i can no longer be touched without remembering how you touched me
-eleos

Janaina Medeiros
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@anthologyofeleos
i can no longer be touched without remembering how you touched me
-eleos
“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”
— Ernest Hemingway
“My life was never mine to live, so what does ‘life’ mean to someone who’s never had it?"
eleos
“When people ask me about love,
I tell them about violence.
I tell them about abandonment.
I’m sorry I thought that’s what love was.
Love is never what you want it to be anyways.
It could be love,
or it could be worse.”
eleos
“The world will hold your hope by the throat until you have become your own calamitous god and your heart no longer can pity you.”
eleos
Fuck you.
If you ever touch me again
I will turn your ribs into wings
and rip out the heart you took from me
until you’re cold to the touch
and can’t catch your breath
from the haunting images
filling your brain
and your remains aren’t savored
by the bugs and birds eating away
at your worthless shell.
I hope you are forgotten.
eleos
“my boyfriends crinkles his nose when he sees me eating them.
frozen spinach quiche.
it’s a weirdly cold sunny day in florida.
i’ve been building ant hills for ants. their last home got ruined by the storm the previous night.
my feet can’t even touch the ground and i’m in an ugly sweat suit, but i’ve never felt happier.
i eat these at the kitchen table as my mom cleans the kitchen.
i smell the heat of the oven.
i am a little girl, and i will forever mourn the future she could’ve had.
she had no idea what would happen, only that the quiche is yummy and warm, and that was enough for me.
i wish i had a second chance at being a little girl.
i didn’t feel as though i had to move mountains to be loved.
i didn’t feel empty. my belly was full of warm spinach quiche.
i was just a girl.”
There are moments when the yearning consumes me so fiercely that I can only think of it while clutching my chest tightly.
eleos
You took the brightness from me.
You took my pulsating life.
eleos
You taught me how to love dreadfully and left me with nothing to grip on to.
Please
Please just give me something to hold on to
Please
eleos
I did care.
More than you ever did.
I cared very much.
I had never been in love before.
I don’t know if I ever will again.
eleos
I may think of you from time to time,
but I will consume my hands
before I ever reach for you again
eleos
I still wake up in dread that you’ll still be next to me
eleos
why did you not call for me?
eleos
you came and went like the hummingbird that flew by this morning, too close buzzing, as i stared back at it with misty eyes—
i'm sorry there is no flower here to drink its nectar from so sweet; as much as i wish i could be the lupine, or cardinal,
i am simply a bleeding heart, gnashed and torn apart, ravaged by aphids and powdery mildew that's left rot and brown spots and
no nectar here, no nectar here;
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
— Laurell K. Hamilton