there2 no punchliine

alriight youvve been fliipped your daiily biird noww pi22 off

[barking-gardener-deactivated201]

Space Heater

[barking-gardener-deactivated201]

  "If by enjoy ya mean nearly got my face scrapped off, yes, I did. What about you, didja enjoy yourself while gettin’ all gloomy in your own thoughts again?” Though he knew that she went out only because she needed some steam to blow off, it wasn’t exactly the entire truth to the story. She doesn’t plan on telling him what she’s up to while she’s out, and she plans to keep it that way. After this week is over, things will be back to normal and they’ll be their gossiping selves again!

… Right?

As the female sprite kicked the toe of her shoes against the entrance of the cave, she fixed her glasses so that they can readjust to the sudden warmth in the area. After the fog disappeared from her lenses, she went about bringing the strap of her rifle over her head and had it lean in its usual spot near her log. The cave may not have much to offer, but it’s better than being outside and have nothing at all. It’s not much, but she’s happy with it. 

Jadesprite takes a seat on her log, tossing the other sprite a fruit that she had preserved in the pile of snow in a secret place near the mouth of their cave. If there’s one thing she loves about snow, it’s basically like nature’s refrigerator, so fruits are easy to store if placed deep enough and given enough space so it doesn’t rot due to being too close to the other fruits. . She bites into hers, rotating her neck as she chewed on her food before swallowing. 

"Anythin’ happen while I was gone?" She already knows the answer, but it doesn’t hurt her to be a little considerate of his feelings. 

[anexistentialjoke]

"Yeah I noticed that." Erisol muttered before setting the stick he had been tending the fire with to the side. He watched as Jadesprite got settled on her log, sinking her teeth into an apple while she pretended she didn't know why he was so on edge. While he did next to jack shit, he wasn't stupid on top of worthless. She didn't just go hunting. Oh fuck no. Not with the way she was acting now, basically the nail in the fucking coffin housing her "I don't need to hang out with my loser sprite friend" corpse.

He wasn't jealous. Not exactly. No. Being jealous would imply he actually enjoyed her company and they mutually tolerated each other like friends or some shit. And he knew that wasn't the case, because nobody would be friends with a fuck up like him. He just didn't want her leaving because... well, he'll be damned if he dies frozen and completely alone.

Erisol had managed to scrounge up enough self-worth to at least do that.

She was crucial to his survival. So of course he didn't want her running around with some asshole who may or may not take her away. Or hurt her. Or both.

"Well I tried to walk outside and almost got frostbitten again, so that was fun. Other than that, the usual bullshit. Sat around. Poked this fucker. Got properly gloomy with my fuckin thoughts while you went off and did your dog thing. Or, you know, whatever you actually do out there." He scooted back away from the fire, leaning against the cavern wall and holding out an expectant hand. Making a point not to look at her. "Speakin' of... got any fruit to spare?"

[barking-gardener-deactivated201]

Space Heater

What the actual fuck is wrong with her?! Why is Erisol being so goddamn nosy this week?! When is it just going to stop and, better yet, when did all of this complete bullshit even start?! They were just fine and dandy before he started questioning her whereabouts in the evenings and who she was hanging out with and if he was so insufferable that she would have to make a lame excuse to get away from him’ or some crap like that, anyways. There they were, at the beginning of the week not even a few hours after reuniting, a couple of freaks of nature in their own little cave, eating a mix of rabbit and deer meat. And then he starts with acting like a cat and sticking his nose where he doesn’t need to be sticking it. 

"So, where were you last night?" He would start, looking down at the food that he deemed edible enough that he’d actually even spare a glance to and act like he wasn’t being a stereotypical overly-curious housewife.

All Jadesprite would be doing in the evenings is a little hunting and having herself a little time to herself in the woods, as cold as it may be. She loves how the cool air hits her face, how it soothes her nerves and beings down her temperature and helps keep the plutonium-induced sprite in a stable condition. Sometimes Erisol can be so annoying that she wants to just blow up. Instead of screaming at him and saying how he should keep to his own business and being a literal bitch, she stops, breathes, and grabs her rifle and says that she’ll be out for a while. 

She can’t ever stay mad at him though. There were times where he would give her a weird look and stand by the entrance of the cave, getting those legs ready to bold the fuck out of there whenever he so pleased. However, he would stay and ramble on with her about recent and past events, often talking about their opinions on certain characters that they find fascinating enough to bring up and she finds herself all happy and joyful again and forgets why she was mad at him in the first place. 

But right now, she’s coming home with nothing in tow. Time to get ready for the "Out with your friends again?" shtick or the ever-famous "Had fun avoiding me?" line that always seems to strike a chord the wrong way for her. Jadesprite wonders for a moment, a few feet away from the entrance of the mouth of her home, what new insults he’ll throw her way this evening. 

[anexistentialjoke]

Sometimes Erisol believed he was the only one taking this relationship seriously.

Admittedly he had no idea what the fuck kind of relationship this was. Mostly just two green freaks holed in a cave together as not to get completely fucked by the cold they had returned to. Well one green freak sulking around the caverns with the other one occasionally coming back after semi-successful hunting trips. Ten guesses of which one was the one doing the sulking.

He had tried hunting for his own food. Once. Resulted in a small bush fire and slight singing of his wand hand. His psionic abilities, even when harnessed by his new wand. Probably should had expected such a disastrous results from trying to use the damnable contraption. He couldn't hold the thing without his hands shaking and the static shock of his psionics only worsened his aim. Perhaps better aim would come with practice but he knew a lost cause when he saw one. Why bother on something he already sucked at. Has always sucked at. Will always suck at.

Just, fuck that bullshit.

So instead he huddled up in the cave trying not to freeze to death with jadesprite. Really putting forth a lot more effort that he'd usually go to, but he knew she'd kick his ass if he just let snow drift over him until the Overseer scooped up his frozen corpse for... whatever the bastard did with the dead and dying.

Speaking of he still hadn't seen Davesprite.

Fuck this. Just. Fuck this. He prodded the pitiful fire he had managed to get going as he awaited Jadesprites return. Davesprite wasn't the only shitty thing weighing on his mind, though. 

His ears perked up to the sound of footsteps, and he didn't bother to look up to see who it was. Not like someone would risk traveling in this piss poor weather just to pay him a visit. Well. Maybe not him in particular. But that was beside the point. "Enjoy yourself?"

[anexistentialjoke]

you er wwhat wwas it erisol i believve it wwas that i need to speak to you

no thii2 ii2nt erii2ol thii2 ii2 patriick

wwhat do you wwant?

[caligulasoverseer]

-

yeah i guess you havve a point

on the fact you havvent met sol

dont evver approach him

he is to be considered dangerous

a rapist of all things

[anexistentialjoke]

wwoah wwoah wwaiit

back the fuck up

let me ju2t

wwhat?

[anexistentialjoke]

you er wwhat wwas it erisol i believve it wwas that i need to speak to you

no thii2 ii2nt erii2ol thii2 ii2 patriick

wwhat do you wwant?

[caligulasoverseer]

oh fuck off

anywways since you are technically part captor im here to inform you a somethin that evveryone should be awware of since its pretty er

scary

i think scary is a good wword for it

either wway

havve you met your full captor side

like the actual sollux

[anexistentialjoke]

2cary?

hate twwo break iit twwo you but that wword could be u2ed two de2ciibe anythiing iin thii2 hell piit wwevve been dropped iin

youvve got two be more 2peciifiic

al2o no

ii havvent run iinto my 'full captor siide'

howwevver 'actual' he miight be ii dont giivve a 2hiit iivve been tryiin to liimiit the amount of headache2 ii havve two deal wwiith

but no yeah wwhat about hiim?

[anexistentialjoke]

you er wwhat wwas it erisol i believve it wwas that i need to speak to you

no thii2 ii2nt erii2ol thii2 ii2 patriick

wwhat do you wwant?

[anexistentialjoke]

It's Not Easy Being Green

[barking-gardener-deactivated201]

The other green sprite, however, was liking this rain. It meant that the hunted would come out and try to find newer places to take shelter in, mostly small animals. Even so, Jadesprite would hunt them down with her rifle in hand and get her share of credits. She’s going to need a lot of supplies before she can go anywhere, like a bag of some sort to carry her items in and to hold her game. She only has so many bullets that came with her rifle, so she has to be careful of what she spends them on. 

She’s already spent her bullet a few hours ago on some strange arachnid, and now she has less than what she started with. She feels a bit bad for having missed the large spider, since it was an easy target, but her aiming needs work. She’s getting soft. One thing Jadesprite hates more than anything, it’s not passing her expectations for herself, which are higher than the rule of a fushiablood over the hemospectrum. 

Yeah. She’s got standards that are too high for herself.

She climbs down from the low branch she was perched on and decides that she needs to change place to find better coverage and game. The ground is wet and squishy, so when she walks down the dampened path of a trail that was used by many a large beast, everything could hear her presence like an animal could detect paranormal activity. The rain isn’t heavy, thank god. At least she has the canopy of the forest to keep her mostly dry. And some beeping occurs and then he’s got her attention stolen from that very noise. 

Her ears twitched as she grew curious of the familiar beeping of a tiny computer, one that she has around her wrist. The beeps sound similar to the ones she would make when she would use it, and that’s only to check what time it was and where she was. Her footsteps are now quieter, traveling on top of leaves that had fallen from above and silencing her steps. Her tail wags a bit in excitement, adrenaline rushing through her veins as she came closer to the noise, her movements becoming slower as she drew closer to it.

Maybe she isn’t as alone on this planet as she thought. 

[anexistentialjoke]

The thing about erisol is that he's as restless as he is apathetic.

It wasn't ten minutes into what he had deemed to be a quick rest to catch up on sleep when he found himself fidgeting like a freshly hatched wriggler. Shit. At first he took to fussing with his wrist computer again, rexamining the new waypoint. It hadn't moved or shifted from the last time he checked it, it was still lazily flashing at him. Trying to talk him into moving from where he was parked and do something goddamnit.

Piece of shit waypoint. Who's the passive aggressive asshole who put this on here? He continued to fume as he got up onto his feet, glancing around. The rain was still falling steady, not a snowman's chance in hell it was going to let up soon. Going out meant getting soaked. Or, more soaked than he already was. 

The computer chirped, and when he glanced down the waypoint had suddenly vanished. The fuck? He flicked the screen only to immediately regret it with the dull twinge of pain that shot through his wrist. Oh, great, so his wrist was fucked up now too. Fucking fantastic. All the more to keep his attention away from the steady sting he suffered from standing. 

He surveyed the trees around him, as if there'd be some other sort of indication of where he was supposed to end up. Grumbling he takes off his glasses and rubs some of the rainwater off of them. He couldn't see shit without them, and they were useless when fogged up and covered in droplets.

[anexistentialjoke]

Crit week

((Hold nothing back.))

[atasteforpeanuts]

you better not be wwho ii thiink you are. becau2e iif you are, iivve got to go fiind a cliiff to swwandiive off of.

Oh! Mr erisol its so nice to hear from you! Goodness pal its been so long i cant believe you ended up here too. What a lovely coincidence! Or it would be lovely if the situation itself were just as well…

But nonetheless im more than delighted to have you here for the company. How have you been buddy? I assume your venture here so far here has been just as daring and inhospitable as the rest of the troupe??

Not sure how youd feel about the situation at hand but i sure cant complain. I think it might be the treacherous adventure ive had yet and im quite beside myself about it!

[anexistentialjoke]

…

you knoww 

ii dont knoww wwhat ii expected of fuckiing cour2e iitd be you. great. let2 ju2t havve a huge fuckiing reuniion riight here and noww and catch up.

and before you say iit

let me gue22

you mii22ed thii2 twwo

[atasteforpeanuts]

HAHAHA!

As always its a rather abating expression from you pal! Youre always such a jokester arent you?? I have to say i did indeed miss that facetious side of you sincerely!

Golly gee chum im so glad to be having this affable reunion with you. You wouldnt imagine all the turn of events ive been through! Or maybe you would considering you more than likely have been going through the same balderdash as the others.  So i guess i dont have to spell it out for you then. But anyways this is splendid aint it?? Not exactly being marooned on this planet and all but having to reconcile with everyone after so long! Its just so friggin sensational i cant even describe my feelings here! I take it youve gotten together with your old pals too am i right?? You do have pals dont you? Not that im assuming youre without companionship its just you dont exactly seem like a chummy kind of sprite to be completely honest with you. But you knew that already didnt you?

[anexistentialjoke]

fuck you jake iim not a joke2ter and nevver havve been

and iim not your "pal"

ii dont havve "pal2"

unle22 by "pal2" you mean a22holes wwho drag me around and shovve me iinto lake2. eiither wway ii dont wwant them and ii e2peciially dont wwant you.

wwhy dont you take your braiin damaged po2iitiivviity 2omewwhere wwhere ii dont havve to deal wwiith iit. go "reconciile" wwiith your "chum2" or 2ome 2hiit. ii dont giivve a fuck.

ju2t pii22 off.

[anexistentialjoke]

It's Not Easy Being Green

Erisol had no idea what the to make of the last few hours.

As if being on this hell pit of a planet wasn't enough, the powers that be had deemed his life not shitty enough and whisked him away to a fucking island. Dropped in the middle of a fucking ocean like it was no big deal. Overseer had it out for him, nothing could convince him otherwise.

Then the fucking lake. His gills ached at the memory. If he needed any more reason to avoid contact with every other chucklefuck on this island, the groping and repeated drowning attempts provided more than enough argument for him to find a cave a spend the rest of his pitiful existence as a recluse. Not to mention the way his back ached, or how burns stretched across his feet and calves like sickly green flames.

All and all recent events sucked ass and he was all the more bitter about it.

However once he found himself back on the planet he was surprised by the sudden burst of motivation he had. And by motivation, he meant having enough energy to do more than lie on his back until death by exposure claimed him. Perhaps the island had put a little more fire in his step.

Or maybe he just didn't want Davesprite looming over him like a soaked goose again.

So Erisol wandered. He wove between trees with his arms folded tightly across his chest as the rain continued to come down in sheets. It wasn't long until he found an outcropping of rock to duck under. It was no cave, and certainly not the most ideal shelter but it was good enough.

He sat down in the driest patch he could find and started fiddling with his wrist computer, something that was becoming a fast habit of his. He silently noted the new names on the pester list and a fresh wave of displeasure washed over him when he recognized one in particular. No. Please no. Not him.

There was also a new waypoint he hadn't remembered programming. It wasn't too far off, an half hour walk away at most. Might as well check it out. It can't be worse than the island. Probably.

With a sigh he closed his eyes and leaned back against the rocks. He was cold, wet and exhausted. Worrying about what to do next or who to strategically avoid could wait. As of now, he just needed some peace and quiet to recoup. 

[atasteforpeanuts]

you better not be wwho ii thiink you are. becau2e iif you are, iivve got to go fiind a cliiff to swwandiive off of.

Oh! Mr erisol its so nice to hear from you! Goodness pal its been so long i cant believe you ended up here too. What a lovely coincidence! Or it would be lovely if the situation itself were just as well…

But nonetheless im more than delighted to have you here for the company. How have you been buddy? I assume your venture here so far here has been just as daring and inhospitable as the rest of the troupe??

Not sure how youd feel about the situation at hand but i sure cant complain. I think it might be the treacherous adventure ive had yet and im quite beside myself about it!

[anexistentialjoke]

…

you knoww 

ii dont knoww wwhat ii expected of fuckiing cour2e iitd be you. great. let2 ju2t havve a huge fuckiing reuniion riight here and noww and catch up.

and before you say iit

let me gue22

you mii22ed thii2 twwo

[anexistentialjoke]

e2stiimatiing the vvolume of raiin requiired to drowwn a guy

[turntechgodfeathers]

Well Davesprite was officially messed up it seemed- according to Jade. Of course according to her his wrist was broken, which he supposed he believed since when he looked down at it, it in fact was bent at an angle that wasn’t considered “normal”. Other than that he felt like he was fine- sure breathing was a bit strained but it wasn’t anything he particularly took notice to. His wings were still sore along the base but he wasn’t particularly worried about that- it’s not like they were broken or anything.

That’s when it dawned on him. His wings could feel pain. The part of him that was unnatural could feel pain- but his human body? It couldn’t feel it. There wasn’t any form of annoyance from his wrist, no ache. 

Wow I really am a freak, aren’t I? My wings could bruise and I’d feel the pain but my wrist breaks and nothing. It’s like I’m not real. Hah. Seems I’m just as fake as John always called me. Even the body I was born with rejects normalcy. 

With a sigh he kicked a nearby rock, watching at it skipped a few times on the ground, each time making a ‘tapping’ noise of a various pitch. The noise was nearly drowned out by the pouring rain, lightening, and thunder. He could have almost laughed at the sheer idiocy of it all. He was out in the pouring rain, drenched through and through, and all he could think of was how much of a freak he was! Hell even his eyes were entirely different than what he was born with- eerily close to his brothers… 

He did see Dirks handle on the wrist communicator and decided to bring it up. He fiddled around with it for a few minutes before sending a message to his paradox brother. Though he knew the male wasn’t his actual bro… it was still something to do? Something to maybe calm him down a bit from his obvious self destructive thoughts.

Though what he sent was kind of long winded and more or less just him making an ass of himself- at least he got the guts to actually MESSAGE him.

That thought was quickly removed from his mind through when he came across a familiar sprite more or less lumped on the ground. He wasn’t entirely sure why this guy was familiar- but man those horns were hard to forget. In fact he moved to prod the humanoid with his foot, raising an eyebrow. His own wings were lifted above his head and shielding himself from the rain- in turn being hovering over the other sprite proved to shield him from the rain as well- if only a little.

"Sup Mr. Green."

[anexistentialjoke]

When the rain mysteriously let up slightly, there were approximately two lines of reasoning that Erisol could come up with. The first, and more preferable, was that he was on the verge of losing consciousness and therefore one step closer to the sweet release he desired oh-so-much. Unfortunately his hopes of this being the case were short lived as the voice that chimed in above him confirmed his second suspicion: somebody had found him.

He pulled his arm away from where it had been draped over his face and took his sweet time to open his eyes, lime green squinting past crooked and two-tone tinted glasses. The voice that had greeted him had sounded vaguely familiar and as soon has he zeroed in on the shades did some semblance of recognition set in. He couldn't quite pin a name to the face, however he knew it. And like most other things he knew he fucking hated it.

Great. This douchebag.

After several moments of giving the other sprite an overbearingly bitter once-over he sighed and took his glasses off, pinching the bridge of his nose. His eyes screwed shut, and it was all he could do not to just fling his glasses at the guy and call it a day.

"Piss off." He muttered, and after another uncomfortable silence he opened his eyes once again and glared up at what was now an off-focus figure looming overhead. "Please. I'm only gonna ask you nicely once."

[anexistentialjoke]

e2stiimatiing the vvolume of raiin requiired to drowwn a guy

Of course it was raining when Erisol woke up.

The canopy of the wood did little to shield him from the downpour, and water splashed down onto his face and pooled on his glasses. This warped his vision and between that and the runoff trickling into his eyes it was near impossible for him to differentiate anything beyond vague smudges of color. Not that there was anything worth observing in his immediate area. And if there was he wouldn't give a shit anyway. He had better things to do than gawk at random bullshit. Like thinking how goddamn cliché his situation was.

But it wasn’t really cliché. It’d be cliché if he was crying while contemplating on what a fucked up person he was. There was no need for contemplation. He knew he was fucked up. There was no getting around that fact. No point crying over it. Crying would imply he gave a shit, which he didn’t.

...but he did. Kind of. Part of him gave a shit. So did the other part. However feeling like a guilt-ridden piece of garbage 24/7 was exhausting, so it was far easier to just check the fuck out and not let invest himself too much in anything. 

22% of a shit. I give 22% of a-- no, no, no and no. I'm not doing the fucking two thing. Not again. 44%? No. Fuck. I should have just offed myself while I had the chance. But where was the point of that? Then he would have just gone back to being two insurmountable douchelords instead of one. Hell he was doing the entire goddamn world a fucking favor by staying one dude. 

A shiver ran through Erisol when the wind picked up. His clothing had long since soaked through, leaving him vulnerable to every lick of a breeze that passed through the woods. He knew he should probably seek some sort of shelter, but he couldn't bring himself to his feet. Hell, he still hadn't moved from the spot he had woken up in yet.

Yet he didn't have any plans of going anywhere. “What’s the point” being his mantra, he lacked any motivation to investigate his surroundings. Or try to contact other people. 

God, other people. No. 

Now that he thought about it the only situation he could see himself moving was if somebody happened to stumble across him. In that case, he’d ditch their asses so hard and find another place to lie down. This time he’d make sure to face down so the rain wouldn’t get in his eyes. Also to leave himself open to any potential predators because, fuck it, what did he care. Big beastie could set the universe right and sink its teeth into his freak throat.

Sighing, he itched the skin around his wrist computer. Earlier he’d toyed around with it to get a general idea of how it worked, messing around with the different functions like setting up a few random waypoints while trying and failing to work up the courage to message a certain few who were listed under his contacts. He also toyed with the idea of ripping the thing out, one that he quickly banished because he really didn’t feel like cleaning up all the blood that would spill. It’d probably stain his shirt with no way to wash it out and there was no way he was going to go through that song and dance.

So I’ll just sit here.

In peace and quiet.

No one to bother me.

Only myself as company until I eventually die from exposure.

…

Fuck.