another life blog

#poem mmm... you alredy know. and if u don't let me surprise you

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

We did it wrong.

He kissed me when I didn't know he had girlfriend, but we stayed friends cuz we genuinely care about each other. Or at least I do. I don't really trust people, but I care about them if we have somethings to share.

We did it wrong. We can't take it back but we could have stopped.

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

DON’T ASK ME TO BE HONEST

I don’t want your tears,your pity. I just want your money. I want your financial help but I don’t want you to know. Cuz you wouldn’t want to hear. You would blame it on me and I don’t want this weight. I don’t want to explain myself another time when I already know nobody will listen to me. I understand it’s tI much for you. So don’t ask me to be honest.

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

The late lazy yellow that blends with the early blue of a new night. I'm still here thinking about you.

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

first times

oh boy... i’ve been hanging out with this one boy. Smart, funny a lil self centered but he gives me so many things to think about and can’t wait to stay with him. His brain and thoughts go so fast i often can’t keep up. First thing when he showed some intrests i immedietly froze. Feeling gone.... not really gone but put aside. Cause i am afraid to live. Im afraid any kind of love from other people is fake and i dont deserve it, so i distant myself. Now i see the beauty of living is also getting some scars. Wont be easy. 

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

taken away from the wind

I often have to remember myself how much i struggled, how much hard work it took me to stand here. Even if I'm feeling as I'll be taken away from the wind at any times. I have to remember, there were worse times and better times will come.

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

slow mornings

let’s talk about slow mornings. But not the ones you want to take easy.

Let’s talk about those slow mornings when everything goes fast, the blanket is too heavy. You can’t even remember if you really slept or you just stayed awake, waiting for the sun to come up, to see other houses light up. And you observe everything going forward and you are under those heavy, sweaty and stinky blankets. Do i have to do it all over again? I don’t have the energy to do it. It’s easier to let me crash under these feelings and clothes i can’t change cuz my muscles are too weak even to shower.

Ok i guess this morning it’s one of those slow mornings. I just regret loosing all those smiles, the fresh air, the cute hat of a stranger i see everyday on the subway. But right now my eyes can’t even see the beauty of myself.

[vintage-brass-tc]

Thinking about the times we made eye contact.

In the hall,

in class,

before school,

after school,

Your eyes would always light up upon meeting my own.

It's the highlight of my day.

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

so soft and i want this , whatever it is

[dankmemeuniversity]

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

It was just so iconic......

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

I'll text you just before going to sleep, so when I'll wake up in the middle of the night I'll have a knot on my stomach to see your answer. Maybe you won't even read me.

[catchymemes]

[catchymemes]

https://www.instagram.com/unfinstory/

[catchymemes]

Credit: @Unifins

[waywardwind91]

This is a masterpiece

[mapelie]

😂😂😂😂😂

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

Didn't know I needed this

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

22/01/2021

Yesterday i literally collapsed. I felt it coming all morning and then i saw the look i always get when the fog comes. I am better from months, years ago. But yesterday i collapsed, on the floor, unable to move for at least one hour. And i don't know how i can get my shit together alone if this means living.

[flannel-eater]

I know it's wrong but how could I not fall for you when you talk like that? You know, the crinkle near your eyes when you smile because I just noticed your reference to that tv show. Or the way your eyes get brighter when you talk about the singer we both like. Or how about the voice you use when you're happy and it gets higher and I swear that I can't be the only one to notice. Or the way you look at someone when you're paying attention to them and it's not just hearing them, it's listening to what they have to say.

I know it's wrong but how could I not fall for you?

[insomniac-arrest]

[ilovetheecoloured-deactivated20]

Ok this… This is too much of a call out

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

Cut the cameras.....

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

14/1/2021

And just like nothing happened i was crying on the floor. My body knows any inches of the floor and it adapt to it as i belong there. Today i couldn't bring myself to protect my inner child. I couldn't stop the urges to get validation from someone i really don't know and i want to impress. I know everyday is different. Tomorrow will be different.

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

11/1/2021

Opened up about my unhealthy coping mechanisms with two of my closest people. Now I know why i used to those things. Now I can look at them distant and gradually heal

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

10/1/2021

I’m understanding how important my support system is to my well being. I’m starting to understand I can choose who to trust and who to let in my world. I have no obligation to anyone and they have no right if I don’t want them to enter my emotional balance. I am in control and I’m trusting myself to let it go and losing it . But first I need to know I’m the one in charge of myself

[anotherthoughtsdiary]

9/1/2021

How to be the support you need if you’ve never have it before?

It’s a big question and the answer is so complex as i try to understand it. I want but mostly need to give myself the love, support and space i’ve never received. I am not sure how unconditional love present itself. Can i truly find it in myself if i don’t know what it looks like? 

I have no idea but i have to try it even if i’ll fail many times beacuse if i’m not there for me noone else will. I’m not even sure if i’ll be there for me but I know I can work my relationship with myself. There’s still power inme. I can change.