BOY BYE: A LADIES ONLY* LEMONADE LISTENING PARTY
1. Gather all your girls. 2. Gather all your lemonade. Add booze.
OPTIONAL: Invite menfolk, but don't tell them it's an all girl party. Make them wait in a separate location while the women fill up on cocktails, then release your girl gang & watch them squirm.
ACT II: HOT SAUCE IN MY BAG (SWAG)
Fill a dude shaped piñata with the trappings of patriarchy:
Like capitalism, religious relics, white supremacy, & poison.
Smash the shit out of the patriarchy! Invite your lady friends to do the same. Try yelling about something that pisses you off! Like sexist double standards. Or the perplexing belief that God is a man.
OPTIONAL: If menfolk are present remind them that patriarchy has no gender! Remind them that patriarchy doesn't let them show weakness! Invite them to hit the shit out of patriarchy too!
ACT III: ASHES TO ASHES, DUST TO SIDE CHICKS
At sundown, burn an effigy of Becky with the Good Hair.
Gather your girl gang & light her up one by one.
OPTIONAL EULOGY FOR BECKY WITH THE GOOD HAIR:
Ashes to ashes, dust to side chicks.
Dust to every article with the headline 15 ways to please your / keep your / wear your / look your best in a bikini this summer.
Dust to every teenage runway model hospitalized with an eating disorder.
Dust to nose jobs for your 16th birthday, eye lid surgery, skin lightening cream, hair straightening cream, cream that removes the hair from your upper lip, your chin, and anywhere else it grows naturally.
Dust to Bic razors For Her that cost $3 more than the ones they sell to men.
Dust to flesh colored band aids that only come in one color.
Dust to little black girls who still prefer the white doll instead of the one that looks like them.
Dust to Lil Kim's blonde hair and pale skin and new nose and every dude who refused to tell her she was beautiful.
Dust to Zoe Saldana playing Nina Simone.
Dust to black girls sent home from school because their hair is too curly, too kinky, too unruly, too black.
Dust to hair weaves like Europeans and fake nails done by Koreans.
Dust to every time they told you you were too short, too fat, too dark, too loud, too hairy, too butch, or too different, or too damn difficult.
[Invite your lady friends to speak their own observations & experiences re: unattainable white supremacist beauty standards]
ACT IV: Queen Bs House of Turning Lemons Into Lemonade
Now invite your girls to worship at Queen Bs House of Turning Lemons Into Lemonade. Present a sermon called Lemonade: The Visual Album, with High Priestess of Pop Queen B Ms. Knowles Carter presiding.
Encourage your congregants to dress in white.
OPTIONAL INTRO FOR LEMONADE: THE VISUAL ALBUM:
We are gathered here today at Queen Bs House of Turning Lemons Into Lemonade so that we may worship the High Priestess of Pop, the Queen of the Beyhive, Beyoncé Giselle Knowles Carter.
I know that some of you gathered here today don’t know Beyonce. I know some of you have doubted her. My sisters I know you doubted her because I doubted her too.
I didn't believe her when she said that she was flawless.
I didn't trust her when she told me I woke up like this.
But my sisters, this week Beyonce has taken us to church. My sisters, for millions of years the world has given us lemons. This week, Bey gave us lemonade.
She said who the fuck do you think I am?
She said you ain't messing with no average bitch, boy.
She said look me in the eye when I come
She said that too is a form of worship.
She said this is for women who are difficult to love
She said you & me can move a mountain
And 1,000 girls raised their arms
She said ladies: It's time we get in formation
She said middle fingers up
She said let me tell you about Black women in America. She said let me tell you about Black love. She said let me tell you about the breakdown of my family, about generational trauma, about healing, about power. She said let me tell you about sisterhood.
She said take one pint of water, add a half pound of sugar, the juice of eight lemons, the zest of half a lemon, then pour the water from one jug into the other, several times, and strain through a clean napkin.
Ladies: This is Lemonade.
Words by NK. Photos by Nicole Kelly, Providenzza Catalano, Alex Everett, Phoebe Unter, & Nicole Cordero.
