Anthringe

The cutest Canadian kitty. Fictosexual | Aromantic, Romance-Repulsed | Trans: They/Them/She/Her | Will be for furry stuff in the future but just posting random stuff here for now.

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Happy International Women's Day.

Remember it's "HERWAY"!

Perfectly broken sign. 🤣

Photo taken: April 5th, 2022

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New meme idea I came up with and had to make. 💀 (Forgot to post this here.)

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Rock bottom…?:

2025 shattered any illusion of progress. 20lbs of my weight vanished without warning, each doctor visit, a hollow echo of uncertainty.

Friends crumbled under grief as I teetered on losing my own pet while my own sorrows peaked. This is my darkest era so far.

My life feels like a horror maze, every corner holds fresh torment. The furry fandom, sex and relationships, my closest friends and family members, same + lewd comments, even online fictosexual spaces, misunderstandings. Not long ago, life was bright.

Missing these old allies I used to have ruined me. I want to care about and celebrate those close to me, but as the peak exhaustion from relationship focuses and sexual pressures returned, that monstrous anger seems to have come with it. I come home from fun meetups, only to ruminate angrily on lewd comments, I want to feel happy for friends and family getting married or other success in their love lives, all I feel is more anger and resentment.

Pride festivals? Queer spaces? They've all turned hollow, I feel invisible. Alien, even.

Screenshots of past happiness with past allies stung too: I found photos of them hugging each other and discussing love and relationships. My responses? Glowing praise.

I realized the importance of these allied spaces. The anger, exhaustion, it was balanced, I had a space to share my aromantic and fictosexual views or just escape to when I wanted to talk about something else without unwanted topics. It was a team that built my confidence, my success, and it helped stop my emotions from turning destructive.

I'm trying to rebuild my place of belonging, whether through aspec friends, fictosexual friends, gender diverse friends, or someone completely different. I'm sure going to need it to prevent a future that is defined by bitterness, anger, and inaction.

For now, my dream remains, dancing in a sunlit field, safe and seen.

Photo taken: June 28th, 2025 📷: Canon EOS R8

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The hungrier downward spiral:

As 2023 came to an end and 2024 began, new problems began to arise. "The universe never ends, it just changes" was a damn good quote.

The furry fandom, meant to be an escape, became its own source of exhaustion, many focused on their real life, often queer relationships with each other, only replacing hetero expectations with homo ones. I found the furry fandom to only be another hazy notion of a home, not a true place of belonging like the one I had in 2022.

In December of 2023 I had a reunion with my close high school friends. It went well until just the end. As we were leaving, one friend just had to bring up how they had sex, to which another responded "Oh, you got some!? Good on you!" I walked ahead of them to the bus stop.

As time passed, I realized the game was just reinvented. No direct pressure for partnering and sex, instead, surrounded by talk about marriage, sex, having kids, more relationships and drama, and in the most revolting cases, lewd comments about others in public.

The months that followed were a montage of fading friendships, misbehavior, and toxic entanglements, one of those large friend groups being a packaged deal, having to lose my last asexual friend to lose the toxic ones. Slowly, my 2022 group vanished too, leaving me adrift once more.

To add insult to injury I told a twitch streamer friend about my fictosexuality and expressed I could possibly be aegosexual too: attracted to sexual situations that don't involve ones self, to which people in the chat compared aegosexuality to cuckoldry. Painful ignorance.

By the end of 2024, I was watching a queer YouTube creator's holiday video. It started out wholesome, happy holidays to queer people who may be struggling this season. However, it ended on a hollow platitude: "You aren't alone."

Heh, alone and have been for three years now!

Photo taken: July 2nd, 2024 📷: Canon EOS R8

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Together in the end:

After a decade of self-discovery, 2023 marked a turning point. I embarked on my gender transition in January and I openly joined the furry fandom a community where I felt seen.

Learning about aromanticism and romance repulsed provided clarity about my lifelong aversion to romantic norms. And allowed me to finally accept how I wanted to have sensual friendships without romantic or sexual intentions, and how I'd even consider someone I was sexually involved with equally in my friend groups; simply a friend with different boundaries, though, this relationship remains impossible given my fictosexuality.

It was an important fact I learned too that led to my transition; not to minimize sadness, but to maximize happiness. I realized that I felt happier identifying as a woman than a man. As Maxwell Lord said in Wonder Woman: "Life is good… but it can be better!" It went well, coming out thrice felt surreal, although it was all met with support once again.

Near the end of 2023, I first learned about the label "Fictosexual" as it gained some more traction online, in LGBTQIA+ wikis and info sources, as well as on Google and other parts of the internet. It was added to Wikipedia a year later though, and only in 2025 was it dropped from a "fringe topic". Inversely, I learned Fictosexuality has been known in the east for several years in places like Taiwan and Japan.

I finally felt like I had, call it a landing label, the "closest to" I could get that was just a little less broad than asexual.

As 2023 ended I basked in camaraderie with cool friends and asexual allies, no more toxic relationship pressure or at least people to discuss it with. It was a fleeting, bittersweet ending.

However, in not too long, the smoke would clear, and leave only a new labyrinth of loneliness, hardship, destruction, and new struggles.

Photo taken: July 31st, 2023 📷: Google Pixel 4a

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The last peak:

This led slowly to my second coming… out in 2021-2022 to friends and family who were more supportive this time around, and it went better thanks to years of honing my explanation of fictosexuality

Despite early 2022's struggles, I found a great community of friends who accepted and some who even shared my interests in anthropomorphic animals and also met a genuine furry for once, a welcome respite from all the hate and the 2018 “lolcow” era.

I finally felt like my life had peaked again after a long, dark two years. I felt less stress and pressure from all sides about relationships, sex, and romance, and had people who I could share and discuss anthro animal content with who also didn't seem interested in discussing dating or relationships and some of them were even in the asexual spectrum themselves!

It was a perfect escape to talk about things that truly interested me instead of constant romantic and sexual pressure, and, it doubled as a place that I finally found others who shared my sexual attraction to anthro animals, and one where it wasn't discussed alongside real life relationships.

In short, I finally felt like I had a place to belong, a home away from home, after years of searching for that very thing, being alone. But as a wise quote goes: "TRUST ME, that downward spiral is still there, you are just far away from it, and when it gets close, it will be BIGGER AND HUNGRIER"

This went on from May-November 2022 when the (unrelated) community crumbled thanks to the owner being a scammer and compulsive liar. Things began to crack and crumble, though, I still was able to stay in touch with most of the cooler people I met there, and things in my life weren't dire. Under two years later however, things would fall apart fast and eventually, end up arguably worse than ever.

Photo taken: October 4th, 2022 📷: Google Pixel 4a

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I didn't know I was aromantic, societal pressure, comphet, allonormativity closes in:

This was until my later years in high school, starting in grade 10. The relentless chatter about dating, “drama” and societal expectations for romance began to suffocate me.

I couldn't describe it at the time, but it was this time in my life that made me realize I wasn't only fictosexual, I was aromantic as well, I never felt a "crush" like all of these other people, even for anthro animal characters, it was more of a sexual attraction.

I first "came out" to a small group of friends in grade 11 and found, just one who supported me, though, didn't share my feelings or attractions.

The pressure closed in from all sides after: The constant questions ("Why no partner?" "You’re attractive, why not date?") fueled self-doubt. I felt compelled to "try harder" to fit in, my aromanticism a silent burden weighed against societal norms. The annual onslaught of Valentine’s Day, health class lectures, and comphet celebrations amplified my shame.

My first, true coming out in 2019, led to mixed reactions, some friends and family members supported me, others misunderstood.

Later on, I had a 2021 depression episode, triggered by unrelated and orientation-related issues, worsened by rigid orientation views. "Why question your sexuality? It’s obvious!"

Supportive friends and self-reflection through inspirational media like Dark Harvest helped heal me, ultimately leading to the realization of being a bi-fictosexual in October, attracted exclusively to anthropomorphic animals of both genders.

That's also when I discovered the term "digisexual" (once tracing back to Akihiko Kondo), before it became more robot/electronic central. It gave me hope for a label that mirrored my lived experience.

Photo taken: December 9th, 2019 📷: Asus Zenfone 3 Max

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How I discovered I was fictosexual and only attracted to anthropomorphic animal characters:

Even at 13, I had an early love for horror, so I naturally was captivated by Five Nights at Freddy's in 2014.

But in 2015, as puberty hit and and peers began exploring relationships, I found I never really had what someone would call a "crush" and didn't have any physical attraction to boys or girls.

My curiosity, fueled by peers, led me to search (now silly) things like "sexy girls" on Google Images, to which, I still found no real attraction to them.

Later when I decided to look up FNAF fan art however… I was actually attracted to some of the characters at that time.

Eventually, I diversified my search and found out about "furry" not because of the fandom, but because I realized I could find those art pieces I liked by searching "furry…" followed by an animal.

However, I later contrasted these with the search terms from before, involving humans, and found a resounding conclusion: I lacked sexual interest in humans but found myself aroused by anthropomorphic animal characters. This is how I learned I was fictosexual much before such a label existed.

By middle school's end, I came out to my mom and friends, armed with immature vocabulary and limited understanding, confusion arose, and there were a complete lack of labels like “fictosexual” at the time.

Later on in high school, there was some bullying from sharing this with the wrong people. Despite this however, I maintained a relatively normal school life, just while indulging in anthro animal fantasies privately.

Photo taken (1): May 25th, 2016 Photo taken (2): February 22nd, 2017 📷: GoPro Hero 4 Silver (1) Samsung Galaxy Grand Prime (2)

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Heavy year end posts coming up.

After the last few posts I made, I'm now going to tell my whole story that I've been working tirelessly documenting and summarizing.

I hope, in telling my story, I'll finally be able to find someone else who shares some of my struggles like I used to have.

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Pride Month Post 3:

In this post I'll be talking about how I am as an aromantic person and sort of a middle ground between both my orientations.

I only realized I was aromantic about 2-3 years ago. I was under the impression aromantic meant not liking physical touch, but that’s asensual.

Honestly, it's been a wild ride. I finally realized the real reason I always felt so uncomfortable with people talking to me about why I don't have a partner and such. I never really understood the idea of a "romantic partner" and why people separated them or saw them as on a different level than friends. If I had someone I was sexually involved with, I'd let them participate in my larger friend group as an equal. The possessive nature, at times, always made me uncomfortable, the idea "I'm yours, your mine" No “one” owns a person to me!

I find the increase in sex scenes and queer media to only further isolate me. Just a new twist of romance to ruin more entire arcs for me. Sex scenes, too make me physically uncomfortable given my romantic and sexual orientation, I saw this one meme of an asexual likening it to getting hit in the face with a pie, it’s a perfect representation of it to me, I feel a physical impact whenever I'm suddenly blasted by one. It's no wonder I found myself so drawn to unfiction, and obscure webseries that don't rely on romance and sex, or at least, it's only subtly implied. It's not that I hate romance in stories, more just that,relating to a story is the most important part, so it's like observing all of these things I've never felt before, like trying to understand some kind of foreign dialect almost. Those entire plot arcs are just boring and confusing to me.

I also find the same often with family and friends discussing sex, romance, or those they are attracted to. Someone else said it best: it feels like a hype that never ends… I want to set those boundaries, to communicate those topics make me physically uncomfortable, however, I feel it's unreasonable, like limiting others' freedom. So, it often creates a divide or frustration with the other people in my life, even some of those who are closest to me.

(Also, I'm not sure who made the original meme, so sorry I can't credit you!)

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Pride Month Post 2:

"You're not alone"; what a dumb platitude, it's something everyone says but many know they don't mean.

After leaving the crumbling community in 2022, I sought others who understood. The furry fandom seemed promising, but I found myself surrounded by people focused on real-life relationships. Another disappointment.

I lost confidence for a while, but eventually found fictosexual communities online, only to find people gloating about their fictional relationships and buying a lot of merchandise of a character they love. I faced rejection there too. When I shared my more sexual attraction to fictional characters, I was met with the cold response: “That doesn't belong here, because it's still considered more normal.” Even in toxic online spaces, I'd never encountered such hurtful dismissal. It might’ve honestly been my fault for not prefacing that I may still want a friendship or different relationship with fictional characters I’m attracted to, but the damage has already been done.

The hypocrisy stung. Every orientation has diverse tastes, yet fictosexuals must adhere to a certain standard of “less normal”? My attraction to characters didn't translate to boasting or gloating; it was simply part of who I am. Why the need to shout my feelings from the rooftops? Plus, I don't even think a lot of the characters I've had feelings for in the past are even popular enough to have a lot of merchandise made of them in the first place.

Now, I cling to hope, searching for understanding trans individuals and asexual/aromantic folks. But after nearly three years adrift, I struggle to find my footing or approach these communities, where do I even start? Even those with similar attractions reject me. Most of my real-life acquaintances can't relate and prefer not to discuss these feelings.

Being a sub-minority within a sub-minority comes with a bitter laugh. I'm not alone, heh, yeah right!

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Pride Month Post 1:

Before heading out to the festival, I had to head somewhere first, my only, last, true home. Wilson.

In 2019, I first came out to more people I was "fictoseuxal" and kind of asexual, Being only attracted to anthropomorphic animals. I got… mixed responses but nothing overly negative directly, though, I had no one to relate to for years.

In 2020 though, one moment would change the course of my life forever. A miracle, however, one that shows "luck" also requires skill and action. One YouTube video led me down a two year path of my life.

Through this, I would eventually find a community of people, around an entirely different topic, that accepted my sexual oreintation and I was able to talk to and share things about it with them. That all fell apart in November of 2022 sadly due to a huge situation.

However, the important part is, that it took me the confidence, effort, and bravery to actually put myself out there in those communities and seek out those interactions. For the most part, I don't have that anymore. It's a vicious cycle, I don't have the group of people I feel support me, but I also lack the confidence to find and replace those people in those roles.

At least at that time, until about 2024, I did know some asexual friends who were the closest I could relate to, however, due to, again, circumstances not caused by them themselves, they are no longer in my life anymore.

I've been without a true home for years. I've had nowhere since.

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I have revised my romantic orientation post from last year as it's Pride Weekend.

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I have revised my sexual orientation post from last year as it's Pride Weekend. This one was changed and updated more than my aromantic one.

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Reposting from my other accounts.

I've revised my trans coming out post from last year so it's a bit clearer and up to date.

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Everyone's been making posts for Pride Month, so I thought I would too. More to come too, probably.

I AM alone.

There's a phrase thrown around by many, especially in the queer community: "You are not alone." However, years and experinces have taught me I AM alone.

Sure, I guess in general terms of being Transgender, Aromantic, and other things, there are "others like me" however, too close, but not quite. As a fictosexual person, especially as someone who's more repulsed to romance, I am alone pretty much everywhere.

You can point to queer communities, instead of straight romance, it's homosexual/bisexual romance and sex!

Even in the Furry Fandom, there's still such an overarching presence of talking about the real life relationships between furries. Even in the places where I feel the closest to home, where I want to be a home, it's just being alone and different, simply with different twists.

Even fictosexual people online don't like me because I don't participate in the absolute "gloating" they do by buying merchandise of their loved character, constantly talking about them, or shipping themselves with them. I feel this is partly because I'm aromantic, but also because I just don't really feel the need to "overshare" info about any kind of relationship. Like, I don't get why the idea is if you have a "partner" you are obliged to shout it from the hilltops, like, why does it even matter SO MUCH!?!?

All of my close friends around me talking about relationships, who they find "hot", and sex... It's just all so irrelevant and annoying to me.

The closest people I've had who understand that are asexual people, which, I don't have in my life anymore.

It's going to take another miracle to be able to find a place I feel I belong like I had years ago. I don't see it happening. I don't even know where I'd start.

Photo taken: April 8th, 2025

📷: Canon EOS R8

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Happy aromantic awareness week 2025, everyone! For this year I made some new versions of my (totally real) advertising campaign: "Single, never taken" (Yup, it's a spin off of Wendy's Fresh, never frozen. 🤣)

Last year's version of the ad shows up too in the third photo, however, in a new subway scene photo lol.