The RAD cafeteria was relatively peaceful for once. Ami sat at their usual table with Satan and Levi, picking at her lunch while explaining her latest theory about layered curse matrices.
"So if you stack the hex components in a fibonacci sequence instead of linear progression," she was saying, gesturing with her fork, "the magical draw is actually more efficient because it mirrors natural patterns. Which means less energy expenditure for the same effect."
"That's actually brilliant," Satan said, leaning forward with interest. "Have you tested it?"
"In class yesterday. Professor Blackwell said it was the most elegant curse structure she'd seen in fifty years." Ami tried to sound modest but couldn't quite hide her pleased grin.
"Of course you're top of the class in Practical Cursing," Levi muttered, scrolling through his DDD. "You're basically a Final Boss in student form."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
Satan checked his watch. "Where are the others? Mammon's usually early to lunch."
"Beel's still in PE, I think. And Mammon and Belphie had that makeup exam." Ami rolled her eyes fondly. "Mammon was stressing about it all morning. Like, dude, you either know the material or you don't. Worrying won't help."
"Did you help him study?" Satan asked.
"Tried. We both have ADHD though, so it mostly devolved into us taking apart my camera and forgetting what we were supposed to be doing."
Levi snorted. "Sounds about right."
Ami was about to respond when she caught voices from a couple tables behind them. Not loud enough to be disruptive, but definitely audible if you were paying attention.
"—can't believe Lord Diavolo actually thought this exchange program was a good idea."
"Right? Like, we're supposed to learn from humans? Please."
Ami's fork paused halfway to her mouth. Satan noticed immediately, his eyes narrowing slightly.
"Ignore them," he said quietly.
"I'm trying," Ami muttered, but she was already listening, that familiar heat starting to simmer under her skin.
"And housing them with the brothers was an even worse idea," another voice chimed in. "Those seven are already a disaster without adding a human to the mix."
"Lord Lucifer is respectable at least—"
"Sure, but the rest? Mammon's a joke. I heard he failed three classes last semester."
Ami's hand tightened on her fork. Satan put a hand on her arm in warning.
"I know." But the heat was building.
"The Avatar of Greed can't even manage his own money. It's pathetic."
"Ami," Levi said nervously, noticing the way her jaw had clenched. "Maybe we should—"
"And that human is dating him? Talk about low standards."
"I heard she's just using him for protection. Smart, honestly. Attach yourself to one of the brothers, even the useless one—"
"Probably figures if she's with the dumbest one, he won't realize she's taking advantage—"
Ami stood up so fast her chair scraped against the floor with a sound like a scream.
The cafeteria didn't go quiet immediately, but the nearby tables definitely noticed. Satan sat back with a look of profound interest, like he was settling in to watch his favorite show.
"Oh, this is going to be good," he murmured.
"Should we stop her?" Levi whispered frantically.
Ami turned to face the table behind them. Three demons—two succubi and an incubus, all of them looking entirely too pleased with themselves—stared back at her.
"I'm sorry," Ami said, her voice dangerously pleasant. "I couldn't help but overhear your discussion. You know, the one where you were talking shit about my boyfriend?"
One of the succubi rolled her eyes. "Oh, great. The human's got feelings—"
"Top student in Practical Cursing and Hexing," Ami interrupted, still smiling. "Did you know that? Probably not. You were too busy running your mouth to pay attention in class."
"Is that supposed to be a threat?" The incubus leaned back in his chair, smirking. "What are you going to do, human? You can't actually—"
Ami's hand moved in a sharp, precise gesture—one of the complex patterns Professor Blackwell had taught them last week for rapid-deployment hexes. Her magic flared green and gold, the colors of wrath and greed intertwined.
The incubus's smirk froze on his face. Literally. His entire expression locked in place as the hex took hold.
"That's a level-four paralytic curse," Ami said conversationally. "Keyed specifically to trigger every time you try to speak negatively about someone who isn't present to defend themselves. You know. Like a coward." She tilted her head. "It'll wear off in about three days. Or you can go to the infirmary and explain to the nurse why you need it removed. Your choice."
The succubi started to stand, but Ami's hands moved again—that fibonacci sequence she'd been explaining to Satan, layered and efficient and fast.
They sat. Not because they wanted to, but because their bodies weren't taking commands from their brains anymore.
"You want to talk about Mammon?" Ami's voice had gone cold now, the pleasant façade completely dropped. "Let's talk about Mammon. Yes, he failed three classes. You know why? Because he was working four part-time jobs to pay off debts that the witches that summon him accumulated and then dumped on him. He never even asks for help, he just takes it... Even when he shouldn't."
She took a step closer. The temperature around her dropped noticeably.
"You think he's stupid? He runs complex financial scams that would make your heads spin. He can calculate odds and probability faster than most demons can count. He speaks four languages fluently. But sure, he failed a test about Devildom history, so clearly he's an idiot."
Satan was grinning so wide his face had to hurt. Levi had his DDD out, recording.
"And you want to talk about me using him?" Ami's laugh was sharp and bitter. "That man stayed with me through a three-day migraine where I couldn't see straight and wanted to die. He learned my triggers. He changed his behavior. He goes so far out of his way to be sweet when it's not even necessary. He stays when it would be easier to leave. But yeah, I'm definitely just using him for protection."
Her magic flared brighter, and several other students were starting to back away from the confrontation.
"Here's what's going to happen," Ami said, her voice dropping to something that resonated with power—the kind of power that came from pure, focused rage. "You're going to sit here with your curses and think about what you said. And the next time you want to run your mouth about someone, you're going to remember that words have consequences. That someone might be listening who actually gives a shit. And that someone might be me."
She turned back to her table, then paused.
"Oh, and the curse on you—" She pointed at one of the succubi. "—that one's going to make you hiccup every time you think something mean about someone. Internally or externally. Have fun with that."
Ami sat back down and picked up her fork like nothing had happened.
The cafeteria was dead silent.
Satan started clapping. Slowly at first, then with genuine enthusiasm.
"That," he said, "was the most beautiful display of wrath I've seen in decades. I'm so proud I could cry."
"That was INSANE," Levi said, still recording. "That was like—that was like a raid boss fight! You just—they didn't even see it coming!"
"Fibonacci sequence," Ami said, taking a bite of her lunch. "More efficient."
"I wish I had a girlfriend who would curse people for me," Levi muttered.
Other students were whispering now, but carefully. Very carefully. The three who'd been cursed were still sitting rigidly in their seats, the incubus's face locked in that frozen smirk.
"You know Lucifer's going to hear about this," Satan said, though he didn't sound concerned. If anything, he sounded delighted.
"Not particularly." Ami shrugged. "They started it. I finished it. And I didn't do any permanent damage, so technically I followed the rules of engagement."
"I love the way your brain works."
That's when Mammon, Beel, and Belphie arrived, sliding into their seats.
"Yo, why's everyone starin'?" Mammon asked, looking around nervously.
"Ami just cursed three students for talking shit about you," Levi said immediately.
Mammon's eyes went wide. "She WHAT?"
"It was amazing," Satan added. "Top-tier curse work. Professor Blackwell would be proud."
"Ami—" Mammon looked at her, something complicated crossing his face. "Ya didn't have to—"
"Yes, I did." She met his eyes steadily. "Nobody talks about you like that. Not where I can hear them."
Mammon opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again. His face was turning red.
"That's—you're—" He gave up on words and just pulled her into a hug right there in the cafeteria, not caring who saw. "You're insane," he mumbled into her hair.
"Yeah, but I'm your insane."
Beel, who had been quietly assessing the situation, nodded approvingly. "Good hexes. Clean execution."
Belphie was eyeing the cursed students with interest. "How long do those last?"
"Three days for the paralytic. The hiccup curse is permanent until she removes it," Satan supplied helpfully.
That's when Lucifer appeared.
The Avatar of Pride moved through the cafeteria like a storm front, students parting before him. He stopped at their table, arms crossed, expression thunderous.
"My office. Now. All of you."
"But we didn't do anything!" Levi protested.
"You were accomplices by proximity. Move."
Lucifer's office was exactly as intimidating as always. He stood behind his desk, radiating disapproval, while all seven of them (plus Ami) stood in a line like students called to the principal's office.
Which, technically, they were.
"Would someone like to explain," Lucifer said with dangerous calm, "why I received a report that Ami cursed three students in the middle of the cafeteria?"
"They were talking shit about Mammon," Ami said immediately.
"They said he was useless. Called him stupid. Said I was using him." Her voice hardened. "So I showed them exactly why I'm top of my class in Practical Cursing."
Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose. "You cannot simply curse people because they say things you don't like."
"Actually, RAD code of conduct says I can defend against verbal attacks on my character or the character of my associates," Ami said. "Section 3, paragraph 12. 'Students are permitted to respond to provocation with appropriate magical force provided said force does not cause permanent harm.' I checked."
Satan was practically vibrating with pride. "She's absolutely right. I helped her memorize the student handbook last month."
"Of course you did," Lucifer muttered.
"And technically," Ami continued, "the curses are temporary and non-harmful. Annoying, yes. Harmful, no. So I'm within my rights."
"The point," Lucifer said, his voice rising slightly, "is that you caused a scene. You disrupted lunch. And you—"
"She defended her partner," Satan interrupted. "Which is admirable. Wrath in service of protection is the highest form of the sin."
"Nobody asked you, Satan."
"And yet I'm sharing anyway."
Mammon was trying very hard not to grin. Beel had already given up and was smiling openly. Belphie looked like he was enjoying the chaos. Levi was still recording on his DDD until Lucifer glared at him and he quickly put it away.
Asmo, who had apparently heard the commotion and showed up late, leaned against the doorframe. "I heard Ami cursed some people for talking trash about Mammon. That's so romantic!"
"It's not romantic, it's against school policy!" Lucifer snapped.
"It's a little romantic," Beel said quietly.
Lucifer looked like he was reconsidering every decision that had led to this moment. "Ami. You cannot curse students. Even if they deserve it."
"Which means you won't do it again."
"I won't do it again in the cafeteria," Ami said carefully. "Can't make promises about other locations."
Satan choked on a laugh. Mammon grabbed Ami's hand and squeezed it, his face doing that thing where he was trying to look stern but couldn't stop smiling.
"You're all impossible," Lucifer said. "Ami, you're getting a formal warning. If this happens again—"
"It won't happen again where anyone can see it," Satan said helpfully. "We'll make sure of that."
"Sure it is. Plausible deniability."
Lucifer pointed at the door. "Out. All of you. Before I curse you myself."
They filed out quickly, barely waiting until they were in the hallway before breaking into laughter.
"That was amazing," Belphie said.
"Legendary," Asmo agreed.
"I can't believe ya memorized the student handbook just to find loopholes," Mammon said, looking at Ami with something like awe.
"I merely provided resources," Satan said modestly. "You did the actual work."
Beel put a hand on Ami's shoulder. "Good hexes though. Really clean."
"Thanks. I've been practicing."
They started walking back toward the cafeteria, chattering and laughing. Mammon kept hold of Ami's hand, thumb rubbing across her knuckles.
"Hey," he said quietly, once they'd fallen a bit behind the others. "Thanks. For that. Ya didn't have to."
"Yes, I did," Ami said. "Nobody talks about you like that. Not where I can hear them."
"You're gonna get in trouble one of these days. Real trouble."
"Probably." She grinned up at him. "Worth it though."
Mammon pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "You're absolutely fuckin' crazy, ya know that?"
"Yeah, but I'm your crazy."
Behind them, Satan called back: "Are you two coming or are you going to keep being disgustingly cute in the hallway?"
"We can do both!" Ami called back.
But they caught up anyway, Ami still grinning, Mammon still holding her hand.
And if the three students she'd cursed spent the next three days learning a valuable lesson about running their mouths, well.
That was just good education.
Professor Blackwell certainly thought so when she gave Ami extra credit for "practical application of curse theory in a real-world scenario."
Some lessons were best taught outside the classroom.
And some people were just begging to be taught.
