Lux @anonyony1 - Tumblr Blog

I Circle You

I'm an astronaut, you're the moon.

A very soft drabble intermission. <3

A noise from the baby monitor woke Ira up from his sleep. He squinted his blurry eyes at the clock. 5 am. He quietly stretched, sliding his feet over the side of the bed. He leaned in to kiss Keri’s forehead. She hummed in sleepy response, curling further into her pillow. She’d taken the night shift for the still-breastfed twins. Ira shook her water bottle to make sure it was still filled. He’d read about the importance of hydrating for breastfeeding. He was following more mommy bloggers than he’d ever imagined he would. He had wanted to study for the first time in his entire life. He wanted to get this right. Fatherhood. Partnership. Family. His biggest fear used to be that he would never find this. And he looked so long to find it. Now every moment after he'd found it, his biggest fear was losing it. He had never worked so hard at something in his entire life.

When they’d found out it was twins, Ira had his first panic attack in years. He worried about affording them, giving them what his parents had given him. Worried about what the future would look like, worried about having a big enough space, worried about losing himself.

It was hard to imagine those early days now, likely due to the lack of sleep, even though he knew deep down that these were still considered to be early days in the grand scheme of things. He couldn’t ask for more. The boys were incredible. Fighters, they'd been born eight weeks early. They'd surpassed every goal the doctors placed for them. The moment he met them he felt everything shift into place. His world became tethered to these two tiny ones, and everything became clearer to him.

Now, on the morning of their second birthday, it was still clear. He had to be the opposite of his father.

Keo was the smaller of the two boys and his brown curls covered his head perfectly. His eyes were narrow, dark, and expressive. Ira could see his own hopeful eyes looking back at him. He was the laid back of the twins. Smart and curious, he’d started talking first. He had about twice the number of words other kids his age had. He cuddled up against Ira's chest, played quietly with toys, and spent long stretches of time independently entertaining himself. He was a breeze, Ira and Keri had to admit.

And what Keo lacked in chaos, Oli certainly made up for it and then some. He was bigger than Keo and the rambunctious of the two. He was gentle only in his mother’s arms, and even that was more rare these days. He'd had a scream like a full-term newborn even being premature. He screamed his head off for toys, food, juice, sleep. He couldn’t yet speak and it was harder to manage his frustration or understand what he needed. When his brother had started talking, they’d been curious if Oli would rush to catch up. But no, he hadn’t. He felt the happiest with Ira on a surf board. In true Iona fashion, both boys swam before they walked.

Ira snuck out of the bedroom and left their mother sleeping. She deserved all of that and more. He quietly tip toed into their nursery, and as the door creaked, he heard Oli calling out door him in the best way he knew. Keo was still asleep. Oli popped his head over the railing of his crib, and he growled loudly, shaking the railing. Ira shook his head and shushed his baby, wanting to leave Keo at rest. He picked up the little boy into his arms. He carried him out into the hallway and down the stairs to the living room. Oli was into the toy baskets quickly and pulled out everything within the time it took Ira to start the coffee maker.

There was a pale orange cast over the living room. Light poured in from the large bay window. Oli was running around the living room. He yanked a toy off the entertainment center and it fell onto his toe. He was okay, there was no possibility it had actually hurt, but regardless he threw himself onto the floor and screamed at the top of his lungs, kicking his legs and speaking in a language only his brother seemed to understand. Ira felt himself becoming frustrated already. He clenched the coffee mug in his hand and took a deep breath. He sat the mug down on the coffee table and crouched down.

"Oli, buddy, enough," he tried, "hush buddy, it's okay."

It was no use. The toddler was turning red, his face scrunched up and wet now. He kicked his jammy-clad feet and with one good jab, the hot coffee flew everyhwere. Ira felt himself becoming overwhelmed, the anxiety swelled in his chest and he dug deep to remain calm. He scooped the boy up, tried bouncing, patting his back, all while Oli both fought him and pulled away and at the same time. He did this at times, fiercely fighting Ira and frantically grabbing and clinging. Keri was better at soothing him. Ira patted his back trying to soothe him. Once Oli got worked up, it was hard to get him back down. Ira held him firmly against his chest in a squeeze to try and calm him, something the development specialists had recommended. Deep pressure.

At first, it seemed like Oli was giving in, leaned in and rested his face against Ira's shoulder. Ira was so relieved that he'd kept his composure and handled the tantrum. But then, a sudden stinging pain radiated down his bicep and he gasped in pain, he yanked the boy instinctively, pulling him away. He all but dropped the boy onto the couch and pulled his sleeve up to expose the teeth marks in a ring on his shoulder.

"Shit, ow! No! Oli, no, no biting!" Ira said, loud, angry.

He'd never yelled at his boys before. Oli's eyes grew wide and surprised and then filled with tears. He cowered in the corner of the couch. Suddenly, Ira was overcome with shame. Flashbacks played of himself cowering in the corner of his bedroom, waiting for his father to finish his drunken, angry outburst. Toys would be thrown about, the wall would be punched, and he would certainly rough Ira up a time or two before he finished. Ira always knew to ride out the wave.

Ira felt sick with regret instantly. "No, no, I'm so sorry, buddy."

He crouched down to pick Oli up, but Oli turned away, still screaming.

Tears filled Ira's eyes. He grabbed the sides of his head, overwhelmed and the still-screaming toddler's shrieks were sending him into a panic. He closed his eyes and heard Rob, the father who had raised him, who had shown him what it was like to be safe around a man for the first time when he was in Kindergarten. Every time Ira had lost control of his anger, every time he had become inconsolable, Rob would hold him close and put Ira's hand over his chest. He would tell him to feel his heart beating so fast.

"Your heart doesn't like to feel this way. That's because your heart is good. Slow down, son."

He felt his chest, and his heart was pounding, and he drew in the slow, steady breaths that would ease the anxiety. He crouched down and scooped the toddler into his arms, and carried him outside onto the back porch. Oli was still crying, but far less physical this time. He was scared, not angry. Ira guessed, he was too. He just wanted Oli to be okay and for everything to be easy for him. He didn't want him to be plagued by the anger issues that were passed down in his family from fathers to their sons. Some of their sons, anyways...

He sat on the step of the porch and held Oli close.

"I'm sorry buddy, I'm so sorry. Dada did not mean to yell," he said.

Oli began to calm down. Ira knew that taking his boy outside would work. It always had for him, too.

The birds chirped their good mornings and the dew on the grass glistened in the sun. Oli soon was quiet, outside of a few chest-hitches and sniffles that persisted once the worst of the tantrum had passed. Ira held Oli's tiny hand over his chest so he could feel his heart beating out of control. He tried, "Buddy, feel that? Your heart doesn't like all this, your heart is good, take a big breath, buddy."

To be honest, Ira wasn't sure if anything he said was registering for Oli. It was so hard to communicate. But he still said it.

"Oli, dada's sorry, buddy. Don't be scared. I will never hurt you, I promise," he said. It didn't help that Oli was his spitting image. If you pulled out the baby photos, which his mother so often did, and compared them to Oli's photos, you could almost not tell who was who, outside of the vintage bedding with once-beloved but now-long-forgotten cartoon characters or the now-recalled baby-killing toys and contraptions that his parents couldn't get enough of in the 90s.

Oli didn't say anything, which Ira knew to expect. But he wished he could say he forgave him, that it was okay, that he wasn't going to remember his dad dropping him onto a couch and yelling at him when he was 30. Ira closed his eyes and enjoyed the fleeting moments of quiet with his fiery, challenging, strong, stubborn boy.

He felt a sticky hand on his cheek. How was it already sticky?

He opened his eyes to Oli staring up at him, his face was returning to its normal color from the bright red. His nose was drying up. He kept his hand on Ira's face and opened his eyes big.

"Dada's sorry, baby."

Oli mummbled.

"Yeah, it's okay. Dada's sorry."

Suddenly, Oli spoke.

"Dada."

Ira gasped, but didn't want to scare him. Tears filled his eyes.

"What did you just say?" his voice broke.

"Dada, dada, dada, dada," the toddler said again and again. Ira could not believe it. They'd waited so long to hear Oli say anything at all. He hadn't even allowed himself to imagine the moment that it happened. The feeling was was beyond anything he could have possibly come up with. The tears fell freely now. The moment was over as soon as it began, he jumped down and began chasing the birds that had just landed in their lawn.

Ira wiped his hands over his eyes and let out a deflating breath.

For the first time in his entire life, he believed Rob's words. If his boys came from him, then his heart must be good too.

The Cruise: Chapter 1, Eno and Naya

Eno laid down in the bed with a huff. He was flat on his face. He pulled his arms up and wrapped them over the top of his head. He felt sick and they’d only been on the sea for an hour or so. Naya pulled her hair up into a bun and sat on the chair across from him. She stuck her bottom lip out, teasing him. He peeked at her and then groaned again, hiding his face in the pillow.

“Don’t say it,” he said. He did not want her to gloat about how right she was that cruises were different than surfboards, and that he would probably get sick if he didn’t take the motion sickness patches she’d bought for the cruise. She smiled and rubbed her hand up his spine. He groaned.

“You’re gonna make me puke,” he said. She laughed at him. He grumbled.

“Oh, my fault, right?” she laughed. He pushed the pillow off the bed towards her. She kissed the top of his head.

“I won’t say it, but I will go see if I can find you some medicine or patches… I won’t even call you a brat or a baby.”

He swallowed, rolling onto his back and sinking down into the pillows.

“It’s not even so bad,” he lied.

“Oh, great, Keri texted and said there’s a dance party on the lido deck. We should go join,” she called his bluff. He pulled a pitiful face and let out a deep breath.

“No, that’s okay. A patch would be great. You were right,” he whined.

Amused, she rubbed a gentle hand over his face and pushed his hair back. “I know, baby,” she whispered. She kissed him and then left him to his own devices.

Naya stepped onto the elevator, heading up to the top floor deck where the smoking section was. She knew where Max would be, anyways. She was surprised to find the rest of the crew laying around together on the deck chairs.

“Hey guys,” she smiled. Keri cleared off a deck chair beside her, but Naya waved her hand. “No thanks, Eno is… well, he’s not feeling great.”

Ira burst out laughing. “You should not have told me that,” he said. Ever since he had found out he was .1% more Pacific Islander on a DNA test kit their mom had gifted them for Christmas, he’d been looking for ways to rub it in.

“This man comes from a long line of wayfinders and gets sea sick on hour one of a cruise?” he scoffed. Keri rolled her eyes at Ira and Naya chuckled.

“Well, don’t be too mean to him, I’ve already given him a little bit of a hard time,” she said. Ozzy and Julian were asleep beside them on the deck chairs. She tilted her head towards them.

“How’s Oz been?” she whispered. Keri shrugged.

“He’s getting around fine… He doesn’t seem confused or anything. Julian’s been hovering, but you know how protective he’s been ever since…” she said. “Seems like they’re happy for a break, but they keep whispering and seems like they’ve got other stuff on their minds. I’m glad they coordinated all of this, they needed to get out of town,” she said with a smile.

“If only Jules would chill the fuck out,” Ira said.

Keri pulled a face, “Ira, they’ve been through a lot, he can be a little overprotective for a while if he wants.”

Ira frowned, closing his eyes once more in the heat of the sun. “Fair.”

Naya hummed. “Well, hopefully they’re refreshed by the trip. Do you guys know where there’s a convenience shop or something? I need to grab some medicine or something for E,” she said.

“I think Porter found one on the third floor,” Keri said, pulling her bikini straps over so she could see her tan’s progress. She grabbed the tanning oil off the table and rubbed more over her belly.

The bar boy passed through in his white uniform with a tray. He couldn’t move fast enough to slip past those two.

“Oh, hey! Could we grab two more of those hurricane cocktails? And one of the kolsch beer that was on tap please,” Ira said, and the bar boy smiled a customer service approved smile. He collected the tumblers on the table, evidence that they had been enjoying their bottomless drink package so far.

“Got it, anything for you, ma’am?” he asked Naya. She shook her head, “All good, thanks!”

The bar boy took off and Naya laughed. “Looks like you guys have made a friend.”

Keri scoffed, “Or an enemy. But Ira is determined to win him over by the third day.”

Naya stood, her sun dress falling over her hips. She slipped her sandals back on.

“Alright, let me not leave him suffering too long. We’ll see you guys for dinner?” she asked, and Keri nodded. “Porter said he would meet us there, too. I think everyone will be there.”

“Cool, I will text you about E. Not sure he’ll be up to it, but we’ll see if the patch helps,” she said.

It only took her a few minutes to find the convenience store on the third floor. And right there, at the front of the store was a rack of various treatments for sun burns, sea sickness, and cuts and scrapes. She found patches she’d paid 10.99 for back home, marked up to 19.99 on the ship. She sighed but couldn’t help but laugh. She also grabbed a tiny container of motion sickness tablets that would kick in quicker. She took them to the front and paid for them and a water bottle before returning to the cabin.

She found Eno sitting on the floor of the bathroom and she grimaced. He was so big in such a small space that his legs spilled out into the room. He leaned his head back onto the sink base and sighed.

“Oh, babe, I’m sorry,” she said. The jokes had subsided when she saw how pitiful he looked. He kept his eyes closed.

“‘I haven’t thrown up,” he muttered, “I just feel so dizzy.”

She frowned. She opened the bag and grabbed a patch for him, pulling the adhesive backing from it before holding it out to him. He opened his eyes slightly before squeezing them tight again. He nodded.

She crouched down, pushing his hair up gently behind his ear and sticking the patch onto the skin. She kissed his forehead. “You wanna lay down for a bit or do you think you need to stay here?”

He shrugged, “I’m sorry, I should’ve listened to you,” he sighed.

She smirked. “I’ll rub it in when you’re feeling better, don’t worry. C’mon, let’s go sit on the deck for a bit. They say you’re supposed to keep an eye on the horizon, right?”

It sounded terrible to him, she could tell by the grimace he pulled, but ultimately he agreed. He wasn’t in any position to pretend he knew better than Naya. He hoisted himself up and splashed cold water on his face in the sink. It seemed to help. He wiped a rough towel over his face and hiccupped into it. He let his shoulders drop finally and opened his eyes. Naya led the way to the deck and slid open the door. She handed him a tablet and the bottle of water and he swallowed roughly, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth.

They walked out onto the deck and sat. The ocean breeze did feel comforting to Eno and he melted into the chair, stretching his legs out.

He smiled at her, embarrassed, “I’m sorry babe, we should be enjoying the cruise.”

She squeezed his hand. “It’ll kick in soon. We have plenty of time to enjoy the cruise.”

He nodded, taking another swig of the water. “I guess we’ll see everyone at dinner?”

She nodded, “Yeah, everyone’s heading there so we’ll be able to catch up then. At least you have a few hours. I bet you’ll be fine after a nap.”

He hummed, “When is zip-lining again?”

“Six in the morning,” she laughed, and he raised a brow.

“How many tablets can I take?” he groaned.

Naya smiled and held his hand. He laid his head back and tried to pretend the waves were not chopping below. After a few moments of quiet, Eno took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

“I’m really grateful for you,” he said to her, “I love you.”

“I really love you,” she said back, “I’m grateful for you too. Even when you are stubborn.”

Aaaay I love when you come back from the grave even if it's for like one post and then you disappear again for like 5 years 😂. It's always good to know that you're still alive 😂.

😂😂😂 thank you, it’s great to pop in! I miss writing and don’t have as much time as I wish I did these days but I’m always happy when I can check back in 🥹 I’m planning on the cruise being at least 5 parts so stay tuned, hopefully it’s enough to last for the next 5 years 😅😂

The Cruise: Preview

It had been so long since everyone had been together and the gang was thrilled to be all in one place. Better yet, it was on a cruise ship on the way to Puerto Rico.

Julian laid in a beach chair on the top deck as they awaited pulling away from the port. The sun was kissing his skin, his new swim trunks were pulled up in an effort to tan the top of his thighs, too. Ira laid beside him, his hair pulled up in a bun on top of his head and a straw hat over his face. Keri laid beside him on her belly, tanning her back.

When Ozzy walked up, he couldn't help but smile. Having everyone together again felt like a miracle. Honestly, he wasn't sure it would ever happen again and had been amazed it happened this time.

Max sat at a table nearby, smoking a cigarette and staring out into the ocean. Eno and Naya were eager to get to their cabin for whatever reason, Ozzy really didn't want to know. They'd let him know they'd be down for dinner later.

Liam and Vera walked up, hand in hand.

"Hi guys," Vera said, beaming. "Looks like everyone's settling in just fine."

Ira laughed from under his straw hat. "Abandoning children really should be done more often... I'm surprised it isn't done more often," he joked as Keri swatted him.

Liam laughed, "Just wait until you have a third."

Ira pulled his straw hat up and shot a look at Liam, "It was supposed to be one and done, but she cheated by having twins," he muttered.

Keri scoffed, "Yeah, that was all on me." She playfully rolled her eyes and Ira smirked.

The boat's fog horn blared as it sounded its departure from the docks. The crowd on the lido deck below cheered and an emcee started a dance party at the pool.

Ozzy slid down in the pool chair beside Julian and reached his hand over, which Julian took. "Babe, this is amazing. I'm so excited."

Julian smiled, he looked more relaxed than he had in a very long time. "It's going to be great, perfect even."

Hope you're doing okay

Thank you friend! I am starting to be okay again. <3

Happy birthday! 🎉🎂🎈🎊🎁

You deserve all the good things.

Sending well wishes and good vibes.

-Laur

Thank you, friend. Means so much. The feeling is mutual. I have your post card on my fridge, and it makes me smile when I see it. Cheers, pal.

Hey there! It has been a while so I thought a quick check-in is in order. I hope you are doing well. Miss you 🥺💕

Hiiiii <3 I'm alive. This year has been a lot. I'm so grateful you all still check in on me. I haven't had much time to do anything I like, like writing. I was working a very intense job in the eye of the political storm and it's been very anxiety inducing. I just returned back home and am trying to settle in and remember the things I used to do that brought me joy and creativity. I'm planning on writing again, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Thank you for checking in -- seriously, so kind and much appreciated.

anonyony1

I Think I Was Meant to Keep You Warm.

Julian stretched his legs across the top of the coffee table, he had a soda in one hand, and the remote in the other. Porter sat in the recliner with a book in his. Ira sat on the floor across the coffee table from Keri, they both held a twin baby in their laps, while Keri beat him in checkers. They hadn’t been out of the house much in the last month since the boys were born, so when Porter insisted everyone should get together like the old days, they jumped at the opportunity. Liam and Vera sat at the kitchen table with Naya and Josiah, but these days needed an extra set of hands to cuddle their brood. Patrick played with a truck in Naya’s lap while Mila colored on the floor. Little Nicolas was dozing off in Liam’s lap as they all chatted with a glass of wine.

Julian heard the tires crushing the gravel in the drive. He assumed it was Ozzy with the pizza, but he heard Max’s boots instead. Julian furrowed his brow, checking his phone again. He’d expected Ozzy twenty minutes ago, and the group was getting hungry.

“Hi babies,” Max said.

“Been a while since you called me that,” Ira joked, and Max scoffed. Keri laughed.

“Yeah, you wish. I was told there would be pizza?” Max asked the room.

Julian hummed. “Yeah, Ozzy should be here any minute with it. He called and said he was on the way to get it…”

“Where did he go to get it?” Vera asked, and Julian shrugged.

“Antonio’s. He should have been here, like, half an hour ago,” Julian said. He called Ozzy’s number. His stomach was starting to growl, and he was never hungry.

“Hi, this is Ozzy! Leave your name and number after the beep!”

The long beep played and Julian frowned. He hung up.

“No luck?” Porter asked. He didn’t look up from his book. Julian shook his head.

“Could you call Antonio’s? You should see if he’s already picked up the pizza.” Josiah suggested. Julian nodded. Good idea. He rang the number, stepping outside onto the porch to smoke a cigarette.

“They’re getting so big, guys,” Vera said, coming to sit on the floor beside Ira and Keri. Ira held Oli out to her, while Keri held out Keo. They both scrunched their newborn legs.

”Oh my goodness, I get a pick?” she laughed. Liam passed Nicolas off to Porter, who happily accepted the sleeping toddler, and put his book away, and reached out for Keo.

“Don’t you want just one more?” Liam asked cheekily. The entire room answered for Vera.

“No!”

Liam laughed. “Oh well. I’ll just borrow them, then,” he cooed at the tiny, curly haired baby.

Julian came back inside. He looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“Jules?” Porter asked.

“They, um, they said he picked up the pizza half an hour ago,” he stammered. He blinked in a daze.

Glances were exchanged around the room. Julian’s breathing increased. He held onto the window sill for stability.

“Hey, look, I’m sure he just stopped to grab beer or something,” Vera promised.

Julian didn’t say anything. He tried calling again, only to get Ozzy’s voicemail box once more. Ira stood and grabbed his phone. “I think I have his location saved still… from when we were trying to find you all at the concert over the summer.”

Julian nodded earnestly. He was doing his very best to not let his anxiety run away from him.

Ira’s face glowed with the light from his screen as he searched for the app. He raised an eyebrow.

“Um, this must not be working, I’m not sure why it’s not updating,” he said, shaking his head. He handed the phone to Julian.

The little dot representing his fiance had stopped moving 37 minutes ago, 1.7 miles away. Along a winding, dark, empty stretch of road from town to the house. His stomach sank.

“Julian,” Porter said, standing from his recliner. He handed Nicolas off to Liam, “What’s wrong?”

Julian shook his head, stunned, he didn’t say a word. He shoved the phone back to Ira and took off out the door, socks only covering his feet.

“Fuck,” Porter mumbled. The others looked around, confused.

Keri placed her hand on Ira’s back. “Go after him,” she said, soothing Keo as he whined. Porter, Eno, and Ira yanked their boots on as quickly as they could. They ran outside and climbed into Ira’s van. Ira pulled into reverse, driving as quickly as they could down the street in the dark.

“Do you see him?” Ira asked. Porter shook his head. Eno fidgeted with the string to his hoodie.

“We won’t catch up to him.”

They flew quickly down the road. It was so dark outside, they could hardly see anything. But suddenly, they heard the loudest, most gut-wrenching sound they’d ever heard. A scream coming from the depths of someone’s gut.

“No,” Ira whispered when they saw it.

The car, the tree, the hood crunched, the broken glass, the airbags deployed.

Ira screeched to a halt, barely putting it in park before they were out of the car. They heard the sirens. “No!” Porter screamed.

Julian was standing in shock, his wide eyes didn’t close for even a second. His mouth was wide open.

Ira and Eno ran to the driver’s side door. Ozzy laid against the headrest, his face was covered in blood, his hair stuck to his forehead, his eyes were closed. Eno exchanged a glance with Porter. “God,” he whispered.

The sirens approached and Julian fell to his knees in the grass. Images flashed before his eyes. Nat, brain dead on the gurney. The glass shattered across the asphalt. The hand falling limp.

The door was crunched in, impossible for them to open under normal circumstances, but Ira made light work of peeling it back. The hot pizzas were thrown into the floor board.

Ozzy’s hand fell limp at his side, and Julian lurched forward, vomiting in the dark grass. Porter held his shoulders and rubbed his back.

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Porter assured him. Julian retched again.

The EMTs screeched to a stop, and within seconds there were at least six different emergency vehicles parked along the street, the fire department rushed towards the car, cutting the seatbelt. The EMTs pushed Ira and Eno back. They stood huddled together, their jaws dropped and their eyes darted wildly at the scene.

“No, Ozzy! Ozzy! No, please!” Julian screamed, scrambling to stand. He rushed towards the gurney as they loaded Ozzy on. They pumped air manually into his lungs, and Ira grabbed Julian, whose sock-clad feet kicked in the air furiously.

“Let me go!” he screamed hysterically, tears flooded his face. “God, please, please, let me go! LET ME GO! OZZY!”

Ira squeezed him tight in his arms until Julian collapsed in tears. They loaded Ozzy into the ambulance.

“Are you family? What’s his name?” A young EMT approached.

“Ozzy – Ozkar… Ozkar Morello. He’s 28. He’s… he’s… please, oh my god,” Julian cried.

Eno grabbed the EMT’s shoulder, “Where are you taking him? Which hospital?”

The EMT recoiled. “Sir, I –” he started. Eno held out his medical badge in his wallet. “I’m Dr. Iona. I work at Memorial. Please take him there. Please.”

The EMT nodded, his eyes wide. “Yes. Okay.” He held his walkie talkie up and mumbled into it.

“Meet us there,” he said, turning and running back to the ambulance. Eno nodded.

“Liam, Liam, fuck. Liam, it’s Ozzy. He hit a tree,” Porter said, his hands were shaking. “God, get to the hospital. It’s… he’s not good.” He held the cell phone up to his ear.

Eno ran his hands through his hair. He felt the anxiety swelling.

“Get in the car. Get him in the car,” Eno said. Ira rushed Julian into the back seat. He held his head between his knees. He trembled with adrenaline and anxiety. His stomach still felt sick.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” he muttered, “oh my god.”

Ira had them there within what felt like seconds. In reality, it must’ve been about fifteen minutes. They clamored out of the car.

Liam, Vera, Keri, and Naya stood in the waiting room of the emergency department. Keri grabbed Ira and hugged him tightly. He stopped himself from hyperventilating. He pressed his thumb into his eyes and squeezed them tight. “Where are the boys?”

Keri rubbed his back. “Max couldn’t come. He… he said he wanted to stay with the kids so that we could come. Si stayed with him.”

Vera held Julian in her arms. “Oh honey,” she soothed. “Oh honey, they’re going to take good care of him.”

Eno bypassed them all, he didn’t stop to even talk.

They sat in the waiting room for hours. It was well after midnight now. The friends had circulated in and out. Julian didn’t know who had left and who was here. He didn’t care.

Julian was sitting on the curb outside of the emergency department chain smoking. He ashed on the concrete. His eyes, bewildered, finally closed for a moment. He heard someone approaching him from behind.

“Hey,” Max said. Julian flinched. “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner… It… I just…” he stammered. Julian shook his head.

“It’s okay,” he said, his voice barely audible.

“Eno is ready to talk to you.”

Julian felt his lungs tighten again. Ozzy would have hated to see him smoking like this. He extinguished his nearly full-length cigarette.

Max laid a hand on Julian’s back.

“Are you ready?” he asked. Julian closed his mouth. Deep breaths.

The image of Nat flashed in his head again. He nodded silently.

Julian rose to his feet, his socks were filthy by now. Max grabbed Julian’s shoulder and stopped him. He held out Julian’s tattered black Vans.

The corner of Julian’s lip twitched, in what was an attempt at a smile. His eyes were red and his curly brown hair was disheveled.

“Thank you,” he whispered. Max nodded, hugging Julian tightly. Julian hugged back, letting his shoulders drop. It might’ve been the first time they’d ever hugged, neither of them being touchy. But it felt good, for both of them. He slipped his sneakers on. Max led Julian back through the waiting room and into a private waiting room Eno had arranged. The friends were gathered, although Vera and Keri had left now to attend to the babies in Max’s place. Their eyes were red and tired. A carrier of coffees sat in the middle of the table.

Eno walked in, and sat down in a chair across from Julian on the couch. His scrubs and sneakers still had spots of Ozzy’s blood on them. He was breaking all normal protocols. This was so abnormal. He held a clipboard in his hands. Julian watched the knowing stare that Eno gave to the other friends.

“Ozzy is in the intensive care unit,” he said solemnly. “He’s alive. He’s intubated. The machines are breathing for him to give his body an opportunity to rest,” he glanced at Max. “He has a… bleed on his brain. And they had to take him for surgery to try and stop the bleeding. He… is touch and go for tonight. We’ll know more in the morning.”

Julian stared at him, his eyes empty. He had no expression on his face whatsoever. He was elsewhere in his mind.

“Ozzy has no next of kin. No family that we know to call. I am bending the rules, so that you can see him, if you’d like,” Eno said.

Julian flinched.

He followed Eno through the doors and down the long hallway. He turned into the ICU and Eno swiped his badge to open the doors. Julian said nothing. He was on autopilot.

The bright fluorescent lights made the memory of being strapped to the hospital bed after being told he’d killed his friend flash before his eyes.

He closed them, but the image didn’t go away.

“Jules?” Eno said, stirring him from his memory. “He’s in here.”

Eno pushed the door open and Julian followed him in.

His boy laid in the hospital bed, his eyes were closed. His face was bruised and his lip busted. His nose was broken. His Hair was pushed back from his forehead, revealing a large stitched up gash on his forehead. The ventilator was covering his face, his chest was rising and falling. The monitors beeped steadily and whirred and clicked.

Julian’s breath hitched in his chest. He felt sick again. He stepped closer to Ozzy’s bed.

“I’ll give you two some time,” Eno said. He hugged Julian tightly in his arms. “Love you. Okay?”

Julian’s resolve crumbled, tears welling in his eyes. He nodded.

“Thank you.”

Eno turned and left the door, leaving Julian alone with Ozzy. He stepped towards the bed, grabbing Ozzy’s IV clad, swollen hand. “Oh, Oz,” he said quietly, tears streaming down his cheeks. They fell onto the sheets.

“Oh, Ozzy, Ozzy, I’m so sorry.”

Ozzy didn’t move at all.

“Oh, Ozzy… I will be here. I will not leave you.” He raised Ozzy’s limp hand to kiss the back of it. He laid his head on Ozzy’s chest and finally, blessedly, let himself break down.

anonyony1

ICYMI!