I saw an analysis video arguing that a lot of the male leads in popular fantasy romance books are basically manifestations of female rage.
Male fantasy usually focuses on the self being powerful. The protagonist kicks ass and makes no apologies for it, and because it’s fantasy, the consequences rarely matter beyond if he won or lost. The love interest still loves him (even if she nags constantly, am I right fellas?), and the kingdom praises him for saving the day by default.
Female fantasy, at least in a lot of the popular books right now, tends to frame power differently. The power often comes through relationships, romantic or otherwise. The heroine may not be able to tear a mountain apart herself, but she has someone who would do it for her instantly. Female power fantasies often involve having access to overwhelming power while still preserving social and emotional bonds.
It wasn’t me who burned your castle down after you disrespected me. It was my dragon born warlord boyfriend with anger issues. And if the fallout from that violence threatens the social dynamics the heroine wants to preserve, she can use him as a sexy scapegoat. He seeks forgiveness on his knees afterward and everyone moves on.
A lot of these stories technically give the heroine her own special powers or prophecy, but she often doesn’t use that power directly as much as readers expect. People criticize this and say the heroine is a damsel in distress because she relies on the male lead to act instead of stepping in herself. But I don’t think that’s necessarily anti feminist or evidence of weak writing. I think it reflects different priorities within the fantasy.
Women, on average, tend to place a lot of value on relationships and maintaining community. Even in fantasy, a huge part of the heroine’s power comes from the network of skilled, loyal, and powerful people she gathers around her. That network is part of the fantasy itself, not evidence that she’s weak/relying on men.
Male fantasy heroes can have a sword, a destiny, a hot love interest, and maybe three friends max, and that’s enough for the wish fulfillment to feel complete. For female fantasy, the happy ending feels incomplete without emotional security, social belonging, loyal relationships, and a loving community surviving alongside the protagonist (remember the bechdel test? Can't pass without friends y'all).
The male lead in these stories is a source of power, protection, emotional validation, sex, and an outlet for violent desire. He can carry out the heroine’s rage for her without forcing her to fully sacrifice the relationships and identity she values. People look at that dynamic and call it passivity, but I think it’s actually about wanting power without sacrificing anything too significant.
So when people romanticize the feeling of blood soaked hands holding you gently, what they’re often craving is vengeance without consequences. Or at lease none that fall on you.
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