Esaul

im turning off my head

[antireverence]

This year, I’ve realized I have people pleasing behaviors, which is surprising cause I’m usually more of a selfish asshole, or that’s what I thought

[antireverence]

I just want to be happy at home, not leaving the house, and allowing my hobbies to consume me, while still being the same loving person to my partner. I don’t know why that’s so difficult to be.

[antireverence]

Whenever I’m stuck at home, tasked with nothing else but to draw, I now find myself really uncomfortable being like this. I never realized how unhappy I was with myself before until now, the thought of being that way again scares me, so I can’t be comfortable sitting at home all day drawing. I used to think that was the best, that I was living the dream and that was the future life I had aimed for.

When I started dating my partner, I felt afraid of the relationship and wanted to push them away because I thought I’d lose the person I once was. Now, I’m afraid of going back to being that person, and I’m afraid of what I am without them. I want to be more comfortable being my usual self, life is a lot simpler that way, I had my passions and drives to truly accomplish my goals. I don’t want to be more comfortable of an identity that depends on another person, someone who’s always busy and has better things to focus on than I. I want to eradicate this fear of independence after becoming so dependent, and beginning to grow needy.

I don’t know how I could possibly solve this discomfort right now, but it’ll pass, hopefully

[antireverence]

[antireverence]

Because my love has been drawn towards an actual person and not a character of my own, that's why

[antireverence]

Lazy, uninspired, unpassionate, for over half a year now, how do I fix this?

[antireverence]

It's just that you can be so happy and I can't

[antireverence]

And that scares me, because I want to be comfortable with you, and I don't want to hurt you, because clearly, you love me

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I don't feel like myself when I'm with you

[antireverence]

Sorry I'm sorta. Scared of u

[antireverence]

Sorry sorry soryrryryryryry

[antireverence]

ily sry ur piece of shit lover doesnt know how to act in a relationship and is dry as fuck. Pls dont leave me

[antireverence]

i love my partner though im not telling them that yes te quiero is too serious for me rn

[antireverence]

I love my s/o btw

[antireverence]

I don't have the mental ability to handle multiple things at once. Let's see if I'm able to if I get diagnosed and get meds or some shhh1it

[antireverence]

don't fuckin date as a artist bro u cant do shit

[antireverence]

To be honest, for a while, I thought "Axium" was gone