Force-a-rama

Author and owner of Snark Wars dot com. Sometimes funny. Forever supporter of Ukrainians. Hater of fascists. She/her. Occasional politics/etc tagged with "non star wars".

[forcearama]

I LOVE UR COMMENTARIES AND STUFF. Can u give us a short review,, like, a rundown of everything u like about hanleia?

Aww, thanks! 💜

I love Han and Leia and I will be bitter about how things went down for them in the Sequel Trilogy for the rest of time EVEN IF EPISODE 9 IS AMAZING AND INCLUDES A PALPATINE MUSICAL NUMBER AND AN OBIKIN FORCE GHOST DIP-KISS, OK? Some things you just can’t take back, JJ. Hmmph. 

ANYWAYS. Han and Leia. They are a GODDAMN PAIN IN THE ASS, and I love them. I do not understand how anyone in the Rebellion could possibly have put up with them, and honestly I WAY understand why Luke just happened to constantly need to go off on his own little Jedi Knowledge Quests all the fucking time, because JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST I would be looking for an escape, too: 

This is them interacting in like, TWO COMICS. That cover like 93 minutes of their lives. 

Han being so incredibly oblivious near the end of Return of the Jedi is a highlight for me, too. I feel like he and Leia were probably buying a house or something, they were married, and Leia was pregnant, and Han still was like “…wait, OMG, I know I’ve joked about it a lot but do you really like like me?” (In his defense, I mean, Leia did tell him she hated him and literally kick his ass at one point, so. 😂) 

Also, this will never not be funny to me: 

Every single thing about these parts of these scenes is GOLD. EVERY PERSON’S FACE. 

Leia and Anakin: A N D ANOTHER THING 

Obi-Wan and Han: *judging their own self for being into this person* 

[freddjjj]

A kiss in space.

[emlovestarwars]

padawan Obi-Wan you’ll always live in my heart

[hashtag-padme-matters]

Goodbye (Sad Beeps) by scadarts

[originalleftist]

And then R2 spent the next 20+ years fucking up Vader's shit.

Who carried the Death Star plans from Padme's daughter to Padme's son?

Who flew copilot on the mission to blow up said Death Star?

This guy.

Hello. My name is R2D2. You killed Padme. Prepare to die.

[leggywormy]

It's end of May, yall know what that means

[forcearama]

When the hell did TFA come out? 2014? 2015? Whatever; it was a WHILE ago now.

WHY does it not bother ANYONE ELSE WHO LIKES STAR WARS (note: YES I'm being hyperbolic) that THAT -- Luke's a depressed failure who's let down everyone who supported him, and not because he's off-world for Bigger Purposes -- was the story. IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.

Let me be clear: a FUCKTON of Star Wars from the get-go made no sense. There is a difference between "this hilarious nonsense doesn't super make sense, but I get that the writers love these characters and knew it would be fun/funny" and "I dunno, as a white man in his late middle age I know I have to say that I like Star Wars and Superheroes, but the last Star Wars I watched was Empire when I was in grade school. So like...the audience all want a Shocking Twist? Which I super do not know how to write the conclusion to, but if they'd like a bullshit setup I know plenty of guys who can write that. By the way when the punchline is underwhelming and you all hate it, it's the other guy's fault."

[kenloganroy]

CLONE WARS GAMBIT: SIEGE | Karen Miller

[forcearama]

[Me and my husband, watching a martial arts film]  Me: See, now this is how the Jedi should have recruited their Padawans: you find some dude and then challenge him to a fight, and if he kicks your ass you then have to beg him to teach you.  Husband: Yeah, but the Jedi were a lot younger when they become a Padawan than these guys.  Me: [cracking up] So it’d just be teenage Obi-Wan all “COME AT ME, JINN, LET’S DO THIS I’LL TAKE YOU” to 50-year-old Qui-Gon. Like, jumping on his back while he’s walking to the cafeteria. Luke trying to bodyslam 900-year-old Yoda once he figures out that he’s a Jedi Master. Or Ahsoka, like, 13 years old and trying to start shit with the Chosen One. Fistfights breaking out in the hallways… Husband: You should have to win a fight to get on the Council. You have to challenge someone for their seat.  Me: [dying] Oh God, Anakin would be so into this.  Husband: You should at least have to best a sitting council member in a Jedi dance solo. 

[goldenjedi]

Honestly, this should be canon. I can totally see Ahsoka starting shit with the Chosen One.

[forcearama]

FOR REAL. Tiny Snips showing up in front of Anakin’s dorm door some day all “IT’S ON, SKYGUY.” (Also, I’m dying because you know that as Mr. Force Himself, Anakin was probably highly-sought-after and so I’m just picturing tiny Jedi trying to lure him into a fight every other damn day when he’s back at the Temple because they all want to be the Chosen One’s Padawan.)

Also: 9-year-old Anakin trying to fight 25-year-old Obi-Wan is killing me. Obi-Wan being all “It’s all right, Anakin, Master Yoda already said I can train you, you don’t need to challenge me to a fight, Padawans aren’t usually as young as you and you haven’t had any real Jedi training yet so it’s not a good –” and Anakin being like “NOPE, if this is what Jedi do, I’m gonna do it too, Obi-Wan. It’s happening. HAAAAAAAAAA!” and flying at him with his tiny little fists while Obi-Wan is like “MASTER YODA WHAT DO I DO??” and the whole Council is just in stitches as this all goes down. 

[lurkingcrow]

Ok you know what’s killing me here? The fact that obviously the more skilled you become as a Jedi the BETTER you have to be at AVOIDING fights. I mean one of the secret trials of knighthood would have to be proving that you are capable of derailing a preteen’s attempts at fighting or else you’d be dealing constantly with initiate attempts to fight! 

The first step to being a Padawan isn’t convincing your potential Master to take you on, it’s getting them to fight you in the first place.

So imagine all those tiny Jedi throwing themselves at the Chosen One and Anakin just striding through like the tall bastard he is, ignoring the occasional flying tackle attempt and dancing aside from small fists without looking up from his latest speeder schematics. 

And imagine the traps they attempt to set, hoping to corner him into a confrontation - a tactic that would actually be quite effective, were it not for the fact that Anakin Skywalker was trained by Obi-Wan Kenobi, and we all know their mutual stance on traps…

(Speaking of which, consider how many attempts there are after Anakin’s knighting to earn a place as Obi-Wan’s new Padawan - the poor man is constantly battling rugrats as well!) 

Snips wins her place through cunning and persistence. I’m thinking it involves her pretending to be after Obi-Wan as a Master, a carefully timed post mission encounter and a plate of cookies or something - while keeping up light conversation she makes sure to steal the last treat out of Anakin’s fingers prompting him to chase her and thus initiating a fight. Anakin and Obi-Wan will boast about this for YEARS. 

But anyway aside from cunning old Jedi who can evade like whoa, consider the second part of this whole ritual. The begging to be trained.

Consider the idea of a smol Anakin clearing his throat and humbling requesting Obi-Wan take him on as his Padawan learner and Obi-Wan being like “Yes! Of course!” and Anakin pouting and insisting it’s not fair if he doesn’t do this right! Obi-Wan needs to be persuaded like tradition says! He made an entire list of  arguments! So Obi-Wan has to sit there and hide his smile while he gives pro forma rejections for Anakin to rebut. 

The council are in need of medical assistance at this point due to excessive laughter.

But also consider the other partnership we haven’t looked at yet.

Young Dooku having managed to engage Yoda in a fight, but not quite able to bend his pride enough to actually beg for training. The old troll is having so much fun just WAITING and watching the boy squirm! 

[calyssmarviss]

BUT HOW DO YOU START A FIGHT WITH YODA

[lurkingcrow]

Yoda, see the thing about Yoda is he IS the small harmless looking Master of Kickass archetype so common to the kung fu movies. He is old. He is experienced. No one starts a fight with him unless he wants them to…

And he is an EXPERT at making those opportunities look natural. The food stealing fool technique we see him use with Luke is one of the most obvious plays in his repertoire and one he relishes as his reputation means he hasn’t been able to use since his second century! 

Other “simple” openings he has utilised in the past include inviting philosophical disagreement to the point of the initiate throwing the first punch, humming off pitch in a most repetitive manner for hours on end, and pretending to trip over his gimmer stick. 

But don’t be fooled. Yoda chooses his padawans carefully. He tailors his approach to give them the most incentive to want to prove their worth. The trap he set for Dooku involved injuring his self pride and insinuating that Dooku was too straightforward in his thinking, causing the boy to create a plan involving weeks of prep time, multiple changes to temple schedules and a bit of minor sabotage. Just to prove Yoda wrong.

So in truth, it is actually very easy to start a fight with Yoda. If he thinks you’re ready.

[nevertheless-moving]

Qui-Gon Jinn the absolutely feral madlad inexplicably deciding that the refined Master Dooku had to be his Master. Everyone tries to convince him otherwise, there are so many living force experts who would clearly be a better match. But Qui-Gon has decided that its ‘the will of the force’ and once Qui-Gon decides that gooood luck.

Dooku is deeply unnerved by the muddy gremlin child (all children are gremlins, of course, but some at least strive for dignity). An expert duelist skilled in misdirection, Dooku becomes little more than a ghost anytime Qui-Gon is in the vicinity.

Six months pass, and while Qui-Gon doesn’t appear to be giving up, he also doesn’t appear to be very good at this. His strategy more or less seems to be charging full speed directly in Dooku’s direction anytime the man steps foot in the temple. Dooku thinks it should be simple enough to avoid the blundering initiate until he gives up or ages out. It’s easily done to take back-to-back missions in any case. He’s an hour from the temple, en route to one such assignment when he blacks out.

He wakes up in a moderately sized cell, well stocked with food, water, and Qui-Gon Fucking Jinn. 

They look at each other.

“You do realize that the temple is hardly going to approve of an apprenticeship begun with an initiate knowingly interfering with a Jedi mission”

“There is no mission,” Qui-Gon explains cheerfully. “I’ve had a friend in the Rodian system submit and withdraw a request for Jedi aid matching your skillset whenever you were in temple. No one will be expecting you to check in for weeks, and I’ve made sure we’re provisioned with everything we need.”

“….You’ve been luring me in to a false sense of complacency with your direct attempts. And by harassing me into taking back-to-back missions, you made my movements predictable. Impressive. How did you manage to slip around my guard long enough to drug me?”

“I’ll tell you if you beat me in a fight.”

“I see. And I imagine if I ask you for the keycode to get out of this cell, your reply would be much the same.”

Qui-Gon just smiled serenely.

[forcearama]

Ok the Mando movie is HILARIOUS. It’s just a very long, live action Clone Wars episode. With all that implies. 😂

I hope Star Wars never is fully staffed by people who take it seriously. It’s SO much better when the people pulling the strings know how ridiculous Star Wars is and just allow it to be dumb as hell sometimes.

[forcearama]

@obi-mom-kenobi said:

All I've seen until your post was hate for this movie, and I absolutely LOVE TCW, so this gives me a lot of hope! Star Wars is a series that shouldn't be taken too seriously, the plot of the first movie is genuinely the funniest thing!

Oh that surprises me not at all.

I no longer pay attention to ANYTHING men of certain ages/situations have to say about Star Wars, because they've frankly been incredibly wrong about ALL of what Star Wars is or ever was trying to be for most of my entire life. I'm super sure their collective steadfast beliefs in their own correctness about everything has led us directly to where we all are in Real Life, and I also know they'll never acknowledge nor feel bad about it. We MADE them vote the way they voted, whether it was for some of the worst human beings on earth just to show us who's boss or for perennial candidates that had ZERO chance of ever getting elected, you see. It's actually *our* fault.

Anyone who thinks Star Wars is meant to be 100% Deep Serious Dark Content should die of embarrassment on the spot. The idea that anybody could watch even just A New Hope and think it's this Highbrow Bullshit is HILARIOUS to me.

Many men -- fortunately none of the ones I am friends with or related to -- have a very, very hard time admitting that they like a stupid soap opera made for tweens. As if it's LESS embarrassing that they have longwinded opinions about Darth Vader or how The Mandalorian should behave.

[forcearama]

Ok the Mando movie is HILARIOUS. It’s just a very long, live action Clone Wars episode. With all that implies. 😂

I hope Star Wars never is fully staffed by people who take it seriously. It’s SO much better when the people pulling the strings know how ridiculous Star Wars is and just allow it to be dumb as hell sometimes.

[forcearama]

Hi hello good morning tumblr, I was just thinking about how the Open Circle emblem was on like EVERYTHING:

…and how Vader had to watch the Empire gradually paint over it everywhere and OH GOOD BECAUSE VADER IS SO MAD AT AND HATES THAT LOSER WHO EVEN CARES VADER WILL PAINT OVER ALL OF THEM HIS DAMN SELF IF HE HAS TO.

But you know that there was a teeeeeeeeny sliver of Anakin that was upset about it. (To be honest 50% of the items probably ended up at Vader’s Lava Castle of Dramatic Bullshit “by accident”).

[forcearama]

It's pretty hilarious that Yoda looked at Early Clone Wars-Era Obi-Wan and Anakin in all of their complete ridiculousness and apparently was like "yeah, this marriage is for sure ready for children" and tossed Ahsoka at them.

[forcearama]

I still can't imagine what was going through Ahsoka's mind once she was about 3 weeks into this gig. She probably had a bunch of friends who were like "WOW I can't believe you got Obi-Wan AND Anakin!! Lucky!!!!" and she was just like "...yep. They are...something."

[forcearama]

Ok the Mando movie is HILARIOUS. It’s just a very long, live action Clone Wars episode. With all that implies. 😂

I hope Star Wars never is fully staffed by people who take it seriously. It’s SO much better when the people pulling the strings know how ridiculous Star Wars is and just allow it to be dumb as hell sometimes.

[forcearama]

Futurama, Season 5, Episode 12: Spanish Fry 

[forcearama]

The Simpsons, Season 5, Episode 10: $pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)

[forcearama]

Me: What the hell was that very pretentious BS title that a person I never want to speak to ever again gave to their fanfic; it was weird and very specific... Me: [recalls it] Oh, right! [searches AO3]

AO3: Here are literally 1000 fanfics spanning hundreds of fandoms with that title; which fandom's version were you looking for? Me: [dies laughing]

[forcearama]

Bob’s Burgers, Season 4, Episode 7: Bob and Deliver

Poor Obi-Wan.