i said it, you were thinkin it.

[andwellbeokay]

[andwellbeokay]

on what i learned from an energy healer

well it has been A WHILE!

3 months and 11 days, to be exact. there have been moon cycles that have bombarded my life, mercury being in retrograde (which just fucks everyone up) and above all: transition. of all the things that 2016 has been for me, it has truly, in spite of and despite everything that has happened, a year of positive change. 

last night, i had the absolute pleasure of meeting with an intuitive body healer and energy healer (check her out/make an appointment/email with her/everything everything everything!! http://rosedovehealing.com/) 

i know, i know. “energy healer” “intuitive body reader,” what does it all mean? some people will call me too hippie/holistic. or ask me why i don’t see a therapist if i go through the trouble of meeting with someone who describes themselves as a “healer.” while there may be truths to any of these statements, i couldn’t have been happier with my experience and i felt inspired, compelled even, to write about it. after a 3 month (11 day) hiatus, my energy felt revitalized and i needed to write about my experience. so this is it; this is on what i learned from my (yes, i’m calling her “my” now) energy healer. 

1. she brought up things in my past i wasn’t even consciously aware were bothering me.

i thought during my session she was going to pick up one the obvious: i was in a relationship where i was cheated on and felt hurt. my best friend died and my heart shattered. the normal things that tend to spew out of my mouth like utter word vomit because they are at the surface and fresh wounds. two things happened that i was actually shocked by

a. my ex boyfriend who cheated on me was not mentioned once. only when i mentioned him she said to me “he wasn’t for you and you shouldn’t worry about that relationship too much.” i actually wanted to cry because i felt free from the situation. not because someone put him down or said he sucks etc. etc., but because i was told by someone with a strong intuition that he wasn’t mine to have, i wasn’t supposed to be his. and that in it of itself closed that wound like you wouldn't imagine.

b. my friend who passed didn’t come to me in this strong, visual way like i may have thought, but in this quiet and beautiful manner toward the middle and end of the session. it wasn’t until after the session and after this meditation like sense that i exited and i let everything sink in that i almost felt him radiating around me--in short--it was an out of body experience.

without giving too much personal information about my past that she brought up, the things she told me not only made sense, but were almost like an anchor lodged in the sludge of my soul. because it was wiggled free a bit, it came up immediately and like a ton of bricks was recognized and crumbled down. it was like nothing i had ever experienced. it was as though the core of my insecurities, the things i fight off and fight back from, all came together in this one “aha!” moment and made complete and total sense. and that is how we can heal, by  making sense of the things holding us down and back. 

2. she was honest about her intuitive abilities, and didn’t try to act like a psychologist/mind reader/fortune teller.

never once did rosemary try to act like she was going to give me the golden nugget of information: fame, fortune, companionship. she didn’t act as though she was this grand divinity (even though i feel like she is). she told me she had urges to different parts of the body, and things would come to her that might not make sense, and in five or six days suddenly would. or that, through openness and conversation, she could make sense of why you felt a certain way or why she is drawn to a name, a face, or a memory. i didn’t feel like i couldn’t share information with her because i was trying to share her gift--the gift of rosemary is that she can dig deeper the more vulnerable and open you are. you can physically feel vibrations in your body when she’s not even touching you. her gift is that she is so in tune with not only herself, but with the presence of the room and its a beautiful and truly incredible thing to be a part of. 

3. she let me cry.

as i have mentioned time and time again, i grew up in a “rub some dirt in it” household. i’m not ashamed of that or resentful. it made me into the strong, logical person that i am. HOWEVER, tears are like a serious cry for help in my house. emotions running high are sometimes looked at irrationality. there was a breakthrough type of  moment during my session where i didn’t think twice, but actually apologized because i made a self discovery and it overwhelmed me. she stopped me and asked me to allow myself to let it go and let it out of my system. it sometimes does feel extremely therapeutic to cry, and i thank rosemary so deeply for giving me a space to feel comfort in my tears.

4. she gave me actual solutions that weren’t just mental/spiritual.

in some ways it may seem easy to tell someone to “meditate” or “let it go” or “forgive,” and while in some instances this advice was offered by rosemary, she also gave me the (quite interesting) advice of my food choices, diet, and vitamin intake. she told me to purchase a dry brush to create more circulation in my lymphatic nodes, rosemary also advised that i eat more spinach, that probiotic yogurt was okay but dairy isn’t best for me, that i should be ingesting more fiber, flaxseed, nuts, magnesium and vitamin c. there’s few things more amazing than being given the actual tools to be able to control a situation with foods and vitamins and physical things rather than just “think about it.” 

5. she made me feel important and validated my feelings.

everything i said or any connection i made, she not only made me feel like that’s exactly how i should be feeling, but she made me feel like i was extremely important. one of the first things rosemary said to me during our session was that i was very intelligent and i need to stop trying to act as though im not. wow, just honestly WOW. for me that really hit home, because i do undercut my intelligence, and i do project my insecurities in a humorous way to not get hurt, and i do sarcastically speak about things that really hurt me so that i feel free from the pain. rosemary allowed me to acknowledge those feelings and then allow them to be swept away. instead of feeling things in such a way to make people view me in a “better” or different light, to instead live my authentic truth and therein be in better harmony with myself. the way rosemary described some of the vibrations she was receiving in regard to different parts of my life: a guy i’m speaking to, my job, my life in general, she, in a very positive manner agreed that these were positive choices and that i was in a transition period and to take all things slow. it was amazing to feel that my gut feelings were proving to be true once again and that i can be in tune with my own intuitive feelings as well.

6. i physically felt the benefits as soon as i got off of the table.

i got up after the session, aka an hour and a half of basically spilling my soul on a table and sharing an intense aura with another being, and first my head felt a little heavy, but my body felt incredibly light. it was the strangest feeling. as more time went on, i felt myself getting extremely thirsty, and my body feeling lighter and lighter. last night when i went to sleep, after soaking in a tub for about a half hour, watching a few episodes of the office, and climbing into my sheets in my robe, i slept fully and soundly. when i woke up this morning, i didn’t have the normal stiffness in my jaw. my shoulders felt odd because they were relaxed down my back, rather than crunched in my shoulders. even as i sit here now, typing this blog, my posture is more straight, my shoulders drawn back, my heart opened forward. i feel a lot more calm, which is a feeling i have been struggling to maintain for legitimately 2 years now. this is not an exaggeration, this is a truth of my life. i have now felt calm for 18 hours since my reading, even through a hectic work day, and oversleeping. even feeling unsure of how i am getting home, or what i am up to this weekend, etc., i feel like a brand new person, with new set intentions of inner peace at the top of my priority list. 

i have a new hope, a lightened corridor, as rosemary had reminded me was what my future held. i don’t need to feel lost or confused, because whatever those feelings are are a part of my journey and a part of how i am becoming my authentic truth. i have found, in less than a day, i can cry when i need to, ask for what i want, and be myself. there are people who wont like me, but more important, people who will love me for that. my capacity, my potential, and my future are all grand and light and bright and i thank my energy healer, rosemary, for those connections and realizations. namaste. 

[andwellbeokay]

[andwellbeokay]

on being free spirited in a conservative, white picket fence world.

its no ancient concept or secret that each and every day we affect others lives. whether its in a big way or we cause the tiniest ripple in another human’s universe, we still impact one another. 

in a world that is extremely cruel to one another, where we endure false friends, douche bag bosses, and mean day to day encounters by people who barely know us but judge us regardless, you’d think that the people who love you the most (mom and dad, hey) would without a doubt be your biggest supporters. they would have your back and they would reinforce your choices and love you regardless of anything. being the person that i am- free spirited, a “hippie” as my family likes to say- it doesn’t necessarily bide well with them. i don’t necessarily think that they aren’t proud of me and i don’t necessarily think that they want to change me, but i think in a lot of ways i scare them. 

i feel as though this is an ongoing trend in this generation- we’re thrill seekers and adventurers. we resonate more with wanderlust than we do with an office 9-5, and when we do have that office 9-5, we feel stuck. the difference between our generation and our parents’ is that we’ll quit doing something we don’t want to do. we wont stay being angry at a job we hate. we wont carry around negative energy being someone we’re not. what is insane is that we did not just wake up this way. we didn’t make a conscious choice to just be these birds in the wind, going where it feels right for us to go. we were brought up this way. the generation of adults who so easily mocks us, created us. our parents who are confused and even sometimes frightened by our choices are the ones that bound us to be the people we are, the ones that make the types of choices we make. 

what is the most interesting concept about this push and pull--this chatter of “this generation doesn’t work as hard as we did,” or “they feel entitled and they don’t want to make money” comes from the very breeders of our being. our parents have impacted us to make these choices and be these people and explore our inner dialogue and actually do this crazy thing where we listen to it!! we don’t seek a greater beyond, a greater meaning of life, and an exploration of different places and people and feelings because we just magically felt like it.. we do these things and accept these intuitions because that’s how our parents raised us. the very parents who roll their eyes when we choose yoga over tylenol, the very parents who force us to take boring, meaningless corporate protocol positions because its the status quo, the very parents who feel anxious when we would rather spend $1,500 on a round trip plane ticket to europe than invest it, are the very people who made us who we are. they have impacted these people that have rose colored glasses, longing to see the world. longing to be outside the four concrete walls of an office building, and be outside. using our hands, creatively freethinking with the minds that were molded by the people who are trying to cut down and cut off the free spirited humans they created. i joke with my parents a lot, who are conservative and religious and like minded, that i come from mars. but the truth is, i am a direct cause of their effect. they allowed me to march to the beat of my own drum. they encouraged me to do the things that made me happy. the rooted for me to be an individual when i was lost and trying to find out who i was.  

being an aunt to a 4 year old and an 8 year old, i understand the importance of keeping that fire alive. not being afraid of a particular passion or something that makes a person quirky or different, but instead, embracing it fully and presenting it forward as what makes that individual special. there’s nothing worse in this life than having a person believe their gift is their curse. i think our generation’s greatest gift will be acceptance. our gift as an age group is that our youthfulness and liveliness keep us on track to follow our hearts, rather than following societal norms. 

get your 200 hour yoga teacher certification, learn mandarin, hike the appalachian trail and quit your day job to pursue your day dream. do it now and do it often. shock and surprise people by the beauty of following your heart rather than doing what is “normal,” or “right.” because looking back on your life, you wont remember going to work, day in and day out. you wont remember the bills you may not have paid on time, or the money in your savings account. you WILL however, remember the way you felt in moments that made you alive and free. you’ll remember the time you took a risk, the time you followed your heart, and if you do those things you won’t do it with any regret. 

our parents had this unbelievable impact on this generation as a whole. we’re not your normal Jane Doe and John Smith. we’re not corporate robots waking up in our mid 40s wondering where the hell our lives went. and we’ll be damned if we’re on our death beds wishing and yearning to have taken advantage of our youth, of our time and of our passions. we are a lineage of people to be reckoned with. the wild spirits, owning our freedoms and pursuing happiness first and foremost, as all living beings should. so thank you to our parents. you may not know what you have created, but you impacted a beautiful bunch with so much fire inside. 

so save the white picket fence for Desperate Housewives. keep your cliche’s and your social norms and what seems to be the status quo. i don’t want that. it bores me, and nothing would scare me more in this life than to be bored. i want to be thrilled and excited. i want to amaze myself day in and day out. i know some days will be slower than others, but i want to be able to freely and substantially express myself in an effort to be the most genuine and authentic version of myself i can be. one of my favorite Rachel Brathen quotes is “i am a free spirit. the pure essence of my soul is freedom. i am free to manifest the life i want to live, and every situation i am presented with is an opportunity to explore and enjoy the beauty of this world. the choice is mine, and i choose to be free.” choose freedom, choose love, choose to color outside the lines, but overall choose yourself. 

[andwellbeokay]

[andwellbeokay]

on being unable to react to death

i understand that using this platform i reach people. people resonate with me and understand where i am coming from. this might be the post that makes you look at me differently or make you think i’m insensitive or just straight up bizarre. but i write because that’s how i express feeling and make sense of all of the mixups in my brain. here is on my inability to “properly” react to death.

at approximately 6:15 pm yesterday, i walked into my house to my parents nervously milling about the kitchen, rushing to stuff the last of their carelessly put together sandwiches into their mouths. i was extremely confused because 

a. my niece and nephew were supposed to sleepover

b. i was about to get dressed to go out for my own dinner plans

c. my mamita was sitting their like she had no idea what was happening herself (she’s the nosiest, loveliest human on the planet, she always knows what’s going on)

i was told by my overprotective parents that they were rushing to the ER because my father’s mother was in the hospital. it wasn’t looking good and they had to go ASAP and i had to cancel my plans to watch my niece and nephew for them. what did i do? basically i threw a 24 year old version of a tantrum. i was annoyed and bratty that my 93 year old grandma was in the hospital again. i was frustrated that this was the third time this year that i was told she was going to die, that she put my parents through an absolute frenzy, only to be a rude and disrespectful, selfish old woman to my mother and father who did everything for her. 

my grandmother and i have never had a good relationship. she used to, in so many words, call me fat. now that i’m not fat, she is always asking why i’m single, what i do for work, why i am not getting my masters. i never felt good enough for that woman, and maybe because of the combination of having my  mamita (my mom’s mom who is like 18+ grandparents, basically my favorite human being on the planet earth) and seeing how she treated my father and aunt (lower than dog shit), i didn’t care about what she thought about me. as i got older, the reasons why i visited her changed. i didn’t do it because i was trying to prove myself to her or try to get her to love me or something as sick and twisted as that...trying to get your grandparent to love you..i would visit, and call, and write cards, and do kind gestures because that is how i was raised. because i was supporting my aunt and my father. because, deep down, i know doing the right thing is not in-genuine of me, it’s actually spot on in my character. so i did. i would go, and i would listen to her, and i would tell her i love her. because it was and is the right thing to do. and all of that animosity, listening to the way she spoke to me and my mother and my father, began to build up from years of feeling worthless in front of her, unless it was convenient for her to love me. i stopped my weekly visits. i stopped calling her every other week. i began to feel angry and stubborn and its really fucked me up in my head. and here i am, a twenty four year old granddaughter in the beginning of august crying in my kitchen because grandma treats us like shit. 

but something changed this time. something was different. when i visited her at the hospital, she didn’t spit spiteful sentences in my direction. she didn’t speak angrily or sarcastically toward the nurses. she talked about my grandfather. she talked about how she lived a really good life. she joked and she laughed, and that’s when i was told that she was actually going to die this time. i watched and listened as a priest read her her last rights. i held my sister as she sobbed because she had 14 more, happier, more lively years with this frail 93 year old woman before me. i watched my dad pace, for literally hours. i listened to my aunt, angrily, tell the nurse that she appreciated her optimism but she was going to die and that was it. i zoomed in and brightened my favorite newspaper clipping photo of my grandparents on my phone and showed my grandma, and she said that she could see the photo (she is blind), and that he’s been waiting for her. i watched my brother play her Benny Goodman on his phone and watched her close her eyes and smile, and say that she used to dance all around with grandpa to this. 

for the first time in what has felt like years, there was a softness to my grandmother who has been nothing short of hateful toward the people around her. for the first time in forever, she didn’t just throw me a pity “i love you,” but as i walked away, which may have been for the last time i saw her breathing, she added “a lot.” 

i went home. i drove my sister home. we had super morbid conversation. i wondered if i would still be able to see suicide squad with my friends tomorrow night, since i already bought the ticket. i figured i shouldn’t go out in manhattan on friday night like i had planned, and should be with my cousin Gina who just passed the anniversary of the death of her paternal grandmother just last month. i wondered if i should wear the same dress i wore to Nick’s wake or if i should buy something else so i can throw it away after. i thought all these things with a straight face. i haven’t cried, i haven’t felt bad, i’ve made comments that she is “really old” and sometimes it is just “people’s time to go.” 

i don’t know if losing one of the most important people in my life, followed by my uncle who was one of the most loving, has caused me to be numb to this pain. to watch a woman, nearly in her mid 90s, who basically pushed me beneath her expectations, beneath her want, beneath her unconditional love that you almost expect out of your grandparents, die. it doesn’t hurt me, it doesn’t make me feel guilty, it doesn’t make me feel much of anything right now. the numbness makes me wonder who i am as far as a person reacting to death, and losing people. i don’t know if this is just circumstantial, like a long lost relative that i don’t really know, or if this is the wall i am beginning to build around myself so i don’t hurt the way i’ve hurt over the past two years. i don’t know if this is something i can fix over time or if i’ve permanently bruised myself. i didn’t like how i seemed last night. i didn’t like walking around like an emotionless zombie that didn’t give a shit that her grandmother was getting a morphine drip, no matter how terrible during her life she may have been. i don’t really have an answer for myself, i don’t have an answer for anyone else who may also be feeling this way, but i do know that you have to acknowledge and validate how you’re acting, and reacting and just roll with it. praying that it is not at the expense of other people’s feelings, acting only in genuine ways toward yourself and in something as definitive and irreversible as death, trying to put on the best face possible for the people this will affect most. 

[andwellbeokay]

[andwellbeokay]

on being an introverted social butterfly

a quick google search allows me to understand the following: an “introvert” is a shy or quiet person, neither of which i am. it also used the word “reticent” which included synonyms such as: withdrawn or diffident which sounded more like me...which brought me to my final click of “diffident” which included the words: self conscious, insecure, hesitant and not confident. BINGO. 

so i guess here’s on being a diffident social butterfly. 

the people you surround yourself with are loud, and fun, and outgoing. you love to go out, and be around people. you have a lot of friends, in addition to a tight inner circle who you do dinners, drinks and clubbing with on the weekends. i can’t believe i just used the word “clubbing,” but i didn’t want to make it a long drawn out explanation like i just did anyway. you don’t have  “social anxiety” so to speak but you do feel constantly judged. and suddenly your night out and having fun becomes a night of comparing yourself to those around you. 

am i wearing too much makeup? are my clothes too tight? why didn’t i wear something more trendy? why aren’t guys talking to me? it’s cause i’m the ugly friend, right? i just want to go home.

this is generally the internal conversation i have with myself week after week. i have attractive friends, my best friend is one of the most beautiful humans i know. but that shouldn’t take away from who i am and what i bring to the table. on the outside, i appear to be this confident and exciting person. i’m always down for a good time and i love to meet new people. but inside my mind is a civil war of hateful self talk and insecure babble that i cant shut the fuck off. to people i find attractive or want to get to know better i end up speaking out of context, or seeming to want something more, when i truly just want to get to know them. i foresee situations of me “fucking something up” that haven’t even slightly come to fruition yet. its a constant back and forth of being the girl who dances on the bar with her budlight and being the girl ripping shots because she feels shitty about herself. about being the person who will give her number to someone she’s not even remotely interested in because, at least that person gave me some attention. 

i feel like this generalization; the fun chick (or guy, really) who also hates on her/himself hard, is a growing trend that is hard to come out of. its the idea that you need to almost create multiple lists of what reality is and what your insecurities are telling you reality is. i think that there are things from each and everyone of our pasts that create this monster: the introverted social butterfly. the person who is on the brink of being the best, fun, outgoing version of themselves, but also retreats inward to not expose too much in an attempt to not get hurt. but i know one thing for sure, from experience and from watching it happen..you’re only hurting yourself by talking to yourself in a hateful way. you’re doing only yourself an injustice by making yourself small. you’re only creating shortcomings for yourself by identifying with your own shortcomings rather than with the things that make you amazing. 

in the story of the semi-hypocritical, hot and cold, diffident social butterfly, work toward making yourself more aware of what makes you rock rather than what makes you suck. 

[andwellbeokay]

[andwellbeokay]

on the shit show that is dating in your 20′s

EVERYONE DEALS WITH THIS. 

straight, gay, bi, trans, newly single, #foreversingle, manhater, maneater, manwhore, slut, whatever, whoever the fuck you are... 

dating post college-pre adulthood is an absolute mish-mosh of madness. this is not a post of advice, this is not a mature list of do’s and dont’s..this is just straight up (based on experience) dating and the mystical fuckery that it is. 

all that glitters is NOT gold

entranced by the hottie at work? the cute guy at the gym? your bumble match? DO NOT BE FOOLED BY LOOKS. i have dated “average” looking guys with amazing personalities. the stocky, 5 foot 8 dudes, in my experience, have taken me on kick ass dates, made me laugh my ass off annnnnnnd disappointed me greatly once there was steps in the direction of a more serious relationship. whereas the hot guy that made my eyes bug out of my eye sockets has been slightly more dull, SUPER needy and had me running for the hills. appearance is not everything, i repeat NOT EVERYTHING. but i mean, if you suck at least you’re pleasant to look at. 

speaking of looks not being everything, money also is not everything

i’m not going to sit here and act like i wouldn’t love to be wined and dined. it’s definitely nice to not have to think about how much the bill for the rooftop mojitos will be because your fling works on Wall Street, but those experiences (in truly, just my experience) are in-genuine. the guy that only takes you to the best restaurants and pays for everything is really showing you off, trophy wife style. now maybe its the hopeless romantic in me, and i definitely think there’s a time (and its greatly appreciated) to be in a situation where someone solely takes care of you, but i want the guy who is going to send flowers to my house, or pick me up at 5 in the morning so we can watch the sunrise, or send me a letter. i think its the little things that either don’t cost anything or are just thoughtful over the big money. if you have both and have a brother, call me, me and my best friends are looking for dates. 

pda is fucked and i do not want to be a part of it

let me tell you something. i am a very affectionate person. but even if we are dating for 18 years, i do not want you to stick your tongue in my mouth in public, i do not want your hands all over me, making people visibly uncomfortable and i do NOT want you to hold my face in an effort to keep said uncomfortable/gropey kiss continuing. there is something very sweet about a first kiss, or a passionate make out or hand holding or hugging from behind, etc, etc. in private. DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A DRUNK COLLEGE GIRL AT A FRAT PARTY--I WILL KILL YOU. end rant. 

you can’t force something you just don’t feel

i’ve been on dates with the SWEETEST guys. guys that held the door open, were respectful, had great conversation, and even shared a kiss with. buuuuuuuut i just wasn’t feeling it..and you know what? that. is. okay. you do not owe anyone anything! there’s a reason why some people are just friends. you can love hanging out with the person and love who they are as a human being, you can even find them attractive and just not be romantically into them. and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. just being an open book and being gentle with those people are of the utmost importance. remember what it feels like to be rejected when you didn’t necessarily “deserve” it and treat the nice guy you’re just not feeling with care. 

if anyone tries to guilt you sexually..just leave them there..on the floor..with their blue balls..alone. 

literally had a guy tell me “i have needs.” L O fucking L. that’s nice. i have morals. and a brain. and standards. and you know what you have? a hand and a computer. if me wanting to wait to have sex with you is too much for you, i’ll see myself out. short and sweet, folks. 

first impressions are everything

if off the bat a guy isn’t picking you up for a date, or picking up the check or being nice to you...wtf are you waiting for? the courting stage is supposed to be guys (and girls) at the top of their game. aka its only going to get less courteous and chivalrous. i’m not saying guys have to pay for everything (cause i hate that shit) or that they need to come up with all the dates or stick their necks out every time in the first few months of dating..but lets be real, you should feel important and wanted and all that other cheesy crap, amirite?

i’m sincerely not sure if it gets better

idk if i’m giving the wrong people chances or i am too nice or what vibe i am putting out there, but its been an interesting year+ of dating people i know from my past, people i just met, people who are local, people who are from the city/out of town, older guys, younger guys, guys my age. wow i’m making it sound like i’ve gotten around. like i said at the start, this doesn’t have a triumphant end. this doesn’t have a cliche close with a “we got this, generation x! we can break the sucky dating stereotype!” this is real. this is genuine..i think we’re all fucked...

[andwellbeokay]

[andwellbeokay]

on being “the cool girl”

so here’s the scoop, there’s a very small amount of chicks who actually fall under this category. she’ll generally have a brother or male cousin she’s really close with who will, in detail, describe the peril of the “crazy girl” which will make this cool girl avoid this label at all costs. she can talk sports. she’s opinionated, but not bitchy. she can take accountability for her fuck ups and can apologize without cringing. she’ll have sex with you, but she’s not easy…and she’s just as down with a post sex kiss as she is a post sex fist bump. she’s super easy to please and because of that, low maintenance. you can bring her home to mom, or out with the guys, and it seems like she fits in all facets. so what’s the catch? here’s on being the cool girl.

from the guys perspective life seems pretty fucking dope–you have this chill chick that’s understanding and gets you. but from the girl, you get a whole lot of short comings. unfortunately, most guys will take advantage of the cool ass chick you are. they won’t think “wow this girl is amazing, I better not fuck it up,” but rather they think “she’s not like other girls so if I blow her off she’ll forgive me” or “if I forget to text her she’ll understand.” while statements exactly like that or at that equivalent are true, it still feels a lot like the girl is getting the short end of the stick. just because she understands that life happens and you don’t talk to her everyday doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you to talk to her as much as you can. just because you ditched her for the guys and she tells you its okay because she knows how much you love hanging out with them, doesn’t mean it should always happen. the cool chick is a rare male/female blend where she is both understanding + emotional. she’s low maintenance + cares.

so--what does this mean for you, ladies? don’t be down on yourself. being the cool chick you are, you are more than deserving of a guy who is JUST AS cool as you. if a guy is going to take advantage of how understanding you are, then that’s not the guy for you. if he’s going to ditch you, or “forget” to text you knowing how amazing you are, that’s his loss. and it’s not to say that great guys wont mess up and not to say that guys who are worthy may not meet your expectations, but if they don’t thats okay. don’t fault them for falling short, because they’re just leading you in the direction of who you’re supposed to be with, and they’re giving you bits and pieces of the man you want. just like, in many ways, you’re someone’s dream girl, take the string of guys who are going to be a disappointment more so as the puzzle pieces fitting together your future--without all the fuck ups you experience as the cool girl, you wouldn’t now exactly what you want.

while there are many downfalls of being the cool girl, consider this: you’re many different peoples’ type. you’re laid back, funny, attractive, motivated and super fucking cool...so take your pick of the crop. there will be many times where you’ll be disappointed- and more often than not you’ll get the short end of the stick. but when you finally don’t, when you finally meet a person that matches your “cool girl,” all the lack of texts, subpar sex and ditching for the guys, will be worth it. 

[andwellbeokay]

[andwellbeokay]

on summer: the do’s and dont’s of the upcoming season

every “how to make your blog more fantastic” site considers my opinion on what ya’ll should or should not be doing, or my “top picks” or my “favs” of the utmost importance in the blogesphere. 

so here’s my first: the do’s and don’ts of summer ‘16.

do: buy a ticket.

if you’re like me, you unfortunately are on a probationary period at your new job, aka, no extravagant summer trips for me. but do you know what it does mean? i’m planning a trip to Cali for October, like a bo$$. and now i have ample time to save, i have ample time to plan AND i’ll be elongating the period of my time as a tan member of society. win, win, win. but seriously, whether it’s to north carolina or thailand, buy a ticket and fly somewhere new and wonderful. whether it’s by yourself or with a group, get out there!

don’t: get attached to anyone

there are stereotypes for a reason--because 9 times out of 10 people underneath those stereotypes behaved in a certain way enough times to create the stereotype! guys, sorry if i’m throwing a lot of you under the bus, but here’s the deal: generally you dump or “take a break” or whatever else you’d like to call it with a girl as soon as it gets warm outside. now, if you’re in the midst of something great or are starting to get serious with someone and it’s still under 70 degrees outside- go for it. but i’m also just telling ya, don’t mistake a fling for love. summer love is light and exciting but it’s not actual love. don’t get attached, but definitely have fun. 

do: go to a quintessential summer event; think boardy barn or saratoga raceway 

whether it’s a big, floppy hat you fancy or a face full of smiley stickers, go out there and do some true new york tributes. pack up your andre and head to toga town, get a bunch of picnic tables with a huge group of people, and bet on some horses! once you’re done there (and slightly sunburnt) head into the heart of saratoga for some druther’s mac and cheese before getting absolutely belligerent on the strip of awesome bars the city has to offer. while the surrounding hotels are not terribly affordable, the bars + restaurants are. go for it! it ends up being an awesome weekend. as for boardy barn, i myself have never been (i’m a fraud), but from what i understand it’s a ton of smiley face stickers, a ton of college priced beers under a big ass tent. its like an upscale frat party for semi adults--aka everything i want and more. let’s hop on a bus and head to strong island for a sunday of drunken malarky.

don’t: put a full face of makeup on to go to the beach/by the pool

perhaps its just a personal pet peeve of mine, but holy shit. why are more and more girls wearing their foundation, bb cream, cc cream, bronzer, blush, eyeliner, mascara, fake face all up on the beach? don’t you realize there’s this thing called “the sun” that’s going to dry up your blemishes and leave you with glowing, magical skin? and did you also realize you look like a serial killer if/when you get out of the water and your eyeshadow is halfway down your cheek bones? also did you realize that i hate you and pick you apart maliciously from across the beach while i’m sitting, eating a salami sandwich and drinking a coke slushy. it’s not a good look, ladies. i know i specifed not to get attached to anyone, but trust me when i say you wont have that problem if you can wipe your face off onto your beach towel..guys will be running away faster than you can say #highmaintenancebitch

do: concerts...lots and lots of concerts

i’ve honestly never been to a concert i haven’t had fun at. i love a ton of different types of music, but i’ve gone to concerts where i haven’t LOVED the artist, or even the style. but i can tell ya one thing-- if you have a great group of people, a dope tailgate, and aren’t afraid to dance your ass off, there’s no concert you can’t have fun at. i’ve been to everything from rap, to country, to alternative, to classic rock, and at every damn one i’ve danced, drank and lost my voice the next day from singing (poorly) along to the one mainstream song i do know. buy lawn tix for like $40 a pop and go to as many concerts you can this summer, take a ton of stupid pictures of you carrying your bff on your shoulders, and drink enough tall boys to make a 16 year old boy jealous. just get out their and see a variety of different artists. 

don’t: overwork yourself

i feel like i’m writing this section to: me...from:me. while this time in our lives (mid twenties) is the time to hustle so we can party harder/bougie-r in our late twenties, don’t put all of your eggs in one basket as far as locking up your weekends go. sure, its fantastic to work friday and saturday nights at your part time waitressing job, or babysit throughout the late evenings during the week and weekends, but also..COME THE FUCK ON. there’s only so much of our lives where we’re literally only responsible for ourselves. at what point do we have a spouse, or children, or family members (ie parents/grandparents) we need to take care of? very possibly starting at the 30 range. so ditch the $12/hour gig you have and put on some uncomfortable heels, and shamelessly flirt with some guy over a $10 mojito. you’re young, and fun, and pretty broke, you better enjoy it while you can. 

do: change up your hairstyle

again, anyone that knows me must be eye rolling right now. in the past year i have gone from long red hair, to long blonde hair, to a blonde bob to dark brown bob..so i get it, i don’t need to change my hairstyle up for another like 8+ years. however, for all those brunettes or even the blonde bombshells, throw some balayage blonde in those ends, feather in some turquoise in your locks, hell, dye your whole head easter egg pink, i don’t really care, but summertime is definitely a time to play up a look, or change up your style, because everything looks better with a tan. 

don’t: sleep in everyday

last but not least, my mantra of life, for the love of God don’t sleep your summer away!!! i know how those nights out can wear and tear on your body. i know how clubbing until 5 am makes you want to sleep until 5 pm...but don’t! there’s only so much sunshine and warmth we get over the course of june/july/august/september! we need to take it all in. plus, your tan will cover up the bags under your eyes nicely. trust me when i say, keep the sleeping in to one day a week tops--don’t miss out on everything happening around you! sleep is for the weak..and the pale..and the boring.

well there ya have it. some of my summer ‘16 do’s and dont’s. if there are some that didn’t make the cut, some you want me to elaborate on, or just topics you’d like me to discuss in general, don’t be shy! message me. i aim to please ;)

[andwellbeokay]

[andwellbeokay]

on (almost) being a yoga instructor

i feel as though i really need to get this out there. i have less than a month left until i am a 200 hr RYT (YAY!) the last few months have been emotionally draining and crazy and i’ve rethought my entire life, all while practicing asanas, pranayama and sanskrit. but there’s also things that i have “put up” with in the light of being (almost) a yoga instructor.

first of all, no, i’m not a slut. yes, i can almost go into a split and i can put my legs behind my head. no, that does not mean i will do it for you. maybe it’s the assumption that those being a yoga teacher are free spirited is being mistaken for being the town bicycle, but that’s not the case. i’ll keep my ankles crossed and my shirt on, thank you.

second of all, no, i am not posting my yoga pictures because i think my butt looks good. my rumi quote is not meant to be a distraction- the poses i post are beautiful, and they make my body and soul feel good, and i work really hard to be able to get into them. i’m not trying to focus on my body. i’m not trying to show off anything other than my progress as a yogi and the beautiful things my body (and yours) can do.

thirdly, no i am not zen all the time just because i am a registered yoga teacher. i am not ghandi, i am not a buddhist, i am not a guru. if you piss me off, i will hit you. if you insult me i will not throw a “namaste” your way, i will probably call you a prick. i definitely try my best to be the most understanding person i can be, but who doesn’t? basically, my inner peace will not be translated to understanding you if you’re a douchebag, so don’t piss me off.

speaking of “i am not a buddhist,” i am not a buddhist. i have not converted religions, and i did not get dunked in the ganges in the name of Allah. not that it’s necessary to mention, but i am of a catholic faith, on the more spiritual side. i am down with jesus, and the practice of a ancient art form of meditation and asana should not mean that i’ve converted religions. Jamie Surya is a human being and a yogi, she’s not a priest.

fifthly is weird. so i’m just gonna say next. stop asking me to stop drop and yoga all the time. unless we’re in a friends house and we’re fucking around doing some poses, i don’t want to do a headstand on the bar, i don’t want to do titibasana on the street (i also can’t do titibasana, so don’t ask regardless), and again, no, i will not show you that i can put my feet behind my head. and the yogi in me needs to add, that not properly warming your body up for inversions, or backbends is super dangerous, so that alone makes me not want to, duh! #safetyissexy 

i hope this clears some shit up- in short- just because i can, does not mean i will do weird sexual shit with you while in urdhva dhanurasana, i do not post poses so you can judge the size of my thighs, i am still a human and do get pissed off by normal human bullshit, i am still catholic, and i don’t want to do inversions at the drop of a hat. that’s all. also, i’m done with my certification June 4th and need all of the help i can get so if you want me to practice teach with you i’m totally up for it! #shamelesspromotion

[andwellbeokay]