fountain, absolutely drenched, she laughed. ❝ my apologies! ❞ she laughed to the stranger she hadn’t actually looked at yet, ❝ i thought the heat was just- just too much! ❞

❝ compassion. compassion. compassion, ❞ she whimpered, her hits getting weaker each time. she let out a little sob. ❝ the one thing i-i ever wanted to teach you. the one thing your mother wanted you to cling to. compassion. ❞

shmi skywalker was the most compassionate, gentle woman that padme had ever gotten the blessing of meeting, and it just broke her heart that anakin had fallen so far. it wasn’t fair to shmi, it wasn’t fair to padme, it wasn’t fair to anakin.

❝ qui gon jinn stood up for compassion. obi wan kenobi taught you compassion in the middle of a war, and i thought i taught you compassion too. everyone in your life, everyone surrounding you, we were all telling you the same thing, over and over, and one- one person, one creature could break all of that down into nothing? turn you against your own brother! turn you against me! against your children, your children!! our children!!! ❞

it was all so unfair. she was so terribly sad.

“You think I wanted it to end this way?” he mumbled. Nothing about this was fair to either of them, he’d been fighting through this every time he saw anyone he once knew. Stars above, he didn’t want this.

“Look, I... I can’t say anything, anything that will help you dear,” it escaped without his permission, “I can only tell you that I know, this. Everything you’ve said I know. And I give you the same option I gave Leia, and Luke, and Ahsoka. I’ll be around, and should you want to see me or something, we can figure it out. Start from an abridged square one as it were.” He said. “I don’t know how else to go forward.”

padme had been avoiding a simple truth for a while now, and she was rather good at it. living with her dearest friend was a gentle reprieve from all the terrible things she’d been working through since she came back to life, and over time it was getting easier. she grieved her babies, but started to rejoice that they were alive on this planet in this time. she could go to them, meet them if she wanted. she was giving herself a lot of time to do it though -- she wasn’t going to rush into it and risk hurting herself and them in the process.

she went on daily walks throughout town -- just to observe, never to step into matters that didn’t concern her, and to slowly start to interact with people. there were a few locals she connected with, like lona, that brought her some sense of normalcy.

today, on her walk, she ventured into a part of town she never really had before, more of the merchant’s area. it reminded her of tatooine, seeing random junk parts and wares crowded around stalls. she got so wrapped up in staring that she only realized she was walking into somebody until they were already sent scrambling --

into the fountain.

and she was fucking horrified, of course, but when she finally got herself stable, kneeling in the fountain, absolutely drenched, she laughed. ❝ my apologies! ❞ she laughed to the stranger she hadn’t actually looked at yet, ❝ i thought the heat was just- just too much! ❞

as she walked, the anger and pain she felt only got stronger, and stronger, and stronger. one hand drifted to her stomach. all he had stolen from her... she knew palpatine was the true one to blame, obi wan had explained every aspect of the time she’d missed in excruciating detail. she made him tell her everything. everything about the fight he had with anakin, down to the horrifying end. she made him remind her of the birth of luke and leia, and what happened to them after she died. she needed to know everything. so yes, she knew he returned to the light in the end, yes, she knew that palpatine was the puppet master and he’d even continued that role well beyond what should have been possible.

but she was still angry with anakin.

when he spoke, she whirled around, tears burning in her eyes and spilling indiscriminately.

❝ compassion, anakin!! compassion! if you have one thing in your life, that one thing should always be compassion!! for the weak, even for the people you hate!! where was it?? why did you forget the one! thing! i wanted! to teach you!! ❞ she shouted, weakly hitting at his chest between every point she had to make.

❝ you dishonored our union, you dishonored me! not by choking me, and bringing me nearly to death, but by ignoring the one! thing! i ever sought to bring into this galaxy, you burned it to the ground!! shame on you!! ❞

Yeah, he expected this.

In all honesty, this was probably the second best version of how this played out, but it was ultimately more realistic than the first version. She slammed into his chest and he let her do it, keeping himself steady so she could get it out. Was he coping with what had happened? Eh, yes and no, it varied from day to day. Today was sort of a coping day, but this firmly solidified it he supposed, confronting your dead seemingly estranged wife.

He wasn’t certain what say to all of this, sorry wasn’t going to cut it, but he knew he had to say something, anything.

“I know,” he said, fiddling with loose fabric on his glove to prevent himself from reaching out.

padme had been avoiding a simple truth for a while now, and she was rather good at it. living with her dearest friend was a gentle reprieve from all the terrible things she’d been working through since she came back to life, and over time it was getting easier. she grieved her babies, but started to rejoice that they were alive on this planet in this time. she could go to them, meet them if she wanted. she was giving herself a lot of time to do it though -- she wasn’t going to rush into it and risk hurting herself and them in the process.

she went on daily walks throughout town -- just to observe, never to step into matters that didn’t concern her, and to slowly start to interact with people. there were a few locals she connected with, like lona, that brought her some sense of normalcy.

today, on her walk, she ventured into a part of town she never really had before, more of the merchant’s area. it reminded her of tatooine, seeing random junk parts and wares crowded around stalls. she got so wrapped up in staring that she only realized she was walking into somebody until they were already sent scrambling --

into the fountain.

and she was fucking horrified, of course, but when she finally got herself stable, kneeling in the fountain, absolutely drenched, she laughed. ❝ my apologies! ❞ she laughed to the stranger she hadn’t actually looked at yet, ❝ i thought the heat was just- just too much! ❞

#^I'd be too frightened to tease a senator^#//why yes i am committing war crimes with this specific gif why do you ask?

she looked around, not yet frantic but it seemed as though she could get to that point if things kept building in her head. she didn’t know how to respond to his humor, it was clear he was trying to steer things away from tragedy, and that honestly made her mad? stars- he choked her! he ruined the galaxy! how dare he make any sort of jokes, he deserved the greatest, most profound unhappiness so he could have just a taste of what padme felt when she woke up and thought her babies were dead because of him.

padme had some of the most profound empathy a human was capable of, and yet she wanted him to suffer.

finally, she forced herself to speak. ❝ follow. ❞

that was her angry senator voice. and if she knew anakin, she knew he’d fucking follow her direction. she turned around and started walking towards the forest -- anything to get eyes away from them. this was a private matter, a marital spat to end galaxies.

Anakin felt his bones stiffen. Fuck. He told Obi Wan he wanted to make amends and that meant having one more former friend want him dead where he stood. He really just hoped she didn’t shoot him, honestly the fact that he had so far managed to avoid that was his sole reason for continuing to leave his apartment.

Still, he sauntered after her, trying to at least pretend that he wasn’t planning on stopping a nearby seller for a shovel so that he could put himself into a grave of his own creation, literally as compared to the thus far metaphorically.

Reaching the woods, he turned to her with a look that could really only be described as that of a kicked dog before trying to find the words again. “Hi, Padme.” He said, still with the love that this version of him had. The version that had died in Palpatine’s office. The one he wished had stopped there.

padme had been avoiding a simple truth for a while now, and she was rather good at it. living with her dearest friend was a gentle reprieve from all the terrible things she’d been working through since she came back to life, and over time it was getting easier. she grieved her babies, but started to rejoice that they were alive on this planet in this time. she could go to them, meet them if she wanted. she was giving herself a lot of time to do it though -- she wasn’t going to rush into it and risk hurting herself and them in the process.

she went on daily walks throughout town -- just to observe, never to step into matters that didn’t concern her, and to slowly start to interact with people. there were a few locals she connected with, like lona, that brought her some sense of normalcy.

today, on her walk, she ventured into a part of town she never really had before, more of the merchant’s area. it reminded her of tatooine, seeing random junk parts and wares crowded around stalls. she got so wrapped up in staring that she only realized she was walking into somebody until they were already sent scrambling --

into the fountain.

and she was fucking horrified, of course, but when she finally got herself stable, kneeling in the fountain, absolutely drenched, she laughed. ❝ my apologies! ❞ she laughed to the stranger she hadn’t actually looked at yet, ❝ i thought the heat was just- just too much! ❞

❝ as was mine, as it tends to be. stars, i swear i forget where i am half the time when i’m not working. ❞ she hadn’t done anything concerning politics since she returned to life -- clearly, as she wasn’t even supposed to be alive and the government was completely different from the one she knew. she missed her job, it kept her on track and let her help people. she felt so stuck not doing anything in this new time.

she huffed and ran her hand through her hair to fix it, and laughed and waved at the few locals that were staring at them. a couple walked over to help her out, and she thanked them.

❝ i suppose i owe you for the involuntary dip, ❞ she said, wringing out the end of her dress -- it used to be airy and flowy, but now it was clinging to her frame and hanging sadly like rags, but of course nothing could be done about that.

and then, she fucking looked up. she wished she hadn’t, but such a thing was inevitable. she looked at him, expressionless, for a few moments as she processed exactly what she was seeing.

that... stupid look on his face. one she’d made plenty of comments about in her past -- jokes about shutting his mouth before a fly made its home in it, jokes about his head being in the stars, whatever -- he looked like a padawan again.

and she just felt small. smaller than she ever had when she was around anakin skywalker. she always felt so strong, so empowered by his company, but right now she just felt like she could disappear. a little pout formed on her face. her eyes were shinier than usual; the promise of tears on the horizon.

❝ or... um.... i- uh............. ❞

it was not like her to be speechless. ever.

And there it was. Anakin sighed as he pulled himself into some sort of dismissal of the whole ordeal, doing his best to shove one of his hands into his pockets as way to keep himself from openly fidgeting. “Don’t... don’t worry about it. These were probably due for a wash anyway,” he said with a bit of a heartless chuckle. “If yours needs cleaning or anything, I can... I can scrounge up some credits for it. I remember most of your stuff needing to be dry cleaned at the bare minimum.” He said with a smile that was a bit more fond than his previous ones.

He was electing to not think about the fact that this was the first time he was seeing his wife, who he had to some extent killed, and they could barely look at each other when there was a time he wanted to do nothing more.

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Where the fuck is Al, she could help with this. Even if it was by passing out. That could help.

padme had been avoiding a simple truth for a while now, and she was rather good at it. living with her dearest friend was a gentle reprieve from all the terrible things she’d been working through since she came back to life, and over time it was getting easier. she grieved her babies, but started to rejoice that they were alive on this planet in this time. she could go to them, meet them if she wanted. she was giving herself a lot of time to do it though – she wasn’t going to rush into it and risk hurting herself and them in the process.

she went on daily walks throughout town – just to observe, never to step into matters that didn’t concern her, and to slowly start to interact with people. there were a few locals she connected with, like lona, that brought her some sense of normalcy.

today, on her walk, she ventured into a part of town she never really had before, more of the merchant’s area. it reminded her of tatooine, seeing random junk parts and wares crowded around stalls. she got so wrapped up in staring that she only realized she was walking into somebody until they were already sent scrambling –

into the fountain.

and she was fucking horrified, of course, but when she finally got herself stable, kneeling in the fountain, absolutely drenched, she laughed. ❝ my apologies! ❞ she laughed to the stranger she hadn’t actually looked at yet, ❝ i thought the heat was just- just too much! ❞

Anakin was out on his mandatory “get the fuck away from your job and house” walk as ordered by Al and Ander to some extent. It was to prevent him from doing anything too stupid, like build another droid, take the speeder he was working on into a fully functioning ship, or at the very least make it not street legal. Nevertheless, he had a tendency to zone out on these walks, let his sense wander, see if he could pinpoint who was where and if they were doing anything worth mildly investigating.

He hadn’t planned on slamming into someone and falling into the nearby fountain.

Anakin knew it was there, he’d walked by it everyday since he’d gotten here, but he hadn’t imagined himself falling into it. But when he realized the person he’d knocked into had fallen in with him, he found himself in a bit of a state of shock.

Padme?

It was her, her voice haunted his dreams and nightmares depending on the day and whether or not he’d seen Obi Wan that day. But she hadn’t realized it was him. He wanted to run, book it out of there and pretend that it had never happened, but... he couldn’t. He felt like that stupid Padawan, all of nineteen and an idiot and she was already apologizing. Shit, he should probably say something if he was going to rip this bandaid off. “Don’t worry about it, my head was elsewhere I suppose,” he muttered, hoping she didn’t immediately recognize him.

oliviadumhan

#^visuals^

Anakin was trying to be better about making an actual effort into focusing on returning some form of Jedi tradition. It wasn’t much, but it was still something. He didn’t meditate in the cave, that was still too much, but he’d taken refuge at Al’s makeshift grave, he imagined it functioned as some sort of anchor point for him, a space made safe by a friend rather than just the force.

And while he wasn’t perfect, he was still pretty damn powerful and knew her signature like the back of his hand. “What’s up snips?” he asked, not opening his eyes.

@spirestm // ahsoka