Hearing my mum talk about aspects of her relationship with my dad explains a lot of why I put up with such a bad relationship with my ex. like it runs in my bloodline. No wonder I put up with that shit.
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Maldives
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from Ireland
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Canada
seen from United States
Hearing my mum talk about aspects of her relationship with my dad explains a lot of why I put up with such a bad relationship with my ex. like it runs in my bloodline. No wonder I put up with that shit.
Having an older brother who’s a classified narcissist, AND yes I know this term is very overused, but TRUST me when I tell you that he constantly brings chaos wherever he goes. He causes our mother so much STRESS and appoints her as his damage controller.
He treats me like pure shit even though I am one of his only biological “half” sisters. He’s mean. He’s a bully. And he hates himself so much that he treats others how he feels about himself.
We are total opposites but it truly makes me feel so bad about the fact that I, myself, am not doing the best that I could/should be doing at 25. I’m TRYING my HARDEST to be a better daughter for my mother—a better person, a better version of me so SHE can be at peace and not have to worry about me, even when she’s gone. But it’s so fucking hard. Honestly.
Someday I’ll get better. I know it. 1% everyday. But saying all that, I don’t know how much longer me and my brother will be “close” or have a “relationship”. I don’t know how much longer I can tolerate the way he speaks to people, the way he acts when he doesn’t get his way, the way he treats our mom, ME, his father, his OTHER siblings, his “girlfriends”, his OWN DAUGHTER… my fucking niece. I’m just overly disappointed and disgusted. This has to stop.
I’m over this shit. The non-stop bullshit. General trauma and habits. I want it to end. It WILL end with me. Idgaf WHAT I have to do.
God please help me. I’m begging.
I think I’m just now realizing that an 8 year old me’s biggest fear and problem being THE WAR, and the 8 year old me crying myself to sleep every night because of the names list of all the guys that died that day isn’t normal childhood stuff? The generational trauma is real
Thinking about generational stellium trauma again. What business does my family have with 4 stelliums in a row anyway😭
The Joy Luck Club (1993) broke me apart and mended me back together again
Mothers and daughters healing each other, the stories of women who fought for everything they had, the undoing of generational trauma, a thoroughly Asian American point of view
Please watch The Joy Luck Club if any of these speak to you
Some lives are hit with catastrophic trauma over and over again; then trauma, with its concomitant strategies of survival, becomes a chronic condition. Defenses and denial become second nature; traumatic repetition becomes second nature. Trauma as a mode of being violently halts the flow of time, fractures the self, and punctures memory and language. And then there are those afflicted by what Freud called “Schicksalsneurose,” that is, a “fate neurosis,” who seem to be living under a bad spell, haunted by a curse that often precedes their lives, an ancestral curse perhaps, hidden and intangible, relegated to secrecy and silence.
Gabriel Schwab, Haunting Legacies: Violent Histories and Transgenerational Trauma
I am always alone.
Not physically, but mentally.
I am surrounded by people so sure their opinions are facts that they laugh in your face the moment you see it differently.
I am surrounded by people so committed to playing the victim that they actively sabotage their own rescue.
I am surrounded by people so consumed by their own lives, they don't notice the damage they leave in their wake.
I am okay, for the most part.
Except when I am laying in pain, and everyone has something far more important to worry about.
Except when I have a victory, and turn around to celebrate with an empty room.
Except when I am writing this with a heavy chest, wishing I didn’t have this story to tell.
look up generational trauma before arguing that the racist jokes in TVL aren’t harmful for the various dumb reasons you keep coming up with… oh and if you’re PoC please also look up internalized racism, love bye