Random thoughts by random mice

A space for me to vent my crazy thoughts without being disowned by my relatives. P.S - If this blog goes quiet for a while, it means I'm in a better place mentally.

[ohioisonfiire]

I’ve met some pricks in my time but you are the fucking cactus.

[ohioisonfiire]

Came on tumblr for the first time in a long time just to check this post, woah

[anti-manager-mouse-platter]

ITS 18 DEGREES AND ITS SO COLD I CANT EAT WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN CANADA

[badjokesbyjeff]

A man was away on a business trip, and decided to call his wife and to let her know he had arrived safely

A little girl picks up the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi, Honey. This is Daddy, is mommy near the phone?” Daddy asks

“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Paul.”

After a brief pause, Daddy says “But, honey, you haven’t got an uncle Paul.”

“Oh, yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with mommy, right now.”

Dad takes a second to process this, then speaks. “Uh, ok, then this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to mommy that daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it, daddy!”

“And what happened, honey?” he asked

“Well mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my god! what about uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t knew that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”

A long, silent pause

Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool?……. Is this 418-6819?”

[cryptotheism]

Please for the love of God do not interpret my off the cuff edutainment posting as academically sound information. If you want rigorous, professionally edited shit, that's what my Patreon is for. Here, I am but a slave to the bit.

[anti-manager-mouse-platter]

Phlebotomists be like "I didn't find a vein" and you look down like bitch where's this blood coming from then??

[girlblocker]

fun game! mutuals what would you do with $250 000 that wasn’t paying a ticket to get in a giant tin can to see an underwater mass grave?

[anti-manager-mouse-platter]

explaining my medical lore to the ambulance smh

[toastbutteregg]

[punished-venom-solitair-e]

[disgustingplants]

[anti-manager-mouse-platter]

my disappointment

is immeasurable and

my day is ruined

[depsidase]

[bunjywunjy]

hm.

well. that's.

hm.

[anti-manager-mouse-platter]

Fuck thats perfect!

[memeclassheroes]

[noahnomore]

[prokopetz]

I mean, yes, I could have put all that in a single post, but an increasingly unhinged self-reblog chain has better dramatic pacing.

[prokopetz]

[leaves the room, then immediately marches right back in, finger upraised] And another thing

[teaboot]

Gonna start responding to large walls of mediocre text with "vanilla extract"

[slimetony]

i fucking hate frowning

[anti-manager-mouse-platter]

well, I do too, but you don't see me complaining about it.

[coughloop]

10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board

[fearthefuzzybear]

[anti-manager-mouse-platter]

there they go!