Bubus blog

[anisebonny]

I no fit dey under rain make soap enter my eyes

#mum #proverbs # africanproverbs

[anisebonny]

Addiction

So I got tired of staying at home a few days ago and then decided to visit a friend. I called to know if I could visit and she told me to come so I took my bath, got dressed and joyfully went to her house (winks).

I like to visit my friends whenever I can and most of the time we see we try to catch up on lost times but you see this one in particular she is a free spirit (lol). I haven't even sat down with her a few minutes when she started to talk to me about all that has happened since we last saw. We spoke at length about business, relationship and life in general.

We spoke and didn't know when seconds rolled into minutes and minutes rolled into hours then we got hungry and decided to get food (lol). We were on our way to get food when another friend stopped her and told her to get food for him too. We got back and we were eating when he came and asked for his and she told him there was nothing for him.

All the while I never looked at him but the smell of alcohol made me give him a good look (not a judgemental look though...lol). It was barely 3pm in the afternoon and he could barely stand. He was reeking of alcohol and was stuttering already. Usually I will keep my distance because people like that are unpredictable. You can't tell what mood they are in but he got my attention because he kept saying "love" (smiles). He kept saying all I need is love and was asking my friend to be his wife. All the while I didn't say anything but he invited me into the conversation by asking me to talk to her. I have been looking for an opportunity to talk so since he was giving me a free invite I gave him my full attention (lol).

I asked if he liked himself the way he was and why he thinks a woman will want a man who hits the bottle everyday and had unpredictable mood. He responded by saying he needed the love of a woman to change. He will excuse himself in-between our conversation to either get himself a drink or a cigarette. The more questions I asked him the more he asked me if I studied Guidance and counseling in school (lol..... funny enough I didn't) because he kept remembering them from counseling. He then revealed he has gone for several counseling and goes for health check-up but still none of these things stopped him from doing the one thing he said he wanted to change from.

While talking to him I remembered when I took on a quest to be a better me. So I decided to tell him about my journey probably if we both related on the same level, a journey of change he will probably listen (lol). I told him about how I wanted to be a better person because my boyfriend will like me to (lol). My whole life then was centered on my relationship (eyes up... Lol). I told him about how it was a real struggle to make any changes. I told him how at some point I lost it and felt I was being boxed and needed to be me again (whewww....lol). I told how sometimes I would loose it and didn't make progress until I realised I was doing it for all of the wrong reasons (lol). So I told him to look within himself and find one reason.

I told him he didn't need the love of a woman to become a better him but needed to find reasons within himself to change. He has all the love he needs within himself to become a better person. I told him to overcome his addiction he needed to love himself enough first before finding the love of another being. So I asked him what happens when the love turn sour?. He kept staring so I told him he will definitely hit the bottle harder and may even loose his life. Just imagine smoking, alcohol and heartbreak in one person, very bad combo.

I told him like I found it difficult to be a better me if he keeps waiting for the love of a woman the journey of change will keep looking difficult and he may never make any move until he finds someone. And then what if he never finds someone?? Does he want to live the rest of his life like that??. So I ended the conversation because I needed to leave. He kept saying he enjoyed the conversations but I told him it wasn't enough for him to enjoy the conversation but I needed to see changes when next I came around (lol).

Just like me so many of us take on the journey of change for all of the wrong reasons and that is why most times it seems difficult and we quit half way without making any changes. If we find good reasons to make changes we will discover the journey is not so difficult as it seems.

Kisses and hugs

[anisebonny]

FEAR

I woke up this morning thinking I wasn't sure I was going to blog. Since I have been trying to find my switch I told my self I needed to go back to the very beginning, the very same way I started (makes face......., if you don't get the switch part then you need to read my previous post lol). I told myself consistency was needed to find my switch so I subconsciously limited my self to escaping this trap the only way I started.

Before my hiatus from here I used to do one post in like let's say whenever I remembered I had a blog (eyes up........lol), then I took it more seriously and did once a month (well not so seriously as you thought.......lol), then I graduated to every two weeks (becoming intense), then I moved to once every week (smiles...), then twice a week (thumbs up..), then thrice a week (shines teeth...), then to completely writing everyday ( waoh...). I had grown to the point it was effortless to write, at that point I can say the light was permanently on (lol).

I remember the day I told myself I needed a break from here, the day I thought I needed to go on a walk. There I was calmly deciding my next move but then in my head I had a post flowing effortlessly. I remember shutting it up (sad....I wish I didn't) but then I had done it with the hope that I will come back better (lol).

Then I thought I was pushing hard to grow my blog but the fear of doing this for like 5years without earning a dime scared me the most (lol...). Then the pressure was much on me to be this career person and put my life on track but the more I pushed, the harder life pushed me (lol........like it pushed me harder than I had thought it ever would). So I allowed life push me into making all of the wrong decisions (lol.....no regrets actually). I allowed my fears take a better part of me so I left here and picked up a shitty job (well not so shitty......lol and winks) and made every decision I realize looking back now are wrong.

So when I woke up this morning with the lag in my head I kept fighting it and then recognise it was fear causing the lag (smiles), the fear of running out of topics to post hindered the progress I would have made in finding my switch all week (lol). I told myself it had to be the same way I started (ermmm well not really like I started but atleast more serious..lol), blogging once a week (eyes up). I remember each time I get the urge to blog during the week I told myself I needed to slow it down and take it one step at a time when there is actually nothing wrong if I could take two steps at a time (ol). So that fear kept me limited and hindered my growth this week like I allowed it do all these years (smiles).

Then I decided I was simply going to crush this fear, I was going to write and keep writing. And really it dawned on me that what I was afraid of weren't necessary cause as I was writing I kept putting down more topics I wanted to post about (lol....). The more this happened the more I laughed that I just kept bothering myself about all of the unnecessary things ( what I was going to write about) kept forgetting all the necessary things ( which was to just write..........lol).

So I realize the fear that life was moving on without me, the fear that it would take me atleast three to five years or even more to grow my blog, the fear that I could do this all my life and still not grow my blog, the fear of my plans failing before me, the fear of being a failure, the fear of not achieving my goals, the fear of being at the mercy of people, the fear of running out of what to post kept me boxed and made me make all of the wrong decisions (just like this morning, all week and three years ago).

Whenever you fear you can't do something, then is the perfect time to actually do it ( smiles). I realised today more than anything else that the way to conquer our fears is to actually do that thing we fear, I mean do it, like simply just do it (lol). When you win that battle in your head and then take practical steps, you realise fear is just an illusion created by the mind to limit your growth.

So get up and get moving (lol).

Kisses and hugs

[anisebonny]

OVERCOMING MY WRITER'S BLOCK

Having a writer's block is like being trapped in a dark hall way with no way out and your only hope of finding an escape route is to find the switch to turn on the light (quite scary right......lol).

So I am having a writer's block and have been searching for my switch for some months now. Each time I go over my previous post or listen to my podcast, I realize how much I have grown and belong to a better school of thoughts now but still I am unable to write (sad face......) . I mean it's three whole years, alot has happened, growth is inevitable and I really want to share my journey (lol......).

Sometimes I wish I allowed the flow and didn't get myself trapped but then it's time to pick up from where we left off. Well not really where we left off (eyes rolling.......), ehrmm right now I think I will be going back a bit (scratches head....) cause I don't really feel like I have found my switch yet (lol.....).

Writing now is a bit of a hassle, like it lacks the feel of me and I feel slow but irregardless this will be posted even if it turns out to be gibberish (lol.....). I really miss my times here, I miss sharing my opinion sometimes and also getting people to share theirs(lol...). I miss being able to inspire someone cause I never really knew until I got a few feedback in the past. Most importantly I miss that part of me that is always high on positivity, never giving up and never stop trying(lol....).

So now bit by bit I will be sharing all that happened in the last three years. The struggle, the defeat, the wins, the growth and most importantly the lessons learnt. Believe me when I say I went out of my way alot of the time (lol......).

Here I am after three years writing something totally different from what is on my note pad about this post ( If you have read any of my post in the past you should be used to that by now lol......) Anyways the Idea is to not just write but to write from a comfortable place (smiling......) Which I discovered is one of the ways to turn on the light. So I have few topics I have started to develop already and I hope to see more of you. Anticipate and share with friends.

Lots of love and kisses.

[anisebonny]

You see pikin wey dey go farm wey no carry drinking water, when he reach farm wetin him go drink??

[anisebonny]

If you don't brush your teeth everyday, it grows bigger.

#weirdthingsmymumsays

[anisebonny]

JUNGLE JUSTICE

I couldn't bring myself to completely watch a video some weeks back of two people who stole a bike and the sort of judgement the society we live in felt was most appropriate punishment for the sin that was committed.

Two guys stole a bike and they were both burnt alive with the bike. They were first beaten with all kinds of hard object you can ever think of before finally fuel was poured on them like they were some set of rags that needed to be burnt and then the fire. The result was that one died on the spot and the other probably will never live a normal life ever again even if he was taken to the best hospital in the world. This happened in one of the Eastern states in Nigeria.

I have a certain kind of believe and could not put myself together to watch that video. After watching to the extent that I thought I could take, I dropped the phone and left the place. I asked for the outcome of the whole scenario because the more I watched it, the more I felt the need to do a write up.

While that is not the first of such videos that I have seen but I thought how long such judgement will be seen as appropriate. Infact just some few days after the whole bike video case, someone sent me another video of a lady who stole a phone. It's not a video to be kept so I deleted it and didn't think it was a video to be distributed, shared or sent to people. I consider such act of violence "barbaric".

When I did the write up on euthanasia, (if you have not seen that write up, it's a must see) I did research on suicide, mercy killing, life imprisonment and death by hanging and I discovered how much the world has evolved. I consider all (suicide, mercy killing, life imprisonment and death by hanging) to be related in one from or the other.

I can never say this enough or get tired of saying that "a life that cannot be created should not be taken". Life is precious and should be cherished. I am not justifying stealing but that is not to say jungle justice is the perfect punishment for any kind of sin. Some times after the act, you discover the people who got the punishment suffered that as a result of misconception  just like the case of the four uniport student.we have the law and I don't know when we learn not to take laws into our hands.

As far as I researched, death by hanging is in extinction already in most countries of the world and the worst punishment anyone can get for a very bad crime is life imprisonment. For me, I think that is a good enough judgement. People who even get the life imprisonment punishment never ever get the chance to live a normal life, so is that not good enough?. Some countries have begin to realise the fact that "a life that cannot be created should not be taken". The best science has been able to do for us is to create a robot. They have not been able to create a life.

What is the worst sin a person can commit?....it is to take a soul and then do we think that taking that life that took a soul is the best punishment. Humans can never give the best punishment that is commensurate for a soul that was taken by anyone......why, because that life was not created by them in the first place. So we do not soil our hands or worsen that which is already bad enough.

I see jungle justice same way I see death by hanging and don't think it is something of pride anyone should associate themselves with. Sometimes I wonder if the people who take the law into their hands never think of the "maybes" and the "what ifs" in between all that transpired. JUNGLE JUSTICE is a NO NO and I know some people are on this with me.

Comments are always welcomed......kisses and hugs.

[anisebonny]

WALKING MY PATH

I choose to trust whether it's okay to trust or not and to believe whether it's okay to or not. For me, its one of the miracles of living. While some people may think it's stupidity then i must say it's okay to be stupid if that's what it takes to trust and believe in people (lol.....) but i choose to believe differently.........its a miracle not stupidity. That was the case when I first got to know about "world life experience".

I was seated in the sitting room one morning during the last days in the month of June keeping myself updated with the happenings around me when I decided to check my timeline on face book. Its become a norm that I will always find something new and just as I thought I saw a sponsored post "world life experience". I went through its content and I was drawn in so I checked its website it reads " travel, discover and share experience". 12 lucky people will tour the world (40 countries) within a year with two weeks break four times and getting paid for it. First though of anyone is that its an adventure of a life time (smiles.....) But while on it, they will carry out different social activity. For me that was the deal breaker. It wasn't just going to be an adventure but lives will be touched ( you want to know more about WLE then check their website www.worldlifeexperience.com and also their social media pages).

I told my brother about it and he said "scam alert"( lol.....). He said that because of the 9£ that will be paid before you can complete your application (lol....). Even before telling him I read a few comments on the post I saw and there were a lot of people questioning the reality of the project. I mean it's a big one and looks unrealistic to some people (lol....) But that is when I choose to believe and to trust. I thought whoever would have though of such idea (lending a hand to people while having an adventure) will come off as sincere and it's a bigger risk to not be a part because of 9£(lol....). It's so much courage for everybody who applied because there were thousands of people from all over the world applying and the chances of being among the twelve (ermm.......thinking) I believe the answer will be in binary (lol.....). I went ahead with my application and along the line I had issues with making my payment plus the website was down for weeks (sigh......). Eventually when they came back online and the deadline was pushed forward, yet again there were questions on the reality of the project if they can't handle such issues (WLE greatest challenge during application days). Still I wasn't able to make payment as a result of the payment method not working with my country so I sent an email. Again deadline was moved to the 7th of August (sigh....) and another payment method enabled as a result of people like me left behind who haven't completed their survey. I was able to make payment and complete survey during this time and then all applicants had the long wait (lol...).

Website down again after 7th of August but social media pages buzzing with information of progress and a lot of anticipation from candidates all over the world. People were following through to see what becomes of their fate on the journey and finally in September we all saw what we have been waiting for. 5th of September I saw on my timeline that 84 preselected moving on to the next stage with two more stages before finally getting the twelve. Everybody was to get an email but already there were comments and all comments were not selected, not selected, not selected (sigh......lol). By then I haven't gotten any email yet. But I think I saw two selected from the 84. So where are the rest???. Not everybody has gotten an email yet and we've been told already it may take a little time and to make sure to check all email folders.

A few people started to raise eyebrows and question how the selection process was done, where are the 84, why weren't they good enough. A lot of why, where, when, how.......(sigh....lol). So WLE uploaded the first photo image of the names of the 84 preselected but brought down the post after they came under fire from the public. I didn't see that photo image but saw the newly uploaded one. There were comments about why WLE brought down the post with all the comments ( apparently they were negative comments). I went through the list of the 84 but found it to be greatly unbalanced. 23/84 from spain , 17/84 from Brazil with other countries represented. Some continents were sparsely represented like Africa, Asia, Oceania and we have 41 persons from just two countries. I shook my head and thought they made a really big mistake. I expected more from WLE as someone who had faith in them but was indifferent about the whole list thing(lol...).

WLE posted again how the 84 were selected and so I checked to see how it was done but I stopped in my track when I saw the stake for the selection was raised different from what was advertised and by then I totally lost faith in them. There was no fairness at all. Negative comments on their page and people giving up on WLE. so I decided to send an email. I tagged it "my two cent". I requested for the email to sent to the appropriate team in charge. I wrote about how I had so much faith in WLE and it staying long only if things were done right. I wrote about my reasons for not wanting to be a part of the second season because of the unbalance in the list and WLE raising her stake to select the 84 different from what I was to believe when I applied and hoped things will be looked into. I wasn't expecting any reply as that was just me giving my thoughts. Surprisingly I got a reply from Antonio Dias and he had this to say about how it turned out

       "I really understand your point, as I respect your side  as well your feelings. 

   However all the process have been made by recruitment specialists   they need criteria to select and for this first edition,  it's important that   everything goes well, so they considered the traveling experience relevant on this  event.

  It's a long journey, and it's really important to the upcoming events that everything goes as we planned, so we need to guarantee all the right conditions.

    We want to show to everyone that we are transparent with the selection process, but this is our first event, we can make mistakes, but I promise that I will learn with every mistake to be able to correct all them on the next event. I apologize sincerely if something look not fair, but I m working hard to  transform this on a truly experience. "

We exchanged a few more emails and we became friends (it was that easy.....lol). More importantly than being friends I got know he is as polite as polite can be and a sincere person. He also spoke about his love to meet new people from different cultures, sharing his view, getting others life perspectives and his wish to start a way for everyone to enjoy those rich experiences all over the world (I believe that is where WLE comes in). He is also an open person, can be philosophical (lol.....) and is willing to learn. It was only much later I got to know he is the visionaire behind WLE.

For me I understand that sometimes in life mistakes are inevitable but our willingness to learn and wanting to never stop to make a change makes all the difference. When Antonio asked me if I would love to do an article for WLE, the first thing he said even before i gave him a reply of if i would or not was that it is okay to write about the mistake as that was what truly happened (lol....). He spoke about being courageous to tell the truth and bracing up for whatever comes afterwards.

Today I am happy I walked my path with WLE. After all for me aside the adventure is the lives that will be touched all over the world that counts.

I believe in WLE and its success. How many more are with me?....lol.

Kisses and hugs.

[anisebonny]

MY COMEBACK

Smiling........So once in a while I come in here to see how tall the grasses are growing, the weeds taking over the whole the place, cobwebs everywhere and all sorts of imaginable things on an abandoned piece of land (lol...) but each time I leave with a longing in my heart to have my comeback. I mean, I miss my times here and for the life of me can't really remember why I kept pushing my comeback (still thinking.....).

Writing is my get away thing and I have a lot on my note pad already (never stopped writing). After taking the long break my first intention was to have my come back with my story ( my life story) in a series. I had that planned long before I took the break I never intended will take me this long to come back from but I had to cut my break short (shines teeth).

I wanted to share my life story firstly because I wanted to say something to someone, anyone. Sort of make them understand there is someone else here writing (lol...) Probably who can understand and be a shoulder. Secondly because I got several offers and opportunities both locally and internationally during my break to write stories but never took them because I feel I write only articles. So starting with my Story I hope will trigger the imaginary part of my brain for fictional stories (shrugs....lol). Be rest assured I am not dropping the challenge but only pushing it forward, so anticipate.

While on my break I have been asked severally why aren't you blogging again and most times I just give a blank stare with nothing reasonable in my brain to give as my reason (lol...). I know well enough there is no excuse no matter how busy or well not so busy (eyes rolling..) as i might think so I always say "I still blog but just on a break" (scratches head......but did I really stop blogging?). I have had to refer severally to my blog during the past months and remembered I took the break to come back better so it was always on my mind. But I had several encounters that made me realise it was irresponsibility to keep stalling. There were people who followed up and still follow up.

It became more and more necessary each passing day. IFTTT has been a constant reminder to write on my blog and not my note pad, friends&family. Two recent scenarios really made me cut short my holiday. I got a call two days back from a friend and all this person just called to ask was "why have you not done any podcast recently" ( I was dumbstruck ) my saving grace was that, I was where I couldn't talk for long so I excused my self (lol...). I take it as my responsibility to have good answers when asked about my blog and besides, that question could have waited till we saw each other as we live not far apart. Same day, another friend ( how became friends is still amazing as no one would have thought it possible) asked about my blog only after exchanging pleasantries then was when I took a deep breath and decided to cut short the holiday. I have been thinking about it so i just needed to stop thinking (lol...). I understood it could only be out of goodwill and I am sincerely grateful.

So I am back, better and you all really need follow up. Next week I have female genital mutilation as my topic (you don't want to miss). I really want it to be a podcast but I hope I get every guest I want to talk on the podcast together and ready, if not it will be an interesting writeup

STAY TUNED........XOXO.

[anisebonny]

ONE SOUL

I wanted to use the ATM some weeks back and met a long queue with a man having the attention of everybody waiting for their turn to withdraw. When I got closer I listened and the first words I heard were "save him first, that person's life is much more important". Hearing that alone, he got my attention a 100%....lol. He spoke with so much passion and apparently was talking about an Issue I had concern about for a while now.

I discovered weeks before the weeks I went to use the ATM a law I never knew existed in Nigeria. One day I was on my way home with my mum and then I noticed a little gathering by roadside with a man in pains. It seems as though everybody was just looking and nobody was helping. So many thoughts crossed my mind and I told my mum that we should help out since everyone was just looking instead of getting into action. My mum stopped me and told me we better mind our business like we saw nothing. I was a little taken aback and then she explained to me like the wise old women in movies do.....lol.

There was an accident and just a few steps away, I saw some police officers gathered collecting money while someone was at the back dying. My reaction was epic...... Lol. A lot of people have this notion of you just don't help people because you want to help them. You could help someone and put yourself in serious trouble with the law for helping. You could get accused of being the one that caused the accident by the police and relatives or while you think you are helping someone, you find yourself in a den of thieves. She told me of different experiences people have shared and I thought about how many lives could have been lost and the people who genuinely needs help. We know how our ambulance system is so unreliable and all the other trouble with our system. I feel everything is a mess.

For once I was seeing someone who spoke with so much passion about saving the soul first and not minding what the other consequences are. Some people looked at him like he suddenly developed horns....lol while others thought he has probably lost his mind. The argument continued and all I did was listen. Before he was able to withdraw and leave I doubt he was able to convince anybody following the counter attacks he was being given and being the only one on a team. But he did a good job. After he left, there was still talk of how he was able to achieve all that without any trouble and I discovered the man in question was a police officer.

But I loved this man's enthusiasm for souls, I loved how he encouraged people and telling them to save lives and that the police were people like us and could be talked to. I don't know this man from anywhere but saying that alone made me feel we are heading for a change. We just need a few more like mind people.

I met with a group of older friends when this topic was discussed again and there was talk of how Nigeria was not like this before, how this laws started, how the whole mess was a seed that was sown a long time ago and grew to this point, the Nigeria of then and now. All I could do was sigh. From their point of view the vices were not this bad. People were not this bad and one begins to wonder when and where did it go wrong.

I wish for a better a Nigeria, a Nigeria where people are not reckless with lives, a Nigeria with less vices and more good people, a Nigeria with comfort, a Nigeria with a voice for the unrepresented, a Nigeria with less underprivileged, a Nigeria where one can easily help, a Nigeria with less corruption and more justice. The list could go on but lastly a Nigeria with one spirit, one mind and one soul.

Comments are always welcomedE.....kisses and hugs

[anisebonny]

LIFE WITHOUT COFFEE

When I decided to write to Dr Afiniki Akanet, I only knew she writes . I knew she is the author of the book "life without coffee" but didn't know anything else about her. She responded to my mail in a very polite and friendly manner that made me feel comfortable to talk to her. She sent me her web address and there was where I discovered every other thing I didn't know about her.

She is definitely a role model and a woman I tag "fully packed". Dr Akanet is a UK medical doctor, entrepreneur, charity trustee, motivational speaker, wife and mother. She is the founder of Forte, Charity for Inspiration and director of Evasitters UK. Afiniki lives in England with her husband, son and daughter. She enjoys encouraging people to make the most of their opportunities and live the life they want.

This is to promote her book "life without coffee" but this is not her first book. She wrote her first published book, Fortitude, in 2008, So far, she has written three books in eight years, but she also writes short articles for websites and medical journals.

In her book "LIFE WITHOUT COFFEE" Dr Afiniki Akanet shares, in her friendly and motivational style, how she handles her multifaceted life without coffee. It is definitely not a book about coffee! This is a book for anyone that wants real and achievable ways of living a productive and happy life at home and at work. A must-read for this year!

So far all the reviews I have been seeing on the book are pointing to the fact that it is a must read. I really can't wait to lay my hand on the book too (winks). Meanwhile these are a few reviews:

"Brilliant book"

- Trish Adudu

"Wise words for busy lives"

- Matthew Ling

"I definitely recommend this book, which will give you a fresh perspective on the way to handle the different aspects of life to make you happy and fulfilled, whatever the circumstances."

- Cindy Deza

"It’s packed with insights about productivity, relationships, and general ‘life management’ tips. It’s a loving kick up the backside, and don’t we all need that from time to time?

A terrific read!"

– Dayo Benson

To order for her e book or to get any hard copy of her book,  you are welcomed to check her website @www.afiniki.co.uk. she always welcomes comment so you can send your reviews to her.

Comments are always welcomed......xoxo.

[anisebonny]

PREGNANT WOMEN AND THE BANKING SECTOR

Seeing this topic, the first thought is "what sort of topic is this" lol..... I couldn't think of any better topic for the issue I want to talk about. I had female genital mutilation prepared for this week but that post seem to love to still rest a little in my archived post. Been pushing that post for weeks now but hopefully I will get around someday to do it plus this topic seems too interesting to me to  be archived (smiles).

Some few days back, I went to the bank to do some transactions and there I found out something very interesting I didn't know was a norm in banks. I have gotten used to spending a minimum of one hour in the bank these days because of the large crowd and when I get there, I stay on the queue and not make a fuss over the crowd and time spent. By now I have an understanding of not going close to the bank if I have other important things to do.

On this particular day a lady on another queue kept making a fuss about how the queue was not moving and how people who just came into the bank were going straight to the front to carry out their transactions. She kept on like that for a while until it was explained to her that those people she was talking about were actually pregnant women and it was a rule in the bank that all pregnant and nursing mothers don't queue. Once they get into the bank they are to be attended to immediately. That didn't stop her from complaining still.

The whole issue was a funny one and that was the first time I was hearing about that rule. I was thinking why she didn't feel pregnancy or nursing a child was a justifiable reason for anyone to not stay on the queue. I am sure she had other pressing things to attend to judging from the way she responded to the bank policy on nursing and pregnant mothers.

Firstly, nobody deserves to spend the whole day in the bank or more time than the appropriate time in the bank Whether pregnant or not. At a point, the lady started insisting that she was pregnant too disturbing the quiet of the bank. I thought about what better policy can the banks implement. Such that avoids that kind of noise and disturbance I witnessed in the bank some few days back.

I understand where the lady is coming from and I also understand the banks wanting to care for pregnant women and nursing mothers. She must have felt it wasn't fair enough that simply because she is not pregnant, she should be chanced by one who was pregnant. She must have been thinking "I am a woman too" (lol).

Kisses and hugs.

[anisebonny]

THE DAY BEFORE SHE SAID I DO

Last weekend, I attended the wedding of a very very very very very very (the very can continue..... Lol)  close friend. A friend close to my heart.

I woke up a day to the wedding feeling anxious about my clothe with my tailor that I have to wear for the occasion. Days before that morning I was not bothered about the clothe and I just suddenly felt I shouldn't have chosen that style, it may be too complex, she may not give me a perfect job etc (lolz.......i don't know if anybody has felt this way before or why I felt that way but I just feel it's partly because I am not really a traditional atire kind of person.).

Putting that thought aside, I set out for the day. All I had for that day was to put finishing touches to all the plans that have been set down already. My first point of call was the market. I needed to get her a gift (Courtesy me and a few friends) and then proceeded to my tailors place. After seeing my clothe and of course testing it to make sure it fits, that was all I needed to make my day. It was perfect (lol..... I wondered why I bothered in the first place and started hoboured the idea of getting more natives). Next was to visit the bride to be. So i called and she told me she was making her hair and can wait for her in the house.

Getting to her house, the first welcome was the aroma of party food (we all know how it is, I made sure to take a deep breath. Lol..... Usually I love that aroma). That aroma for me signifies celebration. Right there I remembered an argument I had with a friend over which rice was sweeter "wedding or burial". While I stuck my foot down and said wedding rice was sweeter, she said burial was sweeter. Well till now I still hold on to my believe "wedding rice"........ Lol.

Greeting the people I met outside I went inside the house to wait for her. I am no longer a guest in her house but I was still offered something to drink. Her arrival was announced by the children in the compound when they kept shouting aunty precious, aunty precious (lol). So I chorused with them when I saw her open the door aunty precious and she said onyeje (she is the only one I know who calls me by my surname and has a way of reminding me of my roots.......lol).

We spoke briefly and then she was getting ready to leave for the hotel where she was to lodge. Stepping out again the children kept saying "where are you going to", "we will miss you" etc. It sounded like she was going to a very far place, a different place and she was leaving them behind (smiles.....). And then we met another set of women before we got to the gate. She greeted them and the oldest amongst them (I presume so though) started to pray for her. She knelt down and everybody was saying amen. Watching that scene from a little distance and saying amen too was what touched me to put this write up together. I realise she can never have too much of this prayers and really she was going on a different journey. Alone without her parents and she needed as much of this prayers as possible.

While walking to the bus stop she then asked me if this is how it is (lol.... I wonder why she was asking me a single. I just laughed and said yes whether that is the right response or not). When we got to her lodge there was preparation already for her bridal shower but I had to be unavoidably absent. So she showered and walked me to the bus stop.

On the d-day while doing my make up I realised I love Yoruba weddings. Haven attended both Igbo and Yoruba weddings, I feel Yoruba weddings are more interesting. This is not to say any one is better than the other, it's just my preference. When I got to the venue, there was druming and dancing already. The engagement had started and the bride was there already so I gave her one shot before going into the hall.

The hall was well decorated and had a welcoming ambience. A few friends where there already so we greeted and chatted. Everything was in place. People everywhere, music, food, smiles and laugh on people faces, gifts, cake( I love cakes, have I said that before....lol), drinks, live band, flowers, etc. And the photographer was just awesome. He was just giving us different snapping positions eg lying down, bending, kneeling......lol. In all it was a beautiful ceremony.

One of my then coursemate said I know precious to be a very quiet person. She will just be smiling but look at how she is dancing today. I laughed and thought since it is a once in a life time event, she has to dance it all out.

Thank you very much for reading and let us remember to subscribe to my blog, follow me on Google or subscribe by email to be the first to  get my writings. For my facebook friends just click on the main link to direct you to my blog page so you can also subscribe or see more writings. Kisses.

Comments are always welcomed......xoxo.

[anisebonny]

NAIVENESS 101

If I ever get a chance to do better something that I did in the past, then I want to be better at what I have come to realise people term naive.

Talking about this from the angle of relationship, I have come to realise 9 out of every 10 guy walking on the street has screwed thoughts on how to act in a relationship and 9 out of every 10 lady walking on the street has the same screwed thoughts

For someone like me who came into the dating ring quite late because it seem there is a certain age when you should have gotten into a relationship.....eyes rolling,  I just set my mind on doing every other thing while I got myself acquainted with relationship books, other people's relationship story and all the best possible solutions to relationship issues. I got so good at this that I would even counsel a few friends when they have issues in their relationship........but believe me when I say theory is different from practical.

My first relationship was not the perfect relationship (I don't know if there is any such thing as perfect relationship) but I was not someone without a clear head on the kind of relationship I wanted or how I wanted my relationship. Putting all the theories into practical was not easy but I gave it my best try.

First relationships are believed to be the eye opener. Brings you out of a state of being "naive", untouched, pure heart e.t.c. And then we find a lot of people change their initial pure state to match the so called worldly experience they are faced with or will be faced with.

While I know that it is not an easy task to win "worldly experience" with "niaiveness" but you don't also get the best result with doing worldly experience for worldly experience.

When I talk naiveness what do I mean?,I mean Sincerity, commitment, intelligent, honesty, loyalty, truthfulness, innocence, open minded with simple wishes, humility, smartness etc Without the helplessness and timidity that is in the original definition of naive.

I am in shock as to what worldly experience mean and the rate at wish people are running towards that angle. We have it as lies, manipulation, dishonesty, unfaithfulness etc and 9 out of every 10 male or female has their minds functioning like this, 9 out of every 10 wants to do worldly for worldly.

We all make our choices in life. While I will not tell you how to live your life, I just wish we could have less people having screwed thoughts that is why I put this write up together. I remember when I was in junior high school, I was taught in integrated science that like poles repel and opposite poles attract.  You don't win lies with more lies, it just get messy,. You win lies with sincerity. So also you don't win dishonesty with dishonesty, you only win dishonesty with honesty.

So after my first relationship ended, I made up my mind to maintain that initial state of mind that I had before I got into any relationship. I even made up my mind to be better committed, honest, caring, loyal, loving etc. It's not gonna be easy and it's not been easy but nobody told me it was ever going to be easy.

My wish is for anybody who reads this to make the choice that I made. So I beg that we help my wish come true (smiles). That way we could have a less toxic environment filled with people with screwed thoughts...... lol.

Comments are welcomed and let us pls share this with others........kisses and hugs.

[anisebonny]

21ST CENTURY MARRIAGE SAGA

I have a few friends who have walked down the aisle and some who are about to but I discovered most times they are faced with a few dramas which comes from their parents because they want to be sure they are making the right decisions. So I decided to give my own two cent on the dramas too(winks).

I have grown up to know that my parents blessing on my marriage is important or rather I was taught to know that my parents blessing on my marriage is important. When I talk about their blessing what do I mean?..... Their accepting the suitor I bring home which translate to a sincere prayer from the heart from them.

I also know that my parents know more than me because they have lived longer on earth and have acquired great wisdom (there is a saying that what an elder can see at the top of a  tree while sitting a child can climb that tree and still not see it). I also know that my parents cannot always get it right solely for this reasons and I also know that we are in the 21st century( does that ring a bell.... Lol).

I have heard a few people give reasons why their parents would not accept a spouse they bring home for reasons that I consider to be trivial (I stand to be corrected..... though I doubt anyone can really convince me lol) and we have gone past the centuries when parents marry for their children. While I understand their stand to want to make sure their children are making the right decisions I begin to wonder if they are not conditioning or putting too much pressure on these children which could lead to the kind of decision they are trying to avoid in the first place.

It's not also in our culture to elope and expect a warm embrace or a pat on the back when you get back but I have heard and seen people who defy their parents and I also know that defying comes with bigger dramas which takes a lot of energy and too much sapping of emotions from both parties.

So I have been thinking about the best possible way to avoid all these dramas. How do we reconcile with parents who bring up issues like race, church/mosque he/she attends, social status, state, country, tribe, some certain customs and beliefs e.t.c (I am not saying these issues are not important but I consider them trivial) as compared to compatibility, commitment, honesty, sincere heart, love, care, loyalty, faithfulness, understanding, communication e.t.c.

The world is becoming a global village and a lot of changes have set in and more will still come in. I really don't know the best way to avoid all these drama (I really wish I knew) but we must not forget our core values (respecting our parents). I just believe there should be a way to win our parents heart without too much drama when we are faced with such issues. But we must do it lovingly.

Love conquers all so we must act from the angle of love to win.

Agree or disagree, comments are welcomed. Kisses and hugs.

[anisebonny]

CYBERDATING

I was on facebook some few days back and my aunty chatted me up, I went on facebook messenger to reply her when I noticed a part with filtered messages. I decided to check  the content and saw old messages that I never got around to reply. I just kept laughing at how absurd some of those messages were.

Clearly I am not a fan of cyber dating and I think it is immaturity for people who search for love on social media. I remember when I first opened a facebook account the messages (which were mostly from guys) were much worse then, than now. I think people are beginning to mature or learn that not everything looks as it seems. (no offense to the guys reading.... Lol).

I have this policy of not replying messages if I thought you over stepping your boundaries (though I hardly chat on those social media I consider to be very public) and just believe friends on social media should stay on social media (I accept if some people should say that I am rigid, well that's fine.....lol).

I accept anybody who sends me request on my social media account except for accounts that I consider to be very personal (whatsapp and Bbm) but then I don't think I know up to 15% of friends personally who are my friends on social media (so some people may think that why did I accept them or why did they send the request in the first place????).

I consider social media a place to interact and share ideas and not a place to search for love. It's appaling because I wonder if people who do it have searched around them. Wikipedia said "Social media are computer-mediated technologies that facilitate the creation and sharing of information , ideas, career interests and other forms of expression via virtual communities and networks" (well defined... Winks). So this is my major reason for accepting people I don't know, not replying people who try to get all personal and as for those who send the request.....well I don't know lol.

I remember one guy got so angry and sent me a message that it took me more than two years to accept his request and ever since then he has been sending me several hellos that I did not reply him. He did not even wait for me to reply his message when I noticed he deleted me ( lol........what he did not know was there was a time I stayed off social media for a long time and when I got back I had so many requests and messages. It took me long to go through all of the request and messages) while I don't think I owed him an apology I just thought why did he take it so personal..... ROFL.

I consider life on social media fake and there are so many insincere people there. The original concept behind social media has been misused and people see it now as a place to show off. I never take it to heart. I never take anything I find there real likewise the search for love there. I know someone is thinking "but I heard of stories of people who found true love there" (there is always an exception to the rule and they are one out the 100 many who got themselves into cyber dating).

While I don't expect you to agree with me on my thoughts if you want to search for love on social media but I just wish you will be more thoughtful and matured about your decision.

Comments are welcomed.......xoxo.

[anisebonny]

ON UPBRINGING

I was having a chat with my neighbor on upbringing and the right attitude of children in the home, then she quoted the popular scripture people like to quote "train up a child in the way he should go that when he is old, he will not depart from it".

Then I remembered a long time ago someone said the same scripture but asked a question that stucked in my brain till today. He said when the Bible said train on the way the child should go, that who really knows the way a child should go. I haven't really thought much about it after that day.

But really who knows the way a child should go; mother, father, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunty,  society, environment, school, the community, age group, peer group, teachers, neighbors, friends e.t.c. The list can go on.

We have seen over time and it has been repeated severally some children get the best of home training but derailed when they got older,  we have seen some children whose parents have bad attitude themselves but has the best character like they got the best home training ever.

Some parents are hard on their children thinking its the best way to put them on the right part while some handle them with Care thinking also that it is the best way to put them on the right part. Don't get me wrong all on the list above has influence on a child life but there is a greater influence. Some people just say that scripture like its a parable without even knowing that it's a passage in the Bible. There is only one great influence on our life and that is "our creator". He is the one that knows the right way we should go and he help mould our lives to take that route so that when we are old we will not depart from it.

Agree or disagree comments are welcomed......kisses and hugs.