20 and 4 for mutsurie šššš
"As long as I'm alive, I will do everything I can to protect you"Ā
"As if I'm going to let go of you that easily"
*After the whole saving Mutsuki from himself thing*
āMutsukiā¦why are you up here all by yourself?ā Urie asked, gaze meeting Mutsuki who was leaning slightly over the balcony railing. Not enough for him to fall, but enough to worry him. It didnāt take a mind reader to understand.
Mutsuki froze āAh, just nothingā
Urie walked over and copied Mutsukiās position. The city looked like a damn mess. Reflective of their lives he thought with a dark chuckle āI know what youāre thinkingā
āListenā Urie nudged his shoulder āYou think Iād let you do that? As if Iām going to let go of you that easilyā
Mutsuki shuddered and Urie noticed that he was crying. Tears dripped onto his borrowed clothes. In any other circumstance Urie might have smiled at the sight of Mutsuki wearing his clothes. But having no other choice but to wear them because his own were stained with Urieās blood was a bit of a downer.
āIāve been selfishā Mutsuki sobbed.
Urie wrapped his arms around Mutsuki, drawing him against his chest and stroking his hair with one hand āWeāve all been selfish (Me, especially)ā
āNot like me. You all had reasons at least. I just had an obsession with Haise because I thought he could bring me happinessā His voice was muffled against Urieās shirt.
āHey, thatās a reasonā
Mutsuki laughed brokenly āYeah, a shitty oneā He wiped the tears from his cheeks using the bottom of Urieās borrowed shirt āI feel like a burden to you all. What I did was unforgivableā
āDo you rememberā¦that night at the auction?ā Urie tried. Mutsuki may have been present that night, but Urie had never really told him why he considered it to be so significant.
āThat night I told you I wished you were dead, and you responded by comforting me. Thatās when I knew you were important to me. I wonāt let anything bad happen to you again (Iāve failed you too many times now)ā
āImportant, huh?ā He sniffled.
Urie paused. It was beyond inappropriate. Disgraceful, even, and incredibly ill-timed. But, maybe Mutsuki needed to hear it āI love youā
Urie could both feel and hear Mutsukiās racing heartbeat against his own āAnd if I donāt feel the same way?ā
He was probably uncomfortable. Urie wouldnāt allow himself to keep false promises anymore. He had lost too many loved ones. No more. No more.
āIt doesnāt matter. As long as Iām alive, I will do everything I can to protect you (I can handle it)ā
āAnd if I do?ā Mutsuki asked quietly.Ā
Urie swallowed. He hadnāt anticipated that being the case.
āI-Iām not sure exactlyā¦what love is anymore, or if I ever did, but I think the way I feel about you might be the answerā Mutsuki continued.
āMutsukiā He said in wonder, at a loss for more words than that.
āI saw you looking at me at Takeomiās weddingā He admitted āYou wanted me, but you didnāt try to do anything. That was confusing from a manā
Urieās heart sank āThen thatās just respect, and Iāll always give you that, you donāt have to feel like you owe-ā
āKukiā Mutsuki said, looking up at him with a serious expression āItās different. I feel different about you and Saiko even though I care about you both. When I see you, my heart-ā He placed Urieās hand over his thudding heart ā-goes so fastā
āAhā Urie awkwardly said in response.
Mutsukiās expression twisted āBut you arenāt interested in that nowā he stated, as if it were a fact.
āI am, but I want to make sure this is really what you wantā Urie reached out to clasp his hands. He cursed his inability to adequately express himself. What he wanted to do was just kiss him, but he wouldnāt yet. He could wait.
āI guess you want me to go to therapy first?ā
He nodded āIf thatās okay with you. You need to look after yourself firstā
āBeing there. You and Saiko are the family I never hadā Mutsuki said, then added āShirazu too. Do you think heās watching over us?ā
āHeās probably saying that my confession was awfulā Urie joked.
Mutsuki laughed, light and airy. A real laugh. Urie smiled at him. He hoped to hear that laugh for many years to come.
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