Ten Types of Pussy
ADULTS ONLY!
Ten Types of Pussy You Will Encounter
1. New Pussy – Self-explanatory. It’s also the best pussy you will ever have..for about a month or so and then the codependency/mommy/daddy issues show up. She’ll never like your friends, your dog or your favorite foods. Don’t be surprised when crazy pussy shows up in new pussy’s place one day talking cash shit and swinging rocks.
2. Emotional Pussy – She’s more concerned with who gives her a climax than getting a climax. If she cries after you “take her there”, RUN! Fast, quick and in a hurry. You’re the best she ever had…this month. She’ll never let you leave once the sun comes up. Her and crazy pussy are first cousins.
3. Rent Due Pussy- Her rent due and you got old sucka written all over your tongue. Rent is high these days, I hope she at least returns the favor. If she gets section 8, I say go for it. $20 is cheap for pussy. Fat pussy gonna cost you way more.
4. I Got 7 kids And Need Some Help Pussy – Yep, she trying to turn well used pussy into new pussy cause them bae bae kid’s daddies don’t wanna pay child support, her Section 8 was cancelled cause she cussed out the sista with the box braids at the Section 8 office, food stamps said she done reached her max for life and she allergic to birth control pills. Her and rent due pussy are good friends. Be wary. They travel in packs. One has a razor blade, the other a knife. They done did a bid or two. Not scared to go back. It’s a vacation from them 7 kids.
5. Mediocre Pussy – She just okay. I mean you came, she came. It tasted all right. Ya’ll watched TV and ate fruit loops after. You send smiley face emoticons the next day via text instead of words. Two weeks later ya’ll see each other in the mall, do a head nod and keep it moving.
6. Standby Pussy – It’s the pussy you call up when Emotional pussy and New pussy ain’t around. You remember her, ya’ll ate fruit loops together. Be careful, she's someone's crazy pussy.
7. Fat Pussy –She cooks. She also eats. Get it. She’ll let you lick the crumbs from that Italian Sub sammich off her lap. Everyone like’s Italian sub sammiches. Fat pussy will have you broke trying to keep her fed. And she eat good. Lobster and skrimp every Friday night!
8. Couch Surf Pussy AKA Artistic Pussy- Ain’t never had a job nor a place to live for more than a month of two. She teases you with the pussy for as long as she can, while sleeping for free on your Ikea couch. She’s really mediocre pussy in disguise. If the pussy was that good she would have somewhere to stay.
9. Crazy Pussy – Crazy pussy is confusing. She was once new pussy that turned into golden pussy and possibly emotional pussy and then she stabbed you with a plastic fork when you blinked at your next door neighbor’s wife. Crazy pussy is liable to fuck your best friend, bleach yo clothes, bbq yo shoes, boil yo pet rabbit and fight yo momma. DON’T LET HER MOVE IN!!
10. Golden Pussy – This that pussy you dream about, the stuff of legends. You sitting at your desk at work or you know the fry station at McDonalds thinking about that golden pussy and your mouth starts watering, legs clenching together as them orders pile up. You betta RUN! Drop them fries, move to another state, find GAWD and become straight again. Golden Pussy will have you fucking up at work , leave you with jacked up credit, a car note you can’t afford, a house in foreclosure and your momma talking about forming a prayer fence around you down at the church while asking the saints to add you to the sick and shut in prayer list. Her and crazy pussy got the same momma. Maybe daddy.
