Antecedent

Not interesting at all!

[antecedent-ing]

Took the mach iv test today and scored an 86. I don't know what to feel. Thoughts?

[antecedent-ing]

Everytime somebody asks me about my broken heart, I quote Arundathi Roy - "Who wants an unbroken heart? Not me for sure!"

I think for a long time I romanticized the idea of a broken heart. Everytime my heart would try and stitch itself back together I deliberately made attempts to keep it wounded, scattered and broken. I refused to heal because I thought I deserved and perhaps even enjoyed the pain.

But turns out that isn't the case.

I was scared. I was scared of healing.

The time my heart used to be unbroken and whole is so far away, and the memory of it so faint, that I don't know if i will ever be able to live with one anymore. I am used to pain and grief and a broken heart so much that anything other than that seems wrong.

[antecedent-ing]

I think at this point I'll watch anything that has Cillian Murphy, Andrew Scott, Paul Mescal, Mark Ruffalo, Benedict Cumberbatch, Pedro Pascal and Mads Mikkelson in it.

Just me?

[antecedent-ing]

I am afraid that someday I'll run out of things to tell my lover.

[antecedent-ing]

Finished binge watching Baby Reindeer in a day just because i couldn't bear the anxiety of putting it away after one or two episodes.

I feel like someone has hit me in the head with a sledgehammer. It's one of the best portrayals of trauma and victimhood I've seen on TV.

And the way that show ended... I need days to process this!

[antecedent-ing]

Finished binge watching Baby Reindeer in a day just because i couldn't bear the anxiety of putting it away after one or two episodes.

I feel like someone has hit me in the head with a sledgehammer. It's one of the best portrayals of trauma and victimhood I've seen on TV.

And the way that show ended... I need days to process this!

[antecedent-ing]

I have understood that i am the most indifferent person on planet earth the moment the validity period of a crush expires. After a prolonged period of having intense crush on a person, after i go through their Instagram, get butterflies at the mere mention of their name, after i listen to their favourite songs and watch their kinda movies, after I'm done with all that, i just become indifferent. I couldn't care less after the crush validity expires.

Is this just a me thing? 👀

[antecedent-ing]

It's been six months after i first binge watched Succession and not a day goes by without my brain yelling FUCK OFF in Logan Roy's voice.

[antecedent-ing]

From Sherlock to Fleabag to All of us Strangers to now Ripley, how do people not fall completely in love with Andrew Scott?

[antecedent-ing]

Finished reading Manacled in two days and OMG! I don't think I'm ever going to recover from it. It crushed my soul and even after 24 hours i cannot stop thinking about the book.

I was not ready and i don't think I'll ever be alright.

[cravens-crypt-deactivated202404]

100 Books I'd Recommend

1. Less Than Zero - Bret Easton Ellis

2. The Rules of Attraction - Bret Easton Ellis

3. American Psycho - Bret Easton Ellis

4. Anna Karenina - Tolstoy

5. Crime and Punishment - Dostoyevsky

6. Generation X - Douglas Coupland

7. All Families are Psychotic - Coupland

8. Flowers for Algernon - Daniel Keyes

9. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

10 Hunchback of Notre Dame - Hugo

11. The Time travellers wife- Niffernerger

12. Dead Babies - Martin Amis

13. Times Arrow - Amis

14. Ham on rye - Charles Bukowski

15. Post office - Charles Bukowski

16. Factotum - Charles Bukowski

17. Burning in water, drowing in flame - Charles Bukowski

18. Women - Charles Bukowski

19. The rum diary - Hunter S Thompson

20. The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath

21. Sway - Zachary Lazar

22. 1984 – George Orwell

23. the old man and the sea -Ernest Hemingway

24. To have and to have not - Ernest Hemingway

25. On the road - Jack kerouac

26. Fight club – Chuck Palanuick

27. survivor – Chuck Palanuick

28. Lord of the flies – William Golding

29. 20'000 leagues under the sea - Jules Verne

30. Of mice and men – John Steinbeck

31. The Beach - Alex Garland

32. NOS4R2 - Joe Hill

33. Horns - Joe Hill

34. 20th Century Ghosts - Joe Hill

35. Liseys Story - Stephen King

36. IT - Stephen King

37. Cujo - Stephen King

38. Blaze - Stephen King

39 – Notes From The Underground - Dostoyevsky

40. Later - Stephen King

41 - The institute - Stephen King

42 . carrie - Stephen King

43. Misery - Stephen King

44. The Outsider - Stephen King

45. The Hellbound Heart - Clive Barker

46. The Devil All the time - Donald Ray Pollock

47. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

48. Rats - James herbert

49. The Books of Blood - Clive Barker

50. Zodiac - Robert Greysmith

51. Motorcycle Diaries- Che Guevara

52. Helter Skelter - Vincent Bugliosi

53. Hannibal - Thomas Harris

54. Silence of the lambs - Thomas Harris

55 Red Dragon - Thomas Harris

56. Duma Key - Stephen King

57. Never Sleep Again

58. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep - Philip K Dick

59. All The Bright Places- Jennifer Niven

60. My Dark Places - James Ellroy

61. The Informers - Bret Easton Ellis

62. The Road - Cormac McCarthy

63. The Perks of Being a wallflower - Stephen Chobsky

64. Harry Potter 1 - Jk Rowling

65. Harry Potter 2 - Jk Rowling

66. Harry Potter 3 - Jk Rowling

67. Harry Potter 4 - Jk Rowling

68. Harry Potter 5- Jk Rowling

69. Harry Potter 6 - Jk Rowling

70. Harry Potter 7 - Jk Rowling

71. The hobbit - Tolkien

72. The Lord of the ring - Tolkein

73. Jpod – Douglas Coupland

74. Microserfs – Douglas Coupland

75. The Catcher in the rye - JD Salinger

76. Love Poems - Neruda

77. A Gentle creature - Dostoyevsky

78. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

79. Obsession - John Douglas

80. The Cases That Haunt us - John Douglas

81. Journey Into Darkness - John Douglas

82. Reminesces of the Cuban Revoltuonary War - Che Guevara

83. The Bolivian Diary - Che Guevara

84. I Am Legend - Richard Matheson

85. Jaws - Peter Benchley

86. Gwendys Button Box - Stephen King

87. The Profession of Violence - John Pearson

88. I am Ozzy - Ozzy Osbourne

89. Heavier Than Heaven - Charles Cross

90. The Abarat 1 - Clive Barker

91. The Abarat 2 - Clive Barker

92. The Illustrated man - Ray Bradbury

93. Fahreneit 451 - Ray Bradbury

94. Under The Dome - Stephen King

95. The Diary of Anne Frank - Anne Frank

96. Pleasures of The Damned - Charles Bukowski

97. 11.22.63 - Stephen King

98. The Magician and The Cardsharp - Henry Holt

99. The Last Greatest Magician In The World - Jim Steinmeyer

100. Down and Out In Paris And London – George Orwell

[james-joyces-right-eyeball]

Stuff I Plan to Read in 2023

Here’s the complete list of books I’d like to read in 2023. Some are crossed off because I’ve now read them. The list may grow if I get more books I want to read right away, as often happens. Enjoy!

*** = at the library/not currently owned

Novels

Pnin - Vladimir Nabokov

Daniel Deronda - George Eliot

Cousin Bette - Honore de Balzac

The Parable of the Sower - Octavia E. Butler***

Sentimental Education - Gustave Flaubert

For Whom the Bell Tolls - Ernest Hemingway

Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu

Boston Adventure - Jean Stafford***

A Breath of Life - Clarice Lispector

Jonah’s Gourd Vine - Zora Neale Hurston

Picnic at Hanging Rock - Joan Lindsay***

Les Liaisons Dangereuses - Pierre Choderlos de Laclos

Perfume: Story of a Murderer - Patrick Suskind

House of Leaves - Mark Z. Danielski

Invitation to a Beheading - Vladimir Nabokov

Things Have Gotten Worse Since Last We Spoke - Eric LaRocca

Sophie’s Choice - William Styron***

Sexing the Cherry - Jeanette Winterson

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain***

Maggie: A Girl of the Streets - Stephen Crane***

Jazz - Toni Morrison

Fluids - May Leitz

Junky - William S. Burroughs

Woman at Point Zero - Nawal El Saadawi

Gilead - Marilynne Robinson

Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy

Not Without Laughter - Langston Hughes

The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver

Despair - Vladimir Nabokov

Crash - J.G. Ballard

The French Lieutenant’s Woman - John Fowles

Within a Budding Grove - Marcel Proust

Mama Day - Gloria Naylor

The Crying of Lot 49 - Thomas Pynchon

Death Comes for the Archbishop - Willa Cather

Look Homeward, Angel - Thomas Wolfe

Confessions of a Mask - Yukio Mishima***

Moby Dick - Herman Melville***

The Name of the Rose - Umberto Eco

Rabbit, Run - John Updike

The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman - Ernest J. Gaines

The Years - Virginia Woolf

Uncle Tom’s Cabin - Harriet Beecher Stowe***

The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

The Tin Drum - Gunter Grass

Villette - Charlotte Bronte

North and South - Elizabeth Gaskell

An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser

O, Pioneers! - Willa Cather

Home to Harlem - Claude McKay

Main Street - Sinclair Lewis

Kafka on the Shore - Haruki Marukami

The Castle - Franz Kafka

The Passion of New Eve - Angela Carter

Tropic of Cancer - Henry Miller

The Custom of the Country - Edith Wharton

The Death of Ivan Illych - Leo Tolstoy

Waiting for the Barbarians - J.M. Coetzee

Naked Lunch - William S. Burroughs

The Portrait of a Lady - Henry James

In Memoriam to Identity - Kathy Acker

Autumn of the Patriarch - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

The Plague - Albert Camus

Buddenbrooks: The Decline of a Family - Thomas Mann

David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

The Count of Monte Cristo - Alexander Dumas

Under the Volcano - Malcolm Lowry

Doctor Faustus - Thomas Mann

Nonfiction/Theory/Essay Collections

Speak, Memory - Vladimir Nabokov

Caliban and the Witch - Silvia Ferderici***

The Sadeian Woman - Angela Carter

Ain’t I a Woman? - bell hooks***

Discipline and Punish - Michel Foucault

Consider the Lobster and Other Essays - David Foster Wallace

Playing in the Dark: Whiteness and the Literary Imagination - Toni Morrison***

Must We Burn De Sade? - Simone de Beauvoir

The Conspiracy Against the Human Race - Thomas Ligotti

Outlaw Culture - bell hooks***

Ghosts of My Life: Writings on Depression, Hauntology, and Lost Futures - Mark Fisher

Six Walks in the Fictional Woods - Umberto Eco

Dust Tracks on the Road - Zora Neale Hurston***

Poetry

Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats

The Prophet - Kahlil Gibran

Selected Poems of Claude McKay***

Tender Buttons - Gertrude Stein

Plays

Much Ado About Nothing - William Shakespeare

Summer and Smoke - Tennessee Williams***

Arcadia - Tom Stoppard

Mourning Becomes Electra - Eugene O’Neill***

Happy Days - Samuel Beckett

An Ideal Husband - Oscar Wilde

The Cherry Orchard - Anton Chehkov

All My Sons - Arthur Miller***

Glengarry Glen Ross - David Mamet***

Peer Gynt - Henrik Ibsen***

Othello - William Shakespeare

Exiles - James Joyce***

[zodiactypology]

Popular Comedians of Each Zodiac Sign

Aries - Chris Delia, Conan O’Brien, Aries Spears, Keegan-Michael Key, Eric Andre, Eddie Murphy

Taurus - Bob Saget, Jerry Seinfeld, George Carlin, Kenan Thompson, Michael Che, Stephen Colbert

Gemini - Bill Burr, Russell Brand, Amy Schumer, Steven Brody Stevens, Brian Regan, Mike Birbiglia

Cancer - Jim Gaffigan, Kevin Hart, Will Ferrell, Ricky Gervais, Colin Jost, Fortune Feimster, Godfrey

Leo - Joe Rogan, Steve Martin, Bo Burnham, Gary Owen

Virgo - Dave Chappelle, Louis C.K., Bobby Lee, Mark Normand, Adam Sandler, Whitney Cummings, Maria Bamford, John Mulaney, Jeff Ross, Kat Williams, Amy Poehler

Libra - Andrew Santino, Marc Maron, Nick Swardson, Sacha Baron Cohen, Norm Macdonald, Bernie Mac

Scorpio - Jimmy Kimmel, Pete Davidson, Kevin Nealon, Tracy Morgan

Sagittarius - Sarah Silverman, Patrice Oneal, Richard Pryor, Tiffany Haddish

Capricorn - Jim Carrey, Steve Harvey, Anthony Jeselnik, Dave Attell

Aquarius - Patton Oswalt, Bryan Callen, Chris Rock, Hannibal Burress, Jim Jefferies, Ellen DeGeneres, Trevor Noah, Ari Shaffir

Pisces - Theo Von, Iliza Schlesinger, Aziz Ansari, Mitch Hedberg, Jordan Peele, Chelsea Handler, Judah Friedlander

[animechick2015]

Anime I Watched in 2021 :

1. Dororo 5/5

Severely underrated anime. Great animation. Intriguing plot. Likable characters. Just enough of angst. Highly recommend this one.

2. Burn the Witch 4/5

Great to see Tite Kubo’s work again. And great to see the bleach universe once more. Can’t wait for this to continue. Already love the story and characters. Interesting villains (and by interesting I mean hawt 🥵)

3. Fruits Basket 2019 5/5

Listen I didn’t want to like this one. It was so hyped that I thought it was overrated but booooyyy was I wrong. It deserved the hype. The plot was top tier. At the end of the second season I had to pick my jaw off the ground with that reveal. All the characters were likable. Except Akito; she deserved punishment for what she put all the members of the Zodiac through. Overall this is highly recommended.

4. Re: Zero 4/5

This one took me to Spain without the S. This one frustrated me but I just had to keep on going. Subaru is the biggest simp but I can’t blame him; Emilia is just the cutest. Really liked this one but I’m not sure if I’m emotionally ready for the next season. Also this anime made me scared of bunnies 🐰

5. Gintama 1,00,000/5

Where do I even begin with this masterpiece. I went into this for the comedy. THE COMEDY!!! I did not expect the FEELS. Jesus H. Christ this one blew me away. All the characters were likable, the plots were sometimes questionable but it worked for this anime. The OST’s were god tier. The openings and endings deserve awards. Unpopular opinion but I think Gintama’s opening and endings are better than Naruto. Please if you haven’t watched this one just give it a chance. It took a couple episodes to hook me in but when it did it, it hooked me good. Also if you want an anime with strong female characters this is the one. No waiting for men to save the heroine, the women go in and f*ck shit up (I’m looking at you Courtesan of a Nation Arc.) Seriously though, everyone needs to watch this.

6. Devil man Crybaby 4/5

My coworker put me on to this one. Word of advice: do not watch this one at work 👀 that first episode almost gave me a heart attack. This one surprised me. And that ending wow 🤯. This anime is not for the faint of heart. Please don’t watch this if you’re underaged. I took a while to like the animation style but it eventually grew on me. Overall it’s a good one that I highly recommend.

7. Those Snow White Notes

Tik Tok recommended this anime to me. You know that one scene with the guy and his mom in the apartment, yeah that one. I remembered getting goosebumps and I knew I had to watch and for once tik tok lead me in the right direction. This one isn’t about romance or school is about the shamisen ( a traditional Japanese instrument) and let me tell you how good this was. The music blew me away. The emotions from the MC and his love/hate relationship with the shamisen really captivated me. And that first opening was amazing. Definitely recommend this one.

8. To Your Eternity 5/5

I think I need to send my therapy bill to the creator of this show. Seriously though this one brought pain but goddamn that opening was good. And Fushi was just too dang cute you wanted to see his progress. This one had so many characters that you just can’t help but fall in love with each one of them and damn the author for ripping out my heart every time.

9. Heaven’s Official Blessing 5/5

I’m sorry but Xie Lian and Hua Cheng invented true love. There’s no debating. They’re the epitome of power couple. This series took me by surprise and I loved every millisecond of it. And please if you haven’t read the novel PLEASE PLEASE read it!!! I promise it’s worth it. Now excuse me while I cry because I’m sad and lonely 😩

10. Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation 4/5

This was one was great. Action, comedy, tragedy with a added touch of barely there romance. Since this was only the second Chinese animation that I watched the names were a bit confusing but by the third season I kinda got it?

[antecedent-ing]

Self help books are overrated. To quote the legendary comedian George Carlin ”If you're looking for self-help, why would you read a book written by somebody else?” and “If you're reading it in a book, folks, it ain't self-help. It's help.”But no one can deny the success of these self help books.

The names of some of these self help books are insane. My favourite ones are ”The monk who sold his ferrari”and ”Think like a monk”. Which monk should I think like? The monk who sold his ferrari? I am sorry but selling a ferrari is not one of the things that I would want to do at age 20. Then there's the famous book called ”The 4a.m club”. Here is the thing, I respect people who can get up at 4 a.m and do productive work, but to be able to go to sleep at 4 a.m and wake up at 6 with the intention of coming to college and spending 7 hours here listening to lectures requires another level of patience and dedication which these morning people will never be able to achieve.

Then there's another book called ”Who moved my cheese? ”... I don't know bro. Stop looking at me. It's probably Jerry. Get yourself a cat.

But my two absolute favorites are “The subtle art of not giving a fuck” and ”The secret”. The subtle art is basically buddhism but for bros. It's full of stories explaining to you why you shouldn't give a fuck about anything. But here's the thing, if you write a book about not giving a fuck about anything- then isn't that counterproductive? You spend a lot of your time and energy writing a book about why no one , including you shouldn't give a fuck, but in the process of doing so you actually give a fuck.

What an accidental fuck!

The secret is amazing. The book is called secret but they tell you what the secret is, which is again dumb. But according to this book you can wish for something so much ,put that energy into the universe and it will come true. It doesn't work. Trust me I have tried it. I have been wishing for a ferrari for 20 years of my life but all I have gotten is books about stupid monks selling their Ferrari's.

The people who read self help books are my favorite kind of people. They just look so fucking gullible all the time. They read a good self help book and they decides to change their lives completely. It's like taking new year resolutions every two months. These people think that their life would miraculously change if they woke up at 5 in the morning and changed their bedsheets. They are so adorably gullible.

But being a self help writer is an amazing place to be in. The level of desperation in people goes up everyday, thus increasing your market size. You can never run out of business. I think more people should consider this as a start up option. Write a book, if it helps people it's well and good, otherwise buy yourself that ferrari!

[antecedent-ing]

My body just gave me the usual red signal which implies I am not pregnant. Of course I knew this. I am not Virgin Mary to get pregnant without having sex, so could you tone it down miss uterus?

The dictionary defines the word “signal" as a gesture, action, or sound that is used to convey information or instructions, typically by prearrangement between the parties concerned. Signals are supposed to be mild, it is supposed to warn a person about an impending action.How the fuck is blood flowing out of the vagina a signal? If it happened to a man it would be a medical emergency. But women's bodies are made in this stupidly beautiful way that we convince ourselves that pain is an inevitable part of it. Saggy boobs, cramps, nipples that pop out like it's the leading man in a march past.

I would be fine if it was just the cramps. But the cramps had to invite it's neighbours mood swings and anxiety. You know how people compare women's bodies to temples? I think they were right. It is a temple. There are uninvited guests coming to visit me on a beautiful Wednesday morning, like they are here to perform a ritual of some sort.

I would still let it slide but for God sakes the blood that's coming out of me is just plainly disgusting. I am not expecting my uterus to expel jasmine scented blood, but it doesn't have to be this disgusting either. After all it's the uterus who , regardless of my brain's consent is hell bend on creating a place for a baby. And when it realises that there's no baby magically appearing inside the body, it stats to throw a tantrum like a 9 year old who has just lost his favorite toy. The uterus could lower it's expectations, but that nasty little piece of my body refuses to follow the laws. It refuses to send a mild signal. It refuses to give up hope.

You know how existentialist philosophers , depressed teenagers and people with a dark sense of humor say something like I want to die or I am waiting for death? That's exactly how I feel about the menstrual cycle. I just want menopause. I know popular culture has made it look like a terrible phase of a women's life, but then again when has patriarchy not vilified a women's life outside her biological purpose?

[antecedent-ing]

I am not saying that I am obsessed with the hot priest character from Fleabag. All I am saying is that if he was a priest in my church, I would become a theist and go to church every fucking day.