welcome home

• 26 | Professional Dumbass •

[gammadoppler]

i hate it when the ball is in my court get that shit out of here

[fairycosmos]

they’re saying you’re finally going to become a real person like everyone else. they just announced it

[threedollarsdotcom]

theyre taking me out back behind the shed presumably to give me a medal for my valor and heroism

[thewickerking]

day one after changing sheets: ok im gonna kick my bad habits i won't eat in bed or leave knives or scissors or lighters in bed I'll have only normal bed things in my bed and I'll change the sheets more often too

day two after changing sheets: oh yeah this half eaten bundt cake is sleeping with me tonight

[cali]

pokemon firered and beef greek edition pretzel tribute

[cali]

[katieaki]

if you were to crucify Lowly Worm, would you do it like this or like this?

[onrtrp]

you open up my cranial cavity and it's just 2-3 inches of murky greenish water, stagnant, algaechoked, mosquitoes buzzing, a few small frogs, cybernetic pondcomputer mechpiloting the rest of me, sloshing a little this way and that. you open up one of the frogs' skulls and inside it's me! looking up back at you, waving, unsmiling

[junk-thunder]

*offers you a cigarette except out of a crayon box and it's a crayon*

[miiilowo]

want more juice but i drinked it all. this is, i cannot stress this enough, utterly fucked

[toskarinfr]

it's important to have bits that aren't good and also nobody likes and also aren't funny

[bish0ps]

Ok sooooo. and DON'T be mad. We're going to boil you.

[xelayxes]

Born to don't wanna. Forced to gotta

[charl0ttan]

being 20 is insane like ur not even approaching death yet. unlike me, 25,

[metfell]

guy who gets increasingly confused when an 80’s song fades out so he turns it up louder and louder and gets blasted so hard by the next song starting that he dies

[moveslikekeithrichards]

all i do anymore is have a cut on my finger

[moveslikekeithrichards]

any shit resonates with you people

[lestatfag]

well if this is the only thing

[yrakenveitbluther-deactivated20]

this is gonna enter my vocabulary for sure