Dagur the Deranged

[anti-willo-dagur]

DID | He (singular) / They (plural) | 20+

Graphics created by us.

INTO THE ANTI-WILLO-VERSE!!

(inspired by @anti-willo-miku & @anti-willo-hiccup)

Hi! I'm Dagur. I'll be honest I'm just gonna talk about CDDs (our personal experience), maybe making fun of things we find in pluralpedia and some memes, little more, consider this a salt vlog of sorts. Our own content won't be too serious and anything intelligent will be revlogs from smarter systems than ours is.

An important note: If we have a disagreement in the comments assume ignorance before ill will, while we don't want to be educated (as in: dont try to turn us pro endo/willo), we don't want to start generational levels of war either and we CAN fuck up so.

Lastly: We're an uni student aka I don't have much time, so this vlog might go inactive from time to time. Apologies if there are any delays!

[tailshas2tails]

Sysblr when a Black person tells them to not be a bigot by using xenophobic and racist terms: Hmmm I’m just gonna ignore that and scroll past that. Who cares if I say I crash out? It’s just a normal phrase to say

Sysblr when a POC explains the intersectionality between systemhood and being a POC is nothing white systems can understand even if they have felt hurt or bigotry: Ahhh did you guys see that post? Me neither. Eh whatever, moving on.

Sysblr when it’s time to straw man arguments on either side and tell each other to kill themselves and spending time accusing the other side of being evil disgusting harassers: YES! THIS is what we should spend our time on!

[hazedxg0]

Reminder that alters can only split from trauma. Alters are highly complex dissociative compartmentalizations of traumatic memory that are reliant on PTSD in order to exist on a neuropsychological level. Your brain cannot compartmentalize a trauma memory if there is no trauma memory to compartmentalize.

Alters and the self-states that make up PTSD develop from the same process, just on different levels of complexity. If it were possible to split alters without trauma it would also have to be possible to develop PTSD without trauma, which it obviously isn't.

And importantly, splitting because of stress is not an exception to this.

The development of alters and PTSD is tied to a person's integrative capacity, which is made up of their mental energy and mental efficacy (ability to use that energy effectively).

When both of these are high, the person will easily be able to integrate their experiences even if those experiences are stressful or frightening. When both are low, the person will lose their ability to engage in more high level integrative actions, making them more vulnerable to structural dissociation until their integrative capacity recovers.

Chronic stress lowers a person's integrative capacity and prevents it from regenerating, and as a result people who have experienced complex trauma (which is required for the development of DID) tend to be stuck in a constant state of low mental energy and efficacy.

As such, if you have already been severely traumatized over and over, you are much more vulnerable to being traumatized again, even in response to things that a non-traumatized person would likely be able to cope with. This is what people commonly refer to as the "window of tolerance".

However, when that threshold is crossed, it is still a trauma response even if we wouldn't traditionally call the event that caused it "trauma". Neuropsychologically speaking, the exact same process of developing PTSD for the first time is happening when you split because of stress. Trauma is still trauma to your body and mind even if you're choosing not to label it that way.

Saying that alters can split without trauma because of stress is misinformation, because the entire point of the window of tolerance is that it is easier to become traumatized when in a state of chronic stress.

[tailshas2tails]

So how many times did we get traumatized if we have fragments in the billions just hanging out here

I’m wondering if this means splitting a new identified alter or if this has anything to do with fragmentation of if it’s a different thing entirely

Because I don’t know, it was OEA so many we did split billions of times. Makes sense to me.

I saw someone say in a study dissociation causes it too. How is dissociation traumatizing? Isn’t that the coping mechanism? So I’m curious on your thoughts on that

[hazedxg0]

In short: a single traumatic event can cause a person to split more than once if the event is severe enough and the person's distress tolerance is low.

The majority of parts in people with high fragment counts are what's called parallel and sequential parts. These develop when a traumatic event is so distressing and overwhelming that a single EP cannot contain all aspects of the event, and so multiple form instead.

Parallel parts refer to multiple EPs that hold different "sides" of the same traumatic event. The most common form of this are observing and experiencing EPs, where one part remembers the visual and auditory components of the event but is severely emotional disconnected from it, and another part vividly remembers the physical sensations and emotions of the event but lacks logical understanding of the event.

Parallel structural dissociation can be more complex than this as well, such as splitting one part for the sights, one for the sounds, one for the physical sensations and one for the emotions. Potentially even more if these different "sub-aspects" of the event are traumatic enough.

In addition to this, there is also sequential parts that hold different "stages" of the event. For example one part for the beginning, one for the "peak" of the trauma, and one for recovering after the fact. You can also have parallel and sequential structural dissociation occurring at the same time, and therefore split multiple sets of EPs for different aspects of the event at multiple different stages of the event.

People with high fragment counts also tend to have a higher number of ANPs as well, due them to the traumatic nature of their lives leading to them compartmentalizing the functions of daily life into much smaller fragments. This occurs in a similar to fashion to what's described above, with multiple ANP fragments fronting at the same time or in quick succession.

As for "dissociation causing it", dissociation is the mechanism behind splitting if that's what you mean. You can't split if you don't dissociate. Dissociation also makes a person more vulnerable to being traumatized, due to it involving constantly low levels of mental energy and efficacy that prevents otherwise allow healthy processing of distressing events.

The chronic flashbacks and internal conflicts experienced by those with structural dissociation may also build up to trauma in some cases, especially combined when with other stressors.

Hopefully all of that makes sense.

[seraphite-system]

Found this and decided to share here <3

[anti-willo-dagur]

I just found out about Build a Headmate/Alter accounts.

If it helps you find names for your blurry laters or mentally go "okay that's not it, that's not it, OH! THAT'S IT!", be my guest. I think Pinterest might be better, but to each their own.

I'm not coming after anti Endo and co. versions of this because I know pinpointing an alter can be tough sometimes, especially if they're being propousfully obtuse about who they are and you're just trying to archive them (we're dealing with that rn).

But from what I've seen it's mostly Endo and co. going "uuum, I wanna have a headmate that's x, y and z sooo bad, can you help me and do all the work to create this super original OC" and the acc spitting out an admittedly very aesthetically pleasing moodboard, okay names, and the most unoriginal info to attach to it.

[anti-willo-dagur]

I like to go to pro endo tags every so often to block ppl, that said, sometimes I'm curious (I have the tags blocked so I can't see the posts) and click on one.

Tell me why I just saw someone posting their triggers right next to their littles (who tend to be the most vulnerable members of a system)...

[anti-willo-dagur]

I just saw a pro endo character acc that is one of my favorite characters ever and it pissed me off so bad.

"omg he would be open minded enough to accept endos"

No no, would he think you still might have some sort of mental illness? Sure. But I think saying he wouldn't be smart enough to not be down with ableism is a tall tale.

[ladyorlandodream]

[anti-willo-skywalker]

I don't care that the system community would be smaller without endos, I think that would be a good thing actually

[anti-willo-dagur]

Gentle reminder!

It's okay to split.

You have a complex dissociative disorder that gets triggered with stress / new trauma.

Should you work through what is likely your main maladaptive coping mechanism no matter your end goal? Yes, absolutely so.

But it is okay. It's a very difficult task to do with professional help, let alone on your own. Give yourself some grace.

It's not the end of the world if you split. Just take a deep breath and keep going.

Having in mind we're going through it still I thought this reminder might be nice, even if it's mostly for us.

[therapatical]

POSTING FOR VISIBILITY, PLEASE SPREAD

IF YOU ARE IN KENTUCKY OR KNOW ANYONE IN KENTUCKY, PLEASE SHARE

adding directly from image transcriptions:

IF SEEN, POTENTIALLY OR LIKELY, CALL THE CORVINGTON POLICE DEPT: 770-786-7605

REPORT ANY SIGHTINGS AND/OR FINDINGS TO THEIR CONTACT WEBSITE HERE: covingtonpolice.com/Contactus

AND/OR go directly to the Corvington Police Station.

[gondorrevealparty]

baseball interviewers will ask "how do you throw the ball so good" and Mariners players will casually drop that they have a headmate who plays the game for them

[jadeharleyinc]

all my alters become walters when i pitch the baseball of success

[punkitt-is-here]

[4ft10tvlandfangirl]

About Gaza Funds

[antiradqueef]

[fontainians]

I don't know if this is the place, but I don't feel comfortable sharing this with any other blogs.

I faked DID.

Not intentionally, not really. I was 13, isolated, and heavy into Discord servers, Amino, and Pinterest communities. I surrounded myself with the most "progressive supportive understanding people" I could. They taught me about the disorder, encouraged me to make a plurakit and set up a simply plural even when while I was "questioning", they introduced me to endogenic systems and of the like. I was heavily pro-endo. Not because I actually understood, but because I hadn't done the proper research; I was young, vulnerable, and in a state where these (pro) endo spaces took advantage of that. No actual sources, no long conversations, just convincing me they are okay and valid by word of mouth alone. And I believed it.

I was fully convinced for two years I had DID, that I had alters, no other symptom was there unless I forced it or performed it. They encouraged this. Said I could will alters into existence. Said I didn't need trauma. Said even if I wasn't a system, I could be one if I wanted.

Its been years now, I struggle with identity issues to a point of extreme dissociation. I haven't had a stable identity in years, leading me to believe I may have developed something im unaware of. I struggle with lying, I don't know why I do it, but I project on others and ghost others repeatedly and rapidly in fear. In fear that it isn't me talking to them, that I was preforming all over again. I can't hold relationships because of this. I also deal heavily with depression, intrusive thoughts, and sometimes hallucinations.

This isn't me trying to vent, I wanted to share my experience on here as an example of how these spaces and communities can seriously mess someone up. Especially a child. Even now, in adulthood, I am still affected by those years and it has taken major amount of healing to even realize as of lately that much of what I experience now–was a 13 year old me, sitting in a discord server, and forcing myself to preform for others because they said it was okay and valid.

sorry for spelling/grammatical errors. -🦈

I’m sorry you went through that. I don’t have a lot to say now but thank you for sharing your experience.

[solarandsystem]

SYSTEM INFOGRAPHICS

SUB-SYSTEMS: " Subsystems are groups of alters within the system, or alters with their own alters "

SIDE-SYSTEMS: " Side systems are systems disconnected completely from the main system, caused by forced and intentional dissociation from a programmer " . "system hoppers are a ramcoa coined and exclusive term to refer to alters who can go between the main system and side system"

LAYERS: " Layers are still a part of the main system, but are often literally on top of or under the main system. they can be described as a large subsystem with higher dissociative barriers and often their own innerworld. Unlike sidesystems they are not inherently formed via intentional dissociation by programmers, and alters from different layers or the main system can still be aware of them and the layers existence "

[anti-willo-dagur]

I may have girlbossed too close to the sun