when he is asleep in my arms and i can feel him breathe and hear his little snores... his body heat radiates through me, warming me to my core. it's dark but I can just barely make out the outline of him against the glowing window: his wispy hair, his soft skin. every cell in my body is vibrating and relaxed all at once. there is so much love in the room, it's palpable. I can taste it. i hold still, savoring the moment, so careful not to wake him. i want to hold him like this forever, but the sun will rise soon.
oh yes, the sun always rises. and when it does, he stirs, unaware that I haven't slept for a moment. he stirs and turns to face me, rubbing sleep from his glittering brown eyes. soft, sweet lips pull into a smile, and I fold him into a kiss that consumes me whole. his musical, gentle voice tells me good morning and I can't help but fall in love again and again and again.
but he's not here. he's five thousand miles away; twenty hours by plane on average, counting layovers. he is here though. in my phone, I hear his soft snores and it makes me melt. in my memory, I feel his warm skin pressed against mine. i know I will see his face when the sun rises, although it rises at different times for us. maybe that's why I cannot sleep now—everything is out of sync. how can I relax when my love is so far away? how can I settle my mind when the one whose touch I crave cannot reach me?
i feel like I am lost at sea, with only a thin tether to steady me. there are brief respites where I can bask on dry land, berid myself of sealeg and hold onto something real.
but they are brief, and few and far between. two weeks, six months apart. that's all this world can spare for now.
i cling to him tightly, hold on with everything I have, dig my nails and teeth in and never let go, yet still the universe finds a way to pull apart and fling me back to the shit show. i tell him we'll be together soon, and he tells me the same. but all I need is to hold him in my arms at night, kiss his face in the morning, and see his glittering brown eyes with our foreheads pressed together.
necesito mi media naranja
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