how have u been!!! do u have any thoughts about the new update???
aaa okay so the past couple of months were a rollercoaster of downs and deeper downs but i'm doing a lot better now! i totally lost touch with everything i enjoy and writing was one of them sadly. but i miss it and want to pick it up again c:
i'm absolutely loving penacony so far! the chaos, the entire sweet-dream-with-dark-secret thing doing on, the plot twists that had me on the edge of my seat... AVENTURINE. I FELL REALLY HARD FOR THE SUS GAMBLER BOY. but yes the story is great and there ate so many silly little things going on in the new locations i love love love it!!
help ive been so busy being unhinged on my new anime blog that i forgot that i also have a hsr blog,, uh maybe its time to go back to my drafts and write
rule: refresh your pinterest and save the 3rd pic, 4 times. that's your aesthetic.
I was tagged by @mykneeshurt (Hii!! Long time no see ❤️)
Why does this lowkey fit together? (with a sprinkle of imagination of coure)
I took the liberty of finding the creators of the two fanarts used: Feng Xin (upper left) by @/Twins_side on Twitter [source] and Satoru Gojo (lower left) by @/wrt_428 on Twitter [source] (fun fact, I have the Gojo fanart printed on my phone case).
🏷️ (no pressure and sorry if you've already been tagged): @moondirti @vagabond-umlaut @crysugu @shotorus @satoruhour @kennedyswhore @uhlunaro @kazushawty & anyone else wanting to join!
thank you for the tag, anya and @hiraethsdesires 🩷
wow, this is accurate… (the cats are tenn and my cats btw /delulu hfhdjs there’s a card of him w those exact cats okay? let me dream. alternatively, the cats are kazuha and me ehe)
rules: when you get this you have to put 5 songs you actually listen to, then tag some people!
tagged by @ollierachnid , who has the music taste ever <3 thanks man!
no pressure tags: @alexxmason , @sstewyhosseini , @jillvalentinesday , and anybody else who wants to share some tunes!
gloria // laura branigan
dancing with tears in my eyes // ultravox
she blinded me with science (2009 remastered) // thomas dolby
cheerleader // ashnikko
americano // lady gaga
these are all ear worms, and 3 of them are because i've been playing metal gear religiously <3
it's been ages since i got tagged in this but i totally forgot about it ahh i'm so sorry ;_; anyway thanks !! i love sharing my music taste so this was super fun :D
chase atlantic — meddle about
milky chance — colorado
enhypen — drunk-dazed
chase atlantic — slow down
HOYO-MiX — wildfire
i'm not sure who to tag, so feel free to do this if you'd like !!
so i met daman mills today ( blade en va ) and he was so nice ??? like, i thought it was just a quick signing but apparently it was a whole ass meet n greet so i got to talk to him and he was so sweeet !!! really nice n easy to talk to ( i was so nervous beforehand hhh ) but it just melted away when we started talking. and !!! i got a signed blade print and he tried to pronounce my name ( which is pretty hard for foreigners ) and he actually managed really well ? he also did a few lines in bladie's voice :> all with all it was such a cool experience and i had a blast <333
summary: fear of abandonment is terrible, but your lover is there for you.
cw: reader has fear of abandonment, dark thoughts, fluff, hurt/comfort, established relationship
enyo's note: please, just please, don't come at me saying "this is toxic" or anything like that. this work is personal, so much that i'm hesitant to upload it but i still chose to do so in case more people are struggling with this. fear of abandonment is something serious and it's super hard to deal with. we don't choose to freak out when our person isn't near. we don't choose to need constant reassurance that they won't leave us. we don't want any of that. this is what it looks like for me on a bad day. feel free to come talk to me if you're struggling with the same !!
content under the cut | masterlist
lonely.
that's what you felt when you sat alone in the empty compartment of the astral express. there was no one, and that wasn't good for your mindset. you were restless, antsy, afraid, your mind wandering off to dan heng the entire time. it was always like that when he wasn't around you, but when you were utterly alone, it got severely worse.
nothing seemed to help; seeking distraction did nothing, it brought no peace to your mind to text march or himeko or anyone else, you couldn't focus on any activities, which let your mind roam endlessly.
where was dan heng? what was he doing? why wasn't he responding? was he okay? did something happen? was he going to leave you behind? your mind paused at the last line, realization hitting you like a truck.
the possibility was there.
leaving you was always an option, right? and to you, it seemed very likely. you weren't a fun and easy person; you were troubled, broken even. tearing at the seams almost perpetually. sure, you had your good moments, but did those make it worth to stick around? you had no idea, but the longer dan heng stayed away, the more you started to doubt his return. sure, you trusted dan heng – or you wanted to, at least. your fear of abandonment often wouldn't let you fully trust him.
everything was okay as long as he was with you, but as soon as he left to do something, fear crept up your spine, leaving you short of breath and extremely worried. bad habits awoke, you kept checking your phone, the express' entrance, every single thing that could hint at dan heng's arival was on your radar. it was tiring, so tiring, but you couldn't help it.
and you felt guilty. you just wanted to let dan heng live his life without having to consider you all the time. sure, he told you so many times that it was okay, that he chose to console you as anxiety struck, that you could text him whenever you needed him. but you refused; you didn't want to bother him. that would only drive him away eventually, right?
so you suffered alone.
your heart was beating frantically, following the cadance of your unsteady thoughts. it was pointless, it was useless, you were useless, you told yourself. couldn't even stand an hour without your beloved. what kind of toxic partner were you? it was certain, he was going to leave you sooner or later, just because you were a failure who could do nothing. everyone left, so why wouldn't he do the same?
tears of distress welled up in your eyes, and your breath stuttered. you felt truly alone, as if he had abandoned you already. maybe he really did, seeing how he left the express two hours ago. yet, you still refused to text him, despite the many times dan heng told you to reach out if you needed him.
you just couldn't burden him like that.
it felt like ages when the compartment's door slipped open, and footsteps came inside. you gazed up and found dan heng approaching you, and you swore you felt your heart levitate in your chest for a moment. relief washed over you and you wanted to jump up and hug the life out of your boyfriend. he was back!
it must've been obvious that you had been crying, as a look of worry ghosted over dan heng's features. his quiet grey eyes looked right through you, and he instantly knew what was up.
"y/n, i told you to text me if this happened," he lightly scolded you, pulling you to your feet and engulfing you in a tight hug.
"don't wanna bother you," you mumbled against the fabric of his clothes. "i don't want you to feel trapped just because i have separation anxiety."
"we've been over this, angel," dan heng sighed, his puff of breath rustling your hair. "you're too hard on yourself. you're not bothering me at all. i love you on good days and bad days alike, and as we enjoy your good days, i want to help you on your bad days. never forget that, love."
you breathed in his scent, relishing in the comfort it brought to you. he was with you again, he didn't leave, and he still loved you. with your voice still muffled by the fabric, you told him you loved him too, as you slowly felt the fear that had your body rigid diminishing. darkness slipped from your mind as dan heng held you closely, until all was good again.
"listen, angel," dan heng began, loosening the hug to cup your cheeks instead. he made you look at him, and his gaze was solemn. "i won't leave you. not today, not tomorrow, not ever in my life. and i will remind you every day. got that?"
you nodded, feeling as if you were on cloud nine. dan heng was right; you've been through so much together, he saw you on your darkest days, and he was still with you. if only you would remember that as anxiety rose, but such was wistful thinking. once you were alone again, the cycle would repeat itself, and you'd be terrified once more, as if the reassurance of today never happened.
fear of abandonment was painful, it tore you apart so often, writhing in your mind like a sick disease. but you had gotten lucky to find a patient lover, one who treated you right and never grew tired of reassuring you – as much as you needed.
it was true.
dan heng wouldn't leave you.
you smiled at him, and he offered you a faint smile in return. you knew he wouldn't move from your side today, and you leaned against him lovingly. another episode had passed, peace had returned.
i suppose i'm just really hesitant to post it ? like maybe i'm scared of being judged, of being called toxic or anything like that. i'll upload it in case there are others who struggle, just like me, but eh, i don't want any negativity :/
okay okay, i’m getting out of my shell too bc trust me, i never know how to initiate conversations either but… do you have any headcanons for you and dan heng as a couple? 🥰🍁
i hope you’re having a good weekend and taking care, mwah !!
this has been in my inbox for so long and i'm so sorry TT but this ask has been on my mind the entire time and just, i loved thinking about it and here we gooo~
i'm super energetic ( adhd ayee ) while dan heng is more calm n quiet, so i guess that makes quite the interesting dynamic !! because of his calmth i manage to regulate my bursts of energy way better !! also i can totally see him secretly entertained by my hyperactive moments, although he wouldn't admit that. it shows from the tiny smile he tries but fails to hide hehe :>
once i feel at ease around someone i literally won't stop talking ( unless depresso hits ) and i can see him being a rly good listener !! so that's just right; dan heng lets me ramble while he listens patiently, paying close mind to my words even when i'm outing pure nonsense – he finds everything i say important !!
we don't rly go on standard dates such as to the movies or dinner at fancy restaurants but instead we love to retreat to a silent place and spend time together. it just suits us better, since we don't like busy places with lots of noise n all. whether it's stargazing ( which is pretty easy in space lol ) or hanging out in the archive room or cuddling somewhere quiet, we rly enjoy it !!
i'm not always happy, though. when the darkness hits i think dan heng is the perfect companion for me. he has a sweet side that he keeps especially for me and he rly pampers me in his own way when i'm not feeling well <3 he lets me complain, rant, cry, listening patiently until everything is out and then we just cuddle while he tells me everything will be okay :)
he's also my personal agenda. i'm very forgetful while his mind is very much more organized. so i will tell him everything that's important and he'll be like "remember your appointment at four." and "have you taken your meds already, angel?" and "don't forget to do do your laundry today." and suddenly, boom, he makes me function like a normal person :D ( somewhat )
he calls me "angel" <3 i have such a soft spot for that pet name and i can see him using it ( i can picture it in his voice and <333 )
he lets me pick out a phone case for him >:) as much as i love black ( i literally only wear black clothes lol ) i just think his phone case needs a little update !! but he soon has his mind set on a clear case with a polaroid of the 2 of us together behind his phone yay :>
i absolutely love taking pictures with my s/o and he lets me, secretly he loves it as well ^^
THAT GOT RLY LONG I GOT A LITTLE EXCITED SORRY !!!
again i apologize for getting to this so so so late thank you for coming out of your shell to reach out <3 HAVE A NICE DAY !! MWAH !!!
