My mom gets scared when i stop sharing my location because she thinks I’m gonna do something and to myself
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

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@angeldee69
My mom gets scared when i stop sharing my location because she thinks I’m gonna do something and to myself
My biggest insecurity is i feel i i confidence everyone
I’m nothing but a nuisance i do nothing but annoying and bug ... why do u bother making friends if i never feel like I’m good enough to keep them .. i just wanna fade 
A good mans decent into madness
A concept of control:
What is control? Is it simply the assertion of power onto another or is it deeper than that. Dominance is sexy. The concept of one giving themself to you and trusting you turns me on. First thing that needs to happen is taking the joke out of power. Elimate anyone who isn’t one of yours and reassert your relationships. Make clear distinctions of how you want each relationship to be handled . From friends to family to lovers all must have set boundaries. Because if everyone calls you daddy are you really even daddy. Is the concept just a insider or is it your lifestyle. Once every relationship is established and boundaries are formed. Things will feel more satisfying being called sir or daddy will feel more real and more powerful rather than allowing everyone to have access to it. If he/ she doesn’t physically have a sexual or emotional relationship with you they shouldn’t assossicate you with the position of dominance because at that point it’s a joke to them a game of cat and mouse. Reserve it for only those who deserve it who show you they are worthy of calling you that and worth all that you wanna give them. YOU ARE NOT A SUGAR DADDY. Daddy’s don’t have to spoil everyone just those that deserve it .
My heart was broken into pieces before;
I’ve been hurt heavy a lot of times. And i always had someone there to help me pick up the pieces. I never really understood why the “Cores” were so important to me why I gave them all my secrets and trust. Till today that i realized i had to sit down and realize why I’m so honored to have friends like them. And i thought maybe they deserve to be here too. This is for me. And the people who matter the most should be recognized.
Briana; though we are always at odds she’s the Bonnie to my Clyde. When Enrique would curse at me and call me faggot and verbally abuse me she was the shoulder to cry on. Briana although she doesn’t see it now is the one person who holds the biggest part of me and i miss her completely. She was there on my worst days and my best. She saw the darkest parts of me and held my hand and led me somewhere better. One day we will reconnect once she’s in a better place and I’m in a better place. She taught me to hope.
Leah; when i first came to warren i was broken and trusted no one after the incident. The guy i had feelings for betrayed me and my friends abandoned me and she was there. She didn’t care how long it took for me to open up she saw the person i was beneath and was there for me. She was bullied for always having a new bf even though it’s high school and literally those relationships meant shit. People used to call her whore and i would be there for her the same way when people called things she was there for me. She was a psycho but she’s my psycho. She taught me to trust again.
Dari; i was going through my first adult job and a sexual awakening. I was immature and spoiled and she taught me maturity. She showed me that you always have to be on top of your game. When i needed someone for a late night talk she would drive over all the way from the OC to be there for me. Though she’s probably the biggest one to push a relationship on me. I know she does it with love because she has seen me in love and when it wasn’t bad it was amazing. She is more of an older sister i always wanted. There when i need a realistic answer rather than one i wanna hear. She taught me to grow up but still be me.
Patty/Shanice; when i was going through my relationship with Tyler and his depression became mine. It became a burden to love and to care. The more i cared the more he seemed to drift into the fold of depression i couldn’t get him out of. It’s where i first learned money can’t buy happiness. He was a year of tears and regret. I fell in love with Jamie during that year of being off and on with Tyler and he ruined it when he saw someone else was gonna make me happy... although recently i found out Jaime only wanted me for sex. He only wanted to use me for my body then drop me when he was done. Patty leveled me out and was able to see passed my stubbornness and Shanice had accepted me into her family like a brother so i could escape to her home. Patty got pregnant and had to move far away.... and Shanice and i drifted a little after our argument. But we are better now. They taught me it’s ok to say bye.
Art & Robyn are not part of the core and it’s sad to say but they will never be... they were there for me later once i learned who i wanted to be they were there to show me how to be the best version of me. How to enjoy the world, how to enjoy every moment with your friends and family, and how to love without a condition. Art and Robyn mean so much to me. Frankly just as much as Briana means to me. They let me be me and yet still are there when i fuck up to guild me to the right choice but never take my choice away from me. We are all a bit broken but we hold each other together like glue. Art has literally became a brother to me. He almost even lived with me when his mom kicked him out. I’d do anything for that kid. And i know it’s vise versa.
My friends don’t realize this but they are what have kept me sane all my life since the incident. It’s been 7 years since that day. If we are being honest that’s the day i really blocked everyone out. I realized when i talked about my emotions people used it against me and hurt me and i didn’t wanna be hurt like that again so i reinforced the wall i already had. And all these people were there to help me over it. But myself . I kept myself in a tucked position unallowing myself to trust and look what happened. The wall broke and now i feel everything i didn’t wanna feel. I’m glad patty is coming back and I’ve been hanging with the girls so much. They all knew i bottled everything up and when i told them what happened they were just there for me. They knew how i felt and they all were just there. God i love my friends.
i’m laughing so hard because they really put pennywise on the stairs in this promo image, making this movie look like some political drama that also just happens to star a clown
The law and order sound but the second beat is a clown honk
Squirtle and Bulbasaur’s goodbye
July 4th but at night
The fireworks were amazing on the private beach. I had a chill time by my self. I’m even smokin weed on the private beach in pease and I’m so happy ra now. Like In a good while i feel happy and not so broke. This trips what i needed a step away from social media and everyone.. I’m happy
4th of July
Today is the second day of my escape but yet i feel so trapped. I came here to find ease but my grandfather is falling asleep and i see myself watching the firework display alone. I wish i had someone to talk to , to laugh with, to celebrate with . But i know that would be too good to be true . I’ve avoided my thoughts for a bit and my pain for a little longer then a day. But as i wait for the time to come and the first firework to pop i feel a bit of sadness come to my heart. Is this really where i am at. Isolated to find my inner truth but all i feel is pain now and sadness. I’m 300 miles away from all my friends and yet i feel 1000s. Happy 4th i guess as i watch this firework show alone. It’s sad but ok i guess this was meant to be. I’m not gonna cry im going to just . Watch and smile. I’ll cry later.
I’m always there for people but never let people be there for me...
I’m working and i stopped and just thought for a minute. I actually tried working and not thinking cuz yesterday work dragged on because i kept taking moments to go cry or refocus. But my issue is i don’t let people be there for me like i keep thinking it’s ok right like I’ve done so much on my own. But i can’t finesse myself like how do i get me to do what u want me to do or feel i can’t. I keep thinking if i handle it on my own that I’ll figure it out that i always figure it out cuz that’s what i do but this time it’s not that easy people i don’t have it figured out i don’t know what direction to go or which way things are going. I’ve literally hurt people that didn’t need to be hurt. I’ve hurt people that just wanted to be there for me because i was too stubborn to just show weakness to them. I’m so used to having people use my weakness against me I’m so used to people using me and tossing me to the side that i stopped allowing myself to fully trust people outside of my direct circle because there was a chance I’d get hurt . But I’m hurting myself more by allowing them to think I’m heartless and don’t care . I’m hurting myself more by not letting them be there for me. I just want a Caramel macchiato and gummy bears ra now why idk maybe an excuse to smile
Today my heart felt a little less heavy like as if i could breathe part of healing is the breaking down of the issues and finding the core today i cried a lot but for things i didn’t even understand anymore. It’s like my body already forgot the cause but not the pain. After i wipes my tears i realized this is gonna be a journey I’m not letting myself put up my walls this time even though i wanna i know i have to just let it happen and accept it as part of me .. it fucking sucks
Every detail in this story from Katya’s life is more absurd than the last
This is an amazing life story in under 3 minutes.
Trixie’s eternal look of bewilderment when Katya goes off on one of these will never wear thin
I opened up to my mom about my depression and i know it’s hard for her to be expressive she just got up and hugged me and honestly that’s all i needed
I feel all the emotions i held down. Like a wall breaking and all of them are flooding my body like a wave of different emotions. All the pain I’ve endured or caused like muscle spasums hitting my body all at once . This is what it feels like to let emotions out and i never thought I’d explode and release them all at once. I’m taking time away from people i need to deal with this alone i don’t wanna pull anyone down with me