And I would do almost anything just to feel free

self-taught human. it is my first time being alive. 🐦‍🔥🔥 main: boredkitkulover [he/him] TERFS DNI

[another-crash-landing]

So now you pick who you serve, you bow to the masses Get kicked to the curb for passin' the classes Half empty, half full, save half for your taxes Then overtake your former self…..

M. / Mat / Мат (he/him)

EU citizen doing my Bachelor's in the Netherlands. Not Ukrainian, but I agree with their beliefs! Слава Україні!

Aiming to do my Master's in Data (or Computer…) Science in the Netherlands or the Dutch-speaking part of Belgium.

Full-time chaos working half-time in hospitality. Trying to get an internship...

I was raised Roman Catholic, lost faith in the institution and I'm debating my further steps. In terms of actual beliefs, probably something around Christian agnostic.

Transsexual and I refuse to feel bad about it because I'm not 14 anymore

I'm afraid I accidentally turned into some sort of recovery blog but that's okay. I will succeed because I'm insane.

🌫️ N 🇬🇧 C2 🇩🇪 B2.1 (or used to be...) 🇳🇱 B1 (aiming) 🇺🇦 A2? B1? who knows!

Where am I from? I was born right here, just now Originated right in front of your eyes...

[pwrfectsnoopy]

for someone with a study blog i sure don’t study a lot

[another-crash-landing]

July: week 1

Thursday, 02/07/2026

🧸 Did all my dishes 

🧸 Finally put away most of my clean laundry 

🇳🇱 Finally finished reading The Lightning Thief in Dutch translation 

Friday, 03/07/2026

🪑 Second appointment 

🧸 Picked up my package 

🧸 Went to the store 

🧸 Cleaned up the shared spaces 

👥 Helped my housemate move some furniture 

✊🏼 Did all my exercise (decided to lump it all together on the list)

Saturday, 04/07/2026

🧽 Work 

🧸 Cleaned up the shared spaces 

✊🏼 Did all my exercise 

🗣️ I generally try to apply what I know about using my voice in practice and I scored my first voice crack 😅

Sunday, 05/07/2026

🧽 Work 

🧸 Did my dishes 

✊🏼 Did all my exercise 

🌳 Tried out some negative pull ups and attempted proper pull ups at a playground  

🌐 Looked at my research project (didn’t do much…) 

💤 Total hours slept this week: 41:30

🍓 Fruit counter: 31 🍉

[another-crash-landing]

Week 5 -> July

29/06/2026, Monday

⚙️ Worked on the project

🤠 Kinda just fooled around…

30/06/2026, Tuesday 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🔥 Did 3 sets of Ty Turner’s chest workout

🏋️‍♂️ Did some of Ron’s exercises I could do at home with my current set up 

⚙️ Worked on the project

👥 Hung out with my friends 

👥 Created a gc with the new housemates 

01/07/2026, Wednesday 

⚙️ Worked on the project

🧸 Got groceries 

📺 Watched I Saw The TV Glow with my friend 

🪑 Emailed my doctor 

🔆 Emailed my research project supervisor 

💪🏼 Exercise

🔥 Did 3 sets of Ty Turner’s chest workout

🏋️‍♂️ Did some of Ron’s exercises I could do at home with my current set up 

I don’t want to go down the gym rat pipeline but also 👀 it’s funnnn. my housemate let me have two other of his dumbbells so I’m building a pretty nice set too

💤 Total hours slept this week: 21:15

🍓 Fruit counter: 29 

[another-crash-landing]

Week 4 part 2

25/06/2026, Thursday 

⚙️ Studied Chapters 7.2-12

👥 House party (sorta) 

💪🏼 Exercise 

26/05/2026, Friday 

⚙️ Exam 

⚙️ Looked at the project but didn’t do much about it 

🦇 Recorded the video 

👥 Somehow found myself on a barbecue with a bunch of classmates 

👥 Scheduled stuff with my friend 

👥 Texted the new people moving over the summer 

🧸 Did my dishes 

🧸 Finally cut the rhubarb to freeze 

🪑 Made an appointment with the second doctor 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🔥 Did 2 sets of Ty Turner’s chest workout

🇳🇱 Read 15 pages of The Lightning Thief in Dutch translation 

27/06/2026, Saturday 

🧽 Work 

🪑 Filled in a questionnaire for my doctor 

👥 Baked a cake with my friend 

👥 Texted the new people moving over the summer 

⚙️ Got slowly started on the project and it looks super cool but also pretty intimidating 

🧸 Did my laundry 

💪🏼 Exercise (reached my current goal, so I guess I need a new one 🤠) 

28/06/2026, Sunday

🧽 Work 

⚙️ Worked on the project 

👥 Helped out a friend who’s moving 

🧸 Did all my dishes 

💪🏼 Exercise

💤 Total hours slept this week: 41:00

🍓 Fruit counter: 29 🍓🍈

[another-crash-landing]

Week 4 part 1 

22/06/2026, Monday 

⚙️ Class

🔆 Meeting with a company about an internship 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🗣️ Voice training 

👥 Cooked with my friends 

🧸 Went to the store 

23/06/2026, Tuesday 

⚙️ Class 

⚙️ Revised Chapters 2-4.1

🔆 Talked to my professor about the logistics of the internship 

🔆 Emailed the company 

🧽 Work 

24/06/2026, Wednesday 

⚙️ Studied Chapters 4.2-7.1

👥 Cooked with my friend

💪🏼 Exercise (I hate how the heat makes me feel) 

🔥 Did 2 sets of Ty Turner’s chest workout 

💤 Total hours slept this week so far: 18:30

🍓 Fruit counter: 27 🍓

[another-crash-landing]

June Week 3 part 2

18/06/2026, Thursday 

🦇 Listened to the album that inspired the video me and my friend are making

🇳🇱 Dutch class

🇳🇱 Read 15 pages of The Lightning Thief in Dutch translation 

🔆 Scheduled a meeting/interview with a company 

👥 Signed my friend’s yearbook and it made me feel so cool 

🗣️ Went to an event and sang out loud to Nirvana 

19/06/2026, Friday 

🔥 Bought a pair of dumbbells and brought them home 

👥 Signed more yearbooks 😎 

👥 Went to my friend’s graduation and later went to dinner with him and two other friends, a couple sitting next to us bought us limoncello shots!!

🇳🇱 Spoke some Dutch with those people 

🔆 Talked to my supervisor about my research project 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🔥 Did 3 sets of Ty Turner’s chest workout 

⛈️ Stood in the rain during a storm and it was fucking awesome 

🗣️ Voice/articulation practice 

🧸 Cleaned my room a bit 

20/06/2026

🧽 Work 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🔥 Did 2 sets of Ty Turner’s chest workout 

👥 Said goodbye to one of my housemates and friends 😞

🏠 Received some furniture for the new people moving in later this summer 

21/06/2026, Sunday 

🧽 Work 

🫟 Helped my friend paint walls in her new place 

🗣️ Voice/articulation practice 

🧸 Tidied and slightly redecorated my room 

🧸 Did all my laundry 

⚙️ Revised Chapter 1 

💤 Total hours slept this week: 48:00

🍓 Fruit counter: 24 🍎🍇🍈🍉🍏

[another-crash-landing]

i feel quite tempted to take a gap year after getting my Bachelor’s…

[another-crash-landing]

June Week 3 part 1 

15/06/2026, Monday 

⚙️ Class 

⚙️ Worked on Homework 2 

⚙️ Worked on the project and submitted it 

🪑 Psychologist/sexuologist appointment 

🧸 Went to the Polish store 

💪🏼 Exercise 

16/06/2026, Tuesday 

⚙️ (Half of the) Class 

🪑 Emailed some psychiatrists to figure out what my best bet is 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🧽 Work 

17/06/2025, Wednesday

⚙️ Class 

⚙️ Worked on Homework 2 and submitted it 

👥 Cooked lecsó with my Hungarian friend 

✝️ Bible study 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🧸 Did all my dishes

🤠 Posted what I wanted to post on instagram without getting fully swallowed by The App

💤 Total hours slept this week*: 19:15

🍓 Fruit counter: 18 

[another-crash-landing]

June Week 2 part 2

 Thursday, 11/06/2026

⚙️ Worked on the project 

⚙️ Studied for the exams (4.5/4.5) * practice questions 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🗣️ Voice training 

Friday, 12/06/2026

⚙️ Exam 

⚙️ Class 

🔆 Emailed the company that reached out to me to discuss our common possible options 

🔆 The company replied in a way I like but now I need to react to their reply 

🧸 Did all my dishes 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🗣️ Voice training 

🌈 Finished a sewing project 

🌻 Followed up on my leave request at work 

🌻 My leave was approved 

🌻 Got tickets 

👥 House party that turned into a game night 

Saturday, 13/06/2026

🧽 Work 

🧸 Went to the store 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🔥 Did some proper exercises with the dumbbell but I only have one so… lol 

🗣️ Sang out loud to practice some desirable voice characteristics but didn’t actually do my exercises 

🔆 Replied to the internship email 

⚙️ Worked on the project (realized we assumed a wrong coordinate system 🤡) (hopefully fixed it now) 

Sunday, 14/06/2026

🧽 Work 

🧸 Went to the store for the one thing I needed and forgot to get yesterday 🤡

🧸 Took a really good nap but now I exist outside of time 

⚙️ Worked on the project and almost finished the report 

💤 Total hours slept this week*: 45:45

🍓 Fruit counter: 17 🥭🍈🍎

*My goal for this week was at least 47 hours on the Sunday evening, so we’re not really there… 

[boredkitkulover]

Action Plan 🏳️‍⚧️ 📝 Psychological opinion: June (hopefully) 📋 Psychiatric opinion: June/July (also hopefully) 🩸 Bloodwork: July (that I need to do anyway lol) ⚕️ T prescription: July / August / October / December (who tf knows, i might also need to switch doctors if my current endocrynologist is uncomfortable with being in charge of my HRT for whatever reason) 💉 First shot / application: ??? 🗺️ The secret thing I am worried about: when it comes to it lol

Meanwhile 🏳️‍🌈 💪🏼 Get to 20 push-ups in a row with good form 🌳 Get to 4 pull-ups in a row with good form 🍳 Eat more protein (figure out specific goals because I don't eat meat and that complicates stuff) 🔥 Start a "proper" / advanced workout routine (check out Ty Turner?) 🎙️ Continue my voice training because it's kinda cool and gives me an excuse to sing out loud 🗓️ Register for a regular therapist 🪑 Do at least 3 session with a therapist who does not make me want to scream

Future goal in the back of my mind: top surgery (ideally periareolar 👀 (I gotta lock in)) ⌛ Be at least a year on T before the surgery 🏋️‍♂️ Continue exercising no matter what and aim to progress 🪙 Continue working my whatever jobs lol

[another-crash-landing]

PSA: rebranded from not-so-bored into this one!!

[another-crash-landing]

June Week 2 part 1 

because I don’t want this post to get too long later 🫡

Monday, 08/06/2026 

⚙️ Class

⚙️ Presented the presentation 

💪🏼 Created a sort of motivation/inspiration poster for myself but didn’t print it yet 

💪🏼 Rest day, but did some basic stretches 

🗣️ Voice/articulation practice 

🧸 Took a nap lol 

🧸 Sorted our spices 

🫗 Tried my hand in blackout poetry 

Tuesday, 09/06/2026

⚙️ Class 

⚙️ Studied Chapter 1 for the exam (1/4.5)

💪🏼 Printed and put up my inspirational poster 

💪🏼 Exercise + stretching

🗣️ Voice/articulation practice 

🔆 Got an email about an internship opportunity and the timing is pretty awkward because I have everything arranged to start a summer research project at my uni so I need to figure out an optimal way to go about it all

🫗 My experiment in blackout poetry got complimented by a friend I really look up to in terms of word-based art…

🪑 Made my gender appointment and informed my mom about it 

Wednesday, 10/06/2026

⚙️ Class 

⚙️ Group Project meeting 

⚙️ Worked on the project (and got unhealthy amount of joy from creating a 2D model/projection of a robotic arm in GeoGebra lol)

⚙️ Studied Chapter 2 and a part of Chapter 3 for the exam (2.5/4.5) 

🔆 Talked to my professor about the internship options 

💪🏼 Exercise  + stretching

💪🏼 Got weights / dumbbells / whatever the word is 

🗣️ Voice/articulation practice

🏦 Figured a thing out 

🤠 Did more research on the healthcare I want to receive 

💤 Total hours slept this week*: 18

🍓 Fruit counter: 13

*My goal for this week is at least 47 hours on the Sunday evening 

[another-crash-landing]

June Week 1

Thursday, 04/06/2026 

💪🏼 Exercise 

🧸 Got groceries 

👨‍💻 Team meeting

👥 Called my mom 

🇳🇱 Made small talk with the hairdresser until I found myself at loss of words 

🤠 Got a haircut! 

🤠 Posted what I wanted to post on instagram without getting swallowed by The App

Friday, 05/06/2026 

🗣️ Voice/articulation practice 

💪🏼 Exercise 

⚙️ Class

⚙️ Worked on the presentation 

🌻 Submitted my holiday leave request at work 

🌻 Tried to find good tickets for travel 

Saturday, 06/06/2026

🧽 Work 

🇳🇱 Didn’t listen to the podcast, but listened to some Dutch music 

🗣️ Voice/articulation practice 

💪🏼 Exercise 

⚙️ Worked on the presentation 

Sunday, 07/06/2026

🧽 Work 

⚙️ Worked on the presentation 

🪑 Got some interesting advice from my friend 

🧸 Did my dishes

🦇 Picked the theme for the video I’m gonna record with my friend

💪🏼 Exercise 

🗣️ Voice/articulation practice 

💤 Total hours slept this week*: 43:15

🍓 Total fruit counter: 12

*My goal for this week was at least 42 hours, so the goal is met! 

[another-crash-landing]

coming to realize that trying to treat my religious trauma coming from being raised Catholic with a turn to (progressive) Christianity is rather comparable to trying to cure a vodka hangover with beer

[another-crash-landing]

okay so i am going to reply to the tags. i think the most important disclaimer of this conversation is that i am talking about the trauma i associate with a certain system of values, not necesarily the validity of that system. i also am coming to realize that there is many more degrees to faith than atheist/"mainstream Christian", so i guess i am not very definite with where i would position myself right now. but i am exhausted and sick of this, and i think i just want to get over it for a period of time longer than 5 minutes and that is not really achieved my repeatedly triggering the same trauma. this is not a theological debate.

at this point i can analyze and explain every relevant personal experience of mine from three perspectives: atheist, vaguely progressively Christian, and Catholic. i know the information, i can apply the framework, i'm pretty flexible with that. some things i just plain disagree with but i can ignore that too. and this triple-think is exhausting despite the vast experience i have with it. growing up queer in Poland i have been explaining to others that i am real and have a right to live as i am since i was 12, while also trying to convince myself i shouldn't be like this and i could change. i can make all those arguments from conservative, liberal and leftist standpoints too! but i don't think i want to live the rest of my life like this. it got me nowhere and at some point i had to realize i could not be a queer, a good Catholic and a happy person at the same time. i know most Catholic people would throw away the queer (because it doesn't affect them, so how could they know!) but as long as i experience a real medical phenomenon of gender dysphoria i don't understand what is so sinful about trying to get treatment for it. i believe the RCC reasoning for that is circular and based purely on vibes and transphobia. i really really tried to see their point, and i just can't.

i truly believed and hoped that any form of Christianity could become my answer. i was looking forward to becoming a real normal person, i prayed to change. i don't think i could've tried any harder without actually killing myself. but none of this happened. i could well be physically banging my head on the wall hoping stuff would rearrange in my brain.

and i know it would be tempting to say the Church didn't hurt me, it was people who did. but it was a Polish Archbishop who called people like me to a plague (and he knew it was good). i also believe you don't have to look far to see the atrocities committed within or in the name of the RCC. and if you would still prefer to go down that line and say that i could count the number of people who made me feel unwelcome in the Church on one or even two hands, i don't think that would be right either. and if you don't believe those people were real Christians, well, i could try to show they were, but i am not going to. i just refuse to believe i have been put on this Earth only to serve as a litmus test to discern who is a real true Christian and who is not. i am a real person with thoughts and feelings but being called a plague by a religious authority and told people like me are not people but an ideology by the president of my fucking country is the main reason why i stopped considering myself a full real person at a certain point of my life and i still haven't gotten that back. i don't think this is something any form of Christian rhetoric can give me at the moment (or honestly ever, probably, considering all the implications of the rhetoric of a God-shaped hole and being nothing without Him) because at this point i just feel threatened by all the Christian-flavored words that brought me no good and yk God loves you but not like this and you are and will always be a sinner but God loves you anyway but if you keep trying to live your life the only way that doesn't make you want to kill yourself you're going to Hell but don't forget about the Love

[another-crash-landing]

coming to realize that trying to treat my religious trauma coming from being raised Catholic with a turn to (progressive) Christianity is rather comparable to trying to cure a vodka hangover with beer

[orteil42]

given the current climate this pride especially i feel i must mention that i love my trans friends, i stand with trans people in the fight against transphobic legislation and those who would enforce it, and this blog is not a good place for you to be if you do not vibe with that