really hope ur doing okay man!! people need to get off ur ass when you literally didnt do anything wrong
I’m just empty as hell man. I thought I was doing the right thing.
I’ve had people who I’ve known for months, YEARS, shit talk me and air out grievances they never brought up with me. Seeing them call me insufferable, pathetic, clout chasing, etc. Really fucked with my head.
I’ve always struggled with trusting people openly due to growing up with a narcissist, so to see shit like that, it broke me. It’s like, now I don’t know who all I can trust anymore. People can say they’re your friend, your fan, your secret admirer, anything resembling a positive bond; yet they’re the first to leave you for dead.
It’s a problem with social media in general. Some people(not all) will use your friendship for clout and will milk that friendship until it’s shriveled up and bleeding in the dirt. Even when they drop you the minute you get into trouble, they will use that friendship against you, saying “we were such good friends, I’m so disappointed in you, you let me down, etc.”
And there’s some people who will become your closest friends just to vomit every complaint about you the minute you get into shit and they see an opportunity.
It’s extremely pessimistic and depressing, but it’s a sad truth. Now it’s left me empty and confused and scared. When people cut ties over this, the only thought going through my head was “Was your reputation at stake, or was this just a way out for you?”
I have horrible abandonment issues and previous experiences have worsened it. When you lose the people who are the closest to you, it’s like the world goes eerily silent. Even if those people treated you horribly, you still end up clawing at their feet, sobbing, screaming for them to not go. It hurts, and it leaves you in a perpetual round of Russian roulette. If you reach out to someone, it could either go well or it could completely backfire and retraumatize you.
I don’t know who I can trust anymore on these platforms. I’m scared that these issues will keep happening over and over, and the only way to break the cycle is to compartmentalize everything and not get close to others. Granted, I know this is just trauma speaking, but it’s still a nagging thought that someday someone could turn around and burn you the minute you speak up.
Even now, I just want to crawl back to every person who left and beg them to take me back. It won’t solve anything and it will just hurt me more, knowing their true feelings, but I’m just scared of being alone.
I’m fucking scared, dude.
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