ANTI-PARTICLE

"God made the integers, all else is the work of man."

[antiparticleph]

Good to know. But yeah, good bye.

[antiparticleph]

No matter how much words would I say just to tell everything I wanna say or how many long letters should I make to vent all the feelings I have, still no one understands the intensity of sadness I have inside.

I'm good as dead.

November 2, 2016 11:20pm

[antiparticleph]

I have lots of things to ask you, to tell you, to clear out to you. But it seems like the more I speak, the more you just think that I'm being stupid and shallow for everything. I don't need sympathy. It's just so sad. So sad. So so sad. That we have to end up this way. I really cannot understand what makes you behave that way. I'm trying to believe that you have a good purpose for everything. That this is for the benefit of everyone. But that hate, if it's just a game, I hope that it is, I cannot bear it.

I cannot absorb the fact that you, my most favorite person, hate me.

I do not know what I've done. What I've said. What I've told you that night. I'm so clueless as fuck.

Perhaps I deserve this. That hate. I will accept all that, 'til its last drop.

I apologize if I cannot keep all these to myself. I'm not that strong as you are.

Always remember, you are loved always, by me.

November 2, 2016 4:17pm

[antiparticleph]

Do you ever see a picture of someone that you used to be so close to and you just remember everything you did together, all the late night conversations and phone calls and remember all the good things and bad things both of you have been through together but then you remember that now they're just a memory and she's not in your life anymore?

[antiparticleph]

I miss my bestfriend so much :'(

[antiparticleph]

You're the only person in this whole vast universe who makes sense to me. That's the truth. I may sound that I love everyone, everyone matters, that everyone makes sense but those things aren't real. I hate everyone. I hate how everybody lives selfishly. I hate how everybody finds their way up by pulling others down. This world, it keeps on disappointing me. Hundred times a minute. That's why I focused on studying inanimate objects. I focused on studying nature. I prefer to know things outside this planet, than knowing and dealing with people who live selfishly. Me too, I'm a mess. I'm nothing more than everybody else. I'm trying to live my life unselfishly, trying that even in simplest way that I can, I can influence them. Because I hate how everything works - that everything beautiful, even the good and the bad, are to be destroyed and destructed. You came. We enjoyed things together. You know that I love you. If it's a romantic or a friendly love, I don't know. All I know is that I love talking to you. The heart you have, it is the purest heart that I've seen. Every time we're together, it feels like I'm talking and is with myself. Because you understand every confusion I have in mind. Of all the people, you're the only one who have such heart. Yet people come and go. No one stays forever. Even all those wonderful things we've shared are meant to be destroyed and destructed. The good ones. The bad ones. All will disappear along with those memories and experiences. Thank you for making my life worth living. Those things, I will treasure deep within my heart. I wish you all the best in life. I apologize for everything. See you, in a galaxy far far away.

[antiparticleph]

I apologize. I'm no longer myself. Someone who's wandering in this whole vast of insanity - a place we're not even certain about. So dark. So cold. Abandoned. I'm not that someone. Someone who displays your stars, those bright lights, keeping your torch illuminated - without hesitations. I apologize. If you would just know. But you don't know. I hope you know. Yet it is better if you won't. This love. It's like a consuming fire. Underneath my skin. Running through my veins. To my heart. To my mind. To my soul. To my spirit. I apologize. I'm keeping it inside. No need to be seen. Doesn't need to be felt. I apologize. For loving you this deep. I apologize. If I'm going to love you even much deeper. I apologize. -No One

[antiparticleph]

My love, I'm giving it to you for free. You don't have to pay for it.

[antiparticleph]

ANTIPARTICLES

an·ti·par·ti·cle

\ˈan-tē-ˌpär-ti-kəl, ˈan-ˌtī-\

noun

: a subatomic particle identical to another subatomic particle in mass but opposite to it in electric and magnetic properties (assign of charge) that when brought together with its counterpart produces mutual annihilation (Merriam-Webster) —–

The universe is a vast strange place. Millions of galaxies, billions of stars, the black holes, planets, the asteroids, the comets, the gravity, the energy, the space itself, the time, matter, dark matter, dark energy.

On Earth, millions of species. Not to mention the human beings with various philosophies, religion, beliefs, lives, which make the universe much more complicated to comprehend, incalculable. It is like adding multiverses of ideas and intellects on human mind, just like Plato’s world of forms and Karl Marx’s idea of the communist society.

Everything approaches chaos, just like what the second law of thermodynamics predicts. It seems like the more we venture for the elegance of this emptiness, the more we find out the inevitable chaotic future that awaits us.

Yet the universe has its own way to make everything in equilibrium. Particle physics says that in the symmetry of the universe, every matter has an antimatter counterpart. So that every particle has an antiparticle. Electrons has the positron. Proton has the antiproton. Neutrino has the antineutrino. And so on. These particles have the same properties, mass and charges (but of opposite sign), so that when they meet they will annihilate each other.

Yet, as a person of science, antiparticles taught me not just about those things.

Perhaps, antiparticles are one of the evidences that no matter how someone affects you, no matter how you two are so much connective and the same in most special ways, you still cannot be together. That being together will destroy the each of you. That being one will just cause destruction.

The concept of antiparticles made me realized that maybe in this endless conversion of matter and energy, mankind’s quest for truth, somewhere in this nothingness, there exists my antiparticle. Same properties as mine. Same behavior. Same energies. That no matter how far she is from mine, may it be a light year or millions of light years away, we know there’s a deep connection between us - that we are quantum entangled. What happens to her is what happens to me. What affects her is what affects me.

Yet, we cannot be one.

For at that time we unite, we will annihilate each other. We will destroy each other and be vanished in space. No, we cannot be together. We should not, and we will never be.

So to my antiparticle, just let me look at you from afar; see you from a distance, even a light year or millions of it. I don’t mind. What matters to me is to see you existing.

Just stay from afar. Simply exist and enjoy the universe.

[antiparticleph]

I wonder how some people can say "I love you" and write poetry of love to various individuals consecutively. Making me think whether the fast phasing of technology is correlated to how people value the meaning of love.

[antiparticleph]

Why does it feel so strange all of a sudden?

[antiparticleph]

Yes, you are. Perhaps it's not about the superficial things that made us connected. Perhaps it's several meters deep, or perhaps a light year? Perhaps it's not about that sudden love nor about that fast phasing thing. Perhaps it's all about that spiritual connection. That we both know we have the same hiding place, where we find simultaneous curiosity and satisfaction, in search of truth, along with people who have the same spirit as with us. That's why I'll never pick you up. I'll let you grow and find your land that suits your roots. You're loved. With or without me or someone else.

[antiparticleph]

If you’re not the one for me, can it be possible that at least we share the same things we had before?

If those words you’ve told me were just for a while, I’ll still try to keep it; maybe those can still be true after a little more while.

What if I’ve told you, I love you, what would you do?

Guess, I’ve lost the real dare. Thinking of you everytime. Thinking about your face, your smiles, your stories, your life.

I lost it. And now, I know I’m falling. If you’re not the one for me, can you please help me to stop this feeling?

Yeah. I’m inlove.

With you.

[antiparticleph]

Sorrow is knowledge: they who know the most Must mourn the depeest o'er the fatal truth, The Tree of Knowledge is not that of Life.

Georger Gordon Byron, Manfred (1909-14)

[sciencealert]

Physicists just found a link between dark energy and the arrow of time

Is dark energy the reason time moves forward?

For years, physicists have attempted to explain dark energy - a mysterious influence that pushes space apart faster than gravity can pull the things in it together. But physics isn’t always about figuring out what things are. A lot of it is figuring out what things cause.

And in a recent paper, a group of physicists asked this very question about dark energy, and found that in some cases, it might cause time to go forward.

When you throw a ball into the air, it starts with some initial speed-up, but then it slows as Earth’s gravity pulls it down. If you throw it fast enough (about 11 km per second, for those who want to try), it’ll never slow down enough to turn around and start falling back towards you, but it’ll still move more slowly as it moves away from you, because of Earth’s gravity.

[antiparticleph]

So the next time I'm late I know who's to blame, the dark energy!

[antiparticleph]

Have you ever experienced finding out something special about life, so unique that you cried upon realizing it, yet you know no one will understand you so you just tweeted it just like a simple thought

[antiparticleph]

Physics and Forever

Most of the time, I wonder how people live their lives knowing that soon we’re all gonna die. It’s a question of existence, yes. But this is a reality for us who are alive and breathing now. In our solar system, only the planet Earth has the capability to sustain life. It is the only living planet wherein we can live up to 80 years or more. Other planets, without the help of spacesuits, will kill us in less than a second once we’ve reached their atmosphere. They are incapable of giving life. Other discoveries suggest that in other star system (same as our solar system), there are Earth-like planets, which are located at their habitable zones. We can detect them using lensing and luminescent techniques. There are already thousand of planets which are claimed to be habitable. However, these planets are thousands of light years away, and can be reached only through the use of ultra high speed space vehicles (probably reaching almost the speed of light), which, at the moment, are not yet invented. That is to say, we are allowed to spend our lifetime only here on Earth. Only 80 years or more. And even if time comes that the mankind reached that level of intelligence and technology of ultra high speed space vehicles, like of that space ship Han Solo made in Star Wars that can travel to the opposite end of the universe, it is theorized that the universe will come to an end. And, the universe’s fate is a function of its critical density. If everything will come to an end, why we are still given the chance of life? The human life starts with the union of a sperm and an egg cell. The egg will be fertilized, be developed until reached the average of nine-month period, and will be born. The baby will then become a child, have playmates, will get an education, will earn friends, fall in love, find a lover, travel the world, will face problems – financial, emotional, physical, intellectual, social, personal. And, dies. Yet, do we really die? Perhaps, the craziest thing about being a human is knowing that inspite of all the things that we’ve been through, had experienced, and will be experiencing, we’re all soon be vanished. The consciousness ends, yet the physical body (composed of atoms) will remain, will be consumed by nature, and will be converted into some other forms of matter, and maybe energy. It’s a cycle of conversion, because nothing really vanishes here in this universe. Law of conservation of matter and energy clearly states that. So, is this what forever means? Does forever lie on the unending conversion of matter and energy?