How do we fall in love Harder than a bullet could hit ya? How do we fall apart Faster than a hair pin trigger? Don't you say, don't you say it Don't say, don't you say it One breath, it'll just break it So shut your mouth and run me like a river
they had tried to wrestle him to bed. all three men, individuals he had handpicked to accompany him for the nights festivities. they had fought each of his liquor filled limbs valiantly but to no avail as they were experiencing the same symptoms. the most they had managed to do was corral him into the kitchen and then proceeded to make their exit, leaving toni to fend for himself. although he was vaguely of his surroundings and the time of night, it did not stop him from loudly crashing around like a bull in a china shop as he attempted to maneuver himself around the kitchen. even with his head buried in a kitchen sink, icy water caressing his soaked dark hair, the world refused to stop spinning.
ignoring the roll of his stomach, toni lifted his head off the sink only to shake his wet head like a dog, a matching spray of water droplets spreading around the kitchen. gripping the edge of the sink, knuckles turning white, he turned to yell down the hallway they had just traveled down, “ It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you ! there's nothing that a hund—” his lips abruptly sealed shut at the blurred figure of bronte appearing before him. “ hey lil’ mama,” he greeted, slurred words slipping through his lips.
Exclusive Interview with The Rank veteran Antonio Navas
from the man who brought you the vodka fountain, the nude fashion show, and almost fathered the first rank baby, antonio navas gives us a sneak of what to expect from him on this season of the rank.
Q — welcome to season three of the rank. we can’t say we’d like to be in your shoes, but everyone sure loves to watch every step you make. how are you feeling about this season ?? nervous ?? excited ?? do you have anything to lose by being here ??
TONI — “ well, the excitement has worn off a little considering it’s my second time up in this bitch, so i’m chillin’. however, it doesn’t mean i don’t have high hopes for this season — because i do. i’m coming to this season with a lot more experience and a few tricks up my sleeve that i can’t wait to reveal. last season was fun but i was learning how to play the game as i went, but now i know exactly what i’m capable of. anything to lose? you would think so, but nope. instead of losing clients due to all the stupid shit i was doing, i actually gained them which only goes to show how fucked up this industry is. anyways, i’m making hella bank right now and i expect to make even more by the time this season ends. ”
Q — describe yourself in fifteen words. be honest or not. but make it memorable for us.
TONI — “ fifteen words is not enough to describe my greatness but i’ll try. let’s see... insanely attractive man without a care in the world, great hair and an enormous penis. don’t believe me? i’m sure the producers have some unaired footage somewhere. ”
Q — who do you think you’ll be spending the most time with during your time here ?? do you think that they’ll have said you ??
TONI — “ like last season, you really won’t see me with one person for a long time as i like to associate myself with everyone. you can’t be up someone’s ass the entire season ‘cause that’s just gonna ruin your game. developing relationships with someone will only put a target on your back and once someone hits that target it’s gonna hurt like a bitch. i saw it happen way too many times on season 2, so you bet i won’t be making that mistake. sure, i’ll give people the illusion that i’m close with them but at the end of the day, i’ll be looking out for myself and my points. ”
Q — consider this an offer: if this goes well, would you come back next season ??
TONI — “ most likely, yes. like i said before, being on season 2 did wonders for me so why wouldn’t i come back? some of the things that happen in this house is so incredibly stupid that it hurt to not experience it first hand. ”
Q — we can’t say that we’re not glad to see you return to this season, but tell us why — why did you come back to us ?? is it the attention ?? the drama ?? be real — if it’s the money, let us know — we’ll make sure that you earn it.
TONI — “ well, i for sure didn’t come here to find love or anything stupid like that. if anyone says that they’re here for the ‘experience’ they’re full of shit. we’re all here for one thing and one thing only— attention. we all want to be trending on twitter, we all want people to recognize us on the street because inevitably it will lead to fame and money. i’ve seen people put on the innocent act but once they get their first challenge they’re willing to backstab their own grandma if it gets them a few points. ”
Q — so many new faces sprinkled in with our veterans. is there anyone you know ?? is there anyone you wish wasn’t cast ??
TONI — “ i know those who were on season 2 with me like elliot — he put on quite a show. i’m kinda friends with cecelia but don’t tell her i said that, i don’t want her to get any ideas. you should ask bronte about me sometime just for the shits and giggles. i don’t really have any beef with anyone in the cast so there’s no-one i wish wasn't here but then again, filming has only just started and nobody has screwed me over yet.”
Q — in your past seasons, what was the most remarkable thing you’ve had to do for us ?? did you regret it ?? would you do it again if you had to ??
TONI — “ man, let me just think back to my highlight reel. i mean, the credit really goes to you sick fucks for even making me break up such a happy couple. alright, you guys remember macy? the southern belle who swore that she wouldn’t have sex until she was married and actually had a fiancee at home in wisconsin or whatever she was from? well, i think it was just her fiancee that she didn’t like because all it took was a little flirting and she was handcuffing me to my bed riding me like a cowboy. anyways, the hubby wasn’t too happy and i think broke off the engagement or whatever. ”
Q — last but not least: leave a comment for the viewers. don’t let them forget you.
TONI — “ alright kids, prepare for a very fun season. from what i’ve gathered so far, it seems everyone is a lot of willing to get their hands dirty unlike previous seasons. we’re all coming for blood so stay tuned. ”
it had been an eventful day for the male for one of his clients had called him that morning with an emergency. antonio had earned himself quite a reputation over the years and the majority of those he represented had one to match. it’s for that reason he wasn’t the slightest bit surprised when a woman threatened to release a sex tape involving his client. he had been dealing with the situation all day and was exhausted so decided to reward himself with a beer. with the bottle in hand, he plopped on the couch next to one of his cast mates. “hey, want to watch a sex tape?" he asked the other nonchalantly before taking a sip of his beer.
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irritation was written across ardeth’s features, clear in the way her lips were pursed and her jaw clenched. her phone was set down on the table in front of her and it was clear by the look she was directing at it that it was the source of her ire. but it was fine. rather, it would be. just because the producers said this week’s guest cancelled on her ( last minute, again ) wasn’t the end of the world. she would find someone new. she would fix it. she always did.
she looked up, her eyes landing on the person closest to her. a pensive expression crossed her face before she cleared her throat. “ do you want to be on good morning glory this friday ?? ” she would never admit how much it pained her to have to ask this — after all, she couldn’t say she was all too fond of the rest of her rank co-stars ( it was too soon to tell truthfully ) “ we could use someone to sit in for a ten minute segment. you could talk about whatever — i really don’t care at this point. ”
with a laptop propped up on his lap, anyone who glanced at toni would assume he was doing work or something serious, but really he was just playing the snake game with extreme intensity. whenever he would lose, he would casually glance at ardeth and it didn’t take him long to realize she wasn’t in the greatest of moods. he was interested to know what was bothering considering she was his client and every once in a while he considered her his friend, however, she was on the phone and he figured it was best to wait.
when she finally adressed him, he looked up from the screen now knowing what had caused her to be upset. he thought about her question for half a second before nodding his head, “of course, there’s simply not enough cameras on my face and i can’t fall asleep until i’ve gotten the attention i deserve.” her words sparked his interest as he realized she would quickly regret ever asking him. “oh, can i talk about that one time this girl refused to have sex with me unless we listened to stewie from family guy singing everything i do on repeat?”
rhett tapped his knuckles on the open door before taking a small step into the room, an easy smile on his face. his hands rested in the pockets of his jacket as he leaned on the frame of the door. “ there’s a new club opening about fifteen minutes from here — tonight, actually ” he shrugged his shoulders, casually indifferent “ ‘ was wondering if you’d wanna come with me ?? it’s publicity for the show and club, plus it could be fun – ”
toni didn’t give a second thought to the knocks on his door as it was something he had grown accustomed to. “come in i’m not naked, unfortunately for you.” when he realized it was rhett who had walked in, a grin formed on his lips. “SAY LESS!” he exclaimed at the others proposition. he jumped out of bed with newfound excitement and walked to one of the various suitcases scattered all over the floor. on his knees, toni opened up the suitcase, reached for the bottle of vodka inside and handed it to rhett, “here, chug this while i get changed.” there was very little one had to say to toni to convince him to go out, and rhett most definitely knew that. he reached for the nearest suitcase to take out a new shirt that he thought would scream ‘fuck me’ and a jacket, “what do you think?” he asked rhett as he held up the items of clothing, wanting his input before he changed.
“ alright if you’ll excuse me, i’ve been TRYING to unpack & rearrange this place for about TEN hours & frankly … you’re in my way. ” she said with a huff, rolling her eyes as she neatly folded some of her clothes & put them on top of the dryer after washing them from the move. “ did you know that this place has about … i don’t know SEVEN other places you can be ? i’m seriously trying to concentrate but you’re making it IMPOSSIBLE to do. ”
her words had little to no effect on him— in fact, it had the opposite of what she had intended. “ if you’ve been going at this for ten hours than CLEARLY something’s not working, sweetie, and it’s NOT me ” he said, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the door frame. a smirk found its way to his lips, the interaction giving him the amusement that he sought for. “ but... you’re not in those SEVEN other places,” he retorted, “besides, there’s something so intriguing about somone so passionate about laundry. ”
yo, this is eli aka the pimp daddy mac of this whole place and I'm here to have a good time and question every decision I make.. holla !! id like to take a hot second to introduce u to the man, the myth, the mistake.. antonio navas. you can read his bio here but I’ll also include some terribly written bullet points under the read more for ur pleasure :) alright its lit
once a upon a time, a boy was born and his parents instantly knew it was a mistake
that boy was antonio and not much has changed
he was on the rank season 2 and turned the house upside down
the producers had to tell him that he couldn't just walk around naked everyday which is why he started wearing a robe all the time
he’ll do whatever it takes to win even betray his own mother
but he's also a really cool friend like he’ll take u out make sure you're having a good time but if a challenge requires him to do something not cool... he’ll do it and apologize with a bottle of vodka
doesn’t believe pineapple belongs on pizza
relationships are not his thing
has probably slept with ur mom, stepmom and aunt
doesn't know the meaning of boundaries
cant count past 69 ;)
ok but for real, he’s a really good publicist, he’ll do whatever he can to make sure his clients get the deals they want
