Sometimes, iniisip ko, what if di namatay ang tatay ko, iba kaya ang buhay ko ngayon?
taylor price
No title available
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

izzy's playlists!
Peter Solarz
$LAYYYTER
Jules of Nature
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

tannertan36

PR's Tumblrdome
tumblr dot com
Sade Olutola
Game of Thrones Daily
RMH

ellievsbear
AnasAbdin
NASA

No title available
wallacepolsom
seen from Türkiye

seen from Netherlands
seen from Greece

seen from United States

seen from United Kingdom

seen from South Africa

seen from United Kingdom
seen from Netherlands

seen from United Kingdom
seen from New Zealand
seen from Romania

seen from Germany

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from T1

seen from Netherlands
seen from India
seen from T1
seen from United States
@ann3xieties
Sometimes, iniisip ko, what if di namatay ang tatay ko, iba kaya ang buhay ko ngayon?
I wish life were as easy
as sleeping in—
until the sun proudly declares,
“This world is only mine.”
Waking only to binge on Young Sheldon reruns,
wrapped in the warmth of a favorite blanket,
where time forgets to move,
and so do we.
As children,
we dreaded the quiet.
Silence felt like punishment.
Afternoons at home were prisons.
We didn’t want peace,
we wanted noise.
Adventure.
A reason to run.
A dream to chase.
A world bigger than the four walls we were told were enough for us.
But somewhere,
between the heartbreaks and the deadlines,
between the noise around,
and the louder noise in our heads,
we learned:
That was everything.
To stay home.
To nap through the afternoons.
To eat whatever love placed on our plates.
To exist-
without needing to prove that we deserve to.
We used to hate solitude.
Despised silence.
Rejected the predictable rhythm of cycles.
But the world wore us down.
It demanded,
it devoured,
it drained.
And suddenly—
the silence we ran from
became the sanctuary we craved for.
The solitude we feared
became freedom we ached for.
The cycles we mocked
became a kind of peace we longed for.
We yearn for the very things
we once took for granted.
We long for the life
we rushed to leave.
Maybe growing up
is just realizing,
that the ordinary
was never really ordinary at all.
- AN (The things we used to hate) 05/05/2025; 9:36 PM
Back when we were still children, we were taught — not through words, but through wounds — that love hurts. When Mom and Dad fought, and one decided to leave, our world felt like it was colliding. We learned that sometimes, the people we trust the most are the ones who can break us the deepest. Yet, despite the ache etched into our bones, we still choose to love.
We still love even when it is easier to hate.
We still love even when the fear of being abandoned clawed at our hearts.
We still love even when we know it could damage us.
Because somehow, we understood that love is not just in the moments that we feel safe — it’s also in the moments that demand courage.
To love after loss.
To love after betrayal.
To open our hearts again, even knowing they might be broken once more.
We love because we know, that even when it hurts, love appears to be worth it.
Perhaps the reason why we cannot go back in time is to make us regret our choices. And in regretting, perhaps, we learn, we wish to learn.
I don’t want this to be the relationship that pushes me back to writing. You know I only write when I feel like the whole world does not allow me to breathe. I want this love to be the one. I want you to be the one. I don’t want to go back to writing because that only means I am bleeding. I want to be at peace. I do not want to find solace in words. I want to find it within your arms.
Do you know how does it feel when your life is a continuous struggle of proving yourself? I grew up in an environment where mistakes equate to stupidity. I sleep and eat with “You should have acted betters” and “You should have known betters”. By the way, I am a constant excellent student, since pre-school, and at an early age of 12, I was Best in English, Best in Science, the Editor-in-chief of the school paper, and did I mention I graduated top of my class during elementary?
They say, we the 90s kids are the toughest generation. Teenage years were supposedly about getting confused, being playful, and not having to figure it all out. But for me, there was no room for mistakes at all. I should be straight with life, achieving all the medals and honors there was. And, I should always be better than anyone else. I suck at Mathematics, oh I still should manage not to fail any quiz. That’s why, test booklets and quizzes with failed scores never get to see home. The top performing student, where is she now? The graduate of the central school, now studying in a barrio school yet can’t even be the best in her class. My everyday breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But it’s okay, because no one ever had the chance to snatch writing away from me- I graduated as the editor-in-chief of the campus paper, and was awarded one of the researchers of the year. But, then I wasn’t one, I was one of and I am no good at all, that’s what I hear. I should have done better, yes, I know.
And I grew up with the idea, that even if I did good, as long as someone’s doing better than me, I am not good at all. The definition of success was getting ahead of everyone. You see, nobody told me to loosen up and enjoy life. It was just constant, “Your grades should be better next grading, or else you’re grounded.” I did not enjoy the coolness of high school life because there is always one quiz, one output, one activity that hindered me from experiencing fun. Nobody told me that mistakes are supposed to make you learn. I thought mistakes are reminders of weakness and that I am weak. I grew up seeking for approval and validation. That if I am not approved and validated by them, well, I am just a piece of garbage with no dreams at all.
Do you know where I learned that mistakes are valuable parts of life? Well through books and that’s the reason why I fell in love with reading and with writing of course. In stories, the main characters don’t usually figure it out in Chapter 1, they struggle on the next chapters, lose during the denouement, and sometimes they succeed on endings. However, some don’t and their life story’s kept on hang. That made me realized, this time I have to embrace my weakness and focus on what I feel like I am good at, because I am the writer of my own life. And I know where I belong, I know where I should be.
I am turning 30 this year, and you know what, I am still not good enough. I am a licensed teacher for almost a decade, constantly receiving very satisfactory ratings and generous praises from my students. Every end of the semester is one of my favorite moments, because I get to read their remarks, and I always feel “giddy silly” about it. But that feeling usually last for only a day, because I am still that kid who should have known better because I am smart. I have a graduate diploma and now currently pursuing another postgraduate degree. Do I need it? Of course for promotion, but deep down inside of me lies the major reason why I still struggle to continuously prove myself. I yearn to finish all of it- every degree there is, every promotion there is, why? Because, I am still not good enough.
I may appear as if I have no plans in my life. I am always secretive about them, scared of evil eyes? More of scared because they may not succeed. I want to announce only victories not my struggles on how to accomplish them. I don’t tell feelings of weakness, stories of failures, and setbacks. I only want they to know if I have already won. Because even at this age of 30, with all the accomplishments and wins I brought home, with one simple mistake, I always go back to that stupid kid. I don’t want to be the perfect child, I just want to be good enough. With all the honorifics I could put after name and all my achievements I could tell, I am still not good and can’t be trusted. Do I need much? No, just a benefit of the doubt.
I am blamed for having no plans, I got plans, I got hundreds of it. I was blamed of being stubborn and selfish, hell yes I am. Because you see, if I don’t win them all, I am a failure, a laughing stock, a no good kid at all, unlike someone’s kid.
Today, I can live by myself, finance all my needs and capable of creating a happy family on my own. Yet, I can’t feel winning, I can’t celebrate victories, because deep down in me, even if I have learned that the greatest win in life is being happy and contented with it, I still seek for approval and validation. And perhaps, if I have ended my life, I would still be receiving that “you should have picked a better way of doing what you did” remark.
I hope you understand that you have damaged me more than anyone and anything else in this world.
It's just so exhausting to pretend you are alright when you literally want to get your arms around a specific person so muchhhhhh
Help me find the right words to describe how I feel.
My mind's too occupied with words yet nothing can explain how I feel right now.
Tangina, dito mo ako pinatay, sa putanginang playlist mo.
I need you rn, at 1:30 pm when all i wanna do is to sleep the exhaustion of the week, and I need you here beside me, to kiss my hair and my neck, and hold me as if we are the only persons existing in this tiring world.
you were so enthralled with how it was just so easy to be just YOU around me, it was so addicting like you were literally peeling off your skin without the fear of being stripped being just so carefree- words freed, your existence unbounded you say it was so liberating; but I was held captive- the glimmer in your eyes; like brokenness I was made to nurse you- sparkling, and breaking- it's bewitching a parade of old troubles and chaos marching dancing in OUR tiny worlds, no price to pay; it was just YOU and ME along all your unnamed curses and tragedies to me, you're my weary soldier of earth and I am your breath of serenity I am the enraptured addict- a secret keeper; trouble nurser; paying a grand salute But to you, I am just a phase- your space when you feel little and scared forgotten when YOU'RE too brave disowned at your own expense; reclaimed at your own convenience Because, it's just a phase- you wanting to rest, and I am just the rest, just a phase.
- AN, But honey, I want more than just being a phase (05-17-2022; 12:19 AM)
Do you feel it too? Like it's a brand new day, yet you feel like a ghost. Like it's that the sun is at its hottest, but you are freezing inside. Because I've been like that for weeks, and please do tell me it's not only me in this era. Tell me there are others who also feel this way, because I am starting to doubt myself if I should still be breathing out life like this.
Fuck the sleepless nights.
How can you tell that you have chosen the wrong person to love?
I miss J, but I don't want to be with him for now.
Why do I feel like I am just an escape from all the miseries you have in life right now? It feels like I am just an easy way out.