tumbleweed

akd / / adg this is a collection of my thoughts, items to peruse. wannabe writer by day, gallivanter by night. the girl least likely to

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#latergram from #27. Ended on a high note with a sweet surprise from my baby sister.

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Birthday month has been a success, I’d say.

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Ben Howard, Wildest Moments

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One of my favorite memories to dig up when I need a dose of goodness is that of our engagement. Not necessarily the down on one knee act itself (though that definitely brings up some especially "good" memories) but rather the feelings afterwards. That night is the closest I've ever felt to flying. It was our secret for the first twelve hours or so. And we reveled in it. We were giddily, hopelessly in love. You don't get many times in life to feel invincible. To feel weightless. We soared through the streets of Chicago in love with each other and in love with the crazy, winding, twisty, curvy path that got us to that exact moment in time where nothing else mattered but everything mattered all at once. Or at least our little everything. He and I. The beginnings of a team. A small everything but ours nonetheless. The purest form of goodness I've ever tasted.

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53+ days later, I'm finally back on the sauce.

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On never losing hope

Okay, you can lose hope, but never lose sight. Hope, you can build back up slowly but surely even in your darkest hours. But when we don’t have the sight to see what could potentially happen to us, that’s when we get lost. 

Little did I know that a month after writing this, I would meet him.

I was right. Exciting things did happen during twenty-four. And twenty-five. And twenty-six. And in another month I’ll be turning twenty-seven and I know that will be the best year yet. 

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It can be easy to romanticize a passion or a social cause or a marriage or raising kids with tons of posed pictures and flowery words – but all such things are gritty, raw, rough, and painstakingly sculpted from our fully invested hearts.  There is a lot of standing around and sweating through our shirts and seasons of self-doubt and all the frustrated parts that no one else can see.  We fall in love with highlights but these were formed in the valley.  Please don’t be seduced by soundbites and filtered photos and bowtie daydreams.  Real joy actually hurts, but that’s why it’s real.  It was carved from the best of us.

– J.S.

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You have no idea how hard it is to live out a great romance.

Wallis Simpson

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Happy day to my best friend, my hero, my heart, my nurse, my confidant, my support...my mom. Every super woman needs a sidekick and I'm so glad I've gotten to be hers for the past month.

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The greatest thing that's happened since I stopped updating this corner of the internet is that I fell completely down the rabbit hole that is loving someone. I fell so completely and imperfectly that it is perfect, and I am the happiest in its flaws and character. I am the happiest because, him. I wrote about him a couple of times without you know, really including him. But he was always the main character. For the past three years or so, he has been the main character. And I suppose for the next many years he will be as well. I guess that's what I promised to when he gave me that beautiful ring one freezing afternoon in Chicago. He will officially become mine and I his. And although the idea of being anyone's is a little archaic, if I have to be someone's I'm glad it is his. So, so glad. There's something to be said for sharing your life with another person. In light of my recent state post-accident, that is especially true. But not just because of the bad times (though that is nice too). Mostly because of the mundane little things in life. What I miss more than anything is sharing the quiet moments. Saturday mornings in bed with coffee. Thursday nights on the couch together. On the phone on my drive home, too anxious to talk through the day together that we can't wait until we get home. As they say, life is better when you have someone to share the load with. I am so lucky to have found someone who will shoulder half of my trials and half of my triumphs. I just hope I can properly return the favor.

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Breathe in. Breathe out.

Figured I'd come back and clear the cobwebs off this thing. I always have the urge to write when I'm not doing anything else. And right now I'm not doing much of anything. Except learning how to walk without looking like a drunk person (of which I am decidedly not thanks to some stellar pain meds I've been told shouldn't be mixed with a glass of wine or really anything alcoholic. Which is unfortunate really. Because when you're not working for a while, what better than to go on a bit of a bender? Alas, I'll stick to the meds. They make me loopy enough.) I was in a car accident a few weeks ago. Three to be exact. Three weeks ago, a lot changed for me. I was driving along on an ordinary Tuesday on my ordinary route to work when a lot change for me in one instance. I was hit head on by another driver in my lane. Still feels weird to say. ... I was convinced at first everything would be okay. In fact, when I heard the nurse tell my boss on the phone that I wouldn't be in the office that day, I thought it was weird. Surely I would get out of the ER in a few hours and could be in the office that afternoon. Instead I was in the ICU for the next week. I got lucky really. Things could have been much worse. My car is totaled. And my back is broken. But I can buy a new car. And my back will heal [in time]. These days, the thing that gets me through is reminding myself how lucky I am. When I'm feeling like a burden on those I love, when I'm feeling unproductive or like I'm not contributing, when I'm just feeling annoyed that this is my life...I remind myself how damn lucky I got on that ordinary Tuesday on my ordinary route to work. I can walk, I can feel, I will heal. I am alive. I am loved. I am surrounded by amazing people who have lifted me up and carried me through. I am the luckiest. I am the luckiest who got a bit unlucky on an ordinary Tuesday but I will heal and life goes on. Breathe in. Breathe out.

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about sums it up

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seven months and twenty days since my last. might be time to dust off the cobwebs.

things are happy around here...

[stevenhatch-deactivated20130205]

Visit Original Link

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At The Beach || The Avett Brothers

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on counting

we count. days and hours. until we see each other and then until we have to say goodbye. it gets redundant and old and depressing. but in the counting we find a rhythm that works and in that rhythm i am thankful i have something to count. even if it’s of time that i wish would slow down and speed up accordingly. because without the days and hours separating us or keeping us together, what is there?

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here we go magic, how do i know