Disclaimer: I have no problem with religion itself, per say, my best friend is a Mormon (More accurately my best friend is a ex-mo who is still spiritual, but I meant her as a Mormon, and she came to deconverting her own free will, independent of my own beliefs), many other of my friends are religious, and I study religious texts out of interest. However, people insist I have a problem with religion because I deconverted, so I wanna talk about why I deconverted. You can be, and do, whatever the hell you want I donāt care. Itās you life, not mine, and so it aint my business.Ā
So, for most of my life my uncleās church and I grew side by side. It was a small church, actually still to this day it is. I only once meant someone who didnāt help start the church or was born into it, and I spent my sundays learning about the good word of the LORD up until I was 13. I actually really enjoy church, and I still go from time to time when I have a free sunday. It has a familial atmosphere, one I never really had at my home and so it was one I longed for for a long time, even after I left the church. That longing is partly because, or mostly because, of a narcissism developed by my mother during maternity, and this narcism warped my fatherļæ¼ into an internal extrovert displaying himself externally as an introvert which caused him to be very depressed and distant for as long as I can remember. Some people claim that this is why I left, you know theļæ¼ļæ¼ classic ā you left the church because you were angry, and you felt like God left youā, but thatās not the case. In fact the Bible and the church in general brought a lot of comfort to me. And I believed in it. Whilst I donāt believe in it now there are still parts that I agree with morallu and still incompance my outlook of life, just minus the God shit. ļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼Mark 12:31 and Proverbs 17:17 being some of the biggest influencers on me still to this day. ļæ¼But, there is a very distinct reason why I left the church, I remember the moment vividly. My parents were still together at the time and I was locked in my room like every other day being my angsty teenage selfļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼. Because, no matter how great your kids are there will always be a little bit of angst in your kid, even if it doesnāt look like it. I was doing my thing, and it was dark. Iām just laying on my bed just scrolling through the interwebs. Ironically, I had my Bible to the right of me, which is the same Bible I had in my backpack up until the end of eighth gradeļæ¼, before I decide to part ways with it and give it to someone who would actually use it. But, Iāll talk more about that on a later blog. Back to the story I was telling, I started thinking about all the other religions in the world and if they so desperately wanted to be right, have/know God, and weāre also given the chance to have the ārightā God later on when Europe decided to try and achieve global domination why didnāt they take it? Wouldnt God want everyone to follow him and reveal himself to themļæ¼ļæ¼ too? And what about the people they never got a chance, what about the Native Americans who didnāt even know about Jesus or Adam or Eve. But, the more I thought about it the more I realize how cruel God is in the Bible anyways, so why would they? I was mature enough to read/hear/see parts of the Bible that were hidden (for lack of a better word) to the younger kids in Bible school, blowing up a city because the majority of the men in the city were gay, the miss treating women, and the fact that God allowed slavery, just not of the Jews. Thing like that all that, which I was far far against, and admitively were all cases of the old testament, but can also be seen in the new teastament, which didnt seem like something an all loving God would do. Then I started thinking about the new teastament in general and how it seemingly changed God over night. ļæ¼ļæ¼ļæ¼Why didnt he act this way the first time? Wouldnt an all knowing God have perfect morals, which the bible claims is the case, and wouldnt an all knowing god not change his morals, if they are indeed perfect? Also why does he change his mind at all! And why did he create foreskin if he just wanted it cut off? Thats pretty awful! Did he gamble with the Devil for the male reproductive system and lose? Also God is a cruel son of a bitch, Jesus even says to fear God (Mathew 10:28). Why would anyone fear an all loving creator? Simple, I wouldnt! My mind kept going down that rabbit hole, and by the end of the night I was convinced on the belief I didnt want to believe. God isnt real because there was so much, to much in the bible that didnt make sense, to me at least. Thats the story, it aint much but its mine
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