HORROR VACUI

Rose // 23 // lesbian

[anthropogonie]

It took me 29 years to 'discover that everything I ever thought was wrong with me is just autism

[mothprincess]

stop trying to be palatable, stop trying to be palatable, stop

[mothprincess]

i give u full permission to be weird. i am signing your permission slip

[propertiesofjoy]

textual notes on antigone i found interesting

[imifos]

@dyouknowwhatimean this is killing me

[bigandretired-deactivated202501]

[anthropogonie]

I am turning thirty in 9 months so naturally I'm reflective but what ive realised is that i shouldve never left tumblr

[sarpedon]

"i have the right of way" was a form of protective charm uttered by urban travellers in the early 21st century. They believed this phrase acted as a ward against danger and injury, invoking the divine spirit of 'Traffic Law', one of their primary deities.

[pastel-valentinev2]

[anthropogonie]

I am back, but who is still on here?

[nyancrimew]

i love the word "ostensibly", you can write some mean ass sentences with it

[bigandretired-deactivated202501]

[fieldrecording]

you think you’re sisyphus but you’re actually the fuckass boulder

[octopussayswatermouth]

[anthropogonie]

It's like I just woke up from a deep winter sleep. I don't know how it happened, although I do know when: it all started when I fell in love with someone everyone warned me not to get with, and by the point they had isolated me from everyone in my life it was already too late. It's a tale as old as time. And yet. That's how it goes.

The worst things I get myself into is always the danger I know. I know and I do it anyway. Something, everything, tells me to stop and I continue. What if? But what if.

So here I am again, I don't even know why, and now I'm confronted with who I was before I met them. I can't help but feel sad for the person I lost. The friends I lost because of them.

And i'm doing well, i guess, I have a loving partner and a great job. And yet. I feel like I buried myself and I need to get her back.

I jsut move one and move on and move on and my days are filled with to do lists and I tick them off one by one. But where's the fun, where's me, where's everything where did my 20s go?

[anthropogonie]

It's strange to be back here, this corner of the internet where I spent so much of my younger years, where I discovered my favourite writers and learnt about intersectionality, where I talked to my friends and where I met my first girlfriend, but mostly where I was sad. Where I wrote about how much I hated myself and how hard life was and all the struggles, and I found people that felt the exact same way. It's strange to be back and discover it's just a website. I don't know what I expected.

I'm old now, I guess, I have a job and a life and a purpose. I found myself, you could say maybe? But so much of who I am ties back to this place.

I'm scrolling through what I posted here, and I am struck with how beautiful it all is. I remember the sadness, the nights crying and posting here, but I don't remember much else. But besides the darkness, there's so much beauty here too. Did I even notice it? I have a job as a writer. I have more friends than I ever thought I had, and so many events I go to. Dinner parties. Cinema nights. My life feels so full and yet, when I look at all this beauty I curated here, I feel a wave of nostalgia and sadness and perhaps regret.

[thecartierrug]

[spi-ltmilk]

https://www.instagram.com/p/B3kYIcCgBTN/?igshid=1l8bibr66xvty

[hirokazukoreeda]

Céline Sciamma at Bong Joon Ho’s ‘Parasite’ Oscars After-Party.