HOLY WAR DAUGHTER.

[discourd-blog]

there is a WEIGHT ON HIM that makes jude want to collapse. he feels like a BURDEN. his existence is just as much trouble as alo’s. he should have known that. GUESS HIS MAMA WAS RIGHT. yer nothin’ but trouble, boy. he hears her voice in his head often, scolding him. it comes with every STUPID DECISION he makes— which is often. especially now.  “ then what’s my PURPOSE ? “ he asks. jude frowns deeply. he feels like a failure. not even three weeks into their marriage & he’s already FAILED as a husband. the man’s a walking disaster. “ i’m— i’m s’pose to protect ya. that’s– that’s part of my PROMISE. it’s my DUTY. i know— i know ya strong, doll, i always knew, but i used t’be too. “  he feels SMALL in this world, now. another body to be put in the ground in forty years tops. it’s not enough. NOT ENOUGH WITH HER. her touch is soothing, but his heart aches. 

[angelbark-blog1]

Purpose. He wants purpose.  Her hand smooths down the wrinkles in his jacket, slips into the grasp of his own. She wants to make this better for him, but she knows there is nothing she can really do to make him whole again. Nothing is going to stop her from trying, however.  London pushes herself up on her toes, a chaste kiss to his cheek. 

      “ That’s not your duty... ” Her voice is no more than a whisper, she moves close to press her body against his own. Needs to be close to him. She swallows past the nerves in her throat, this can go so many ways...      “ You have another purpose now. ” London moves to bring his hand up to her stomach, flattens his palm against the small bump.       “ You’re going to be a daddy. ”

[saccharinc-blog]

    she expects her friend, towering & disheveled — making a noise somewhere along the lines of a grunt when he sees her ( like an old man ), but what she gets INSTEAD is a lovely blonde. a smart girl too, judging by the way she keeps a barrier between them. confusion brims, draws eyes to slants before it hits her. it’s his wife. the girl jude spoke of before, it must be. something jostles within her, queasy & affected. still baby tries her best to smile.

          ‘ ——– ah. i was uhh..lookin’ for jude. he around ? just wanted to..check up on him. ’ she gives no name – doubting that he’s ever spoken of her before. his little tagalong vampire. instead she takes a moment to look the other over, not bothering to hide it. so this is his girl. sweet & soft looking, in all the right places. real opinions will be reserved until after she’s off the premises.

[angelbark-blog1]

Any other day, the girl would be welcomed inside with open arms, sat down at the kitchen table and offered cookies and tea. London is slowly learning she can not trust blindly, after everything Jude told her. Fingers tense against the door, she eyes off the stranger, takes in her scent. Dark, gritty, hints of sanguine stains on her insides -- it makes London uncomfortable, divinity hums quietly in her chest.

       “ He’s out at the moment... ” Nose furrows slightly, she battles between sending the girl away and letting her in. If only she knew, who this girl really was, the feelings she harbored for Jude. It’s almost sad, really, that she does not know who she is. How many lives did her husband live?           “ How do you know Jude ? ”

[angelbark-blog1]

London has been filling her day with busy work -- cleaning the house, fixing the odd broken light or two, anything really to keep her mind off the reality of her life. Things that completely emotionally stable people do, you know? Or, so she would say. Which is why she is quite surprised when she hears the sound of footsteps creeping up onto the front porch -- she knows Jude’s footsteps, and these hit her ear the wrong way. Curious, she is at the front door in a matter of seconds, on her tiptoes to look through the peep hole. A stranger. Even more curious. 

Pulling the door open slightly, she keeps the wire door shut and clears her throat to garner the stranger’s attention. She raises a brow.           “ Hi there. Can I help you with something ? ”

                        ( * @bleedsugcr. )

[discourd-blog]

for once he lets anger CONSUME HIM. he’s unable to realize what he’s saying– doing. you’re not explaining anything ! then he ought to be OUT WITH IT, right ? he doesn’t understand it much himself, but she must know, right ? jude stands tall, expression contorts into that of DISTRESS.  “ he TOOK IT FROM ME, “ he blurts, voice cracks. “ that fuckin’ kid has my curse. HE’S A HELLHOUND. i was dragged down there n’ some fucker— micah— took it from me and GAVE IT TO HIM. “  there’s a pause, he takes a few breaths, now, annoyed, upset, FRUSTRATED, distressed. there’s too much feeling happening inside of him; he doesn’t feel too good. feels hot, enclosed. PART OF HIM IS MISSING & he feels it so obviously. “ they made me human. “ his voice is quiet, expression falling. he appears more calm, but sad. HE’S LOST. jude steps back, his throat hurts from his shouting. doesn’t do it often, never has to. he regrets it.  “ alo—- alo’s a HELLHOUND n’ he’s tried ta kill me, london. he can, if he wants, n’ i don’t—- we can’t be near him. don’tcha unda’stand ? i can’t— i can’t PROTECT YA like i could before. “

[angelbark-blog1]

There is a pressure on her chest, makes it hard to breathe as he stands tall. She thinks he forgets what a terrifying presence he can have. ( Even in his current condition. )  A trembling step back, she doesn’t want to be afraid but she is. Arms wrap around her torso, she wants to cry and she has no idea why. HUMAN. The word resonates through her entire being. It knocks the wind out of her chest and she swears she must have misheard. Air in the room thins, tension falls, and she feels herself crack under all of it. Watery eyes, London takes shaky steps across to Jude and reaches a hand out for his arm. She swallows it down. There is no time to process it all now, no. Now, he needs her.

      “ You don’t have to protect me. ” She speaks soft, rose petals on water, her other hand reaches for his face. Fingertips draw delicately across the curve of his cheek, a mixture of adoration and confusion on her face.      “ I never needed you to protect me, Jude. I’m strong, stronger than you know. ” Her voice is airy, distance. Something other worldly.        “ It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay... ”

[discourd-blog]

he doesn’t mean it, BUT HE’S LOUD. he’s assertive. not once has jude ever been the one to control someone, but he will not let her NEAR HIM. he can’t. doesn’t trust his doppelganger. it’s funny, seeing he can’t even trust himself. it should have been a GIVEN. he’s stupid. an idiot. HE FEELS LIKE A FOOL.  “ ya don’t BELIEVE ME ? “ he’s shocked. like he would make something like that up. jude scoffs. “ he tried ta’ RIP MY ARM OFF. fucker bit me– “ but then jude stopped him. forced him off only to punch him again & again & again & again until his head caved in & there was brain & blood & gore & his knuckles were sore & he felt NOTHING. just the memory has him pausing, eyes WIDE with both worry & anger. jude’s not mad at her, no, he’s mad at ALO. “ — he HELPED ya ? tch, “ hand runs through ( greasy ) hair, slicks it back & out of his face. “ prolly ‘cause he thought ya’d lead him RIGHT TA ME. he’s— he’s DANGEROUS, london. he’s— he’s a fuckin’ beast. the fact that he even EXISTS means nothin’ but TROUBLE. “

[angelbark-blog1]

London trembles, his tone falls harsh on her ears and causes a sting at the back of her nose. There’s something different about Jude, spiders crawl in the hollow of her spine and she wills herself not to cry. It’s not her fault. Stormy eyes widen at his question, she shakes her head. Of course she believes him, it just doesn’t make sense. Innocent girl, always so willing to trust the world. She stands from the couch, slow and careful movements, she’s quick to tug her sweater down over her stomach. Despite the fear throbbing in her chest, she draws her chin up, eyes meeting Jude.

       “ You’re still not explaining anything ! ” Voice quivers, she raises it loud to meet his volume. London holds her ground, lower lip trembles as she looks up at him. She’s never been so confused, all she wants is him to hold her.     “ What trouble, Jude ?   What have you gotten yourself into ?  I need you, you can’t -- do this. ”

[discourd-blog]

alo. ALO. aloaloaloalo. fuck. HOW DOES SHE KNOW ? the name keeps echoing in his mind, he’s staring at her like she’s just spoken a foreign language. he doesn’t understand. how does she know ? the man blinks, brows TIGHTLY KNIT TOGETHER, he stands, removes himself from her. “ you— “ head cants, he steps back, gets a LOOK at her. notes the placement of her hand to her stomach, but doesn’t think.  “ — ya know him ? YA KNOW HIS NAME ? “ he doesn’t understand. “ how—– ya KNOW HIM ? “ it’s almost as if he’s mad. “ did he—- did ya—- YA OKAY ? he didn’t hurt ya— ? “ she looks okay, at least from what he can gather. he knew the kid to be DANGEROUS; a rabid hound, intent on KILLING JUDE. felt bad for the kid at first, but there’s something comforting about the idea of alo hughes off this earth. GONE.  “ he tried ta KILL ME, yanno. TWICE. you—— YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM. “

[angelbark-blog1]

The sudden change in his demeanor causes her to shrink back, draws body into the couch away from him. No reason to be afraid of him, but the whole situation made her tense. She feels small, looking up toward him from her spot. Jude raises his voice, and it shocks her. A burn at her throat, he has never really yelled at her before. Not like this. She lowers her gaze. She’s loosely fiddling with the gold ring around her finger, hands still close to her stomach. Daddy’s not a bad guy, he’s just worried. London swallows past the lump in her throat, before she finally looks back up to him. Jude is making her nervous, obvious as pearled whites bite at her lower lip.

       “ I’m fine. ”     It comes out as more of a snap than she means it to, eyes searching Jude.         “ If he tried to kill you, why would he offer to help me find you ?  That doesn’t make any sense, Jude. ”      A pause, she lowers her gaze, ashamed.   “ I’m sorry. I won’t see him again. ”

[discourd-blog]

he can’t feel it. the HELL FIRE that burrowed deep into his very core. he senses divinity, but assumes that comes with being a SENSITIVE. always had been; seeing the dead, haunted by the trapped. they all come from a similar plane of EXISTENCE, don’t they ? he feels a weight on him. it has jude finally closing space, nearly falling to the seat beside her.  BIG EYES cast downward. he’s like a puppy begging for forgiveness to its master; old habits die hard. “ i was comin’ right back. i just NEEDED SOME AIR. i don’t—– remember what happened exactly but i woke up down below. i—- i was TAKEN. brought down t’hell fa’ some REASON or anotha’. “ he remembers what happened down there all too clearly. it haunts him. relives it in his spare time.  “ there’s—- there’s someone WITH MY FACE, doll. looks just like me– he was down there. just a KID, london. we were both down there. “

[angelbark-blog1]

Teeth sit tight against one another, she does not know how to feel right now -- guilt creeps up the back of her throat. She has no reason to be this angry. Was she not the first to run away? London draws it to the fact their circumstances have changed. Drastically.  She has every reason to be this angry.  She turns to look at him, blonde hair swishing against her jaw. One hand rests against her stomach, she studies him. Something seems off, but a lot of things have felt off lately. She swallows down the fears, listens to him with an open heart.

      “ Alo. ”      The name falls so simply from her tongue, as if it were nothing. London furrows her brow, hand tentatively reaching to rest of Jude’s knee. She ignores the twist in her stomach as she remembers the shape of Alo’s mouth, how much she wanted to kiss him.  But she was only lonely.      “ What does he have to do with anything ? ”

[those-eyes-that-mouth]

Nancy Sinatra in Rome, 1966.

[pennydreadful-blog]

[discourd-blog]

her question has him FROZEN. still ? does he STILL love her ? has he ever stopped ? even in her own absence— even after she left him, did dakota jude ever truly stop LOVING her ? the answer comes out quickly, no hesitation nor doubt. “ i do. “ his eyes meet her form, he feels ILL. she’s hurting. it’s his fault ( no it isn’t no it isn’t it is not HIS FAULT ).  he takes another step closer, slowly making his way TOWARDS HER. maybe she doesn’t want him. doesn’t want to face rejection. “ why’d ya ask me somethin’ like that ? i ain’t eva’ gonna STOP. “ he’s worried she might not want him anymore. “ i can——- i can EXPLAIN everythin’….if—- if ya wanna hear it. “

[angelbark-blog1]

Every part of her twinges, she twitches with angelic power that hums in her veins. The goddess that sits inside her chest is angry with him, so utterly furious that he would dare stray from worshiping her devoutly. London swallows down the burning power in her throat and ignores it. She is not that girl, not anymore.

Divinity is quick to settle, he eases her somewhat. Will never stop loving her, she feels lower lip tremble at the thought. Why can she not accept that? She turns her gaze slightly, doesn’t want to let on she might cry.  London shrugs, she pauses before a hand reaches out to pat the spot beside her. Silent permission for him to explain himself.

[discourd-blog]

what does he say ? does he even dare to SPEAK ? his heart begins to pound against his chest. it’s not quickened, but rather a HEAVY BEAT. like time is slowing down; he’s about to die. maybe a heart attack or something. cruel IRONY. knew he should cut down on the GREASE. but it’s only when he looks at her that he feels this way. like he’s done something terribly wrong. BUT IT ISN’T HIS FAULT. yet, somehow, he feels the guilt. “ …… “ he takes a STEP FORWARD, he’s sure he might collapse. he stands where he is, feels himself breaking into a COLD SWEAT. please don’t hate me please don’t hate me please don’t hate me oh god how could she not—- “ how long have ya BEEN HERE ? “

[angelbark-blog1]

London turns her gaze to the floor, watches absently as an ant scurries around ; she thinks that is better than looking at him, and feeling her heart break all over again. Teeth gnaw at her lower lip, skin reddens beneath pearled whites and she draws herself up into more of a sitting position. She can feel tears threaten the corners of her eyes, she begs them not to fall.  She’s cried enough over him. If only she knew, where he had really been. What happened to the man now standing in front of her, and what exactly her newly collected Jude look-alike had to do with it. London takes an inhale ( for  second, she swears she can smell the touch of another girl on his skin, paranoia eats at her skin ), a sigh parts her lips.       “ Not long -- hm. A few hours, maybe ?  ”         She pauses, finally looks up at him.                                                  “ Do you still love me ? ”

[discourd-blog]

it’s taken TOO LONG to get back here. perhaps there’s the fear of walking in & it being completely empty that demands his stomach to be emptied, contents sitting at the CURB. his tolerance is so LOW now that he barely even has one. long legs bring him to his house, the windows dark, the whole FOUNDATION OF IT ALL looking as if it’s ready to collapse in at any given moment.  but things don’t always turn out as they seem. he stands in the living room, EYES GLUED TO HER. she looks so hurt, so sad. maybe dead. his heart aches; he wants to collapse to the ground beside her, grab onto her. HE’S BEEN TOO LONG without her.  “ london… “ his voice is low, raspy, a WHISPER. he takes a step, he’s shaking. so tired. she’s here, that’s what matters. she’s here. PLEASE WAKE UP.

[angelbark-blog1]

Silent tears draw tracks against pale skin, her body shivers and shakes as she curls into herself. London has arms wrapped protectively around her stomach, as if she felt ill ; in reality, she is preciously listening to the sounds of a small heart beat. One separate from her own, yet beats to the same holy rhythm. Just you and me now, baby... It is a fleeting thought, for her eyes grow heavy and she thinks she would like to sleep now. Perhaps forever. Somewhere between wake and sleep, she hears something. A voice, so distant, she might as well be imagining it. London stiffens, head draws up slowly from the couch, eyes watering with sleep as she turns lazily to look.  Jude. Her heart skips a beat, yet she stays warily curled on the couch.

       “ Hi ... ”      her throat dry, voice comes out in a quiver as she looks up at him.

[angelbark-blog1]

There’s a wretched emptiness inside her that she can not seem to shake -- a hole in her heart making every breath, every step a waking nightmare. The poor girl has looked in all the wrong places for her beloved, just another tragic love story. Even now, crossing the threshold to what should be their home, she can not bring herself to think of a life without him. Forever shrouded by loneliness, haunted at every turn -- god, she misses him so much. Nothing, the house feels empty. Nowhere else to look, nowhere else to go, London finds herself curled up, fetal position on the couch. A hollowness in her throat, she can’t breathe. Or maybe she doesn’t want to.

Tiny whimper breaks the silent air, sharp and harsh like static noise, and she buries her nose into the fabric of the couch. Holy girls must hold their sorrows quietly, with dignity. That is what they taught her. A heavy breath, she just wants him to come back, no matter how much he does not love her.

                            [ * @discourd. ]

[angelbark-blog1]

mmm morning sun ~

[fyeahbellarke]

Happy National Split Personality Day x

[6houndead-deactivated20160602]

THIS IS JUDE’S GIRL. 

Alo used to have a girl. The memory of her melted in the heat, distorted and warped now —- only fragments of biblical stories able to retell what he knew in his mind to be the truest love he’s ever known. DOESN’T KNOW WHERE SHE WENT. Doesn’t know where anyone went —- maybe he doesn’t want to know. Maybe his shame is too prevalent, a crown of thorns.

She shouldn’t touch him. Doesn’t she know the monster dog that exists beneath tawny flesh? CAN SHE FEEL THE UNENCUMBERED RAGE THAT EXISTS & WILL MAKE ITSELF KNOWN WITH A FLICK OF THE WRIST? Maybe not. Maybe that’s why she touches him. Maybe that’s why he’s gifted with the warm touch of her palm, soulful hues seeking out his own. TOUGH TO MEET HER EYES, but he manages  —-  teeth worry into the corner of his bottom lip. 

He could help her find Jude. Didn’t really want to. Didn’t want to see Jude again after what happened last time  (  Asshole, claiming Alo was actually him  )  —-  but what can he do? He’s weak for warm, angel touches  —-  would like desperately to nose into her, kiss the fingertips that curl into his chest.

No chances for that. Alo’s eyes tear away from her own, jaw clenched and lashes lowering.

❛      Okay. I’ll help you.       ❜

[angelbark-blog1]

she can feel everything. the snarling beast that snapped underneath his bones, threatening to drag her down, or maybe just rip out her heart. any other day, any other life, she would be terrified of him. not just for the burning essence of hell that leaked out of every pore, suffocated her ; but because he seems such a broken boy, and she’s always been a hopeless idiot for boys like that.  ( why do you think she loves jude so dearly ? ) hand burns dully, divinity in her fingertips acting like armour between them. he agrees to help her, and she will let her hand drop away. there’s a soft smile offered his way. she doesn’t stop for a second to think of what intentions alo has behind helping her, what he will expect from her in return. she thinks she might invite him around for dinner when this is all over and done with, as a thank you.

alo, look into her eyes. she’s trusting you. it glimmers in shades of blue and green, she moves to tuck loose curls behind her ear. a glance over her shoulder, there’s no one else around, no one to hear her scream. she turns attention back to the hound boy.             “ so. where do we start ? ”      her words are innocent, pure. she thinks no bad of him.

[angelbark-blog1]

london marie opal jude.