Romans 8:28

Name's Geronimo. Matt, Geronimo. Music. Athlete. Follower of Christ. This is overrated. Get to know me.

[anativeobserver]

pabzzz - for you

taming the lion or should i call it timidity keeping it real, ya feel, or dream lucidity

everyone tryna tell me just tone it down thought you would be glad with this person I found

i came home ecstatic, excited, and on high that i never felt before, and i cannot lie

that i expected you to be there shaking my hand

and not pacing around the room, waiting for it to die

but don’t you worry, blood, my vision is clear now

it was clouded before, with a dream i allowed

that you would be as happy for me as I was for you

but to my disappointment you weren’t even amused 

by the oh so clear and obvious erection

that I concocted from pent up emotion

you are the bomb with the early-sign detection

that you decided to create happiness deflected

all the pain that was collected over the years

you would never know because you cant take a single second

to step out of yourself and look at your own blood

i switch up my smile and sigh this sucks

it takes all my self-control to shout BOOM

but I do it because I know I’ll change soon

and for your sake i won’t expect much

damn this really sucks

to be honest, let me lay down what’s real

because this is the easiest way to express the feels

im all for the utmost confidence, it’s a trait wanted

but at what point does confidence become boxed in

and grow into arrogance that hits even

a guy with pride as large as buildings in dubai

that you think you can plan 5, 6 steps ahead

can you tell me the day I’ll be dead?

I don’t harbor anger, its an emotion unneeded

but with what you’re saying, it’s like your feeding it

intentionally, just to see me snap

for your sake, im glad I’ve written a rap

because i can’t help but think you’re so full of shit

and believe me, that’s the last thing i want to think

i respect you and love you but jesus have mercy

2017 was going to be a year of no cursing

actions speak louder than words, you’ve heard it before

and this became value i placed in my core

this went from a rap to a straight up rant

i don’t like getting worked up like this but i just cant

believe the audacity in which you speak

and the lack of integrity in which you leave

with me im asking how do you even sleep

that you say this and act like that

i look up to you, but maybe that was in the past

maybe you’re not deserving of that status ascension

since the only thing you have changed is jobs

because you move up so quickly in your profession

of course i could be wrong, i can admit that

but i’ve grown and matured more in the time cut in half

that you propose that you have done the same

maybe we’re just two totally different levels of play

how can you tell me you’re lookingto achieve the next tier

when you just told me this trait is applied in certain fields

am i blind because im seeing the same damn person

who complains and says im trying but has never upgraded this version 

of himself and he’s completely content with it

if i said the same thing, you’d say im bullshit.

no regrets to what i say, im really looking out for you

you say you don’t sugarcoat, but me? i spit truth.

[anativeobserver]

Back To Sleepless Nights

It is 12:45 AM. I am making my first text post since who knows when, but it’s probably been at least 18 months. I am stuck in a limbo of admitting and acknowledging that I am not okay, and talking and building myself up to hold up. I can tell myself to move on, to let go, to open up but she draws me to her with every lonely moment.  I feel alone, with companions gone to college, friends gone to their workplaces, and my most trusted confidants in bad vibes. 

I am an emotional rollercoaster, haunted by dreadful thoughts at night and struck by gusts of emotion by day. I am not okay, but I have to be okay because I want to move forward. I can’t tell myself I am okay, because then I’d be lying to myself. I have class tomorrow after a long weekend of sleeping past 2AM, but I’d rather tire myself out and suffer the physical consequences than attempt to sleep under the restlessness of my own mind and my deprived heart.

I am in need.

[deez--ovaries-deactivated201701]

GOD IS SO GOOD Y’ALL.

[anativeobserver]

hey babe

hey, you

[anativeobserver]

I suppose saying ‘I miss you’ does it no justice. It’s not just that I miss your smiling face warming my heart, or your gentle touch in your comforting embrace, it’s also that I miss talking to my best friend, a person who I feel genuinely cares for me. It’s also the acceptance that I have to deny my own emotions, even if it’s for a time, when nothing is actually forcing me to. That the only thing standing in the way of you, is you.

I have a hope though, that when you come back life, in every aspect, will be even better.

[anativeobserver]

Humorous.

In the last 24 hours, I would just have had to hear our favorite band’s song on the radio. I would just have had to seen a picture of a husky. I would just have had to seen an Instagram post of my friend and her boyfriend on the beach. 

[anativeobserver]

An Uncanny Peace

I’m not distraught. Disturbed. Sad, yes. Disappointed, maybe. Torn, a possibility. But delirious. Sure I’d wish that instead of typing this, I’m typing a message to you. But I have a peace that the right thing was done. I didn’t, and still don’t, want to be the obstruction that keeps you from attaining what you need. I cannot be that. And as much as it pains me to have this void, I want this void. And I embrace the pain, just as I embraced the walls that separated us from freely expressing our affection. Because I don’t want to have this void filled by someone that’s not you. I don’t want to pour out myself into a person that is not you. And that peace, that I don’t have to go looking, is settling. A peace that aids me in my wait until that warm summer day that I can catch you in my arms and clasp you in my embrace all over again.

[staticwaffles]

[crashlol]

It still blows my mind that they were able to slip a Beyonce reference into LOK I love it

[bazzaya]

i dont think anyone understands the irony of this. that dance scene is from ‘girls run the world’ and literally ten minutes later kuvira shows up and declares herself empress. not only is it a beyonce reference, but its a FORESHADOWING beyonce reference that’s hella relevant 

[anativeobserver]

Change is Blindingly Fast

The night before, we were kissing each other telling each other how much we missed each other. You asked me why I’m attracted to you and I talked, and talked, and talked. We laid there, glad to be in each other’s presence, not wanting to leave the peaceful bliss. The next morning I’m sitting next to you on a bus, smiling, laughing, enjoying the sunrise. We get lunch and coffee together, and relish in the happiness that is brought by a lunch date and time together. And yes that very evening, things change. No longer smiles, no longer happiness, just pain.

[anativeobserver]

Growing Into Love

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV)

Contrary to the status quo, I do not center by definition of love by song lyrics or books, or what others have said. This is direct communication from God of what love is.

I’m tired of pouring my heart into someone who is not equipped with abilities to reciprocate it. I’m tired of losing the intimacy and tenderness of my emotional self because it’s going to be turn brash and numb if my heart is trampled and stamped on again and again. And when I meet a girl who brings color into a black and white photo, laughter into a dramatic movie, a soundtrack to an epic tale, a girl who makes me love God more, that’s the one where I point my finger and say ‘she will put an end to it all.’

How belittled of character would I be if I were to say all of that, just to quit when things are rough? Love always protects and despite her words of hurt, her words of dismiss, I still need to be ready to catch her when she stumbles because she is alone. Love always trusts and although she’s told me both cruel words and words of sweetness, I should trust that when she says it’s true, I believe that it is. Love always hopes and regardless of the pain that I’ve been blessed to bear over 24 hours, I will not run short on hope for an us. Love always perseveres and nevertheless the effort on her part to call it quits, or the modern society mandate to leave this high maintenance girl, I won’t.

Being called a distraction, hurts. Telling me that every decision made while I was in your life is a regret, pains me. Knowing that I failed to be a positive influence on your life, breaks me. Missing the times when we were just aquaintances who didn’t speak to each other, rattles me. But knowing how happy I am with you and knowing that you still want an us, negates all of that and births hope. 

I want to love you. And I will love you right. 

[anativeobserver]

Abnormality

What 17 year old high school boy says “I want a relationship with my future wife that pleases God.” This one.

This would have been labeled high maintenance, and left behind. She would have been labeled as bitch and dumped to the side, simply because in society’s ignorance we can label a girl a ‘bitch’ due to any circumstances that we as men approach as boys, desiring to leave it instead of face it. I would be labeled as ‘deserving of so much better’, and be compelled to leave.

But I am proud that I worked through the conflicts. That I care for a girl in her worse times, not just her best times. That I’m still hoping, because I want to please God. 

[anativeobserver]

Improv’ Feeling

My conscious precaution tells me, “yo watch yourself”: hesitant to love.

My romantic demeanor is hastily eager to fall in.

Let’s take it slow, like it’s LOVE, and we’re a mere seventeen,

infatuation, love: left, right?

Are our minds so fresh to clearly know the difference, or so nascent that we have no inference?

Is it boyish desires that fuel this fire, philosophy, based on words from that one song and the quotes from that film,

or is it genuine, authentic, actual emotions that one so young could feel?

I could say “it’s true” all that I want, but is it plausible, possible, to clear up perceptions based on a feeling? Is it credible, conveyable, that I tell you “it’s what I feel”?

Because I want to love you for a long time, love you like no one as before. Love you for all your perfections and your imperfections, for all your appeals and your insecurities. I want to fall in love with your gaze-concurring, jaw-dropping, mind-captivating, self. Your beautiful self that I can be so honored to call mine. 

I want to fall so madly in love with you that I’ll remain that way for a long time.

[alwaysbewoke]

[trainedchimpanzee]

this is pure shitposting now

[lonelyonawednesdaynightt]

[anativeobserver]

Knight in Shining Armor

The knight in shining armor, the storybook one, is the one who saves the beloved maiden from danger. But what happens when that beloved maiden becomes the danger? What happens when you're not being attacked by others, by circumstances and conditions, but by her? The knight in shining armor laces up his boots, polishes his shield, and goes to battle. No, not to defeat her, but to rescue her from herself. From the doubts that cast themselves into her mind, from the rogue thoughts that invade her conscience. 

I call for help, but people rest and so I go into this battle with myself and my strength. Clunking in my armor, wielding the same determination as I would to win a sports game, empowered with the same drive to succeed, I say out loud for no one to hear "let's dance". She's possessed, it's not her beautiful, pure, fun nature that is out to plague me. I stand, feet wide and chest out, ready to absorb the pain, ready to absorb the hurt, ready to roll with the punches and take the blows for her. The determination drives me to defend not her, not I, but us. It'll be messy, it'll be painful, my armor won't be shining so much, but when I lift my visor after the battle, my face will be shining with victory.

[anativeobserver]

Life and Love: Balance

Ying yang. Give and take. Push and pull.

The tide. Rain, rivers, and oceans. Sun and water for life.

Life is a great quest for balance. Why else are we amazed by the man who walks the tightrope across the Grand Canyon? Life is a great quest for balance and love is perfecting the art of balance. Love is patient and love is kind, and love hates evil but always seeks truth. Love is putting someone else's needs in front of yours, love is telling someone something they do not want to hear despite it being beneficial for them.

Loving someone is being right by their side when they feel loneliest, loving someone is knowing when to give space when they need to be alone. It's a difficult balance no doubt because when you care for someone, you want to be there immediately, you want to be there to catch them when they fall. But at times, you're efforts to catch them is just slowing them from pushing themselves back into your arms. Not only is love catching the other and holding them in your arms, but to love someone is to be able to fall and push yourself back into their arms. 

It's difficult, it's a process, but the fight is worth it.