Hi! Welcome to my blog - I'm so glad you're here! Here's where you can read a little bit about my rules and me!
Check out my MASTERLIST for all written works.
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Rules:
I don't have many rules, but in general please practice basic etiquette. That's all I ask. Be kind, have fun. I try to be mindful of all communities here and in return all I ask is for the same respect. If you don't like my work or my page then feel free to move past it.
Plagiarism is NOT TOLERATED! Everything here is my original work. Please do not copy, translate, or use without credit.
Read with caution - I try to list content warnings on each of my fics, but I may miss something.
Requests - They're always open, but please know that I get horrible writer's block when it's something I'm not currently fixated on. They'll eventually be completed, but it may take a while. So, request at your own risk lol (I'm so sorry for this bad habit of mine. I'm so bad with it)
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About Me:
I'm 24 and still trying to figure my life out!! xD
I work a full time job (ew). But this does impact how active I am. Sometimes it's super flexible so I have more time to write. Other times, I may not be as active.
Some other little things that bring me joy - reading, cooking, fitness, coloring, puzzles, and animals!
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Disclaimer: None of the photos attached in posts belong to me! I normally default to Pinterest to find photos. Most of the time it does not list the original artist/owner, so if anyone happens to know, please feel free to credit them on the post.
Hey everyone - firstly, thank you for all the love on my most recent Levi fic! I really appreciate it🤍
Sorry I’ve been MIA! Life just kind of sucks right now, so I’ve been trying my best. I’ve had no motivation to do anything.
I'll try and post something soon. I've had another idea floating around for a small little Levi fic. I'm also in the middle of rereading Fourth Wing again, so I may finally finish one of those requests.
Hi guys! Sorry it's been a while. I've been so burnt out and unmotivated recently. I’ve been trying taking some time to try to get out of my slump. This is another one of the random ideas that has been sitting in my drafts, so I wanted to share - again, not my best work but fanfiction makes me so happy. I also don't think I'm considering it a part of my Little Moments collection. Please enjoy this standalone!
Warnings: Suggestive content (I don't write smut, but this is a little more suggestive than my other works)
Disclaimer: I do not own the photo below!
For once - in what felt like months - the newest members of the Levi squad had the day off.
The group of teenagers were gathered around a table in the mess hall, idly chattering amongst themselves and enjoying their free time. As for Eren and Jean…their small talk had turned into one of their ridiculous arguments. This time being over who would end up with a girlfriend before the other.
“As if horseface here would get one before me!” Eren sneered.
“Oh please!” Jean started, “Who’d want to go out with you?”
A few eyes trailed over to Mikasa, who was simply minding her business and eating her lunch. Her face reddened, but she pointedly ignored the looks.
“No one would date you of all people,” Jean continued.
“Hey!” Eren shouted, slamming his hands on the table and standing. Armin yanked him back down.
“Why am I always in the middle of these two,” Armin groaned earning sympathetic looks from Mikasa and Historia. The latter gave him a pat on the hand before turning her attention on Eren and Jean.
“Neither of you will end up with girlfriends if you keep shouting like toddlers!” Historia snapped. Her comment went ignored.
While most of the recruits were used to hearing the pair argue over stupid things, they had started attracting the attention of the higher ranking officers in the room.
Hange and Moblit sauntered up when Jean exclaimed, “I bet even Lieutenant Y/N wouldn’t go out with you!” It was a known fact that Eren, and many other of the young boys sitting at the table, had a small crush on Lieutenant Y/N.
She was arguably one of the kindest and most beautiful people in the Scouts. Everyone worshipped the ground she walked on, wanting nothing more than to be on the receiving end of her praise. Y/N cared deeply for everyone and extended all the help she could to keep her comrades alive.
But you couldn’t count out her skills as a Scout. There was a reason she was Levi’s Lieutenant. Her abilities nearly rivaled Humanity’s Strongest himself.
“Please! Like she would ever be interested in you either,” Eren retorted. Jean’s face contorted in anger, but before they could start again, Hange clapped Eren on the back.
The boy jolted, and everyone at the table had guilty looks on their faces for speaking about their superior so casually.
“I heard my best friend’s name!” They chirped. “What are you kiddos on about now?”
The table shared a sheepish look.
“W-well, Eren and Jean were just arguing about which one of them would get a girlfriend first,” Armin explained.
“Oh, ho, ho!” Hange squealed with delight, earning a defeated sigh from her assistant. “And you think my lovely Y/N would go for you children?”
“I told you!” Jean squawked. “Even Section Commander Hange doesn’t think she’d go out with you!” He waggled a finger in Eren’s face. The latter batted his hand away with a sour look on his face.
“She wouldn’t go out with you either,” Hange said, before the two could start another round. “You’re both teenagers, for one.”
Jean’s jaw dropped, betrayal filling his eyes. Eren and Connie snickered.
“A matter of fact, none of you are her type,” Hange added.
“Neither are you, Moblit,” they stuck a finger out behind them in his face, silencing him. The older boy just blushed. In all honesty, most of the Survey Corps had a thing for her.
“So what’s her type then?” Connie asked.
Hange thought about it for a minute, and tilted their head. “I honestly don’t know.”
“Isn’t she your best friend?” Sasha asked, mid-bite.
“Yeah,” Historia chimed in, “Don’t best friends normally talk about this type of stuff with each other?”
“We don’t normally discuss our love lives. Well, she doesn’t at least,” the older Scout shrugged.
“She’s pretty secretive about it. I mean she could’ve told Levi. They’re pretty close, and he’s good at keeping his mouth shut,” Hange rambled.
An idea popped into their head.
“Maybe Levi knows!” The scientist hopped up from her seat, as though none of them had just heard them theorizing about it.
The group looked around in confusion. “Why would the Captain know?” Mikasa asked. “He’s more private than she is.”
Hange ignored her, and declared, “We’re going on a field trip kids!” before tearing out of the mess hall, trailed by Moblit.
They looked around at each other, shrugged, and then shuffled out after them.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Armin muttered to Eren, as they rounded the hall to the private quarters.
“Please,” Jean cut in, “He’s probably just doing paperwork. Man never takes a day off.”
When they arrived in front of his office door, everything happened in slow motion.
Without knocking, Hange burst into the office followed by everyone shoving their way inside at the same time.
“Leviiiiiiiiii—” Hange started, before their jaw - and everyone else’s - dropped to the floor.
Y/N was propped up on the desk with her top pulled down dangerously low, revealing the tops of her breasts. Levi’s mouth hovered over her collarbone.
The pair, in a very compromising position, froze.
Levi’s eyes widened just a fraction, anger slowly beginning to simmer beneath his stormy grey irises. Y/N’s face flushed a deep scarlet.
In an attempt to shield her body from their view, Levi tried to shove her behind him, but resulted in pushing her off the desk and onto the floor by accident. Y/N let out a quiet oomph and tugged her shirt back up, averting her eyes from the gawking crowd.
In a split second, the awkward silence was broken by everyone stammering over one another.
Armin and Moblit blushed furiously, both stuttering hurried “sorry’s” and trying to leave the room.
Mikasa, Historia, and Sasha blinked and scrambled out. Hange’s eyes were still bulging out of their head. And Jean, Eren, and Connie stood there gaping, wide eyes bouncing back and forth between Levi and Y/N. They had never seen that much skin on her before.
“Get. Out,” Levi growled.
Hange continued to gape for a heartbeat before springing into action, ushering the three boys back through the door.
“Question answered!” The scientist laughed nervously, shoving them harder. “We’ll be discussing this new development later!” she threw over her shoulder at Y/N before promptly slamming the door shut.
Levi and Y/N sat there in bewilderment for a split second. The Lieutenant huffed out a laugh.
“You didn’t have to shove me off the desk,” she sighed, running a hand through her hair and standing up.
Levi was still glaring at the door.
“It’s fine. They were bound to find out eventually,” Y/N shrugged, moving to sit on the little couch.
“Those damn brats. The one day off.”
“I’m sorry I pushed you on the floor,” Levi added, finally crossing the space to sit next to her. “It’s okay,” she beamed at him, resting a hand on his cheek. Y/N leaned in again, and soon enough the whole ordeal was forgotten.
In the hall, Eren, Jean, and Connie were still staring at the door.
Armin just sighed and looked to Hange who also still didn’t seem to know what to do, “I told you this was a bad idea.”
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I have a few Gojo drafts sitting around as well! Let me know if you'd like for any of those to be added to the queue!
Levi Ackerman x Reader
Moment 3
A collection of little blurbs between Levi and Y/N 🤍
Hi everyone - such a busy work week. I'm so burnt out with work ughhh. Also I don’t think this is my best because I’ve felt like bleh recently, so I apologize for that. I still hope you enjoy!
Warnings: None to my knowledge, but still be careful while reading!
Disclaimer: I do not own the photo below :)
Levi Ackerman rarely slept. Countless nights being chased from sleep causing him to pour over paperwork or sip on his tea in silence. It wasn’t ideal, but he had gotten used to it.
Now, he wondered why sleeping on the ground was working out better than his perfectly clean bed.
“SH!” a sharp whisper interrupted his slumber. “You’ll wake them up!” A familiar voice hissed. Armin.
Levi inwardly sighed. The one time he could actually sleep was being disturbed by a bunch of teenagers.
“They’re so cute!” A feminine voice squeaked. Sasha. “We really should let them sleep,” Mikasa said, quietly. “But look at them!”
He didn’t know what on earth they were talking about, but as Levi slowly came to consciousness, he felt a warmth pressed up against his side. “I think he’s waking up,” someone muttered. Levi let out a huff without opening his eyes.
“SCATTER!” one of them whispered sharply. Slight rustling and the sound of footsteps retreating filled his ears. Sighing to himself, Levi cracked an eye open.
The sun was just starting to come up over the horizon, illuminating their little camp in the woods with a faint glow. From what he could tell, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, and Sasha were all up pretending like they were doing something instead of watching their Captain sleep.
And apparently their Lieutenant too.
A hand wrapped around his waist, nearly making him jump out of his skin. Faintly recalling how the two commanding officers wandered off towards the edge of camp the previous night, Levi glanced down to find Y/N passed out next to him. She was curled up against his side, head resting lightly on his chest. Somehow they had become a tangle of limbs. Y/N’s leg was haphazardly thrown across him and her arm slung over his waist. His heart did that stupid flip whenever he was with her, but he took care in not moving and waking her up.
A sense of peace washed over Levi as he observed her sleeping form. He’d never really seen her like this before - hair sprawled messily around her and lips parted with quiet snores. It was cute.
But the dark circles under her eyes made his heart sink. Levi had been watching her closely ever since the recent events that had led them to hiding out in the woods. Y/N was exhausted. They all were, but he saw how it impacted her the most.
Ever since they had lost the old Levi squad, Y/N had been pushing herself to the limit. She would always brush it off when he asked, but he could see how she watched this new group. They were just kids. Every time he’d catch her watching them with a sad look he knew what she was thinking. Those were her kids. Somewhere along the lines she had made some silent pact with herself to protect all of them from the horrors of the world.
He didn’t quite understand why, but he never questioned it. That’s just how she was. Kind, caring - giving her heart and soul to make others happy and protect the ones she loved. It was just one of the reasons why he slowly started feeling something more for his Lieutenant.
Sighing, Levi brushed a few stray hairs out of her face and settled back down onto the pitiful blanket they’d laid down. He decided he would let her sleep longer, her gentle breathing and warmth lulling him back into slumber.
That was until someone let out a yowl and started shouting.
“SASHA!” Connie pleaded, “We need to save our rations!” The girl merely snapped something incoherent back at him.
Levi’s eyes flew open, and he felt Y/N jump. “Huh?” she mumbled, jolting upright out of his arms. Levi scowled. “Would you idiots shut up?” he snapped, pushing himself up. The teenagers froze, turning to where their commanding officers were. Levi dragged a hand down his face, leaning closer into Y/N’s hunched form, her back pressing against his chest. He was ready to grab her if she decided she wanted to bite their heads off for waking her up.
She wasn’t the most pleasant person when someone interrupted her sleep. Levi had to learn that the hard way.
“Why the hell are you all screaming?” she groaned, tilting back into Levi. Her head fell on his shoulder, face nuzzling into his neck as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Her soft breath caressed his skin making his heart jump.
“Go get more firewood. All of you,” Levi demanded. The kids scrambled off and disappeared out of sight.
“Did I say you could use me as a pillow, brat?” Levi chided quietly into her hair. There was no real bite to it.
“You shut up too,” she mumbled softly, clearly about to drift off again. “Tch,” he scoffed with a small smile. He pressed a light kiss on her forehead and soon enough, her soft snores filled the air again.
Hi everyone - not sure if anyone will see this lol but just wanted to leave a little note if you hop on my page! Sorry for not staying consistent with the amount of fics I've been cranking out recently. Things started picking up at work, so I've been super busy with that. I'm hoping some stuff will slow down towards the end of the week.
I have a rough draft of the third part of Sisters, but it is still very rough so please bear with me. I'll get it finished as soon as I can!
I'll go through my current drafts and see if there's anything that needs minor editing to maybe posted tomorrow or this Thursday. Cheers! xx
Levi Ackerman x Reader
Moment 2
A collection of little blurbs between Levi and Y/N 🤍
This cuteness randomly came to me! Hope you enjoy! Find the other little moments and stories here!
Warnings: I actually don’t think there are very many. If anything, mentions of canon violence. Still be sure to read with caution.
Disclaimer: I do not own the photo below.
“Leviiiiiiiiii–” Y/N let out a dramatic groan, draping herself over the settee in Levi’s office. He acknowledged her with a grunt. “I’m boreddddd.”
“Don’t you have a pile of reports you could do?” Levi asked, without sparing her a glance.
Y/N scoffed and flipped herself up into a sitting position. She cocked her head and studied the man in front of her.
Levi was hunched over his desk scribbling on a piece of paper. Errant strands of dark hair fell over his face as the afternoon sun streamed through the window behind him, illuminating his sharp features. She could see the lean slopes of his shoulders bunch the fabric of his shirt every time he adjusted. He was absolutely beautiful - just sitting there concentrated on his work.
Y/N could’ve cried over how pretty he was.
“You’re staring,” he muttered, still not looking up. “Can I not admire how handsome you are?”
Levi’s eyes darted to his Lieutenant and back down to his report, a tinge of pink dusting his cheeks.
“Tch. Go bother someone else.”
Y/N playfully rolled her eyes, circling back to his previous question for something to talk about. “I have in fact finished all of my reports.”
“And no. I don’t want to bother anyone else,” she added.
“You could go bother Hange,” he suggested, but Y/N shook her head. “Can I not spend time with my boyfriend?”
Levi’s cheeks reddened again. “What did I say about the official titles?”
She snickered and did a horrible impression of him. “‘Does it have to be so formal?’ ‘Don’t call me that.’ My god Levi, what else am I supposed to call you? My lover?”
He cringed. “That’s worse.”
Y/N snorted, nodding in agreement.
For a moment, she sat there in silence staring out the window. She could faintly hear the chatter of other Scouts lounging around outside, enjoying the warm weather. It was a slow day for the Survey Corps. No expeditions, no important meetings. Just a day where everyone had the chance to slow down and take a minute to catch up on menial things. And for some, to relax.
A brilliant idea popped into her head.
“Let’s go outside!” She exclaimed, standing abruptly. Levi glanced up at her sudden outburst. “I’m busy,” he replied, flatly.
“Come on. You’ve been at this all day. Everyone else is enjoying the weather. You can take a break for an hour.”
He eyed her warily, but hesitated. “What exactly would we do outside?”
She thought for a moment, eyes lighting up with another idea. “You could teach me how you hold your blades!”
Levi gave her a confused look. “What? For one, you’re my Lieutenant. I wouldn’t have put you in my squad if you didn’t. You should know how to hold your blades…”
“No. I mean, yes, I do. But I want to learn how you hold yours. And kill Titans with them. Never made any sense when I first met you and still doesn’t,” she shrugged.
He gently set down his quill and stared at her like she had grown a second head.
“Come on,” she whined when he didn’t say anything. “Please?”
Levi took in her pleading expression and sighed in defeat. He could never say no to her. “Fine. One hour,” he said, pushing out of his chair. Y/N gave him a giddy look before bounding out of the room to grab her gear.
∘ ∘ ∘ ∘ ∘
“No. Just hold it like this,” Levi corrected for what felt like the hundredth time in the past ten minutes they had been out in the forest. “That doesn’t make sense. How do you pull the triggers?” Y/N’s brow furrowed as she tried to mimic how he was holding the blade.
In all honesty, Levi found her concentration adorable which didn’t make this near as bad as he thought it would be.
“Here–” he started, walking up to her and taking her hand in his. His thumb brushed over her soft skin in a gentle way he would only show with her, and after a few adjustments, she was holding the blade exactly like him.
“Ohhhh,” Y/N said, finally getting the feel for the grip.
“There,” he said, softly taking a step back.
Something in his chest tightened watching her stand there with a bright smile on her face. He may have known her for a long time now and been her friend, but it still never failed to amaze him that she chose him.
“Go try it out,” he gestured to the trees and the training course that was set up for the Scouts.
Y/N nodded eagerly and launched into the forest.
Levi’s eyes trained on her when she went for the first Titan dummy. He winced as she came barreling towards it and barely clipped the nape before having to stop herself from running into a tree.
It went on like that for a while until she eventually did hit a branch and tumbled to the ground. Levi took off in her direction. Upon reaching Y/N, he knelt down in front of her grabbing her face.
“Are you okay?” He asked, frantically tilting her head this way and that to check for injuries. She just giggled. “Yeah. Not the first time this has happened. I’m usually not this clumsy.”
“I know you’re not,” he said, leaning back on his heels and picking a leaf out of her hair. “You’re overthinking it. Just attack like you normally would when you hold it with the other grip.”
Y/N sighed, dusting her hands off and standing up. Levi followed in suit.
“I know. It just feels different.”
He gave her one of his rare, soft smiles at her little pout and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Y/N’s face flushed as she looked at him.
“Well, I didn’t expect you to get it on the first few runs.”
“I ran into a tree like an idiot,” she huffed.
Levi let out a quiet laugh. “Try again.”
She nodded and he stepped back watching her take off. When she picked up momentum and swung back to the target, Levi noticed her confidence had changed. She was moving like she normally would - seamlessly and fierce as ever with the urge to kill. He held his breath in anticipation as she hung in the air before quickly spinning and slicing the nape off the dummy.
Y/N beamed as she circled around and dropped down next to him. “I did it!”she shrieked in excitement earning another rare smile from him.
“Good job,” he praised softly and felt her lips collide with his cheek.
“I have a good teacher,” she smiled at him. Levi blinked still slightly in shock and not used to this much affection. Before he could think too much about it, he grabbed her chin and planted a small kiss on her lips. She let out a squeak of surprise, but melted into his touch.
“No. You just don’t suck and you actually listen to me unlike the brats,” he huffed, pulling away.
She just grinned. “And you love me, soooo…”
He playfully rolled his eyes, grabbing her hand to lead the way back to HQ. “I put up with you.”
Y/N tilted her head towards his and repeated, “And you love me.”
Levi swung their intertwined hands a bit and smiled to himself.
Levi Ackerman x Reader
Moment 1
A collection of little blurbs between Levi and Y/N 🤍
Hi everyone! I was just going back through my drafts and found a few little blurbs of small ideas I had written for Levi. I felt like posting something, so I'll probably end up posting all of them eventually as a little collection.
For these, Y/N is his Lieutenant and she's also a little feral. I'm a sucker for both of those ideas for some reason. I'm also going to start Part 3 of Sisters soon.
I really don't know what this is, but it's chaotic and fun, so I hope you enjoy this little blurb!
Warnings: Slight mentions of killing, canon violence, cursing
Disclaimer: I do not own the photo below - all rights to the owner/creator!
After going over the plan on how to deal with Kenny’s squad, the Levi squad dispersed, making their final preparations. Y/N greedily armed herself with whatever spare knives and daggers they picked up from MPs along the way to the Reiss Chapel.
“How much fucking steel do you need?” Levi’s cool voice cut through her pre-fight jitters.
Y/N glanced at him over her shoulder.
“A girl can never have too many blades,” she grinned with a feral look in her eye.
Levi watched her warily before shaking his head. The entire time he’d known her, she’d always been like this - insane. Despite that, he wouldn't have picked anyone else.
Sighing, he grabbed her waist, yanking her towards him until she was flush against his body.
“What the-” he sputtered upon feeling the absurd amount of weapons hidden on her body. Y/N just smirked at him. “I don’t think you need that many knives,” he exhaled. “Especially with your gear.”
She ignored his comment and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Awfully bold of you grabbing me like that. Especially in front of the brats,” Y/N drawled.
He had a flat look on his face but his eyes glimmered with something more. “They were never kept in the dark about this. About us…” Levi muttered, ducking his head. She just giggled, “You’re getting better with this, Captain.”
“Tch.”
Y/N gave him a little squeeze pulling him closer. “Be careful,” Levi murmured in her ear. “They killed three of us the other day.”
Y/N nodded, her features softening. She knew how he carried the blame. He’d been the one to ask Hange for some of their squad members after all. “I know. We’ll get them back for it. And get Eren and Historia."
“Just don’t do anything stupid,” he grumbled, giving her one last squeeze before releasing her.
“AHEM!” Hange’s dramatic scoff cut through the room. “If you’re done sucking face…kind of important mission at the moment!” Levi glared at them while Y/N burst into a fit of laughter.
“We’re not…” he scowled.
Y/N shoved around him and ran to Hange giving them a dramatic hug. “Oh Hange, my dear! You’ll always be my first love!” she sang. Hange shrieked with excitement, hugging her back. “You two are so weird,” Levi muttered, approaching the group.
Levi Ackerman x Reader
Part 2 to “Sisters” - Part 1
Hello my dear readers! Here’s the second part to my most recent Levi fic. I will probably (definitely) be writing a third part for it. I feel like Levi's down BAD in this one lol. I spent so much time editing this, so I really hope you like it!
Also I’m SO sorry for not tagging anyone!! :( My phone and laptop were being difficult with some of the tags, so I figured it would be fair if I didn’t do any rather than leave people out. I’ll look into it more for next time, promise!! Manifesting this finds the right people!!
Warnings: Canon Violence, mentions of death, mentions of eating disorder due to stress, angst
Disclaimer: I do not own the photo below. All rights go to original owner/creator.
Levi Ackerman desperately needed sleep. While he normally operated fine with the little amount he got, today was different.
The morning before the upcoming expedition brought a gray mist that clung to the city, reflecting the somber mood around HQ.
Levi tiredly dragged his feet to the mess hall in hopes that food and a cup of tea would clear his head. He had spent nearly all night trying - and failing - to shake off the argument he had with his Lieutenant.
Her words settled heavy in his heart, the hurt expression she wore chasing him from sleep. They’ve had their fair share of fights, but they were nothing compared to this.
It was like he had been possessed. Anger, frustration, exhaustion, concern, and everything under the sun had been bubbling up inside of him. Between his duties as a Captain, protecting Eren and then Violet, he had reached his limit. And he took it out on Y/N.
Did she really feel like he wanted nothing to do with her since Erwin put her in his squad? How could she think I wanted her to fail?
The questions circled his brain until he thought he would explode.
Levi knew he messed up. Probably ruined any chance he had to tell her how much she meant to him. Guilt and shame writhed in him like a living thing. Yeah…he barely slept.
Idle chatter from soldiers scattered throughout the shared space pulled Levi out of his shame spiral. He shouldered his way through the crowd, and his eyes landed on a table in the back where his squad was seated.
Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, Jean, and Violet were quietly talking amongst one another. His gaze immediately jumped to another figure sitting further down from the group of teenagers.
Y/N was hunched over, poking at the food on her plate. Her eyes were red-rimmed as if she had been crying. Exhaustion and stress looked like it was eating her alive as she snuck glimpses at Violet.
Her sister, who was happily chatting with Jean, pointedly ignored her.
Levi frowned at Y/N’s figure. Was she thinner? Why wasn’t she eating? How long has this been going on? How could I not have noticed this?
Good food was scarce these days, but Y/N was never one to turn down her rations. Even if she liked it or not, she knew that food was the one thing that she needed to keep her strength up.
"Captain!" someone shouted, jerking Levi out of his assessment. Eren and Jean seemed to notice him standing there. Curious eyes followed their line of sight and everyone began smiling and waving him over.
Levi swallowed, nervous all of a sudden. A part of him didn’t want to go over there and face the consequences of his own actions, but he shoved it aside walking over to their table.
Y/N’s gaze flickered to Levi and immediately darted away.
His lips thinned, but he didn’t say anything.
“We were just telling Violet about what it’s like outside the wall,” Jean stated, his chest puffing up a bit. He smirked at the young girl sending her into a fit of giggles. Pink tinged her cheeks as she smiled at Jean with big eyes. Y/N muttered something incoherent about 'idiots flirting with her sister' while Levi just gave the sandy-haired boy a flat look.
“Do you think I care?”
Jean deflated looking down at his plate. Eren snickered and whispered something to Armin. “Hey!” Jean exclaimed, launching into some rant. Soon enough, he and Eren started their usual argument. Taking it as his cue to move on, Levi moved over to where Y/N was seated.
“Can I sit?” He asked quietly.
Her shoulders stiffened, and she turned to him. “I was just leaving.”
Levi’s heart dropped to his stomach as she stood up quickly and slipped into the crowd before he could say anything. He had half a mind to go after her, but if he wasn’t mistaken, her eyes had misted over like she was about to burst into tears.
He hated it. He hated that she was this upset because he didn’t know how to articulate his emotions properly. The control he maintained over his feelings allowed him to keep fighting for this shitty world. To him, it was just easier to lock them away in the depths of his mind. Everything he said or did was built on this ideology.
He supposed that wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism, but it had worked. At least, until he met Y/N. Something about her made him lose that control. She made him want to feel everything.
He had only just begun to accept this. With everything locked down for so long, these new sensations terrified him. Everyone he had ever loved or cared about was dead, and he didn’t think he would be able to survive if she was the next one to go. He felt like he was cursed.
Seeing Y/N in this state made him want to scream. He wanted to tell her how he felt, wanted her to talk to him, yell at him, anything. Anything other than this newfound wall of silence.
It was his fault. He lashed out at her, and now he had screwed up with the one person who had the potential to survive.
All he wanted was his bright and happy Lieutenant back. Levi would rip the world apart just to see her smile again.
“Captain?” a gentle, feminine voice interrupted his self-loathing. Mikasa was sitting across from Levi looking at him expectantly. “What?” he grunted. “Is Lieutenant Y/N alright? She seemed pretty quiet this morning, and I noticed still hasn't been eating.”
His gaze bounced between his teacup and his long distant relative. "What do you mean?" he asked. Mikasa hesitated. "I don’t think she has been eating much since her sister has arrived." That confirmed his earlier suspicions. It had been worse than he thought.
When Violet first arrived, Y/N put up a fight. She took it to Erwin in an attempt to get her sister kicked out, but of course he said no at the insistence of Violet. One of many arguments Levi had been present for. Since then, Y/N had been on edge. It was subtle, but Levi noticed. At the time he didn’t think it was that bad.
“I’ll make sure she gets something and will talk to her about it,” he sighed. Thankfully, Mikasa was the least nosy out of all of the brats, so she merely nodded and dropped the subject.
He drained his cup of tea and stood.
“Commander Erwin’s putting us in the middle of the formation tomorrow for Eren’s protection,” Levi announced. The teenagers all turned their heads to him. “Captain, where will I be?” Violet asked nervously. She clearly hadn’t forgotten about the debate last night.
“You’ll be with the squad. The matter has been dealt with.”
She nodded, her features lighting up with excitement. Damn. She really is like Isabel.
“I want to make sure you’re all ready for tomorrow, so be on the training field after lunch. If any of you are late, you’re cleaning the toilets,” he ordered. “Sir,” they nodded in unison. Levi’s gaze lingered on them for a moment before he turned and left.
On his way out, he grabbed a small plate of food and set off for Y/N’s office.
Reaching the door far sooner than he liked, Levi hesitated and then knocked. A muffled “Come in,” was his only signal that she was in there.
He opened the door slowly and stepped inside to find Y/N sitting at her desk, flipping through a stack of papers. Levi could tell she wasn’t really paying attention to them. Dark circles marred her undereyes, and she had a faraway look.
“Oh, it’s you,” she muttered, finally glancing up to see who had come in. “Yeah,” was all he managed. Y/N glanced at the plate in his hand and back to him, but didn’t say anything.
“You should eat,” he said, aiming for the chair in front of her desk and gently setting down the plate. Y/N’s eyes flashed with irritation. He could tell she was trying not to react to his fussing when she continued to ignore him. For a moment, they sat in an uncomfortable silence.
Deciding he couldn’t take it anymore, Levi opened his mouth to say his piece, but she beat him to it. “Where are we in the formation tomorrow?”
Straight to business then.
“Erwin wants us in the center. Protection detail for Eren,” he replied, finding the dust motes on her desk far more interesting than her searing gaze. His eye twitched, and he had to refrain from dusting it off.
From his peripheral, Levi saw Y/N nod. “Where do you want me?” She asked.
He snapped his gaze to hers. “In your normal place as a Lieutenant. Where else?”
She just stared at him for a moment with a weary look. “Okay,” she nodded again, “Anything else?” she added when he didn’t respond.
“I’m sending the brats out on the training course again this afternoon.” A roundabout invitation to join them, but what he really wanted to say was lodged in his throat. Pathetic.
“Sounds good, Captain.” She put emphasis on his title, averting her gaze back to the stack of papers. A clear dismissal.
Levi stood. Stop being a coward, he told himself.
“I’m sorry,” he spluttered. She clicked her tongue and refused to meet his gaze. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. You were right. I was out of line.”
He gawked at her. “T-that’s all you have to say?” In the time Levi had known Y/N, she’d never back down from anything. She was as stubborn as he was, and far pettier.
“Am I supposed to say something different?”
“I-I just…” Levi was at a loss of words.
Maybe he had seriously severed something between them. She was not the same person that had come storming into his office the night before.
“Oh right,” she said, sourly, “I apologize for my actions. It won’t happen again.”
Levi scoffed, waving her off.
He was past the point of caring whether or not she apologized. He just wanted her to stop acting like this.
“Y/N…”
“What? You made it perfectly clear. I’m your subordinate. I had no right speaking like that to my superior officer. There’s nothing more to say,” she said, gritting her teeth. Her throat bobbed and her eyes started to water again.
Taking a shaky breath, she spoke before he could say anything. “Now, is there anything else I need to do before the expedition tomorrow?”
He stared at her with a pained expression, but shook his head.
“Then I’ll see you this afternoon,” she said with a hint of finality in her tone.
Levi stiffened and turned to leave. Before he reached the door, he glanced over his shoulder and cleared his throat. “You really should eat. Mikasa said she noticed you haven’t been eating. You need to keep your strength up.”
Her gaze flicked up to where he was standing, anger simmering in her eyes and lips pressed in a hard line. “Is that an order?” Y/N ground out. Levi cringed. Okay, maybe she hadn’t lost all of her spark.
He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “No.”
“Is that all, Captain?”
He gave her an exasperated look, but grumbled out a pathetic “Yeah.” She nodded, shifting her eyes away. With a grimace, Levi showed himself out.
∘ ∘ ∘ ∘ ∘
“Today is the day we take one step forward…” Commander Erwin’s voice fell on deaf ears as Levi repeatedly told himself to not to keep sneaking glances at Y/N.
Lined up in front of the gate, the energy among the Scouts was palpable. Soldiers buzzed with anticipation, their leader’s words coursing through them like a shot of adrenaline. Horses pawed at the ground and shook their heads.
Still, Levi wasn’t focused on that.
He was more concerned with the heavy presence mounted on the horse behind him to his right. Her horse snorted, pawing at the ground. “Easy,” Levi heard Y/N hum.
Despite his restraint, he looked anyways. She sat there with an air of serenity surrounding her. Her eyes were sharp. Centered. Not one hair out of place. Y/N was every bit of the Lieutenant right now.
He let out a breath. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about her focus being elsewhere.
They hadn’t talked the rest of the day after he had sought her out in her office. Or this morning. She was obviously ignoring him unless absolutely necessary, so he settled on watching her from afar. Every time he caught a glimpse of her, he tried to force himself to go talk to her, but his body failed to move.
Levi scowled at the thought.
Training, prior to the mission, also went about as bad as it could get. Y/N joined him as he ran the squad through a series of advanced maneuvers to make sure the brats were ready for anything beyond the wall.
Eren ran into a tree because he wasn’t paying attention, Armin twisted his ankle on a landing, and Jean and Connie somehow managed to tangle their lines up while laughing at Eren. Sasha did okay and Mikasa executed everything perfectly. Levi couldn’t even wrap his head around how bad the majority of them were.
Violet was the worst of them all. She might have been the one who caused Eren’s crash, thinking back on it. She couldn’t figure anything out and ended up getting in everyone’s way at some point during their run.
To make matters worse, he didn’t know what to do with himself with Y/N watching. When he’d correct her sister, he could feel his Lieutenant’s piercing eyes on him. If he snapped at her, he swore he could hear Y/N’s thoughts on killing him because she was glaring daggers into the side of his head. He couldn’t win.
But Y/N had been right. Violet was nowhere near ready, and her spot in the Levi squad depended on how she performed today. In reality, the only reason Violet was in the squad was because Y/N reached over his head and asked Erwin so she could keep an eye on her sister.
“Calm down,” Y/N’s voice snapped Levi out of his reverie. He shot her a look again to find her swiveled around on her horse, barking orders at Violet.
For once, the younger girl shut up and trained her eyes forward. Y/N turned back around and saw Levi staring. He only gave her a curt nod before facing Erwin again.
“Scouts, move out!” The Commander cried.
The sound of horses rearing into a gallop split through the air as soldiers began pouring out of the wall. Orders began ringing through the chaos as everyone easily moved into formation.
For the first hour, everything went according to plan. However with the luck the Scouts had, that didn’t last long. In the blink of an eye, red smoke filled the air on the right flank. More and more Titans started popping up in their line of sight, and the dying screams of their comrades began echoing throughout the formation.
“Keep moving!” Levi barked, “We follow Erwin’s plan until told otherwise!”
No one in their squad argued, but the teenagers were starting to look around nervously at the thinning ranks. Y/N was the only one who didn’t look concerned. “Y-Y/N?” Violet stuttered, eyes wide as she watched more and more soldiers fall. “Quiet,” Y/N hissed. The girl shut up exchanging more nervous glances with her comrades.
“Captain Levi!” someone shouted. Levi swung around and saw an abnormal with two ten meters slip through the fray. The ten meters were outpacing the abnormal and were nearly on them.
“Y/N.”
His Lieutenant was already moving with one glance in her direction. This was why she was his Second. No order was needed. She knew what he expected of her, and he trusted that she would get it done every single time.
He watched as she effortlessly unsheathed her blades and hooked on to the first one. It was still falling by the time she cut down the other.
Levi was there with her horse when she had detached herself from the second giant.
To many of the soldiers, Levi and Y/N’s connection always amazed them. There was no need for any verbal communication. When one moved, the other was there waiting to finish what the first one started. The duo was on a whole other level when it came to things like this.
“Holy shit!” Connie whooped as the Lieutenant gracefully landed. “It’s like he read her mind!”
A smug sense of pride washed over Levi followed by immediate regret. He never should have threatened to pull her from the squad. It was stronger because of the both of them. He figured if she hadn’t been there, the kids - with the exception of Mikasa - would have had some trouble taking down the ten meters considering they were all underperforming yesterday.
Shaking himself off, Levi gave Y/N a once over as she readjusted her gear. Not a scratch on her, he noted. Something in his chest loosened at the sight, but he didn’t have time to think about that. The abnormal that had been trailing the two Titans broke out into a full sprint.
Something sinister hid behind its eyes. It watched Y/N with a dark grin, like it knew she was the one who killed its soldiers. Someone was bound to be shitting their pants looking at this thing.
“Levi,” Y/N panted, urging her horse next to his. “We have about thirty seconds before that thing is on top of us.”
“Tell the kids to keep going, you go in on the right and I’ll take the left,” he ordered. She nodded, easing off the speed.
“What’s the plan?” Jean shouted as Y/N fell back. “You all are going to keep going!” Y/N yelled over the wind. “Captain Levi and I are going to take it–” she was cut off by an enormous hand rushing down the middle of the group.
“SCATTER!” Levi heard her scream. With his instincts, he was already moving. It was muscle memory at this point as he maneuvered around its attempts to grab him. He just hoped the rest of his squad got out of the way in time.
Levi caught a glimpse of Y/N in the air, coming at it from the other side. This gave him his opening.
Everything was going according to plan until it wasn’t. At the last second, the abnormal registered his attack, pivoting to aim at him. Levi jerked backwards out of its reach and watched in horror as its neck hyperextended in the opposite direction towards Y/N.
She moved to dodge its gaping mouth, when a sharp cry split the air. Y/N’s eyes widened watching as her sister flung herself haphazardly at the thing. “No DON’T!”
But it was too late. Violet was too slow as the thing swung its arm around swatting her out of the way like a fly. The young girl was violently smacked to the ground. Y/N let out a guttural scream, but took advantage of the distraction.
Without thinking Levi moved too, spinning and slicing its arm before it could do the same to Y/N. He swung down to its ankles just as she flew through the air and tore through its nape. A saw-like screech, that sounded eerily like a laugh, rang out as the Titan collapsed and finally went silent.
Levi dropped to the ground, flicking blood off his face. For a moment, he panicked after having lost sight of where Y/N was when the thing fell. The sound of ODM gear whistling through the air caught his attention as he saw the flutter of her cloak disappear on the other side of its body. Horses clomped over to where Levi stood.
“Captain Levi!” Eren shouted, rushing over on his horse followed by the rest of his squad.
“Is everyone okay?” Erwin’s voice boomed. Levi just shook his head, still breathing heavy from the rush of adrenaline. “Y/N’s sister…” his head snapped back up to the steaming Titan. He moved, launching himself off in the direction where Y/N had been.
When he scaled the abnormal, he found her staring at something. Levi froze, his heart sinking to the ground.
There, buried in the mud and gore, was the mangled corpse of her sister.
┈┈┈ ⟡ ┈┈┈ ‧₊˚⊹ ┈┈┈ ⟡ ┈┈┈ ‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊‧ ┈┈┈ ⟡ ┈┈┈
I hope you enjoyed! Promise I will make everything better in the third part!!
Looking at the timeline for the rest of the week - part 3 will take a little longer to write! I will most likely be starting the first draft this weekend, and edit here and there throughout the week. I’d said estimate about a week and a half? I had draft of part 2 when part 1 was written so that’s why I was able to edit and get it posted quickly. Bear with me!!
Hi everyone! From where my current hyper fixation is on Levi now, I have a few random things sitting in my drafts. This is one of the ideas I had for a longer fic (potentially two parts). Just wanted to see if anyone would be interested in this idea!
UPDATED Notes: Thank you for all of your comments! I'm glad everyone has enjoyed it. There will be a Part 2. I've already had something in mind before posting this.
Warnings: Arguing, cursing
Disclaimer: I don’t own this photo. Found it on Pinterest, but he’s just so handsome :)
Levi wanted to bang his head on his desk.
Erwin and Hange had come in to finalize plans for an upcoming mission when Y/N barged in with a kicking and screaming Violet. He’d lost track of how long the sisters had been arguing by the time Hange jumped in to help.
“She’s not ready,” Y/N whirled to where Erwin and Levi were sitting. “Maybe we put her in the back of the formation,” Hange tried suggesting. Y/N merely ignored them.
“I am ready! And stop speaking like I’m not here!” Violet argued.
Erwin turned to Levi with a look as if to say ‘handle this’. The latter rolled his eyes, but stood up anyways.
“She’s going,” he snarled at Y/N. “Everyone out. Y/N, stay.”
It had been weeks now. Weeks of this constant fighting and complaining to higher chain of command. Through it all, Levi had tried. He stayed out of their fights out of respect for his Lieutenant, chose to be a sounding board for Y/N, and was just there for her.
But somewhere along the lines, he seemed to have forgotten he was her superior. This was why he ignored those stupid feelings that would render him useless when Y/N came to him for anything, sister or not.
Now, Levi was over it.
Erwin’s brows quirked up, and Hange’s nervous glance bounced back and forth between the stubborn Captain and Lieutenant.
Then tension was unbearable.
“C’mon,” Hange ushered Violet out quickly followed by Erwin. The door clicked shut like a pin dropping.
“She’s-” Y/N started, anger simmering beneath her eyes.
“No.”
Levi didn’t raise his voice. He didn’t need to with how hard he was glaring at her. “That is enough,” he snarled. “I’ve let you handle things how you wanted to with her because she’s your sister. But clearly your emotions have clouded your judgement.”
Levi was mad. Every time Y/N would go from her normal, pleasant self to biting his head off over one small comment, he’d taken it in stride. She was stressed, and unlike Levi, she wore her emotions on her sleeve.
He understood. That’s just how she was and has always been. But weeks of this? Not only was it impacting his squad, it was also starting to grate on his nerves. He was on her side since her sister first stepped foot into HQ. He would always be on her side. But if she wanted to act like a brat well…he was done.
“She’s going on this mission, and you’re not going to say a word about it. To me. To Erwin. To Hange. To anyone. You’re no longer overseeing Violet’s training, and you’re not going to speak to her out there.”
Y/N snorted and rolled her eyes.
“And you’re done with the attitude,” Levi snapped before she could open her mouth.
Her expression shifted, shock written all over her face. However, Y/N quickly schooled features.
“That’s fucking rich coming from you, Levi. You want to talk about attitudes-,” she began.
“It’s Captain,” he interrupted. She exhaled sharply. “You’re pulling rank now?”
He glared at her. She scoffed. “You know I thought you of all people would've understood what it meant to have a sister in the Corps. Here I thought I had finally broken your hard exterior every time you’d trail me around asking if I was okay. That we were finally making progress on whatever the fuck is going on between us.”
Levi didn’t reply. Y/N had been the one who he confided in when Isabel and Furlan were killed. She was the only one who he’d ever let see him cry. And now she was throwing it in his face? Not to mention bringing their personal relationship into this. If he hadn’t been so angry he might’ve looked shocked at her last statement. He didn’t think she reciprocated or even noticed his feelings.
He felt everything boiling up to the surface. Anger, confusion, mild excitement at her implication that she maybe felt a fraction of what he felt for her. It was too much all at once. So much so that his next words weren’t really his own. Blind fury overriding his senses.
“Whatever’s going on between us? Is that what you think? You’re my comrade. It’s practically my job to make sure you’re okay. But you’re also my subordinate. You’re delusional to think there’s anything more to it.”
“So get your shit together before I pull you from my squad for acting like a child.”
Y/N stared at him. He could see the fire dying out in her eyes, replaced by something that looked suspiciously like hurt. He had struck a nerve, and guilt immediately began swimming around in his gut.
She let out a bitter laugh. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”
“You never wanted me around when Petra, Eld, Oluo, and Gunther were still alive. All you ever wanted was for me to fail the moment Erwin put me in your squad because I wasn’t about to kiss your ass like the rest of them,” she sneered.
“Get. Out.” he snarled.
“Yes Sir,” she mock saluted, spinning on her heel and walking out without looking back.
The echo of the door slamming felt like a noose tightening around his neck. Levi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, rubbing his face. He knew he fucked up as soon as he said it, but in the heat of the moment he didn’t stop himself.
It’s fine. She didn’t mean that. The old squad loved her and she got along great with them, he told himself, let her cool off tonight and you can apologize tomorrow.
Letting out a frustrated groan, he sat back down and dragged a pile of papers towards him. Rather than ruminating over the whole fight, he figured he might as well be productive. But of course, the first piece of paper he picked up had Y/N’s handwriting sprawled all over it. It was going to be a long night.
Hi everyone! From where my current hyper fixation is on Levi now, I have a few random things sitting in my drafts. This is one of the ideas I had for a longer fic (potentially two parts). Just wanted to see if anyone would be interested in this idea!
UPDATED Notes: Thank you for all of your comments! I'm glad everyone has enjoyed it. There will be a Part 2. I've already had something in mind before posting this.
Warnings: Arguing, cursing
Disclaimer: I don’t own this photo. Found it on Pinterest, but he’s just so handsome :)
Levi wanted to bang his head on his desk.
Erwin and Hange had come in to finalize plans for an upcoming mission when Y/N barged in with a kicking and screaming Violet. He’d lost track of how long the sisters had been arguing by the time Hange jumped in to help.
“She’s not ready,” Y/N whirled to where Erwin and Levi were sitting. “Maybe we put her in the back of the formation,” Hange tried suggesting. Y/N merely ignored them.
“I am ready! And stop speaking like I’m not here!” Violet argued.
Erwin turned to Levi with a look as if to say ‘handle this’. The latter rolled his eyes, but stood up anyways.
“She’s going,” he snarled at Y/N. “Everyone out. Y/N, stay.”
It had been weeks now. Weeks of this constant fighting and complaining to higher chain of command. Through it all, Levi had tried. He stayed out of their fights out of respect for his Lieutenant, chose to be a sounding board for Y/N, and was just there for her.
But somewhere along the lines, he seemed to have forgotten he was her superior. This was why he ignored those stupid feelings that would render him useless when Y/N came to him for anything, sister or not.
Now, Levi was over it.
Erwin’s brows quirked up, and Hange’s nervous glance bounced back and forth between the stubborn Captain and Lieutenant.
Then tension was unbearable.
“C’mon,” Hange ushered Violet out quickly followed by Erwin. The door clicked shut like a pin dropping.
“She’s-” Y/N started, anger simmering beneath her eyes.
“No.”
Levi didn’t raise his voice. He didn’t need to with how hard he was glaring at her. “That is enough,” he snarled. “I’ve let you handle things how you wanted to with her because she’s your sister. But clearly your emotions have clouded your judgement.”
Levi was mad. Every time Y/N would go from her normal, pleasant self to biting his head off over one small comment, he’d taken it in stride. She was stressed, and unlike Levi, she wore her emotions on her sleeve.
He understood. That’s just how she was and has always been. But weeks of this? Not only was it impacting his squad, it was also starting to grate on his nerves. He was on her side since her sister first stepped foot into HQ. He would always be on her side. But if she wanted to act like a brat well…he was done.
“She’s going on this mission, and you’re not going to say a word about it. To me. To Erwin. To Hange. To anyone. You’re no longer overseeing Violet’s training, and you’re not going to speak to her out there.”
Y/N snorted and rolled her eyes.
“And you’re done with the attitude,” Levi snapped before she could open her mouth.
Her expression shifted, shock written all over her face. However, Y/N quickly schooled features.
“That’s fucking rich coming from you, Levi. You want to talk about attitudes-,” she began.
“It’s Captain,” he interrupted. She exhaled sharply. “You’re pulling rank now?”
He glared at her. She scoffed. “You know I thought you of all people would've understood what it meant to have a sister in the Corps. Here I thought I had finally broken your hard exterior every time you’d trail me around asking if I was okay. That we were finally making progress on whatever the fuck is going on between us.”
Levi didn’t reply. Y/N had been the one who he confided in when Isabel and Furlan were killed. She was the only one who he’d ever let see him cry. And now she was throwing it in his face? Not to mention bringing their personal relationship into this. If he hadn’t been so angry he might’ve looked shocked at her last statement. He didn’t think she reciprocated or even noticed his feelings.
He felt everything boiling up to the surface. Anger, confusion, mild excitement at her implication that she maybe felt a fraction of what he felt for her. It was too much all at once. So much so that his next words weren’t really his own. Blind fury overriding his senses.
“Whatever’s going on between us? Is that what you think? You’re my comrade. It’s practically my job to make sure you’re okay. But you’re also my subordinate. You’re delusional to think there’s anything more to it.”
“So get your shit together before I pull you from my squad for acting like a child.”
Y/N stared at him. He could see the fire dying out in her eyes, replaced by something that looked suspiciously like hurt. He had struck a nerve, and guilt immediately began swimming around in his gut.
She let out a bitter laugh. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”
“You never wanted me around when Petra, Eld, Oluo, and Gunther were still alive. All you ever wanted was for me to fail the moment Erwin put me in your squad because I wasn’t about to kiss your ass like the rest of them,” she sneered.
“Get. Out.” he snarled.
“Yes Sir,” she mock saluted, spinning on her heel and walking out without looking back.
The echo of the door slamming felt like a noose tightening around his neck. Levi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, rubbing his face. He knew he fucked up as soon as he said it, but in the heat of the moment he didn’t stop himself.
It’s fine. She didn’t mean that. The old squad loved her and she got along great with them, he told himself, let her cool off tonight and you can apologize tomorrow.
Letting out a frustrated groan, he sat back down and dragged a pile of papers towards him. Rather than ruminating over the whole fight, he figured he might as well be productive. But of course, the first piece of paper he picked up had Y/N’s handwriting sprawled all over it. It was going to be a long night.
Hi everyone, I’m back…I’ve lowkey been writing again and FINALLY watched Attack on Titan, so here’s whatever this is. I don’t know where this has been all my life but guess who jumped on the Levi train? Me! I don’t know if I like it very much and I feel like my writing gets worse the more I try but oh well lol.
Just FYI the timeline on this is like all over the place, so I apologize for that. I also wrote Hange with female pronouns for this one. And I found Levi kind of difficult to write so I’m so sorry to the longtime fans if he doesn’t seem like himself. Let’s assume he hasn’t expressed how he feels and already went through his denial phase.
Warnings: Brief mention of killing, Y/N is suggested to be a little bloodthirsty
Disclaimer: I do not own the photo below
“Leviiiiiiii!” Hange’s abnormally chipper voice cut through the dry air. He was currently overseeing drills when his peace was interrupted by four-eyes.
“What?” he asked, flatly, not taking his eyes off the recruits. “Oh nothing. I’m done for the day and wanted to see what you were doing,” she shrugged, coming to stand beside him. “Tch.”
She just chuckled giving Eren a thumbs up when Jean threw him on his ass.
The dark-haired man rolled his eyes, fully preparing to list all the things Jaeger did wrong when Hange spoke up again. “Damn. Y/N looks like she’s about to fall asleep standing there,” she said. Upon hearing his Lieutenant’s name, Levi’s eyes cut over to the corner where she was apparently helping with another squad’s drills.
Y/N stood there slightly swaying on her feet, mid-yawn while barking orders at one of the girls that got knocked down.
“Why’s she helping Miche’s squad?” Hange asked. “I don’t know. I didn’t need her today,” Levi sighed. He scowled at her slumped and ragged looking features.
In reality, he gave her the day off because he could tell she hadn’t been sleeping since the last recon mission, but she, like always, refused.
“Huh? I’ve never seen her look like this. She looks like she’s about to pass out,” Hange rambled on, clearly not caring for her best friend’s well-being. Levi shot an annoyed glance at the scientist before pushing off the fence he’d been propped against and making his way over to his Lieutenant.
“You look like shit,” he said by way of greeting. Y/N glanced at him and scowled, dark circles prominent under her eyes.
“That’s not how you compliment a lady, Levi,” she shot back.
“Quit dropping your shoulder,” she snapped at the girl who once again was wrestled to the ground.
Levi snorted, “You aren’t a lady.”
Y/N gave him a weird look. “I have all the lady parts.”
He felt his face heat and shook himself off. He was well aware she did.
“I just mean I’ve watched you slice into Titans and snap a person’s neck before. I don’t think that’s very ladylike,” he huffed.
Y/N swayed, and Levi took a casual step toward her. His shoulder brushed hers slightly. Y/N’s lips curled into a small smirk. “That was a fun day,” she murmured.
“Couldn’t have done it to my uncle,” he muttered a reply. Y/N’s grin widened. “You would’ve liked that wouldn’t you.”
His lips tilted up in a barely-there smile but didn’t say anything.
“I thought I gave you the day off,” Levi said after a moment. “I didn’t need it.”
“You look like you’re about to fall over,” he glanced at her right as she swayed again. He felt her shoulder bump against him and felt her body lean more into his. In a jerk reaction, he immediately wrapped his arm around her waist. “I’m fine,” she mumbled, letting another yawn loose. He clicked his tongue.
Levi then turned and called “Hange!” over his shoulder summoning the brunette.
“Take over here would you?” he asked. She only gave him a sly smile as he guided Y/N back over the fence with her weak protests. “Leviiii,” she whined, “I’m fineeee.” Yawn.
“Yeah okay,” he muttered. “Sit.” Levi directed her to the ground where she slumped against the wooden post.
“The brats have another hour, so I can’t leave, but we can stay here in the meantime,” he said. She huffed plopping down and yanking his arm. In one swift motion, she had pulled him down next to her on the ground, head finding its place on his shoulder. “Yeah, yeah,” she mumbled, eyes already closed.
Levi just let out a long suffering sigh. The last place he wanted to be was sitting in the dirt, but he couldn’t find it in himself to pull away when he felt her arm loop around his middle, head dipping further down onto his chest.
Her neck would be sore when she woke up, but her soft snores quickly indicated she had finally passed out. He settled an arm around her, casually resting his hand on her hip.
“Umm…Captain?” a nervous voice cut through his thoughts and he glanced up at his squad staring at him and their Second. “Did I say you all could take a break?” he growled quietly, careful not to disturb Y/N.
They froze, jumping back into action at his sharp look. Content with their reaction, he glanced back down at the sleeping girl in his arms. She looked younger and softer like this. Not the feral looking warrior who smiled when she killed. Just Y/N. And she was unbearably adorable.
He sighed, mind racing at the strange feelings he’d been having towards his Lieutenant for a while now. She had somehow wormed her way into his bloodstream and hadn’t let go since he had met her.
She was the one who he trusted with his heart, soul, and body when he decided to throw caution to the wind - even after swearing he would never let anyone else in after Isabel and Furlan.
She was his. His second in command, friend, something more. He didn’t know. All he knew was that she consumed his every thought, and had been for a while now until he came to the realization that he was in love with her. So deeply in love with her it terrified him.
But he couldn’t stay away. He didn’t want to. And even though Levi didn’t know what this was between them, he didn’t care. So long as he got to feel her heartbeat and hold her like this forever.
—
Legit don’t know what this is lol. May update with bonus content. I hope you enjoyed!
Yeah, so I'm alive. Not gonna lie, this is lowkey a habit of mine. I kind of disappear for a while. Not sure where this fic came from. It's been sitting in my archive for a hot minute and I felt like posting something. I just quickly edited this too so I apologize for any mistakes.
My apologies on the request too. Like I said, I have a bad habit of stepping away from this for a long time and then revisiting. It also happens when I get writers block too :( I promise I'll eventually get around to writing the requests, but I am truly sorry about that.
In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one. It's super light and short. May or may not build off this eventually.
Content Warning: Sexual innuendos
As always, please take caution reading if I missed any warnings. I felt like this one was pretty light, but I always want to put everyone's well-being first.
Hope you like it, and hopefully I'll be back sooner rather than later! (Disclaimer: I don't own the photo)
Xaden wasn’t one to typically get nervous nor care about any of the candidates crossing the Parapet on conscription day. Yet, he couldn’t help himself as he waited for her face to emerge from the tunnel that wound up to where he was currently sitting with Garrick, taking names of all the new candidates.
“You look like you have a stick up your ass,” Garrick teased.
Xaden shot him a glare. “Maybe she got out of coming,” he mumbled mostly to himself. Garrick shook with laughter, “We just saw Liam a minute ago. There’s no way these Narrvarian fools let one of the marked ones out of conscription day.” “She’s going to be fine. You practically raised her and have been prepping her for this moment up until you left,” Garrick continued. “Whatever,” Xaden responded.
And just like that, a familiar face emerged in front of him.
Xaden could tell Y/N was trying to hold back her excitement when her eyes met his. He gave her the subtlest nod, acknowledging her presence but maintaining his wall of ‘I don’t give a shit’. She rolled her eyes and stepped up to where Garrick was taking names down.
“Name?” He asked, a playful smile dancing across his features. “Seriously?” Her brows shot up. “All candidates have to give their names, even ones related to–” he started, but Y/N cut him off. She refused to let the others hear she had any personal connection to the brooding tree in front of her. “Y/N L/N,” she bit out. Garrick scribbled her name down as Xaden abruptly stopped her before she could make her move.
“Arms out, just like we practiced. There’s a storm that’s picking up so find your center of gravity and lock it in place,” he muttered. “I know, I know,” Y/N huffed. He stared at her for a moment - all the memories of the little girl who trailed him around flooding his brain - before letting her go. “Be careful.”
Y/N simply nodded and moved around him taking her first steps onto the Parapet.
Xaden didn’t take his eyes off her form the entire time she crossed. Finally, when he saw her lithe body hop down off the ridiculously small bridge, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Garrick chuckled under his breath as he took down another candidate's name, “Told you she’d be fine.” Xaden shot him a glare. It’s going to be a long year.
-
Y/N breathed a sigh of relief as she hopped down off the Parapet. The first part was over. Thank. Gods. As much as she tried to hide it, she was absolutely terrified when she saw how narrow the thing actually was. But, Xaden didn’t need to know that. And neither did Garrick. The latter would have never let her live it down and the former would have flat out tried stopping her from crossing if she was cowering like a doe. Overprotective bastard.
But here she was.
Y/N scanned the courtyard full of candidates-now-cadets. She immediately caught the eye of a certain pink-headed girl, who’s face lit up when she recognized her. “Imogen!” Y/N called, racing up half way to meet her friend. “You made it,” Imogen gave her one of her rare smiles. “I did! I saw Xaden and Garrick on the other side.” She snorted, “Did they give you shit for coming? Gods knows Xaden didn’t want you near here.” Y/N rolled her eyes, “Yeah he didn’t seem too happy about it, but it’s not like we have a choice. It’s either hopefully postpone our deaths here or immediately be executed.”
Imogen snorted again.
A blonde girl called her name and she turned. “Don’t worry. He’ll take care of you. Just hang out for a bit and try not to start any fights until we get into our squads. Parapet should be finishing up in a couple of hours,” She said, patting Y/N on the back before making her way to her blonde friend.
Y/N glanced around, her stomach twisting in knots since Imogen walked away. She caught the eye of two girls standing a bit off to the side also taking in the crowd. The taller girl wore an excited expression on her face and gave Y/N a small smile. The shorter girl with the brown hair that tapered off into silvery whisps turned to her as well, skepticism written all over her face. Violet Sorrengail. Y/N’s stomach churned again. She knew her mother was responsible for her parents’ death. Knew what all of the marked ones had to say about that entire family. But Y/N never really understood why they would blame Lilith Sorrengail’s children for her actions.
Y/N awkwardly glanced around before the taller of the pair made her way over to her, Sorrengail trailing after her. “Hi! I’m Rhiannon!” the taller one chirped. Y/N gave her a slight smile, “I’m Y/N.”
“This is Vi-” Rhiannon started, but Y/N interjected, “Violet Sorrengail.” Violet’s eyes flared as she snapped her gaze up to Y/N. She could feel Violet marking her as a threat with her rebellion relic twisting up her arm. Y/N tried to come off as least threatening as possible.
“Sorry, that didn’t come out the right way!” Y/N blurted. “I just mean, yeah I know who you are and who your mother is, but I just want you to know that there’s no hard feelings for you. Even though your mother was responsible, for well, uh, yeah. Wow, this is really awkward,” Y/N rambled. Violet blinked, but whatever she determined in Y/N made her visibly relax.
She gave her a small smile and said, “No problem. Let’s start over. I’m Violet.”
Y/N flashed a grin right back at her, “I’m Y/N.”
Rhiannon glanced back and forth between them before snorting. “I’m glad we got that out of the way. Now then, isn’t this exciting?” She quietly squealed. Before Violet could respond, a heavy arm wrapped around her and Violet’s shoulders. Y/N’s eyes flared, and she turned to find the source of said arms. “Very exciting, ladies,” a smooth voice drawled from the tan-skinned guy slumped on them. He shot her a grin.
“Ridoc,” he continued.
“Rhiannon,” Rhiannon responded, and then pointed at Violet and Y/N, “The one on your left is Violet, and the one on your right is Y/N.” Ridoc dropped his arms, Violet and Y/N both turning to face him.
Y/N sucked in a breath. He was gorgeous - in a tall, gangly manchild kind of way. His unruly, chocolate brown curls flopped haphazardly on his forehead while the sun glinted off of it, illuminating the threads of caramel that streaked its way through his hair.
He shot her and Violet a lazy grin, snapping her out of her little trance. Focus. Y/N scolded herself. You’re not here to go all soft like some lovesick fool.
Violet said something to him before he slid his gaze to Y/N’s arm. “Nice relic,” he said, voice edged with amusement. The words made Y/N’s temper flare. This asshole. She narrowed her eyes, “So, is this your thing - being a smartass to people you don’t know?””
“Just the pretty ones I want to know..” He feigned nonchalance, but his eyes didn’t leave hers. There was a challenge in it. Y/N ground her teeth, resisting the urge to punch him in his smug face. He let out a chuckle, flinging his hands up in surrender, “Relax, I’m not judging. The relic suits you.” Y/N crossed her arms, “Oh and then you use flattery to be less of an ass? ?” He gave her a shit-eating grin, flashing his pearly white teeth at her, “I think it makes me charming.”
She continued to stare at him for a moment, the anger dissolving as she let out a breath. “You’re trouble,” Y/N grumbled, shaking her head. He slung a casual arm around her again. “You have no idea, Princess.”
-
Formation and the next few months went about as well as Y/N could have imagined. After her first encounter with Ridoc, she wound up being put in his squad much to her dismay. As annoying as he was, she grew accustomed to his comments and physical affection towards everyone in the squad. Particularly her, whether it was a casual arm slung around her shoulders or him constantly brushing up against her, and his favorite, making comments about her rebellion relic and how it ‘made her eyes sparkle’.
On the bright side, though, they were moved into Fourth Wing under Xaden’s command. She got to see more of her adopted brothers as a result. He, Garrick, and Bodhi took it upon themselves to make sure she was prepared for every challenge thrown her way.
Like today, when the first challenges on the mat were assigned.
Y/N watched with her lip between her teeth as Ridoc faced his opponent. A big burly guy from First Wing who had at least a hundred more pounds on him. Though Ridoc had packed on more muscles during the initial months of their training, this guy still towered over him Still, his time in the Riders Quadrant made him even more gorgeous, despite the fact that he bugged the shit out of her everyday.
“You ready?” a smooth voice cut into Y/N’s thoughts, as she nervously watched the two circle each other. “Yeah, yeah totally…” she trailed off, eyes locked on Ridoc as he took a hit to the face. In good old Ridoc fashion though, he grinned and lugged one back.
“Focus!” Xaden snapped. Y/N blinked and turned to face him. He was glaring at her.
She rolled his eyes, “I am. I’ve been watching Reina for the past week. She’s slow to make her moves and drags her feet. I’ll have her on the floor in seconds.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “You better,” was all he said before stalking off to evaluate his other squads.
“I yield!” The burly guy shouted from underneath Ridoc. He was practically sitting on his head keeping him down. “He yields,” Professor Emetterio calls out. Ridoc releases him and saunters over to where Y/N is standing. “Someone worried about me, Princess?” he smirks. Y/N scoffed, trying her best to ignore the way his muscles rippled underneath his shirt. How she could almost see the contours of his abdomen and the glistening sheen of sweat that dampened the curls flopping over his forehead. Gods, she wanted to lick every inch of him–
Y/N’s mouth went dry. She went to make a snarky remark but all that came out of her lips was a pathetic, “You wish.” Ridoc grinned at her, knowing he won this round. She shook her head as Emetterio called her name and Reina’s.
“She’s been faking it,” Ridoc yanked her arm back before she could step on the mat, his voice low.
“What?” Y/N snapped her gaze to him.
“Reina’s been faking her abilities on the mat. She’s been bragging about it to her friends. Her tactic from the start,” he said. “Watch your right side. She always hits there first and takes a step before she throws a punch.”
Y/N just nodded at him before he released her.
She discarded her daggers and handed them to Ridoc, stepping onto the mat. The gesture did not going unnoticed by Xaden. He narrowed his eyes at Gamlyn.
“Begin,” Emetterio called. Reina began circling her before striking. She struck, throwing a punch to Y/N’s face, but just as Ridoc said, she took a slight step before throwing it. Y/N easily blocked her and retaliated with a series of maneuvers. “I thought you were supposed to be good at this,” Y/N edged her. The blonde wore a furious expression as she lunged for Y/N again, her weight off balance. Y/N sidestepped her and answered with a swift kick to the back of her knees. Reina collapsed, letting out a roar of frustration.
“When is this fight gonna get interesting!” a voice on the sideline called out, earning a couple of snickers in the crowd. Y/N’s head turned to see Barlowe and his cronies watching. “Shut up, Barlowe,” Violet snapped.
It was enough of a distraction that she missed Reina’s next attack. Y/N turned at the last second before a fist collided with her face. “Ugh,” she grunted as she landed on her hands and knees. She was pissed now. And over this fight. Whirling around, she swept her foot out, catching Reina’s leg. Before she could scramble up, Y/N rolled on top of her, locking her arms in place. “Do you yield?” Y/N asked. “No!” Reina howled before Y/N felt the girl’s leg come up and knock her in the back, throwing her off balance.
“Oh, Reina,” Y/N laughed, standing with a feral grin. One that was all too familiar to the three marked ones standing on the side of her mat. “You shouldn’t have done that.” She unleashed herself on the poor girl. Blow after blow, Y/N let her body fall into the rhythm of training she’s had since she was little. She blocked, dodged blows, and landed so many that Reina’s face was swelling shut when she screeched, “I yield!”
Two of her squadmates came to drag her off the mat, shooting glares at Y/N. She just shrugged before turning to her squadmates. “That was awesome!” Rhi whooped. Sawyer clapped her on her shoulders and Violet gave her a small smile. Ridoc was looking at her like she had three heads.
"What?" she asked, stepping closer with deliberate ease. She could see him swallow slowly. He still had her daggers, but she wasn’t in any rush to take them back.
"I just... I-I’ve never seen you fight like that," he said, for once completely devoid of his usual snark.
Y/N tilted her head, a slow smirk curling her lips. “Stick around,” she leaned up and whispered in his ear, grabbing the steel from his hands, “you might learn a few more things.” Ridoc was gaping like a fish as she turned around and made her way to the three marked trees staring at her.
“She got you by the balls man,” Sawyer teased, coming up next to him.
“I think I’m in love,” Ridoc sighed. Sawyer shot him a sideways look. “Because she just handed the girl’s ass to her?”
“It was hot,” Ridoc shrugged, shaking himself out.
“No offense bro, but you could not handle all of that,” Sawyer gestured to her talking with Garrick, Bhodi, and Xaden. Garrick and Bhodi were shoving her in between them, celebrating her win while Xaden was talking to her about something.
“I’ve been handling that since day one, bro,” Ridoc replied. “More like being an annoying little boy picking on the girl he likes,” Rhi interjected, coming up on Ridoc’s other side. Sawyer snorted. “Just ask her out already,” he shrugged. Ridoc whirled on him, exasperated. “No! Do you even know who she actually is?” he hissed. “Our squadmate and friend?” Rhiannon asked, confusion written all over her and Sawyer’s faces.
“Ridoc does have a point,” Violet chimed in. “Xaden told me he practically raised her alongside Liam. She’s like his baby sister. There’s a reason why she hangs out with them a lot.” Violet nodded towards the four of them. “What, so like he won’t let her date anyone here?” Sawyer snorts. “I wouldn’t put it past him. He’s pretty protective of her,” Violet responded, her eyes tracking Xaden’s movements.
Sawyer and Rhiannon just laughed, the former clapping his hands on Ridoc’s shoulder. “Good luck man,” he said before the sounds of their voices flittered out of the room. Y/N turned, a smile gracing her face as she sauntered back over to Ridoc. “Let’s go get food, I’m starving,” she said, the girl that had just flirted with him moments ago gone. Ridoc only nodded as she grabbed his hand and tugged him along with her. I’m so fucked, he thought, the weight of Xaden’s gaze on him heavy.
-
Xaden glared daggers into the empty doorway. “What’s up your ass?” Bhodi nudged Xaden’s arm. Cadets were done for the day so everyone started filing out in their little groups. “Nothing,” Xaden snapped. Bhodi rolled his eyes. “He’s mad because she likes a boy. More particularly that boy,” Garrick chimes in, gesturing to the empty space where they watched you tug Ridoc along. “Seriously?” Bhodi’s eyebrows shoot up, “You’re mad because your adult sister, who makes adult decisions, has a crush on someone? Taking overprotectiveness to the next level man.”
Xaden’s jaw ticked. “I don’t care what she does.”
“But…” Garrick hedges.
“Why does it have to be him of all people?” Xaden groaned, rubbing a hand over his face.
for context, this was written on my phone and has been sitting in my notes for a while now — sorry if it’s a little confusing, there are many thoughts in my head with Y/N so I’ve just been building out the character with a bunch of different scenarios. please excuse typos, etc. etc.
Warnings: ANGST (like major), character death, mentions of a violent death, loss of a loved one/parent
Disclaimer: all rights and credit go to the original artist. i do not own any artwork i add to my posts
A guttural scream ripped through the mass destruction and aftermath of the fight between Satoru Gojo and Ryomen Sukuna. None of the remaining sorcerers stepped in as lightning filled the air, cracking with an erratic energy.
Through her pain and rage, Y/N struck at the king of curses with her electricity. To most everyone’s surprise, Sukuna seemed to take the hit and was blasted nearly three miles away from her surge of power. As the dust settled, Y/N finally allowed herself to calm her energy. Silenced filled her head as she drifted down to the ground where Gojo lay.
Still. Too still. His eyes looked up, unseeing as if he was left staring at the sky. She tried to ignore how half of his body was strewn a little ways off to the side. Just another piece of carnage.
Quietly, she approached his body, coming to kneel beside his torso. Hot, silent tears rolled down her face. She took his hand in hers, still warm but slowly chilling. A sob racked through her body as she mustered up the words she knew he would’ve wanted to hear.
“You can rest now, Satoru,” she whispered, more waves of tears rushing down her face. “It’s over. You saved everyone. You saved the kids. You saved your friends. You saved me.”
With her other shaking hand, she gently reached up and closed his eyes. A broken smile flash across her face. “It’s not fair we didn’t get our time together,” she told him. “It’s not fair our son will have to grow up without his father. But it’s okay now. You’re free. You’re no longer the strongest. You’re just Satoru now. My best friend.” She huffed another broken laugh, “My husband, even if it was only for 24 hours when we wasted our entire lives dancing around each other. But we’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. Just rest now.”
From atop the building where the various amount of sorcerers gathered, Shoko watched as her best friend mourned the loss of her love. She witnessed first hand their love for one another. Always together when they were in school and then after. Shoko even remembered hearing how both of them spoke about each other. It wasn’t fair that this was how their story ended. With Gojo being sealed as soon as Y/N found out she was pregnant. The events in Shibuya pushing them together and now this. It just wasn’t fair to her friends.
Tears welled in her eyes, and she frantically tried to wipe them away. Yaga even turned away, letting out a cough to try to cover up his sadness. “We need to get her off the field before Sukuna returns. Her hit didn’t kill him and I’m sure he won’t appreciate being struck by lightning,” he said, breaking their moment of silence.
“She won’t leave his body,” Shoko responded. “Then move his body before their child looses another parent!” Yaga snapped. Shoko merely scowled at him before the others took action.
Y/N dissociated for a long while after she was pulled from the carnage — after Gojo’s body was taken away from her. She didn’t really remember how she ended up in the arms of Shoko, who held her quietly back at the school while the higher ups and special grade sorcerers devised a plan to use Gojo’s body with Yuta.
She didn’t want to see it. Any of it. She said her goodbyes and just seeing him moving again would cause her to break completely. So, Shoko got her out of there. Sat with her until the sun came up and the rubble and dust cleared. Until somehow she found her way back to her dark and quiet apartment.
“I’ll keep Y/S/N for a couple of days until you’re ready,” her friend said gently. “Besides, he’s enjoying time with his auntie Shoko.” Shoko tried with Y/N. But nothing seemed to phase her. She just stared at the dark space. Stared at her couch where some of Satoru’s discarded clothes still sat.
She couldn’t process anything. Everything was too quiet. Everywhere she looked she heard his voice. Felt his presence teasing her, caring for her. Everything. She didn’t even notice when Shoko left.
Y/N just sat on that couch, wrapped in his old button down — the cursed couch where everything had changed with him — staring at the blank TV.
A piece of paper stood out in the depths of her darkness. It sat neatly folded on the coffee table. Through everything, she didn’t remember this piece of paper there when she left her apartment. Quickly snatching it up, she opened it in a daze. Her heart caught in her throat as she recognized his writing.
My sweet girl,
If you’re reading this it means I am dead. I know it hurts now, my love, but I promise it will get better. I know we missed out on so much of our life together, but we were best friends before any of it and will always be. Please hold onto that and do not let my death darken your days. I agree with what you’re probably thinking. It’s not fair that we just got married and had a child together before I died. Believe me, I’m rolling in my grave over how unfair it is. And I didn’t even get to do it the right way.
I was planning on eventually confessing my undying love for you. And then one day I would’ve gotten down on one knee and told you how much I loved you and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. We would’ve had the most extravagant wedding. Just so I could show you off (much to your despair), but I mean how could I not? You’re absolutely perfect. I digress per usual, but after that, one day when you and I were ready we would have kids. A whole trio of mini Satoru’s ;) maybe one mini Y/N. And our life would’ve been perfect.
But that’s not how it turned out. And I’m okay with that. We still brought our beautiful boy into this world (well you did since I was so inconveniently sealed during your pregnancy) and we still got married. I know it was on a whim, but I just knew I couldn’t leave this world without having been married to you. Makes it more memorable too.
Even though we were only together together for a short amount of time, it was worth it. I have always loved you and always will love you even in death.
You’re going to do just fine without me. You’re going to raise our son perfectly and live a full life. One day we will meet again and that day will be the best day ever and the beginning of our true future. I’m so proud of you. And I’m grateful to have spent my time on earth with the most kind, caring, albeit sometimes annoyingly strong woman. You were the greatest best friend I could’ve asked for, and you were and are my one true love. I love you and I’m sorry I haven’t said it sooner. I love you, I love you, I love you.
Make the rest of your life how YOU deserve it. Promise me you will fulfill it and be happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you anyway. I’m sorry we have to say goodbye now, but please don’t beat yourself up too much over my death. Take care of my boy and the rest of the kids. They’ll sure need it.
With all my love,
Satoru
Hot tears poured down Y/N’s face as she grabbed the other piece of paper that fell out of the letter. Scribbled on the back was a short note that read - I figured we needed at least one family photo before this fight. My two sleepy babies <3.
Y/N flipped over the picture and saw it was a selfie Satoru took of the three of them on the couch. Her heart swelled as she took in her sleeping form with Y/S/N asleep on her chest and Satoru scrunched up next to them holding her in one arm and the phone in the other. Fresh tears fell down her face but she felt herself smiling at the serene picture. Blue eyes gazed back up at her as she took in his beautiful face — happiness written all over it.
She clutched the picture to her chest and smiled up at her ceiling. “I promise Satoru. I promise.”
—
yeah, this is pretty sad. idk what got me in all the feels writing this. lmk if you want me to build out their story tho! trust me there’s a lot between them that i’ve got in mind ;)
The fic was wonderful. What are you currently working on?
Thank you! I'm currently working on another Azriel fic that was requested. Reader makes a vow of celibacy right when Azriel finds out they're his mate - chaos will ensue ;)
I'm basically going in order of requests as they're submitted. I absolutely hate the draft I have of it now, so currently working on perfecting it lol.
Hi All! So this isn't one of the Az requests unfortunately, but this is one of my private fics I already had written. I'm still working on the Az request that's in the queue, but I'm lowkey hating everything I've been writing so it'll probably take me a little longer to perfect it.
In the meantime, I wanted to get something put up for you all. Sticking to the fandom that was requested I decided to post this Az fic! Probably very stereotypical trope, but this was what I got. This one is a little heavier than my Xaden fic, so please read with caution. I hope you all enjoy!
Content Warning: Mentions of Suicide, self-sabotage, depression, & guilt
Again, I apologize if I missed any other warnings. Please read with caution.
Talk soon, and please enjoy!
“I’m getting her back,” a low growl cut through the tent. Y/N’s head whipped to the Shadowsinger. “I’m going with you,” her High Lady’s voice intervened. “Then you will both die,” her sister’s cold voice replied.
Y/N’s head was reeling. In just hours after scrying for the Cauldron, the Inner Circle and then some were gathered around in the middle Archeron’s tent. She was stolen away. Lured by the promise of her human past. And…and Azriel was the first to throw himself into harm's way.
Y/N was barely there as she watched Feyre shift into the dead priestess. Barely there as everyone began moving, readying themselves for their departure. Azriel hadn’t glanced once at her. His best friend.
A silent brush of claws filled the Illyrian’s head. Y/N dropped her shields momentarily allowing Rhys’ voice to float into her mind. You are awfully quiet. Y/N snorted. He can do whatever he sees fit. A bemused feeling washed over her as Rhys carefully crafted his next words. I heard what happened. Quite a nasty little argument you had with him earlier. Y/N’s eyes shot to Rhys who was conveniently studying the daggers Cassian was equipping Feyre with. He started it. Trying to sideline me. I may not have wings but I know how to fight.
Rhys finally met her gaze, You need to tell him.
Tell him what exactly, brother? Y/N quirked her brow.
You know. The fact that you are in love with him.
Feyre’s eyes darted back and forth between her mate and Y/N clearly noting they were having some form of silent conversation. He made his choice Rhys. Just as it’s always been for the past five centuries. There’s no point in telling him now.
Truth be told, Y/N had known this story. Had lived through it with Mor. And now she had to live through it again with Elain. Her best friend, for centuries, after Rhys’ mother had taken her in regardless of her lack of wings, was hopelessly in love with another female…as usual. It was nothing new to Y/N. He only saw her as a friend. A sister perhaps.
Y/N wasn’t really sure when her own feelings had shifted. Her and Azriel were always more than just siblings like she was with Rhys and Cassian. Everyone around knew there was something special between them. So much so that Y/N had even felt a spark of hope until Azriel met Mor, and then the whole incident with Cassian, Eris, and Mor’s father occurred. She slowly realized he would never see her as more than a friend, and Y/N began to be okay with that. And then she watched him do it again when Feyre’s sister entered the picture. It stung, but she was used to it.
There is the point that we all may die or he may die. Rhys’ voice cut into her thoughts. Rhys. Stop. I can’t think about all of this right now or I will break. He’ll be fine. Rhys merely gave her a sympathetic feeling before she felt his presence exit her mind. He was right though. Azriel could very well die. She needed air. Or she would lose it. The initial shock of his announcement wearing off, nervousness settling in.
Y/N quietly retreated outside of the stifling tent. The cool night air brushed over her clammy face as she took a deep breath. Something tickled at her ankles. She glanced down to see a single tendril of a shadow wrapped around it. She gave it a small smile. “I’m alright,” she whispered to it. “Go tell him I’m fine.”
The little wisp of darkness hesitated before retreating back into the tent. Y/N grimaced, that old, familiar feeling of heartache seeping into her chest. She didn’t want him to go. Nesta and Rhys were right. They most likely would die. Everyone saw what the camp looked like. Elain could be anywhere. And selfishly, she did not want her High Lady and Shadowsinger to go in there. Especially her Shadowsinger.
A single tear slipped down her cheek, and Y/N took a shaky breath. A quiet rustle behind her signaled someone had stepped out of the tent. She felt him before she saw him as she always did. Slowly, Y/N turned around and saw Azriel standing behind her. His face softened as he took her in. “Y/N I…” he started, approaching her. “I–I’m sorry about what I said earlier.” Y/N sighed before meeting him halfway. Her heart crumpled. He was still her best friend, and she still cared. “It’s okay, Az. I understand,” she said quietly, gazing up into his warm eyes. Eyes she was so, so familiar with. His warmth engulfed her, as they were standing maybe just a hair closer than any normal friends would stand.
“No. It’s not. I just–you’re not incompetent. I know what you can do on a battlefield. It’s just–I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” he signed, taking his hand in hers. Y/N watched as his gaze fell on their intertwined hands. He fiddled with her fingers as a nervous habit.
“I know. I don’t want to see you get hurt either,” Y/N whispered, her unspoken selfish words hanging in the air. Azriel’s eyes flicked back to hers studying for a moment. Were they closer? Y/N thought to herself. “Say it,” he replied. “Say the words and I won’t do it. I won’t go.”
Y/N’s heart picked up. She knew if she told him not to go after Elain he wouldn’t. He would drop it immediately. But Feyre’s face flashed in her head. Nesta’s moans of pain ripped through her. They were a part of their family now. Y/N shook her head, more tears slipping down her face. “I can’t do that,” she let out a shaky laugh, casting her head down. His other hand felt warm as he caressed her face, wiping the tears away with his thumb.
“You’re the only one who has a chance to get in and out without being noticed. You have to get both of them out. They’re family now,” Y/N whispered. Azriel didn’t say anything, but when she met his intense gaze, those three little words felt heavy on her tongue. Looking into his eyes, she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him so bad it was like her skin was on fire. Y/N couldn’t breathe. He could very well be walking right into his death.
But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t drop the biggest bomb on their friendship when he needed his sole focus elsewhere. So, she stayed silent. She stayed silent even as he nodded and said, “I’ll be fine. I promise I’ll come back to you.” She stayed silent when he pulled her into his warm body and hugged her a little tighter. Y/N stayed quiet even when he led her back into the tent and she watched him disappear with their High Lady in the blink of an eye.
•••
Rhys let out a shaky breath after the departure of his mate and brother. As everyone dispersed, he noticed Y/N was still frozen in place, staring at the spot where the pair had just disappeared. He could see her visibly shaking. Cassian passed her and gave her a sympathetic look and pat on the shoulder before he exited. Rhys slowly approached her.
“I couldn’t do it,” Y/N said without turning to him. Rhys could hear the tears in her voice. The uneven breaths she took. “He told me to tell him to stay and he would’ve in a heartbeat. I couldn’t do that to Feyre. To you. To our family,” she continued. Rhys opened his mouth and then closed it, unsure what to say. His heart was so full of emotions. Terror, absolute terror for his mate and his brother. Love–love for his unselfish sister. The baby he saw that day his mother brought her home. All in a frantic rush to warm up this little, tiny fragile thing she found in the snow, abandoned by her blood relatives because fate was cruel and did not give her wings.
Y/N let out another shaky sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re also trying to keep it together. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now.”
This. This was why he felt he had to take it all on himself. Rhys’ heart was breaking for her. For his most kind and caring, living sister. This beautiful soul who has slowly fallen in love with Azriel for all of the centuries spent together. He didn’t understand why the Mother didn’t make them mates…his train of thought paused. It was as if he was hit with a brick. Sifting through all his memories and countless conversations with her, it finally clicked into place.
“How long have you known?” Rhys asked quietly. Y/N slowly turned to face him. Pain and anguish, only that of which someone with a mate would know. The same pain and anguish he felt watching Feyre disappear. Y/N let out a bitter laugh, “Since Starfall five years ago. When you were…away.” Rhys was slightly shocked. He noticed the smallest shift in their relationship when he had returned. But after all it, he expected everything to be different.
“Why didn’t you tell him? Me? Does Cassian know?” Rhys asked. Y/N shook her head, “I didn’t tell him because we were all dealing with the loss. I didn’t let myself find peace while you were gone. I couldn’t. I knew there were horrors you were enduring. Horrors I couldn’t even fathom, and I just couldn’t let myself be happy. And Az, well Az went to a dark place when you were gone. The only thing he clung to was his love for Mor, and I couldn’t disrupt his entire life. I wouldn’t. We didn’t speak for a few months after you were taken. We were all a mess,” tears flowed freely down her face as she spoke to him.
Rhys could barely contain his.
“So I buried it. I buried it so deep inside of myself no one would pick up on it. Or at least notice it without having to scrutinize me. I wanted to tell you. I really did, but I saw how you were when you returned Rhys. I couldn’t do that to you. You were trying so hard to pretend like you were okay and then your mate was with another. I just couldn’t do that to you, so I didn’t. I continued to bury it, but it just…just all got away from me.”
Y/N let out a choked sob that had Rhys moving. His arms wrapped around her engulfing her in a hug. “Oh you sweet, sweet thing,” he whispered, “My sweet sister,” he started, pulling back a bit to look at her. “You never need to hide anything from me. No matter what I am going through, you can always come to me. I am so, so happy for you. Although, I do need to kick Az around Velaris a bit since he cannot see what has always been right in front of him.” Y/N let out a garbled laugh before burying her head back in his chest.
“We’ll figure it out, Y/N. Whatever is going on in Az’s head. We’ll figure it out together. When all of this is over. We’ll both get our happy ending. I promise you that,” Rhys concluded. Y/N only nodded, before stepping out of his arms and wiping her face. “Cassian suspected it and I’m sure Amren knows. She has never mentioned it to me but Cass has. I didn’t confirm anything with him and he hasn’t mentioned it to Az.” Rhys nodded, guiding her outside of the tent for some fresh air.
•••
Y/N knew she should have told someone about the mating bond. It was something she could only suppress so much. But the guilt she and the rest of the inner circle felt when Rhys sacrificed himself ate at her too much. How could she let herself be happy when their High Lord and brother was subjecting himself to the horrors Under the Mountain, willingly, to protect them.
There was no point dwelling on it now. Not as she paced in front of Rhys who was sitting tense in front of his war tent. The minutes ticked by all too slowly as they silently awaited Azriel and Feyre’s return. “Tell me about when it happened,” Rhys said quietly, interrupting Y/N’s nervous pacing. She stopped and looked at him. His eyes were glazed over like mind was somewhere else. He needed a distraction. For her brother, she would tell him everything.
Y/N took a breath. “Starfall wasn’t the same without you. We knew how much the celebrations meant to you and so did Velaris. We never hosted a grand party anymore. The House was opened to those who wished to join, but it was almost as if the city was mourning the loss of our High Lord. Some came, but it was another quiet celebration.”
Rhys’ gaze flicked to hers.
“I–I was upset that five years had already gone by and you weren’t able to see this and be there with us,” Y/N continued, “I was close to breaking by that point. My hope was running out. I was up on the private balcony where you and Feyre celebrated. Azriel of course found me. Sitting there, silently looking at the stars or spirits or whatever. Wishing on them so hard that they would return you to us.”
“He sat with me for I don’t even know how long. Let me cry on his shoulder and just be a comfort. Everyone held it together a lot better than I did, Rhys. You were my brother. My first family and the one who took care of me when I had nothing. When we lost your mother and our sister, you were the only thing I had left of them.”
Y/N sniffed, more tears running down her face as she took herself back to that night. “I honestly debated pitching myself off that balcony that night,” she muttered bitterly. Rough hands immediately grabbed her face. Rhys’ anguish poured off of him as he seethed at her, “Do not ever think that. Even when I am gone. Never.”
Y/N gazed at him for a moment before slowly nodding, continuing her story, “But Az came up. His presence was like a lifeline. And when I finally stopped moping and looked at him he gave me one of his rare true smiles. Sad, but also his true smile. I felt it then when I looked at him. Like a beautiful golden thread tethering him to me. Pulling me out of that abyss. I don’t know if he knew it, but I knew.”
“I’ve always loved him. From when we were kids. I can’t tell you when my feelings shifted, but I have always loved him and I always will,” Y/N concluded. Rhys looked at her with a mixture of sadness and pure joy. He was about to open his mouth when commotion snapped them both out of it.
Y/N’s head whipped so fast to the outskirts of the camp. There they were. Covered in mud and dragging along two petite figures. Y/N let out a strangled cry before tearing away from Rhys. The latter hot on her heels. She smelled the blood before she saw it.
As she approached the puddle of people, her blood ran cold and she stopped dead in her tracks as she watched Elain plant a gentle kiss on Azriel’s cheek. She heard a faint “Thank you” before Elain was being swept up by others. Feyre reached Rhys first, letting out a strangled, “I’m alright…Azriel’s wings.” That kicked Y/N back into motion.
She flung herself at the Shadowsinger causing him to let out an oomph. Though her heart ached at what she just witnessed, she still needed to make sure he was okay. “You–your wings,” she cried after releasing him. She frantically began inspecting every inch of him. “Hey, hey…” he said, grabbing both of her wrists. Y/N was too much in a state of horror. “Y/N look at me,” Az said quietly. She finally snapped her gaze to him. “I’m okay. I’m right here. I’m alive,” he said, giving her a strained smile. His hand reached up, brushing a stray hair out of her face. Y/N merely nodded more to herself than anything as Rhys came around and helped lift him. “We need to get Madja before anything permanent sets,” Rhys grunted, hoisting him up. Azriel swayed a bit. Y/N let in a sharp intake, flinching a bit as she felt some of his pain.
Az gave her a weird look but she just shook her head, burying that golden thread down and down once again. Rhys began moving as Cassian took up Azriel’s other side, leading them away from her. Y/N noticed Feyre and hurried to her. She looked as if she was still in a daze. Y/N gently took her hand and led her to her tent. “You’re okay,” Y/N whispered gently as she settled in to help clean her up. Feyre merely nodded.
The minutes flew by and soon Feyre was curled in her bed, cocooned by her sisters as Rhys ushered everyone out.
Y/N took a deep breath once she was away from the commotion. Her mind was reeling between the conversation she had had with Rhys to the state that her family was in. Alive. That thread hummed from deep within herself. She almost felt as if it was calling to her. Tugging her. Her head turned slowly, spying the tent from which that feeling was coming from. Y/N’s feet were moving before her brain.
The tent was thankfully silent except for the soft crackle of faelights illuminating the space. Azriel’s large form was sprawled across the cot on his stomach. The glimmer of salve and magic lingering on his shredded wings. Y/N’s voice got stuck in her throat. His beautiful wings.
His head lifted as she entered, a soft smile gracing his lips. “I’ve had worse. You’ve seen me have worse,” he said, trying to comfort her. She still could not speak. “Come here,” he urged, trying to sit up. His muffled groan of pain set Y/N moving. “Don’t–don’t try to move,” she said, shakily sitting on the floor near his head. His eyes softened as he took her in. “You were worried about me,” Az chuckled a bit, reaching his hand up to brush that stray hair out of her face again. His shadows pooled around her, rubbing and twining up across her body in a soothing matter. “Of course I was worried about you,” Y/N hissed.
“Why?” he asked, matter-of-factly.
Y/N glared at him. “You are my best friend, Azriel! Why wouldn’t I worry about you!” She couldn’t comprehend why he was acting like a snarky bastard right now. “I mean look at you!” Y/N plowed ahead, “Your wings are shredded! You could have died!” She wasn’t really sure what came over her. Maybe from speaking with Rhys, that bond she had spent years shoving down, surfaced again and was not going down without a fight this time. “Imagine if you had!” she exclaimed, “What am I supposed to do if you die?”
Azriel just gave her a small smile before trying to sit up again. “No, no, no. Don’t try to sit up!” Y/N seethed. He started laughing, pushing himself up anyways. That bastard was laughing. “Azriel!” Y/N pleaded, clearly noting the grimace as he fully pushed himself up. Once he was sitting his laugh dimmed. Y/N pushed herself up to her knees so she could at least be near eye level with him. He would always tower over her no matter what.
“Tell me the real reason you have worked yourself up,” Azriel murmured, taking both of her hands in his. Y/N froze. He couldn’t know.
“Because you are my best friend,” she whispered, feeling more tears well up in her eyes. “And your mate?” he replied gently. She couldn’t find it in herself to respond or look at him. “Sweetheart, look at me,” he gently placed a finger under her chin and made her head tilt up to look at him. And for once in her life, Y/N saw the love shining so brightly in his eyes. One that mimicked how she would always admire him from afar. If she was being honest, maybe more emotion than he ever let on was swimming through his beautiful face.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Y/N muttered pathetically. The Shadowsinger let out a quiet chuckle. “I think you do,” he said. Y/N just nodded. “How–how long have you known,” she rasped. “Subconsciously…well probably awhile now. Consciously, I felt it snap into place as you were leaving the tent before we left. That’s why I followed you out there,” Azriel stated. Y/N said nothing. “That’s why I asked you to tell me to stay,” he admitted quietly.
Y/N finally took all of him in. All of his beauty and intensity. So broken yet still somehow put together. She studied his intense gaze on her, those hazel eyes seemingly glowing in the soft light. His tattoos across his very bare torso, and those wings. Oh, those beautiful wings still shimmering with healing magic.
“How long have you known?” he asked, breaking her out of her stare. “Starfall. Five years ago,” she whispered. Azriel studied her harder, more emotion filling his eyes. “That night. I felt your sadness that night. I think part of me knew then and was scared to admit it,” he confessed after a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me then?”
“I–I just couldn’t,” her lip trembled before her story finally came tumbling out.
After she explained, Az slid to his knees on the floor before her, gathering her in his arms, “Oh my sweet girl.” Sobs racked through Y/N as all of the feelings she had bottled up ran rampant through her. Relief, sorrow, love. All of her bleeding heart finally pouring out.
When she finally calmed down enough to get a word in, she pulled back out of his embrace, “I just didn’t think you would ever see me as more than a friend. With everything you told me about Mor, and then I saw it shift to Elain, I figured you deserved to be happy. Even if it would break me. Your brothers have found two sisters–” Azriel raised a brow at that. Y/N let out a small laugh, “You can’t tell me there isn’t something between Cassian and Nesta.” “Fair enough,” Az joined in with her quiet laughter.
Y/N sighed and continued, “But I just know you and I didn’t want to ruin anything we had with a mating bond. To me especially. An Illyrian without wings.”
“Y/N,” Azriel said sternly, “Just because you were born without wings doesn’t mean that I will never love you any less than I already have my entire life.”
“I was an idiot and I was in denial. You have been my entire world since I don’t even know when. I have loved you for so long, but I just didn’t think you would ever see me as more than a friend. I-I thought to myself that you would never love me like that. I have done things, you know what I have done. And I just couldn’t imagine a beautiful soul like yours falling in love with me. A part of me did love Mor. I won’t lie to you and say I didn’t, but I was finally able to admit to myself that I was in love with you. Was finally able to see that my stupid crush on Mor was a way to suppress all of my feelings for you. Every piece of me is consumed by you and belongs to you,” Azriel pressed.
“And Elain?” Y/N could only see that moment when they first returned. When she placed a kiss on his cheek. It made her blood begin to boil. “The thought crossed my mind when we met. It was the only thing that made sense. Three brothers, three sisters. But, I still couldn’t shake what I was trying so hard to hide from myself. And seeing you tonight. Seeing you go through all of this hell has finally given me the courage to be honest with myself and you,” he said.
Y/N was pretty sure she had gone into shock. This was the most honest the both of them had been to each other in years. He actually loved her. She hadn’t dared to let herself dream of this moment. Especially not in the circumstances they were in with the war and all.
“Please say something,” Az nearly begged, shaking her out of her stupor. Y/N focused back on his face. There really wasn’t anything she could say except surging forward and pressing her lips gently on his. Az tensed in shock for a moment before processing what was happening. And soon he was fervently kissing her back.
Her lips molded perfectly against his as he explored every inch of her mouth. They were just as soft as she had dared to let herself imagine. His hands quickly found her waist, roaming up and down savoring the feel of her pressed against him. Over 500 years of knowing each other and they hadn’t once kissed. Even when Cassian put them up to stupid games like spin the bottle. Azriel couldn’t get enough.
Y/N let out a moan as his tongue found his way into her mouth, shooting a blast of heat through her spine. Az reciprocated the feeling, pulling her closer, leaning back on the edge of the cot. He stiffened, suppressing a groan of his own. But well, mostly of pain. Y/N froze before pulling away. Az tried to chase her with his mouth and whined when she moved out of reach. “Azriel!” she hissed. “I’m fine,” he shrugged, trying to lean in again. “Az,” Y/N said, sticking a hand on his chest. “You are in no condition.” Azriel scoffed, leaning forward and thoroughly attaching his lips to her neck. Y/N shuddered. “Azriel I am not having sex with you when you can’t even lay on your back,” Y/N huffed. He was leaving a sloppy trail of kisses up and down.
“Don’t need to lay on my back,” he mumbled. “You can hardly sit up,” she responded. “Don’t care. You’re my mate. My newly found mate,” he said into her neck. “Been dreaming of this for a while now,” he sighed dreamily, sucking on the one spot that made Y/N melt. She could feel the bastard grin before he continued his assault.
It took a lot to shove him off of her. An extreme amount. All sentimental feelings from their confession were out the window and replaced by need. Pure, lustful need. But he was in pain. And he was her mate, so she pushed him off her. He let out the most un-spymaster like whine. “Y/N why are you doing this to me love?” he groaned. “Because you are injured and like I said, I’m not fucking you until you are at one-hundred percent,” she quipped, standing with more clarity than she had in years. She went over to the little table littered with food.
“And so I can give you this,” she turned, holding a little apple in her hand. Az’s face softened as she approached. A silent request as she held out her hand. “Are you sure?” he whispered. “Azriel, every piece of me has always belonged to you and it always will. I have never been more sure in my life,” she replied.
He smiled, grabbing the apple gently from her hands taking a slow bite. Y/N smiled in return before ushering him back down on his cot. “Time to rest, Az,” she said, nestling in next to him. “But I’m perfectly fine for other activities now,” Azriel pouted. Y/N just laughed, running her hands through his soft locks. “I promise when you are fully healed we will partake in those said activities,” she smirked. Azriel grinned and pushed himself upwards, stealing another kiss. Y/N giggled, before placing his head back in her lap. “Sleep now,” she mumbled. Azriel hummed softly as she resumed running her hands through his hair. “I love you,” he whispered before his steady breath evened out. “I love you too.”
Hi friends! I was originally planning on posting one of my already written fics, but since this was requested I made it first priority! I hope I did the request justice (and didn't miss anything when I proofing it). Forewarning, I feel like I absolutely suck at ending stories, so I apologize if the ending is terrible >:( This was written as a FMC as well, but please change to whatever makes you feel comfortable when reading.
Warnings: Cursing, slight sexual innuendos (?), and faint mentions of childhood trauma.
Other Notes: Xaden being more fluffy, maybe, than usual; reader being moody and not really knowing why she's upset (I think I put some of myself into that oop); pretty rusty at this so I hope it doesn't suck lol.
I also want to go ahead and say that I take trigger warnings very seriously as someone who has struggled with mental health, so for future fics please let me know if I miss anything. This one felt a little lighter than some fics I've written in the past, but I don't want to hurt anyone in any way. Please always take caution even though I will list any warnings. Your mental health matters!
On that note, I hope everyone enjoys and finds a little escape with our favorite shadow wielder! (Disclaimer: I do not own any photos below)
To say the adjustment to training with and well, in general, to having fliers around was easy is a lie. A complete. Fucking. Lie. The only thing both riders and fliers had in common were the amount of fights they caused with one another. That was it.
Y/N tried. She really, really tried to make the best of a shitty situation, but she was almost at her breaking point. Especially with Xaden’s ex roaming the halls. She was one bad comment away from Sgaeyl biting her head off for snapping at him.
“He’s not into her anymore,” Violet said, snapping Y/N out of her thoughts as she stared, more like glared, at the short-haired bitch from across the dining hall. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Y/N snipped back. “Yes, you do. You are this close to starting a fight with her. Don’t be like Ridoc, you’re a lot more level headed than him,” she said, pinching her fingers together to show a miniscule amount of space. “Hey! It was one fight,” Ridoc exclaimed from across the table.
“One fight too many,” Violet mumbled rolling her eyes at their spastic friend. “I’m fine,” Y/N huffed. The entire squad gave her a knowing look. She rolled her eyes, “Whatever, I’ll see you losers in class.” Ridoc gave her a cheerful smile as she stood, everyone else grumbling their goodbyes.
A silk-like touch wrapped around her ankles as she made her way out of the dining hall. Y/N didn’t have to look to know Xaden sent his shadows trailing after her, a silent inquiry as to where she was going. She just shook her foot, not wanting to think nor speak to her boyfriend. As if Zihnal himself had a personal vendetta against her, though, a rough hand grabbed her arm.
Y/N turned to find Xaden staring down at her, a hint of concern written in those beautiful eyes. “Where are you going?” he asked. “Kill time before our next class,” Y/N shrugged, refusing to look at him. Truth be told, ever since she found out Cat was Xaden’s ex, she really tried to avoid him, a nasty feeling permanently making its home in her stomach.
“Well, I gathered as much,” Xaden rolled his eyes, releasing her arm. “I can come with,” he suggested, his tone much softer than what the entire riders quadrant would ever hear. “I’m fine, thanks,” she said flatly. Xaden made a face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” “You’ve been saying that for the past two weeks now. Yet I barely get to see you, and you’re avoiding me.” Y/N just shrugged, “I’m busy.” Xaden scoffed, a darker expression replacing his concerned features. “C’mon,” he said, grabbing at her waist before running his hand along the curve of her body. She felt her breath sweep out of her. “Don’t you miss this?” He leaned in, whispering in her ear. He planted a feather-light kiss on the shell of it, sending heat rushing through her body.
Y/N almost forgot why she was so mad. Until a nasally voice cut through the air. “Xaden!” she practically shrieked. Y/N cleared her throat, taking a step back out of his embrace. “I’ll see you later,” she mumbled before melting into the crowd. A furious expression graced Xaden’s face as he watched Y/N retreat before turning to face Cat. “What do you want?” he snapped. She sauntered over with a flirtatious smile. “Trouble in paradise?” she drawled. Xaden just crossed his arms. Cat flashed him a saccharine smile, “You know, I can always make you feel better. I do know how to make you feel better.” She smirked, and tried to reach her hand out to touch his face. Xaden shot a hand out, forcefully gripping her wrist. “You don’t get to fucking touch me anymore,” he snarled. Her swaggering facade fell slightly as she squirmed to try and get out of his grasp.
“Fine,” she snapped. He released her. “You’ll come crawling back to me once you get bored with that one.” Xaden glared at her. “I don’t do sloppy seconds,” he spit before turning on his heel and leaving her.
__
Maybe you should just talk to him, Nordys, Y/N’s black scorpion tail huffed as they lounged in one of the many fields within the nesting grounds around Aretia. That’s not happening. Nordys’ head swiveled in her direction, coming eye level to her. His green eyes narrowed into slits. You’re being childish. He is your mate.
One, ew he’s not my mate. He’s my boyfriend. And two, what am I supposed to say? ‘Hey Xaden, I fucking hate your ex-girlfriend. She makes my life and my squadmates’ lives a living hell. Drags up very painful memories from my childhood. Can I please incinerate her?’ Nordys let out a chortle which was eerily similar to a laugh. Yes. Essentially that. He is the wingleader. And I would be happy to oblige by incinerating her and her mount. Y/N smiled softly at the thought, leaning against his side. At least someone understood.
Tairn just said he would turn a blind eye to it as well. Sgaeyl agreed too. We would have free reign to kill them all, Nordys continued. That’s a shock considering they won’t let Andarna do it.
Andarna is a petulant adolescent. She must learn patience and discipline. At least that’s what Tairn told me.
Y/N sighed. I just don’t know what I’d say to him. I’m not mad at him. He’s entitled to have ex’s. I would be shocked if he didn’t. It’s just…I really hate her.
You are ten times the human she is. You do not need to worry about your position as Xaden’s mate. Y/N groaned, Stop calling him that. Boyfriend, he is my boyfriend. We’ve talked about this. And I’m not worried about my position with Xaden. It’s just…well, I’ve told you before. My mother chased after rich men her entire life. They basically used her for her body and left her in the gutter.
I will call him as I see fit and you are not your mother. You are a rider, Nordys huffed, before laying his head down and closing his eyes. You need to go to class now, he said after a moment. Y/N groaned again. He was right. She was going to be late, and Professor Emetterio would have her head. Fine. Have fun doing whatever it is you do, Y/N grumbled, gathering her things. Nordys let out a hot breath in her face before launching himself into the sky leaving Y/N to trek to class.
__
Y/N’s moment of peace was ruined the moment she stepped into combat training. The fliers were gathered on one side of the mat while the riders stood on the opposite side. “I see immersion into our current living situations are going well,” Emetterio mumbled mostly to himself. Professor Devera just let out a quiet laugh from where she stood beside her colleague. Xaden was standing near the door, pointedly staring at Y/N while she was doing everything she could not to meet his hard gaze.
“Well, since everyone wants to fight everyone outside of this class, we will be pairing riders with fliers,” Emetterio’s voice boomed through the room. There was an audible groan from both sides.
“Good, now then!” He continued. Y/N zoned out as everyone began pairing off while he called names. Only when her name and her opponent was called did she really pay attention. Her blood ran cold as Cat stared back at her with a dark grin on her face.
“You’ve got this,” Violet whispered from her right. Rhiannon nodded in agreement from her left. “You’ve been trained by Xaden himself. You’re one of our strongest fighters,” Ridoc came up behind her, clapping her on the back. Y/N just gave them a look before stepping on the mat. “Begin,” Emetterio called.
Cat smirked and she began dancing around on her feet. “It’s about time we got paired together,” Cat commented. Y/N snorted, watching her closely. Timing was everything. Xaden taught her that. Study your opponent and assess their weak side if possible. Especially when you go to the mat during class. His voice rang clear in her head from all those late nights spent training.
“Let’s make it interesting,” Cat continued on, “Winner gets Xaden?” Y/N glared back at her, “He’s not some trophy.” She let out a sultry laugh, “You’re right. He isn’t. He’d be one for you, but not for me. You see, we’re royalty, him and I. So it’s just the perfect match.”
Y/N let out an inhumane snarl before lunging at her. To her utter shock, Cat maneuvered out of her way resulting in Y/N punching the air. She swung around and landed a sweep to Y/N’s legs, knocking her on her face. Fury rippled through her as she swung around trying to knock Cat off her feet with a swift kick, but to her surprise, yet again, Cat took the hit and rolled right back into her stance exactly…exactly like Xaden.
Her cackle was like nails on a chalkboard. Y/N pushed herself up quickly, going through the next steps just like Xaden showed her, but Cat didn’t miss a beat, moving just like how Xaden would when they trained.
Y/N froze for just a second, as she watched for the fifth time, as Cat moved just like him. Her moment cost her, and next thing she knew, a fist met her face. Y/N stumbled towards the edge of the mat where Violet and Ridoc caught her and kept her from falling over. “S-she was taught by Xaden. Every single one of his moves. She knows them,” Y/N panted. “It doesn’t matter. Focus,” Vi encouraged. While Y/N thought no one noticed, she was really wrong. Cat got under her skin. Everyone could see it.
“Finish it,” Ridoc snarled at her, his hard stare on Cat, who was still laughing. “Ready to tap out yet?” she goaded. Seeing red, Y/N shoved herself off of Violet and Ridoc. Faster than she had ever been, she lunged for Cat. Her fist met flesh with the satisfying crunch of Cat’s nose.
Cat snarled before whipping back up, slugging Y/N in the face again. “You bitch!” she hissed. Y/N laughed, the coppery tang of blood filling her mouth. “You broke my nose,” Cat snarled. “Sucks to suck,” Y/N smirked. “Argh!” Cat exploded, reaching in her belt and ripping out a dagger.
Y/N had moments to react. She went straight for the onyx hilted blade at her side, barely blocking Cat’s attack before she could leave a permanent scar across her face. She felt a faint sting on her cheek, but that was the least of her worries because Cat lunged at her again. Rage built within Y/N. She began striking back, dodging every one of her blows. She was fairly certain Cat was using her abilities on her to rile her up, but she didn’t care. Part of this anger was all Y/N’s.
She could barely hear Emetterio yelling at them to drop the weapons. Barely hear her squadmates and the fliers edging on the fight. It was turning sloppy. Both began ripping at each other’s hair, trying to cut one another. Until strong arms wrapped around her center, yanking Y/N off of Cat, who’s entire face was bloody.
“You won,” a soft voice caressed her ear. “Sweetheart, you won. You proved your point,” Xaden’s shadows wrapped lovingly around her struggling form. Y/N was still seeing red. Cat was shrieking profanities at her as her friends were trying to hold her back. “You fucking whore!” Cat screamed, “He’ll come crawling back after he gets sick of fucking your pathetic ass–” “Cat!” Xaden’s voice boomed.
Y/N snarled and went to lunge again, but Xaden whirled on her, body blocking her with his chest. “Darling, calm down,” he said. “Look at me!” Two hands gripped her face tightly and she felt the fight slowly slip away. Her eyes met his beautiful gold-flecked onyx eyes. “There you go. Calm down. It’s alright, you won,” he was breathing heavily. Nothing but pride filled his face.
The high wore off and she finally took a moment to breathe. Y/N glanced around and saw Violet and Rhiannon give her a grimace, but they looked happy nonetheless. Ridoc looked like he just had a blast, and everyone else began whispering excitedly as Emetterio dismissed them.
She looked back to Xaden who was still staring at her intently. “You were fantastic,” he breathed. “I’ve never seen you move that fast. Albeit it got sloppy there at the end, but still.” That ugly feeling resumed its place within her as the reality of what just happened sunk in. “She fought like you,” Y/N whispered. Xaden tensed. “She fucking fought like you because you trained her,” Y/N hissed, stepping out of his grip.
“Y/N,” Xaden sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. She just shook her head and turned on her heel, storming out.
“Y/N wait!” his voice followed her out as she stormed through the halls. Y/N nearly made it to her room before Xaden caught her arm. “What is going on with you?” he asked, with an exasperated look. “You fucking trained her Xaden!” she shrieked. Emotion began pouring out of her. “It’s one thing that I have to pretend to be civil with your ex when all she does is spew shit out about how she’s royalty and that I’m just a side-piece! And now I find out you taught her how to fight?”
“So what if I taught her how to fight?” Xaden snarled, his temper flaring. He could not, for the love of Amari, figure out what the big deal was. “I-I, just don’t know,” Y/N muttered, exhaustion finally sweeping in. She could feel her cheeks dampen as tears rolled freely down her face. Embarrassment coursing through her. She didn’t even know when she started crying.
Xaden threw his hands up in the air, still clearly frustrated. “You don’t know? You don’t know? I have been trying to talk to you for two weeks now! How many times do I have to tell you that I am in love with you? So deeply in love with you!” he shouted. Y/N just stared at him.
“Are you mad at me? Jealous? What is wrong!” he asked. Y/N opened her mouth and then closed it. Was she mad at him? “No,” she exhaled, “I’m not mad at you. I, I just don’t know why I’m so upset. I mean there’s a very large possibility that Cat has been manipulating my emotions, but I’ve just had this horrible feeling sitting in my gut ever since I found out about your history with her,” she concluded. “You have nothing to be worried about,” Xaden sighed. “That feeling, my dear, is called jealousy.”
Y/N just shook her head. In all reality, she really didn’t want to talk about it with him. He knew what her past was, but just because he said it didn’t bother him didn’t mean it never bothered her.
She pushed open her door planning on slamming it in his face, but he caught it and followed her in. “Just talk to me. Please, baby, just talk to me,” he said quietly, resting his hand on her cheek and wiping a stray tear away. Y/N squeezed her eyes shut. “It’s just…you were going to marry her. Marry her, Xaden. She’s practically a princess where she comes from. She was practically your first for everything. And she struts around here like she’s still going to be married to you, calling me a whore and all of the other names in the book. Constantly reminding me,” Y/N let out a shaky breath and opened her eyes, "reminding me of where I came from that I so desperately want to forget.”
Xaden studied her for a moment, his features visibly softening. “You aren’t your mother,” he said quietly. Y/N scoffed. “You really aren’t. You didn’t end up like her.” “What? Fawning over rich, powerful men who only cared when she spread her legs open for them?” Y/N mumbled.
“Is that how you think of us?” Xaden questioned. “No? Yes? I don’t know. It’s just with her here, it’s what it felt like,” Y/N whispered. Xaden let out a breath before wrapping her in his arms. “It’s not,” he murmured into her hair, “It’s more than that. I love you for you. For your light, intelligence, your stubbornness…absolutely everything. She may have been my first but you will be my last. My heart has always belonged to you and will always belong to you in this life and the next.”
Y/N felt a wave of calm and reassurance wash over her. She melted deeper into his embrace, breathing his all too familiar scent. “I love you too,” Y/N grumbled into his chest, “And I’m sorry for not talking to you sooner.” Xaden chuckled, pulling away slightly. “It’s fine my sweet girl,” he gave her one of his smiles only she was allowed to see.
“Now can I kiss you or are you going to bite my head off?” He smirked. Y/N rolled her eyes, gripping his face and pulling it down to hers. Xaden’s lips met hers in a fervor. The taste of him all consuming. Kissing Xaden was like a dream, but this? After two weeks of walking on eggshells? Well, Y/N was practically floating.
His tongue swiped her bottom lip, asking for permission. Y/N happily obliged, parting her lips to give him access. His hands roamed freely all over her body sending lightning cascading down her spine. She let out a soft groan as he deepened the kiss, both of them moving in tandem backwards towards the bed. Y/N hardly registered her legs bumping into it before she fell backwards. The soft duvet fluffed up around her as Xaden followed in suit until he was settled in between her legs. He leaned in bearing more of his weight down and –
“Oof,” she grunted, a zap of pain shooting up her back. Xaden froze, pushing up off her. “I’m fine,” she whined, staring up at him. “You took a nasty beating,” he commented, pushing fully up and off of her. Y/N just let out another pathetic whine, missing the feel of his lips and body on hers.
Xaden just chuckled and held out his hands. “Not until you’re cleaned up and feeling better,” he tutted. “Up.” Y/N rolled her eyes, but grabbed his hands. He did have a point. Her whole body had begun aching. “Fine,” she huffed. “But as soon as I’m all patched up, can we go back to kissing?” He let out a glorious laugh, “Yes, love. We can go back to kissing.”
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See, I told you my endings are always lame. I'm so sorry. Will also start building a Masterlist soon too.
