HI all its been quite some time, all was welll until tonight. Get the popcorn ready it’s gona be a basic heartbreak movie again oh boy!!! Lots of typos but whats newwww
OKay so this summer my bestfriend and I have been hooking up :)) great right???????? NOOO. Im an idiot always an idiot. i am the reason my heart always gets broken . so lets start from wayyyy in the beginnin.
Ive always liked my bestfirend like if he were to come up to me one day and profess his love and beg to marry me i would do it in a heartbeat. this has always been a feeling ive had towards him since i was a freshman in highschool. HIGHSCHOOL. jesus christ no wonder my heart is broken I NEVER MOVED ON. yes ive always had this fantasy that me an dhim would move on from friend phase but to no avail that seems like it’ll neevr happen soon,
SO, back in june my friend group was invited over my house to partayyyy and we all got super lit. well my exlover, lets call him Luke, i aint givin u the real name lol, he was feeling sleepy and brought a pillow to sleep over and asked if he could sleep onmy bedroom floor upstairs because he wanted to get away from the noise. I let him lol i was drunk and high and didnt really care. When the night ended and everyone was getting ready for bed i went upstairs and got ready for bed. There he was sleeping on my floor like an angel (if only he was in my bed) I slept in the room with him wishing he was sleeping next to me. The next morning things got weird. I saw how he looked when he woke up and AWH adorable and fangirling on the inside. He was being extra nice after that. For the next couple weeks we would snapchat and he would ask me how my day was?????? RED FLAG bc since when did u fucking care before? I knew then and there something was up bc this kid would never want to know. Then he fucking asks “whats ur opinion on friends with benefits?” and i answer truthfully that it’s good when both partners know its strictly for fun no strings attached. And that ladies and gentlemen and all is when the snowball starting falling down the goddamn hill.
Now, keep in mind, We neveer discussed or let it be known wtf was going on between us. So for the next month, we flirted so much, like somuch. everytime we saw each other we would smirk or wink while our friends were around us completely clueless. I would snapchat him flirty pics, NOT NUDES, and ask him to just hang one on one alot. Just constant flirting it felt amazing because i love attention LMAO especially from the one who u would love to be ur lover??! anways one night we got icecream together and then went back to his place to chill i guess? i mean that was the plan until we kissed for the first time and something kinda went loose bwtn us. I know i wasnt the only one who felt it.
We hooked up alot. While our friends made plans to do something we would do something completely different and then hookup or cuddle lol. Now this guy is kinda a player. Ive known that ever since i met him, hes told me crazy stories about his past hookups and i sat there and listened internally cringing bc i didnt wanna hear that ya know? And he talks to 10 girls at once so I always felt weary about our situation. like is he also fucking other girls or am i the only one? There were moments when i truly thought he liked me , like one look in the eyes and i swear i saw something, that he felt some type of way but never said anything. UGH Many questions and red flags were raised throughout our sessions (lolll) I always wanted to ask a question but my stomach would turn bc I was afraid of the truth, the ugly truth that he was just using me.
Luke is a really amazing person, an all around guy, the type you want to bring home to ur parents, so charming and yet clearly untocuhable for me. I adore him and probably always will, his friendship with me is something i will cherish forever and would never want to losehim over something silly,like this, but things still need ot be discussed.
So we keep hooking up (in secret) I would never tell my group of friends about us. THEY are BLABBERMOUTHS and just annoying lol fuq dat. So i tell my absolute bestfriend (outside the friendgroup) about me and luke and how fucking confused i am. Like one minute you ddont spare me one look and now youre eating me out every week??? like the fuck wheres the correllation cant find that bitch. ANd she tells me to just talk to him, hes your bestfriend and hes definitely got to be feeling the same way , FUCKING CONFUSED. so with a stubborn heart i agree with her words of wisdom and plan to talk to him soon, atleast before he leaves for important duties in the fall.
After that, I try to find the courage to bring it up or somehow slide into conversation with Luke but the moment never felt right and i wasnt strong enough. I fcking wear my heart on my sleeve 24/7 and with any lover/love interest that shit it blinking flashing lights at them. My hopes will forever be as high as the sky with everything and i hped he would be interested in taking the next step. But the stars were not in my favor this time.
After some really great sex, I felt nauseous and sweaty about bringing up “the talk” with him bc i didnt want to burst the bubble. Eventually after a long half hour i mustered up the courage to ask(whole convo fuck apostrophes) what is this? and what are we im very confused” turns out he was just as confused as me . “it just kinda happened” yeah i guess it did, but do you like me is this sexual attraction because this really happened out of no where! he couldnt explain it he was truly as confused as i was, he then explained how he isnt ready for a relationship and( i did die a little inside when he said that bc im hella insecure and im like is there something wrong with me lol???) I told him that I didnt want to be another one of the girls he fucked and he got rlly offended and got mad that i said that and assured me that im definitly not like them, but bitch it kinda feels like it even tho im kinda guilty as well using him for pleasure.
but he told me he really cares about me and i told him the same, i would never want to lose him especially over this. he rlly fucking sucks at confrontation and made a joke about how he would set me up with someone soon and fuckinh ouch man too soon jeez.
I am so glad we talked even though im overwhelmed with so many emotions right now, we needed to clear the air bc i know once he left he would act like this never happened which is what i dont want to happen bc IT HAPPENED. no point shoving it under the rug lol.
I wont lie im hurt, but imglad we didnt try a relationship anf then it crumble along with the friendship we built over th years. A huge part of me wishes we could work but i guess the timing is not right right now.
So i, anonymousfootstool, have been slightly used and walked on this summer but hey atleast i had fun lol and kept a friendship somewhat alive. I’ll do what i always do to get over a guy, go for a run everyday and run until i cant physically run anymore. Heartbreak sucks major ass, but the lesson life gave me is this: Dont fuck around with your bestfriend unless ur ass is 99.9% sure its not gonna bite u in the ass.
It’s 3:13 AM and i need sleep. Farewell for now all.












