My attempt at depicting the guys in a vintage 80's illustrative style. A bit belated but I consider this my final send-off for a (mostly) incredible show, really gonna miss it man
There is a soft light coming through the blinds from the nearest streelight and it makes me remember the dark nights when you couldn't sleep and would come to me.
The blinds move slightly from the wind coming through the open window and it makes me think of the time you hid behind them to jump scare me.
The tree outside my window also sways gently in the wind and I think of the time you climbed it to whisper yell through my window in the middle of the night to let you in.
The tree casts a shadow on the blinds and I remember the moment you left.
It's warm tonight and it makes me think of the cold nights when your body would warm me up.
The sheets are soft and clean and they remind me of when you would crumple them in your sleep when you'd have nightmares.
They smell of the laundry detergent you bought before you left and I can think only about the time they wore your smell.
The pillow next to me is fluffed and untouched and I remember the last time it was all bent out of shape.
I can see the nightstand on the other side of the bed and if I close my eyes I can almost see your rings on it.
There is nothing there now but the note you wrote when you left, while I was sleeping, that I am still afraid to open after the awful way we left things.
I am so sorry. I wish you were home.
***
Eddie
There is an old, unwashed ashtray next to me on the couch, full to the brim, and I can only think of the way you would make me smoke outside.
The pack of cigarettes next to it is all crumpled to hell from me squeezing it earlier and I remember how you used to gently unwrap my fingers and hold my hands when I would clench my fists from anxiety.
The only light in the room comes from the TV and it reminds me of how dark your bedroom was until they installed that streetlight outside your window.
The coffee table in front of me is empty, with a layer of dust, and I remember the moment I left.
There is an annoying jingle playing through an ad and I reminisce about you humming stupid songs in the morning while making breakfast.
The old chair next to the couch creaks and I think of when your lawn chair broke when you sat on it that time, your face caught in sudden, harmless panic.
I twist the rings around my fingers and I remember how lovingly you used to take them off for me every night before bed when I couldn't be bothered.
I feel the rough fabric of my t-shirt when I twist to put out my cigarette and I can almost feel how soft my favorite sweater of yours would feel against my skin.
There is a stale, old smell in this room and if I close my eyes I can almost imagine the chill your bedroom was enveloped in every morning when you would open the windows to let fresh air in.
I move my palms on the couch and they bump an old magazine and I am reminded of what I wrote in the note I left you before I closed the door behind me - "I love you, always."
It's no secret that, if such a thing existed, Eddie's love language would be music.
Rhythm, of any sort, reigns over his mind and body at all hours of the day. From the moment he wakes up in the morning (or sometimes noon), to the moment he succumbs to sleep at night, his mind plays music or sometimes simply a tune. Oftentimes, it doesn't stop even in his sleep, dreaming of concerts, guitar riffs or drum beats.
It's only natural that he gravitates towards music with his whole being - playing with his band, composing, listening to tapes without pause. It's a long time before he figures out that he practically has withdrawal symptoms when he's in school or going longer bouts of time without music. He only realizes the inner pressure stops when he gets back to his natural state of hearing music - a calm suddenly washes over him and he can finally THINK.
Whenever a bit of self reflection hits him, he can almost admit that he is kind of a music snob. This self realization was made more obvious once he started hanging out with Robin and Steve after Vecna.
He had been in the hospital for about a month before he was deemed healthy enough to be released, and the first week of that month he had spent in a coma. It's not a time he likes to reflect on too much, he's aware that he has some deep traumas associated with and due to that. But whenever he does, what he likes to reflect on is the fact that, during that one week where he hung between dead and alive, sometimes he could hear music. Not his music, it was a mix of Queen, Blondie, Talking Heads, Bowie - he suspects Robin's music. However, more often than not it was Bruce Springsteen, and he doesn't really see Robin listening to the Boss.
Now that he has spent more time with Robin and Steve, he seriously suspects that Springsteen was Harrington's choice (not to mention that the Hair listening to the Boss makes more sense).
This took him by surprise back then and it still does now, in the short seconds it pops back into his head after all this time. It gives him an odd feeling in his stomach that he's embarrassed to admit he doesn't want to analyze (along with his stay in the hospital, Wayne's empty look at times or what happened in the Upside Down after he drew the bats away and the alternate dimension dream team managed to get his ass out and to a hospital).
Several months have passed since then and nobody has told him anything about that time besides the fact that they carried him out, dumped him in the back of Nancy's station wagon and screamed at the hospital staff to save his fucking life. He managed to piece together on his own that this really traumatized them, especially Dustin - so, even when he gets curious and brave enough to bring up the subject as delicately as he can, the faraway look in everybody's eyes makes him stop, make a dumb joke and move on.
He's tried a few odd times and then shelved it for when enough time has passed for everyone, including him. When he's honest with himself he can admit that, while his attempts were brave, they were also half-assed, borne of his desire to understand but marred by his overwhelming terror for that whole spring break.
Which is why he can't really explain why now, in Harrington's backyard with Robin on the next lounge chair over, he feels brave and stubborn enough to bring it up again and maybe, this time, follow through.
"Hey, Robs?"
"Mm?" Robin has her eyes closed behind Steve's sunglasses, catching the last of the day's sun.
"You know what I don't get?" He realizes he's a bit of a little shit putting it this way, but he supposes taking Robin by surprise might do the trick.
"Ass?"
"The hell?!"
Robin is cackling like a madwoman and he has a bit of whiplash at the turn their talk took - at his expense. "Sorry, sorry, I just wanted to make myself laugh."
"Well, don't hold back..."
Robin chuckles again and then settles. "What's up?"
Eddie falters a bit; he knows the next thing he says will sober Robin up and sour the mood. "It's just... uhm, I want to know what happened."
He can see Robin's face drop fast at that and walls going up instantly, so he tries to soften the blow. "Just, listen a bit, yeah?"
Robin nods slowly and waits for Eddie to go on.
"Look, I get that it was a bad time for everyone, I do. The last thing I want is to bring up awful shit for any of you. Really, I feel guilty as hell as we speak." He inhales quickly and waits a second. Robin doesn't say anything, so he exhales and continues.
"I've been avoiding this as much as anyone, really. The truth is, though, that, yeah, we're all in this shit together but I'm the only one who doesn't know everything that happened. And it's specifically the shit that happened to me."
Eddie runs a hand over his face, dislodging his fringe a bit. "Sometimes I can't help but think about it, I spend days on end just going round and round in my head with it. It's been months of this and I am scared to know, but... I hate feeling like this. I feel like I'm stuck in the mud and each time I try to take a step my feet get buried deeper and it becomes that much harder to move, to breathe, to just... be."
Robin looks his way at this. Even behind the sunglasses he can see the downturn of her eyebrows. "Go on," she finally says.
"I think the only way to get unstuck or to get at least one of my feet out is to know what happened to me. I'm completely missing about a week of my life and it's the week that decided if I lived or died."
His eyes have started stinging and although he's trying to keep his composure, he can feel himself get choked up. "Do you think... do you think you could tell me?"
Robin doesn't say anything for what feels like forever and Eddie feels his heart ache for her, for bringing this up, for dredging up all the hurt and terrible stuff that happened. After a while, she sighs and takes him a bit by surprise as she starts talking.
"Yeah, it's not easy... I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, Eddie. Nobody's trying to actively keep it from you. Like, I know I'm just speaking for me and Steve, but I think us two are the people you should hear it from, actually, 'cause you're our best friend." She smiles sincerely when she says this and he is once more filled with love for his new friends.
"It's just that both Steve and I have the same dumb way to cope with things – we don't really talk about it, except whenever one of us has awful nightmares... anyway. We didn't realize how much this is affecting you and I'm really sorry about that."
"It's okay, Robs, I know this must feel awful and I don't wanna bring up bad shit but..."
"No, yeah, you're right, Eddie. You deserve to know and you deserve to hear it from the people who are closest to you and who love you."
Eddie knows Robin is smart and articulate, but he's used to her usually spewing things out randomly and blabbering a lot, so he can't help but still be mildly impressed and touched by how attuned she is emotionally to both Steve and him.
"I can only speak on what I know, though... and the truth is Steve was the one who got there first. To you and Dustin."
Eddie flounders a bit inside as he realizes Robin will get right to it. She has a distant look in her eyes, which are focusing on nothing, as if she is seeing the memory, almost.
"He heard a cry as we were getting closer to you guys and the second he realized the sound was coming from Dustin he started sprinting like crazy. Nance and I only managed to get our feet to work when he'd already reached you guys and had dropped down on the ground."
She licks her lips nervously and takes a breath. "When I got there..." Eddie can see small tears gathering in her eyes.
"It was awful, Eddie. I don't know how much you want to actually know, but your body was... shredded. There was a lot of blood on your chest and stomach, and your face and neck were torn apart. Dustin was sobbing and crying your name and Steve... he was stuck on Dustin for a bit there, I think it was the shock and, like, he didn't really know what to deal with first. The moment he got his head on straight, though, it was like a switch flipped and he sprung into action. He... I think he first tried to get your clothes out of the way but it was a lot of blood and I don't think he could make out what was clothing and what was skin..." She looks at him remorsefully. "Uhm, sorry for the gory details, if you want me to dial it back..."
"No, no, graphic is good. It's... it's okay, go on." He means that, he does, but he still clenches his teeth and braces for what's next.
"Ok. Well, next Steve grabbed your face and made you look at him and I think he wasn't too happy about what he saw there 'cause he took off his jacket and yelled at Dustin to ball it up and press it hard on your stomach to try and stop the bleeding. I think he was also trying to snap Dustin out of his shock at the same time he dealt with your wounds, you know? So, while Dustin was doing that, Steve started talking to you – I don't remember what he said or asked you but at one point I remember you said his name."
She chuckles humourlessly. "Boy, that felt so good, Eddie. We were all getting really, really scared, you know? Hearing you, even that small pained whisper, gave us so much hope. Steve as well, he then told Nancy to help Dustin put pressure on your wounds and told me to keep talking to you. I don't even remember what I was telling you, honestly... I just remember I started to cry and was feeling so guilty 'cause here I was crying and you were in so much pain... you were nearly screaming from the pressure on your wounds, it was... really hard hearing that. Steve said it was good, though, 'cause it meant you were awake and present and told me to not let you go unconscious. He make-shifted something out of his t-shirt and undershirt I think and then told Dustin and Nancy to get away from you while he wrapped your stomach and chest up tight. And then all hell broke loose 'cause you did lose consciousness."
Eddie is trying to remember anything about what Robin is saying, but besides bats and Dustin he can't recall anything about those awful moments. "I don't remember that at all. Was I out long?" He notices Robin looks surprised, like the last thing she expected was to hear him speak.
"You didn't regain consciousness until you got out of the coma in the hospital."
"Shit."
She sniffles. "Yeah, it was really bad. Steve slapped you a few times, but didn't waste much time with that. He just got into a crouch and... Oh! Let me tell you, I make fun of Steve's sporty-jock-everything so much, but at that point I thanked every power that be for it 'cause he just grunted and freaking lifted you up in his arms in one go like it was so easy. I was terrified out of my mind, but, if you'll allow me this – in a different setting and if I was so-inclined, I think I would have appreciated the hell out of that view."
Robin laughs and Eddie himself also chuckles, imagining a shirtless Steve showing off his strength – okay, getting back on track.
"He carried you all the way... I don't know how he did it, we travelled to the road gate, where Fred died, 'cause we didn't know how to get you out safely through the ceiling in your trailer. It was kind of a long walk, but Steve never wavered. We all started to slowly crash from the adrenaline, Dustin even stopped crying, but Steve kept the same powerwalk speed and never said a word." She stops abruptly then throws a side glance to him before proceeding.
"Look, I'm not really supposed to tell you this, 'cause Steve told me in, like, confidence when he had his first nightmare after the whole ordeal. But I think this will help you and I know Steve would be okay with that."
Eddie perked up curiously at that, noting the apprehensive look Robin was throwing him.
"He told me his muscles were burning so bad when he was carrying you and he feared that he'd go down with every step he took, but before each step he would think "no, you push, otherwise Eddie dies" and he repeated this in his head until we reached the gate. He didn't waste any time when we got there, he hugged you to his chest and he plunged in the gate with his back to it, so he could protect your body from the landing on the other side."
"Damn, Steve." Eddie is impressed by the man every day, but all the more so when he hears this. Harrington barely knew him back then and he did all this for him, to save his life. He shakes his head slowly and focuses back on Robin.
"After we got back to normal Hawkins it all got crazy again and we made a dash for Nancy's car. She drove, you and Steve were in the back and Dustin and I were crammed in the passenger seat. I'm not sure how to tell you this part, honestly, but I guess this is mostly what you're looking for... your heart stopped in the car. Steve noticed almost immediately, 'cause he was checking you constantly, and started doing CPR until we got to the hospital. Oh, this is why you had the cracked ribs by the way, if you want to split the hospital bill with Steve."
Robin chuckles drily.
"Anyway, I don't remember a lot of details about that part 'cause it was dark, Dustin was sobbing again, Steve was doing CPR and singing fucking Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees. I remember I screamed at him to stop singing, I thought he lost it honestly, but Nancy told me it was to help him keep rhythm of the compressions."
Eddie interrupts her then. "Yeah, it's the tempo... How long did I – did Steve...?"
"I don't know, Eddie, sorry, it felt like forever. Oh, wait! Nancy told the nurses at the hospital something about this. She said that you coded and that Steve did CPR for about 10 minutes before we reached the hospital... It was horrible. When we got to the hospital Steve ran with you inside, he freaked out all the nurses in the lobby when he burst through the doors. Imagine a shirtless caveman, covered in blood, grime and sweat, screaming at the top of his lungs for someone to help. He looked like a barbarian. After we yelled a bit, someone finally came with a gurney and resumed compressions after Steve screamed that he didn't manage to get your heart working."
"How long was I in there that night, in surgery?"
"Mm, must have been about 6 hours maybe? It was close to dawn by the time the doctor came out and told Wayne that they managed to restart your heart and stabilize you but that you were in a coma."
"When did Wayne get there? What happened when I was in surgery?"
"Well, after they took you, Steve sort of... uhm, collapsed?"
"What?!"
"Yeah, shock, adrenaline, exhaustion... all the fun stuff. At least he had no concussion this time," Robin chuckles humourlessly.
"I didn't know that..."
"Well, by the time you woke up he was fine, but yeah... after everything, when I saw Steve on the ground I felt like the world ended anyway even though we got Vecna. At that point we were barely holding on with you like that and when we saw Steve go down... Dustin shut down completely, I was frozen, thank God for Nancy 'cause she started yelling for the nurses again and they took him too. I had to get out of there at that point and went around the building and started bawling uncontrollably."
"Hey, hey, Robin." Eddie gets up quickly and goes and takes Robin in his arms. He hugs her as tightly as he dares, trying to provide comfort as he feels the small, silent sobs through her body. He is filled with sorrow for her, for Steve, for Dustin and for himself as well.
Eddie closes his eyes and tries to steady himself. "I'm sorry Robin, we can stop if you want, I don't want to cause you more pain..."
She detangles herself from his arms and looks in his eyes earnestly. "No, this is good, Eddie, really, I swear. We need to talk about this, you need to know and I... need to tell you, I didn't realize I needed this too, but I do. Just, give me a minute, yeah?"
"Take all the time you need, Bucks." He smiles at her and rubs her arms.
"These tears were begging to get out, you know?" She smiles back at him. They stay like that for a while, near each other and holding hands, watching the water of Steve's pool sway with the wind.
When she starts talking again it is with a much softer, but also lighter, voice. "I don't know how much time passed before I put myself together, but when I got back in Nancy and Dustin were sitting in the waiting room and they told me Steve was okay, they were giving him an IV with fluids and treating his bat wounds but he was awake and responsive. After about two hours Steve came back out. He was actually the one who called Wayne, you know?"
"He was?"
"Yeah, he asked about you and when we told him there was no news he said that your family should know and Nancy gave him your uncle's phone number."
"Where did Nancy get my number?"
"Oh, you don't know this, right. You were on the run at that point. Uh, after Chrissy, Nancy and Fred went to the trailer park to investigate for the school paper, and between the police and other news stations she managed to get to your uncle. Apparently, she was the only one to be kind about the whole thing, so your uncle gave her his number when Nancy asked if she could follow up with him."
"My uncle's a great judge of character." Eddie's smile widens at the thought that his uncle seemed to approve of his new friends from the start. "So, Steve called Wayne?"
"Yup, I think he told him you were in an accident or something, not sure what that phone call was like. It took a while for your uncle to get there 'cause the town was kind of in shambles after the "earthquake". When he got there, Nancy told him the gist of it and then we just... waited."
Robin suddenly gets a very faraway look in her eyes. "The doctor kept telling us through that first week that your body was getting stronger and your bloodwork was looking better each time they ran it, but you just... wouldn't wake up." She lets out a heavy breath. "Can I ask if you, like, remember anything from your coma?"
Eddie looks down and thinks. He doesn't know exactly how to put into words what he remembers, especially as he's not sure what is an actual memory and what his mind just conjured up in that state.
"Not much, I guess. I remember feeling very, I dunno, sometimes it felt like a very fuzzy dream, but I didn't know what was happening and I didn't really try to figure it out. Or want to figure it out. I was just... vaguely floaty? Something like that. The only thing I remember somewhat clearly is hearing music. I didn't know what music at the time, or that it was actually music – I think it just felt pleasant. After I woke up I remembered bits and pieces of some songs. Mostly Bruce Springsteen."
He laughs and then ducks a bit out of Robin's way as she starts flailing her arms. "Oh my God, I can't believe I made fun of Steve for bringing you music and it actually helped!"
"It was Steve's music?" He bites his lips and waits for the confirmation. Even though he already suspected it was, having it confirmed by Robin makes him feel a bit unravelled again.
"Yeah, he thought, you know, from what he knew of you, that if anything could help, music might be familiar to you or something."
"It was. Even if it was the Boss and I couldn't even place what it was, I remember feeling a connection to it. It was like a tether you know? I didn't feel as floaty in those moments."
"You should tell him that." Eddie can feel the seriousness and push in her voice.
"Who, Steve?"
"Yeah. I think it will help him to hear it. Ironically, just as hearing about this helps you."
She must see something shifty in his eyes at this because she keeps pushing for it. "Besides Wayne, Steve visited you the most. He's like that, you know, gets attached to people really easily. But especially if he feels responsible for you somehow, it gets personal really quickly for him and he starts caring whether he wants to or not. It's one of the things I like most about him." She smiles lovingly after saying this.
"It was like that with him and me at Starcourt and with him and Dustin in the tunnels. Well, with all the little shits in the tunnels, but Dustin brought Steve in with Dart first."
It's a lot of emotional information for him at once, so he latches onto the simplest thing he can. "Dart?"
"Dustin's pet demodog."
"Excuse me, pet what?"
Robin rolls her eyes at this and starts babbling, as she's known to do. "Like, you know how we named the fucked-up things demobats? Well, Dustin did. Anyway, Steve told me that the kids apparently first named that damned flower-head monster a demogorgon and then each creature got named in relation to that. Dart was sort of a slug at first, Dustin found it in his trash, and by the time he realized it was from the Upside Down he... got attached."
"To a fucking Upside Down monster?!"
"Have you met the kid? He's so weird. And he got Steve involved again, of course, 'cause Dustin may be weird, but Steve isn't far off either." She rolls her eyes affectionately. "That damn slug thing got big, ate his cat and escaped. Steve helped Dustin and the kids track it to the junkyard where there were A LOT of demodogs, not only Dart, and Steve had to fight them... anyway, it was a whole thing, it was in Steve's senior year."
"Damn. Poor Steve."
"Yeah. What was I saying?"
"Uhm. How Steve cares about people."
"Oh yeah. I love him so much, we all do, but people do tend to overlook him sometimes. He needs to know that the people in his corner appreciate him. I think it would be really good for him if he hears about how his music helped you."
"Yeah..." Eddie gets lost in his thoughts a bit before remembering something. "You know I actually started listening to Springsteen after that?"
"Really, you?! " Robin puffs up her cheeks and bends her arms to make her seem bigger. He can't believe how much of a dork she is sometimes.
He pushes her away playfully. "Oh, shut up, I'm trying not to be such a snob with that any more."
They laugh together a bit more, taking a short break to relax a bit and Eddie realizes he feels a lot more settled now than he did before, even though learning about all this stuff has sent him a bit out of his orbit as well.
"It brings me a sense of calm listening to Springsteen now. Steve definitely had the right idea." He chuckles and Robin smiles widely at him.
"Well, that's good. I'm glad."
They enter a comfortable silence that has Eddie reeling a bit. He feels settled, like a weight has been lifted from his chest, but his heart can't help but break for his friends.
Dustin has been slowly coming out of his shell around Eddie again, starting with his hospital release, but he still catches the kid zoning out sometimes or being overly affectionate and clingy. He doesn't judge him or say anything, of course, he knows the terrible price Dustin paid for his own choice and, if he has to spend the rest of his life reassuring a clingy kid, he will.
While he's not as close with Nancy as he is with the dynamic duo, she calls him every Saturday evening, no exception, just to check in. There was one Saturday, about two months after everything happened, when he was out and didn't answer the phone. He still remembers how spooked he was when he got back home and found Nancy on the steps of his new trailer, barely visible tear tracks on her face and jumping at him for scaring her. He made her a promise, right then and there, in a fit of soft feelings, that he will always be home on Saturdays to answer her calls. He never missed one since.
Robin seemed alright for the most part, but he now realizes how much can hide in words left unsaid. He still feels guilty for making her relive all of it, but that is now mixed with being glad that their talk really seemed to have helped her air out some trauma for herself. Since that spring, she has forced herself into his life without rhyme or reason and he is brave enough to admit that, at least in the beginning, she was the reason he got out of bed some days. She used to pop up at his place suddenly and announce, not ask, that they were gonna be hanging out at Steve's that day and that would be that.
Which is how he actually got to spend time with Steve and slowly get to know him and Robin and gain two very good friends. He sometimes wonders when their friendship will end, but is always comforted by the fact that whenever he asks them about plans for the future, Robin starts laying out her plans of moving out for college and getting an apartment with both Steve and Eddie. No other choices exist in her mind and Eddie strongly suspects that she'd be capable of kidnapping them to achieve said plan.
Steve always smiles brightly when he hears her talk about this and always reminds her – "Yes, yes, after Dustin graduates, Steve!!"
Eddie always likes seeing that smile on Steve's face, it's the softest one he's got. After all this time, Eddie realizes he is constantly attempting to get that smile on Steve's face. The closest he got was the first time Eddie initiated plans for all three of them to hang out at his new trailer, to help him put up some posters. He smiles softly now as he remembers.
"Hey Eddie?" Robin's voice startles him out of his thoughts and he is suddenly aware that the cold has set in along with the night. "I think that's all I had in me for today."
He smiles at her and nods in agreement.
"But! But! Please tell me whenever you want to talk again, I will do my best to tell you everything, yeah?"
"Thank you, Bucks. This was... a lot, for both of us, but I think it's gonna help me in the long run, you know?"
Robin stands up and then bends down to hug him. "Love you, Eddie. I'm really glad we're friends. Imma go in the kitchen and let Steve know I'm down in the guestroom."
"'Night Bucks. Love you too." He squeezes her tightly before letting go. "Send Steve out when you do, yeah?"
"Sure. Be gentle with him, if you can?"
Eddie looks in her eyes so she knows he means it when he says "Always".
Learn about the EU Chat Control proposal and contact your representatives to protect digital privacy and encryption.
On the 12th of September the EU will be voting on whether to implement Chat Control, which would give states access to automatic scanning of all forms of private messaging, images and videos, including on apps with end-to-end encryption like WhatsApp, in the name of protecting children. Not only is this in itself a huge security risk in multiple ways, it is also just ineffective. Linked above is an easy to follow email template, which I strongly suggest you make use of if you live in the EU.
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