drink my soul, devour it wholly.

[ancientdevotion]

awake at night thinking about quantum immortality

no one ever talks about how weird it gets when you're fully aware that you've died in other timelines. there's no evidence, just knowing that goes beyond any capacity of our human understanding. i see all of those timelines, all of them colliding, forming different paths that i could have walked down. and then they suddenly stop. end. death. but why am i still here? i died three times, and i am fully aware of it. but what would i even do with this information? it just leads to more questions.

questions like is there a meaning behind it all and is it that you can't leave before you completed whatever there was to complete? but if so, would that not imply that there's fate, destiny? or is there nothing to complete? have i decided this myself — yet i have half forgotten it — and now there's nothing but a faint remembrance. or is there something else that i can't wrap my head around?

from all i understand, there's no death. there is no end and no beginning. those were just different timelines, versions of the experience. so what seems to be "me" is not really real. there is only the awareness behind it, returning and forgetting over and over.

[ancientdevotion]

loving you feels like experiencing the intensity of all emotions known to mankind, but it's all beauty. it's pure bliss, encapsulating every fiber of my being.

ancientdevotion

[ancientdevotion]

frozen in time

amnesia

your eyes the only way

back to the future

[ancientdevotion]

you brushed against me, in a sudden collision that left me trembling with delight. every part of me sensitive to you as we became one irreversibly.

in a sacred shiver, the cosmos arched into itself — truth poured like honeyed light across the stars and left a glow, spilling into us. through us.

as verity unraveled, we were not. there was only stillness. a sense of wholeness, to full to be understood. we were pure light, woven into the timeless pulse of the infinite — unbound untethered. baptized in something too sacred to understand.

[ancientdevotion]

if you're not my future, then why do i know that your arms are my home? why do i know what your lips taste like? why is your voice my only remedy? why does your scent linger in the hallways of my mind? why does your warmth surround me in the dark? why does it feel like there's nothing we can't share? i swear, i can't explain it, but i can see it all in your eyes. i can see it all.

[ancientdevotion]

it's not like i don't need you. i don't need you to feel whole, to feel like i have a purpose in life. i won't crumble if you don't spend every waking hour with me. i don't need you to always like every word i say.

i need you like a wife needs her husband. i need your warmth because it's my shelter. even when i am strong, even when i am able to face it alone. there's a part of me that needs you, always — but tenderly, not desperately. you are my safe place. and i need you.

[ancientdevotion]

you could say showing love deeply, unapologetically — at the risk of everyone seeing your tenderness — is pathetic. but what's even more pathetic is being afraid of the only thing that's more powerful than darkness and evil. the force that carries eternity. love, the gentle breath behind each thing in this cosmos. i could never be ashamed of how much i love you, and i have never felt more alive.

[ancientdevotion]

i think time seems to speed up because our experience lacks depth. we are barely encountering moments anymore. being in awe of beauty. stillness. feeling alive. connection and intimacy. oneness with nature. raw sensation. depth. truth.

maybe the only way out is creating them intentionally. immersing ourselves as much as we can in what feels real. not the dulled down, manufactured cookie cutter version of reality. but the essence that is ancient. the unfathomable, ineffable. that which can't be recreated and monetized.

[ancientdevotion]

love letter #1

[ancientdevotion]

the trees exhale their silent whispers into the fog, each branch a ribcage, cracking with the weight of dusk. my mouth remembers a kiss it never had— wet with the rust of leaves, sweet with the rot of wanting.

[ancientdevotion]

there's a garden inside of your soul, and i want to be the one to tend to it.

[ancientdevotion]

it's 3am. i think about the longing i've had ever since i was a child. a homesickness for a place that doesn't exist. a soft ache where my heart is supposed to be.

this place is not home. and, no. i dont mean this city that is crowded, strange, and loud. there is no home for me here. not in this city and not elsewhere. it's a remembrance without images. it's a knowing that doesn't need explaining. it's a space that calls me. a place without an address.

and maybe that's okay. to wait until i get home, and as long as i am waiting, i'll make the best of it. maybe home was never meant to be here.

[ancientdevotion]

is yearning for it better than the experience itself? or are we just telling ourselves that because we never got to experience the real thing? the depths of it. the intensity.

can it ever be real — as real as in our minds? or are we just good at lying to ourselves?

[ancientdevotion]

[ancientdevotion]

i promised myself to you when i first saw you. the first words spoken, my vows. everything in me said yes, wholeheartedly.

[ancientdevotion]

fictional dates

part 1:

it's a cool summer night. the air smells like flowers and rain. we are walking along a winding path, the stars above us shimmering like glitter on velvet.

around the corner, there's an old stone gazebo with beautiful carvings. it looks like we are in a fairytale, a dream come true. your hand is warm in mine as we are sitting down at the bench in the middle. the lake in front of us is a calm mirror reflecting all the lights, as the wind draws soft waves on the surface.

we're talking for what feels like an eternity. i could spend my life like this, just hearing your stories. listening to you. it's one of those nights that you will always remember even if you don’t know why. you feel that pull in your heart, that excitement.

and a few moments later, i have my answer. you brush a loose strand of hair from my face, and our eyes meet - exchanging messages that our lips don't even have to speak for them to be understood. you lean in..closer, and i almost can't take the tension. i have been waiting for this - and now it's happening. your lips touch mine, and my whole body is electric, swirling with energy. i just want more and more of you. but i savor every part of it, slowly. you feel so right, it's like it's always been that way.

we open our eyes.

and then, time is standing still. it feels like coming home.

[ancientdevotion]