His will be done...

[tatianavalentiina-blog]

"My problems are much bad that Sir Matthew is right over there, and I am knowing that would be very bad if I was trying to approach him," Tatiana said softly, with a small, sad smile that didn’t reach her eyes. She dropped her gaze from Annika’s, and swirled her tiny stir stick along the rim of her glass, wondering not for the first time if the angel she had come to love and idolize as a mentor hated or resented her now. "And having one drink is much better than making things even worse for him, yes?"

[annika-acacia]

"He's making it worse for himself, Princess." Annika said after a while of thought. "Matthew, right now, is very unreasonable. He's hurt, but he has no right to take it out on you. He's cold and cruel and no one should act like that." Annika said crisply before shaking her head. 

"I'm afraid there is nothing we can do but have him fight his demons on his own, and this is no one's fault but his."

[annika-acacia]

Hark, Angels are Singing || Noah and Annika ||

[noah--rhodes-blog-blog]

If he was being honest with himself and the people around him, Noah was pretty much here in case something happened. After the battle, he felt it was his duty to keep the peace a little more, make sure that nothing horrific happened. That was the only reason he was here. No matter how much he had tried to convince the King and Queen of Sansoria that holding a ball right now would be a terrible idea, they were still completely set on the idea, nothing could persuade them otherwise. It was a kind gesture that at any other time would be well received, but Noah couldn’t help but think it was rather inappropriate. 

Which was why the angel was rather eager to leave for a little while. When he saw Annika heading out, he only hesitated slightly before following her. Things had been… tense between them recently, and he wished it wasn’t so, but there was something brewing between them, and Noah was loathe to admit that he wanted that brew to finally bubble over and reveal something, anything. But there was no shame in admitting just to himself that he was a little scared of what he would find if he dug deep enough. 

Following the angel at a far pace, easily knowing where she was from sensing her Grace, he stopped to talk to one of the werewolves patrolling to let him know that we would be unavailable to watch for the next hour or so, loosing sight of the angel for a few minutes but not sense of where she was. Then, he kept going forward, about to call out when the angel’s slim body re-appeared in his vision but stopping short when he heard the end of what seemed like was a few questions. 

It broke his heart, really. To see his angels so torn, so… lonely. 

“He wont answer,” he spoke softly, stepping into the light and hoping not to shock the other with his sudden appearance. “Sorry, you looked like you wanted to be alone, but I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he bowed his head, humbled a little by all her questions to their Father, ones that even he did not know the answer to. 

[annika-acacia]

Annika looked up and at that moment, it was as if her heart went all the way up to her throat. He was as handsome as ever, an air of regality that was fit for royalty. Noah could have easily blended in with the noble men, if he were to give up his position as leader of their group, he'd find a good life here amongst the humans. But Annika knew for a fact that he would never do that. He was loyal and passionate when it came to their cause, and that was something she admired greatly. There was so much more to him though... So much more that she understood. The worry in his gaze, the gentleness in his touch... 

"I know... But I know he can hear me." Annika said softly before fiddling with the skirts of her dress, suddenly conscious. When they had presented her with the dress, she was immediately blown away by the fabric, the beautiful gradient of forest greens and shadows, the delicate layers of silk and chiffon, it was obviously too much for the simple angel. The ladies however insisted that she wear it. 

Now, she just hoped that he liked it... 

Her neck grew warm from embarrassment, realising now that she probably looked like a mess. Her feet were bare and dusted with soil, her hair windswept and tousled, nothing like the lady Noah deserved. 

She was just... Annika. 

She bit at her bottom lip and looked up at Noah. 

"Were you not enjoying the party, My Queen? It seems you gained quite the attention from the ladies." She quickly changed the subject, forcing a teasing smile and standing up from her place on the bench, only to turn away so that he may miss the obvious insecurity in her eyes. 

[juniper-cormorant-blog]

"Ex-excuse me."

[juniper-cormorant-blog]

"It’s alright.  I c-can d-do it myself.  And it w-would look s-suspicious if we both v-vanished."

Annika’s pause spoke volumes.  Despite what others thought, Juniper could be very good at this particular type of reading.

"You should go to him," she said softly, "He’d miss you if he didn’t."

He won’t miss me when I’m gone.  Be happy with him.

[annika-acacia]

Annika was quiet for a while, her eyes pained. 

"I don't understand what I'm feeling, Petal." Annika said quietly. She grasped Juniper's hand in an attempt to have her understand that the last thing she wanted to do was to hurt her. 

"I just want to turn it all off... but I can't." 

[annika-acacia]

Hark, Angels are Singing || Noah and Annika ||

Annika smiled tightly as she excused herself from present company. Her feet were sore and her head was aching from all the thoughts and worries whizzing through her mind. She weaved through the ballroom and nearly cried at the sight of an exit. She quickened her pace and once she made it outside, she felt herself immediately sag in relief. The crisp winter winds had the hairs on her arms standing, goosebumps breaking out on her skin, but she didn't care.

She felt as if she were suffocating inside and being away from everyone helped clear her head.

She looked back to make sure nobody had followed her before moving deeper into the gardens, heels sinking into the soil. She let out an annoyed huff before reaching down to remove her shoes, letting out a sigh of relief as she wiggled her newly freed toes against the cold earth.

She moved through the Valentina's extensive garden before finally resting at a stone bench. She sat down and looked up at the stars, eyes pooling with tears as memory after memory of her time in Heaven hit her like bricks.

"You used to tell me everything happened for a reason, and that it just led to people finding their purpose in the world." She said quietly as she kept her eyes on the sky.

"Then you have to help me understand what my purpose is, Father. You have to help me, because I can't do this alone. All these things... My wings... My feelings for Noah... Hurting my sister... Losing my sister... How does any of this contribute to me finding my purpose?" She asked, suddenly angry. 

"Matthew lost his family. He lost Tatiana. He's hurting yet you expect me accept that these things happen for a reason."  She continued. 

"People lost their homes... Their loved ones... their lives... Did they happen for a reason too?" She asked brokenly. 

"You expect me to have faith... Yet even when I do, bad things happen to good people." She finished. 

"Father please..." 

[juniper-cormorant-blog]

"Ex-excuse me."

[juniper-cormorant-blog]

"I-" It was Annika. Juniper thought quickly, using the pause that came with stuttering to come up with an excuse, "I…was g-going to go b-back to m-my room to…to check on Alba.  She g-got soaked in the snow a-and I just w-want to m-make sure she isn’t g-getting sick."

Juniper gave Annika a forced smile to match the one her sister gave her.  When did this gap between them grow.  Juniper knew that Annika and Noah were getting closer.  They hadn’t realized it yet, but they were slowly sinking into each other’s hearts.  Annika didn’t greet her with exuberance.  Annika didn’t go to hug her or take her hand.  Annika must have realized her feelings for Noah.

It would only be a matter of time until she and Noah—

"I..I think Noah was looking for you.  S-something about w-wanting to d-dance."  Juniper shrugged carefully, even as she lied.  She had been keeping Noah in her line of sight only to avoid him.  

[annika-acacia]

Annika's brows furrowed in concern. 

"Oh, well would you like me to accompany you? The poor thing must need extra attention." She said as she hesitated for a while with the cream puff she had in hand. She looked around before placing it down on a passing waiter's tray and dusted her hands off. 

She made a move to follow, but Juniper had mentioned something about Noah, and Annika's heart immediately did that strange thump again. 

Oh goodness... 

"Juniper..." Annika tried to explain. Juniper was smart, and Annika had a feeling she knew exactly when Annika was feeling. 

[camillenewcastle-blog]

Camille waited patiently —well, mostly— for the answer that she was so eager to get, and it seemed to take forever for Annika to finally accept her invitation.

"Let’s not waste time then," a soft laugh sounded from her throat, and she reached for the Angel’s hands, pulling her to the center of the room. It had been far too long since she’d been at a party to enjoy, and this was the perfect oportunity.

[annika-acacia]

Annika laughed as Camille took her hands before quickly following her to the middle. She flushed at the attention they got, and turned to Camille with a hesitant smile. 

"Camille, I don't think I'm comfortable with all the attention being in the middle comes with." Annika admitted, fiddling with her dress. 

[tatianavalentiina-blog]

"But I am not yet forgotten about problems, Miss Annika! They are still being—hic—heavy on my mind!" Tatiana insisted with a wave of her hand that very nearly hit the petite angel in the face, and she stumbled over her feet as she attempted to take back her drink…something that didn’t quite go according to plan. "And I have only had three tiny sips so far! Is barely anything!"

[annika-acacia]

"You're problem can't be so bad as to lead to early alcoholism, Princess. There's no need for you to kill your liver." Annika said, attempting to take her drink from her once more. She let out a huff before shaking her head.

She was not built to do this.

[annika-acacia]

Annika's outfit: Christmas Ball

Notes: 

She doesn't wear jewelry, mostly because she doesn't own much. And she thinks the dress is already too much of an indulgence. 

[tatianavalentiina-blog]

"This is what grown ups are supposing to do, yes? Drinking to forget about all of their problems? Is something I have not done before, but now is seeming good as time as any!"

[annika-acacia]

"Princess, I think that's enough for you." Annika said with a small frown as she swooped down to try and take the glass from the young girl. 

[juniper-cormorant-blog]

"Ex-excuse me."

"I’m j-just trying to h-h-head over th-that way."

[annika-acacia]

"Oh!" Annika turned around when she felt someone move behind her before a small smile appeared on her face, only for it to falter when she realised who it was. 

"Petal." 

Her recent discovery for her feelings for Noah definitely made her feel incredibly guilty when it came to Juniper and now she just didn't know how to act. 

"Uhh... Where are you going?" She asked, forcing the smile back on her face. 

[camillenewcastle-blog]

At this point Camille didn’t even bother to deny it, twirling around with Annika as she chuckled softly. She had a feeling the girl would recognize her somehow, apparently she saw a lot more things than she knew about herself, but that night wasn’t about that particular annoyance.

They deserved some fun, and as morbid as it was to dance after what happened just a few weeks ago, Camille allowed herself to relax and enjoy. —After all, she’d put Annika through so much, it was only fair to ease it up now. Without ever admitting it, of course.

"You do, but shhh," she smiled widely. "Most people don’t, and we need to keep it like that."

[annika-acacia]

Camille... 

Annika's eyes widened in surprise at how Camille could have possibly entered the premises. She wanted to scold her, tell her it wasn't safe. But the smile on Camille's face stopped her. 

They had gone through so much as of late, she thought maybe it would do them some good to just have some fun. 

Annika allowed the slow smile to crawl up her lips before stifling a giggle and nodding in excitement. 

"Come on, I love this song!" 

[camillenewcastle-blog]

Come on, I don’t care, dance with me.

[annika-acacia]

Annika let out a small squeak as she was all but pulled to the dance floor by a vaguely familiar woman. 

"Goodness, you're excited." Annika laughed before twirling the girl around only to stop abruptly when she caught sight of her face. She was sure she had never seen it before, but there was something about her that was so... familiar. 

"I... I know you." She said softly. 

[camillenewcastle-blog]

Camille rolled her eyes, shaking her head as the angel spoke. Much like during their first encounter, she couldn’t believe most of the words Annika was saying, for her lack of trust on everyone and everything was stronger than someone’s hope for the best. Even so, she couldn’t seem to talk back and try to force her to see the truth. “It’s not as easy as you think,” She said only after making sure Annika stopped talking.

There was a question she didn’t wish to answer, but one she couldn’t avoid either. Breathing in and out slowly, Camille fought to keep her eyes focused on the girl in front of her rather than her wings. It pained her to know she’d caused that, as stupid as it was. After all, the one who had been broken was Annika, not her. Then again, Camille had always been selfish to some extent. “You’re right,” she started, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re weaker and if someone attacks you, the other angels will only find you when you’re gone.” At this point she was stating the obvious, but it made it easier, didn’t it? To avoid the subject for as long as she could. “I did that, and I’m going to fix it. —I can’t make your wings be healthy again, but I can make sure you won’t die. You won’t die.” Camille nodded as Annika put her cloak back on.

"I want to make sure of that, to put it simply."

[annika-acacia]

Annika was quiet for a while as she tried to process what Camille had said. She slowly stood up from her place on the ground before walking up to Camille. She was so unsure of what would happen between them... if anything would happen. This could just be a mere case of guilt that the vampire had. Whatever it was though, Annika couldn't help the small smile that settled on her face. 

Because as always, she had been right. 

She did see a light when she first met Camille. And she saw it now. It was dim and flickering, but it was still there.

"Thank you." She said quietly. 

"We both won't die." She said softly before biting her lip to stifle a happy giggle. And for some reason, she almost felt like her old self. Like she was doing something good. 

[noah--rhodes-blog-blog]

"You’re really not, my King, how on earth am I supposed to keep track of you when you keep running off everywhere?" he tried teasing right back at her, acknowledging her attempt to keep the mood light and responding in turn. 

That failed quickly when she tried to assure him in that soft, sweet voice of hers. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kept her close, relishing in the ability to do so. He didn’t know what he would have done if her wings had been torn in the battle, if she would lie down dead at his feet, vessel lifeless. He shuddered at the thought, and squeezed her body tighter towards his, closing his eyes at the feeling of her nuzzling at his neck. “I certainly try, Annika. I know it’s irrational, but. I worry, you know that. I worry about all of you, that one day something will happen, like it did with you… and somehow, I will fail you,” his voice broke a little at the end but he managed to reign in the worst of his emotions. he wouldn’t break down here in front of Annika, he needed to be strong for her, strong like the leader he needed to be to them all.

[annika-acacia]

Annika felt Noah's arms wrap around her and couldn't help but melt into his embrace, just as she always did... But now... it felt different. There was a strange thump in her chest that terrified her. She nestled herself into his chest as she tried to calm herself with the sound of the steady beat of his heart. Her fingers traced the patterns of his tunic idly as she bit her bottom lip. 

She frowned in concern, her heart tightening as Noah continued to speak. 

She pulled back just enough to cradle his face in her hands, looking at him with stern eyes as she pressed her lips together. 

"Noah, listen to me when I say you will never fail us. The only way that could happen is if you give up on us completely, and I know that will never happen." She said before her eyes softened, her thumb caressing his face, dancing over his strong jaw as she bit her lip. 

Times like these made her realise just how lost she would have been if Noah had not been there to guide her. She had always been proud of being able to hold so much knowledge, yet without Noah's guidance, even with all the knowledge in the world, she knew she'd be hopelessly lost. 

She'd be hopelessly lost without him. Her eyes widened as her breath hitched higher. 

Oh no no no no. 

She had feelings for Noah. 

She had feelings for Noah. 

"Noah I..." She didn't realise just how intimate their position had been till now.

When did they get so close? What was she doing? 

"I'm sorry, I-..." She felt her hands drop from his face as she tried to move away, mind buzzing in confusion.

[celine-dahltfk]

Celine welcomed Annika’s embrace tenderly, careful to avoid hurting her as much as possible. She did not know how her proximity would affect the angel’s grace, having been one of the first to Fall, but clearly the need for comfort was stronger. “Not at first, love, but yes.” She replied softly, pained by every hiccuping sob against her shoulder. Her sweet sister, who was normally so sure of herself, was facing doubt for the first time and it was taking its toll on her. “You watch enough good angels die for His cause and it isn’t long before you wonder just how much you’re worth in His eyes. Or who will be next, for that matter.” A dark thought crossed Celine’s mind. It could have been Annika’s name she added to her list. She had been lucky this time, but what of the next, when she would be thrust into the battlefield again? She no longer had the protection she had when she used to live in Heaven.

At the very least, Annika had the advantage of not being alone in her doubts. She had an entire family that had gone through the same. “It’s painful, I know. We all know. Learning the truth is one of the most difficult trials you will ever go through and it’s never easy. Just because it shouldn’t be the way it is does not make it any less so.”

The Fallen could feel her sister unwinding, the tension fading away as she took whatever comfort the older woman could give her. “Would you prefer that? To live in ignorance? What difference would it make if you knew it was a lie?” Her grip tightened but not to a painful extent, just to let the angel know that she wasn’t alone.

"You are reaching a crossroad, Annika. There’s a choice to be made and I can’t make it for you. You can either fight what you know deep down to be the truth, to live your life as He wishes and to one day die by it. Or, you can embrace it for what it is and take control of your life." Celine looked at her, wishing that she could make this easier in some way, but that wasn’t something she was able to do.

"This isn’t about me, Father, Noah, or anyone else for that matter. What is it that you want?”

"You can be honest with me, dear. I’m not one to judge. Not anymore.”

[annika-acacia]

Annika felt Celine pull back to face her and if Annika would just forget about everything that's happened, all the painful things that have transpired, she could pretend that she was back home in Heaven, with Celine and Noah and all of her other brothers and sisters. They would all be safe and happy and everything would be as it should. But that is not the case. Not anymore. Now, Noah and Celine were on two opposite sides, with two conflicting interests that Annika was no very unsure of. She swallowed thickly, the thoughts just whirling around in her head at break-neck speed, her head pounding and the chest tightening because she just didn't know what to do. Her heart was in battle with her head and Annika knew that her decision... it would make or break everything she's ever believed in. 

"For the longest time, I believed myself to be intelligent..." Annika said softly. "That my knowledge was a gift... But now... it feels like a curse... A burden I have to carry." She said, her voice above but a whisper. It was a strange thing to say, but she knew Celine understood. 

She always understood her. 

Her breathing grew ragged as Celine spoke of crossroads and decision making and Annika felt her hands grow cold at the prospect of having to choose. 

She says it isn't about Father, or Noah, or even her. 

It was about what she wanted. 

But Annika couldn't help but feel that that wasn't everything. If she makes one decision, she could lose Noah, her Father's love, everything she stood for before this happened, she could lose herself in exchange for rebuilding a person that may or may not be better... 

"I..." She felt her hands shake. 

"I... don't have to decide now do I?" She finished meekly. 

[tatianavalentiina-blog]

Tatiana felt terrible for having startled Annika so badly, especially when she knew that she was still injured. The bandages around her wings were proof enough of that, and the princess hated knowing that she had been wounded so horribly in the most-recent battle. Annika was…she was the embodiment of everything that an angel should have been, as far as Tatiana was concerned, and so to see the part of her being that defined her as a creature of heaven was more than a little scarring. Poor Annika…she always seemed to be taking care of so many people, and Tatiana wondered if she ever had time to care for herself. However, the moment she mentioned Matthew, Tatiana saw the way her face visibly crumpled.

Oh no…oh no. 

Tatiana flinched as if she had been struck when Annika confessed that, while she had seen Matthew earlier on in the morning, he was gone now, and…wouldn’t be back for quite some time. She pulled away from the embrace that Annika had pulled her into, shaking from head to toe and struggling not to break down in tears yet again. Tatiana listened, eyes wide and stricken with fear, as Annika explained that Matthew had been an absolute mess when he left the castle, and that she hadn’t heard from him since. The petite angel obviously had no clue what had happened, meaning that she…meaning that she had no clue that it was entirely Tatiana’s fault. 

The young princess let out a small whimper, bringing a trembling hand to her mouth and holding it there as her eyes squeezed shut, crystalline tears spilling out from beneath their lids.

"Is not your—is not your fault, Miss Annika," Tatiana insisted tearfully, allowing her hand to drop from her mouth as she gazed up at the angel with wide, tormented eyes. "Is not your fault that he is gone…is not your fault that he is out in blizzard in his condition; is—is not your fault at all.” She broke off on a small sob, hating herself more and more with each moment that passed. She needed to tell Annika the truth…even if it meant that she would end up losing the angel’s love for good. Everyone knew how close Annika and Matthew were…everyone knew just how protective she was of him.

"This morning when I came to visit him in hospital wing," Tatiana began shakily, unable to meet Annika’s gaze. "This morning when I came to visit him in hospital wing, Matthew, he…he told me that he was in love with me, and I—I was telling him that…that I am in love with Sir Christian.”

[annika-acacia]

Annika was quiet for a while. 

So that was why. 

She pressed her lips together and immediately felt her heart break. For the both of them. Matters of the heart were truly complicated and Annika didn't know what else to do but shake her head before pulling Tatiana in for a tight hug. Everything was just one big mess and Annika just wanted everything to go away for the both of them. 

"Oh my dear..." She whispered softly. "Princess I... Tatiana, my sweet, don't cry." Annika shushed as she ran her hands through the princess' hair in comfort. She hugged her tightly and squeezed her eyes shut as she began to speak "I'm sure he just needs time to himself." Annika said quietly before pulling back with glassy eyes, obviously affected by the princess' disposition. She took in a shaky breath before shaking her head. "Don't blame yourself, Tatiana. No one is to blame for this. I... It..." She truly didn't know what to say. 

"You were his world... and now he must feel he's lost that." She bit her lip. 

Her throat tightened before she ran a gentle hand over Tatiana's face, wiping away her tears. 

"But I know in my heart that he'll be alright. No matter your feelings for him, he will always come back for you." Annika said before offering Tatiana a weak smile. "Tatiana, after years of loving you, caring for you, putting you above everything else... you should never think he would abandon you. He told me he'd be back and I believe him." Annika said with a firm nod of her head before taking a deep breath and resting her hand on Tatiana's shoulders. 

"Please... please just understand that he might need this time to... to piece himself back together... on his own..." Annika wanted nothing more than to show Matthew that he wasn't alone in this endeavour, but maybe... maybe he was after all. 

"All he's ever done is love you, Tatiana. Knowing that you don't love him must have removed a big part of him, and I think he's just trying to get it back..." Annika concluded finally before biting her lip, her heart hammering in her chest. It was just too much. Too much. 

Annika was quiet for a while before she grasped Tatiana's hand. 

"He'll come back... If there's one thing about Matthew that I know with absolute certainty, it's that his love for you will always bring him home." 

A pause...

"You just... must have faith in him..." 

[annika-acacia]

smooch~!

"Camille?" Annika called, looking around warily. She huffed and looked up at the sky, basket in hand. "If you don't show yourself, I'm going to have to eat all these muffins on my own!" Annika threatened, bottom lip jutting out slightly. If anyone had known she was sneaking out bran muffins for her vampire friend (no matter what Camille said, Annika still insisted on calling her a friend), they would have thought she was going mad. 

Noah especially. If he even caught a whiff of what Annika was doing, meeting up with the creature that had broken her wings, she didn't even want to think about what he might do. 

Annika shifted the basket to her other arm and was just about to bite into one when a dark shadow fell from the trees and pinned her to the ground. Annika let out a squeal as Camille pressed her lips against her neck with a smack. 

"You scared the soul out of me!" Annika cried as Camille pulled back with a laugh, her shoulders shaking as she wiped stray tears from her eyes. 

Annika pouted and pushed Camille off of her before looking woefully at the muffin now on the floor. 

"And look what you made me do. That was a good muffin." She said, picking it up and dusting off the twigs and leaves. 

"Oh come on, angel, your face was priceless." Camille said with a smirk as she crossed her arms over her chest, watching as Annika got up and promptly crumbled the now soiled muffin, sprinkling it around the area for the birds to feast on. 

"You nearly scared me to death!" 

"You're exaggerating." 

"I don't exaggerate!" 

"You always exaggerate." 

Annika puffed out her cheeks before shaking her head and grasping Camille by the arm, pulling her to a stand and marching to their usual meeting place. 

"Enough! Let's go before the sun sets! I brought us more books to read!" Annika said as Camille let out a groan, though Annika didn't miss the slight quirk of her lips as she trailed after her. 

Annika grinned in triumph as she talked excitedly about her day. 

Grateful that she could spend some time with someone she can so fondly refer to as her friend.